


Somebody to Love

by dreamfleet, mezmerize



Series: Somebody to Love [1]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Age Difference, Alternate Universe, BB-8 is an adorable child, Dad Poe, Finn and Rey are teachers, Finn is a lonely muffin, Kid Fic, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-11
Updated: 2016-05-12
Packaged: 2018-05-19 16:27:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 12
Words: 101,474
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5974066
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dreamfleet/pseuds/dreamfleet, https://archiveofourown.org/users/mezmerize/pseuds/mezmerize
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>In which Finn is Professionally Concerned about one of his students, Poe is trying to keep his life and his daughter together, and they both need somebody to love.</p><p>(Or, how Finn accidentally goes from teaching Bea third-grade math to helping raise her by trying to get into her dad's pants.)</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Very Concerned

**Author's Note:**

> This was beta'd by the wonderful [todaylookslikerain](http://archiveofourown.org/users/todaylookslikerain/pseuds/todaylookslikerain) and [avariceawakens](http://archiveofourown.org/users/avariceawakens/pseuds/avariceawakens). We love them both.

“I’m sure he’ll be here soon,” Finn says, his hand on Bea’s thin shoulder. He hasn’t mentioned her shirt, with the tag on the back instead of neatly tucked inside like it should be. “You said he had a meeting tonight, right?”

“A big one,” Bea grumbles, sounding distinctly less chirpy than usual. Her curly hair is pulled up into a messy ponytail today, held in place with at least two bright plastic ball elastics and a small army of Frozen hairclips in varying shades of pink. She cranes her head backwards to look up at Finn. “He _promised_ to take me to the park!”

“Then I’m sure he will,” Finn smiles, trying to keep the sadness and concern out of his expression. Bea loves her Dad. _Loves_ him. She talks about him all the time, draws countless pictures of them together. Half her stories with “Well my dad said—" and end with because dad said so.

But the last few weeks haven’t spoken to an attentive father: her inside out shirt, the late pickups every few days, the lunches consisting of only pizza. Rey has her physics classes at the community college in the evening, so Finn is always the one to stick around with the kids.

It’s better than going home alone to his tiny apartment.

When the little bell over the classroom door finally rings (Rey is considering removing it because the kids like to push it over and over) it’s approaching 4 and Bea is starting to fall asleep against his arm, murmuring to herself about the park and the swings and promises.

Her dad doesn’t usually come in. Usually, Bea runs outside to meet him and gets swallowed up in a black Honda that looks like it’s seen better days, chattering a mile a minute to the small figure who moves to help her into the back. Curly black hair, like Bea’s, and a tan leather jacket, and then he’s gone again into his car.

Now he’s standing in the doorway and those black curls are everywhere, and he looks exhausted with shadows ringing his eyes. Somehow he still kind of looks like he stepped off a movie poster or something, with the jacket draped over his shoulder and a half-turned little smile on his lips.

“Uh—" he says, half in the door, eyes flicking between Finn and Bea, who bolts up with a shriek of “ _Dad!_ ”

“Hey, kiddo,” He catches her up as she bolts at him, dropping to his knees to wrap his arms around her. “Sorry I’m late.”

Bea wriggles back out of his hold, eyes wide and serious, and puts both hands on his shoulders. “Are we still going to the park?”

By the look on his face he hadn’t remembered that particular promise. “Uh— you really still wanna go? It’s kind of late."

“ _Dad,_ ” Bea’s eyes narrow. He winces. Her voice gets softer. “You promised.”

“I know, Bea-Bea,” he sighs, quietly, then hugs her close one more time and pushes himself up. “We’ll go. I did promise.” he aims a smile at her. Bea whirls around to beam at Finn.

“Thank you very much for staying with me!”

Finn only barely registers that she’s talking to him. His eyes are focused on her dad. Even the bags under his eyes don’t detract from the incredibly gorgeous face in front of him, on top of a taut, muscular body.

When Bea leans in with a weird look on her face, Finn blinks.

“Oh, right. Of course. I’ll, uh,” Finn’s eyes flick back to her dad, then quickly away again, “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Just when she turns to leave, he adds, “mind if I borrow your dad for a second?”

“But the park—" Bea starts, but her dad puts a hand on her head, making her look up and frown. “Don’t take too long!”

“Thanks, Bea,” her dad says quietly, eyes on Finn. Bea huffs at him and goes to bounce by the door while he aims a tired smile at Finn and shifts closer. “Thanks for watching her. Sorry for…” he waves a hand in the general direction of his car outside, grimacing.

“That’s actually what I’d like to ask you about,” Finn says quietly, not loud enough for Bea to hear. “I know I don’t know you, and you don’t know me, but is everything alright at home? Bea seems happy, but disheveled and, I mean,” Finn coughs, glancing at the door. His face feels hot. “I’m Finn Williams. One of her teachers. I should have started with that.”

“Poe. Dameron. You, uh," Poe pushes his fingers through his hair, messing it up even more, and grins at Finn. “Probably already knew that. I meant to come in and meet you months ago. She talks about you a lot.”

Finn can’t help a smile, his eyes tracking Poe’s fingers. He swallows. “She’s a great kid. All the more reason why I’m worried.”

Poe bites his lip and glances back at his daughter, who’s moved onto talking quietly to herself by the door, making something imaginary fly with her hands. A tiny smile creeps onto Poe’s lips, then drops again as he sighs. “Yeah, it’s been hectic for a while,” he turns to Finn again, worry clear on his face. “Has she said anything? Is she alright?”

“Yes,” Finn says, and somehow his hand is on Poe’s arm. He’s strong and muscled under his jacket and wow, Finn’s mouth is watering a bit. _Hold it together_ , he tells himself. With a shaky breath, he says, “she’s alright. But her shirt is inside-out and she’s had pizza every day this week. Which she loves, and talks about loudly, but that doesn’t seem like a good sign.”

“Her shirt?" Poe repeats, half-twisting to look at her, and yeah, there’s the little tag sticking out while Bea spins in a lazy circle. Poe’s face twists. “Damn. Pizza _every day_?”

“Yeah,” Finn frowns, “aren’t you the one packing her lunches? She never talks about a mother,"

Poe shoves his hand over his face, slumping all at once, and peeks at Finn from over the tops of his fingers. “No, no mom, just me.” his voice is muffled by his palm. “Didn’t realize it’d been all week long.”

Finn nods, unable to hide the sympathy on his face. “Is there anything you need help with? For her.”

“Cooking lessons,” Poe mutters under his breath, wincing. He drops his hand away from his face to smile brightly (if a little tiredly) at Finn. “Thanks for looking out for her like that. That’s really great of you.”

“I—” Finn starts, but Poe’s smile throws him off, his breath catching in this throat. Finn’s hand is still on his arm.

Poe glances down at it and blinks, then looks back up at Finn with glittering eyes. “Well, I won’t tell Bea-Bea you’re the reason she’s not getting pizza for lunch every day next week.”

“I appreciate that,” Finn smiles broadly. “Thanks. Do you know how to cook?”

Poe’s grin goes sheepish. “I know how to make food. Wouldn’t really call it cooking. Working on it.”

“Last year my birthday cupcakes were burnt!” Bea pipes up from beside him, having crept closer to tug on her dad’s jacket. “We had to _buy_  them.” Poe flushes and ruffles her ponytail, making her squeal and back away.

“Burning cupcakes,” Finn shakes his head, mock-disappointed. “That’s a cardinal sin. How could you?” He glances at Poe with a flicker of a smile. Poe grins back, a flash of white teeth and strange relief, like maybe he thought Finn really was judging him for burning the cupcakes.

“I’m a terrible father,” he laughs, and whirls to sweep Bea, backpack and all, up into his arms. “Woah! You’re getting heavy, kiddo." Bea mushes at his face with one hand.

“I am _not_! Are you done talking to Mr. Finn yet? I want to go to the park before it gets too dark! Oh, that _rhymed_ ," laughing, Poe turns back to Finn, hefting Bea even as she squirms to try and get higher.

“Seriously, thank you. Promise she’ll have acceptable lunches next week. D’you,” He stops, warm eyes flicking over Finn’s face, and shakes his head with a smile. “Nah. Nevermind.”

Finn wants to ask, he really does, but he has no place with his student’s parent, even if that parent is insanely gorgeous. Instead, he says, “if you do need help, let me know.”

“I will,” Poe promises while Bea waves from his shoulder with her gap-toothed little grin.

 _oh my god. have you seen Bea’s dad? holy shit._ Finn texts Rey as soon as they leave, collapsing in the story circle on a pile of mats.

 _Poe Dameron, right? He’s a sweetheart._ Rey is actually a studious person, both in her own classroom and in the ones she’s still attending, so she must be really bored to be actually texting him back so quickly.

 _yeah. sweet. and jesus christ he’s gorgeous_ Finn grins, his head dropping against Mr. Rabbit. Rey is definitely laughing at him, somewhere halfway across the city in her little community college classroom.

_Did he charm you right out of your sweatervest?_

_i wish._ Finn sends and holds his phone against his chest, heart thudding dully. “Shit.”

 

* * *

 

 “Finn,” Rey’s voice filters through the thin wood of his door, “Open the door or I’m breaking it open. You know I can.”

Finn glances up from his book, eyes flicking to his phone, blinking and ignored on the table next to him. “Shit,” he mutters, carefully placing his bookmark into place. “Sorry!”

Quickly, he drops his nearly-dry towel and grabs a pair of basketball shorts, tugging them on. He unlocks the three locks on his door and opens it, blinking in the bright sunlight. “Hey. Sorry. I went running. Didn’t check my phone.”

Rey’s in her usual weekend outfit of yoga pants and a shirt loose enough to accommodate both flying and her martial arts lessons. She cocks a brow at him, eyes flicking down to his shorts and bare feet and back up. “Running outside, at least?”

“Yes,” Finn rolls his eyes and steps back to let her in. “Outside. In the open air. With shoes. The whole thing.”

“Did you talk to anyone?” Rey toes her shoes off as soon as she gets in the door. It’s a remnant of her desert upbringing, she’s told him, so that sand didn’t get tracked into the only place they were mostly without it. “Besides me, over text?”

“No. I don’t talk to people when I run. Oh!” Finn grins and tugs on the first shirt he finds, one with Elmo on the front. “I did meet this corgi. And her mom. God, corgis are so damn cute. I talked to her mom for a little bit.”

“Good!” Rey cheers as she flops down onto his bed. “You should get a dog. Might brighten up your life a bit. Get a corgi.”

“In this apartment?” Finn says, glancing around at the room. That’s all it is: one room, with a bed, a table, and a small kitchen. “Poor dog.”

“Poor you.” Rey sits up again, giving him a pointed look. “Come on, get dressed in real clothes. We’re going out.”

“We are?” Finn asks, unable to hide his grimace before she catches it.

“We are.” Rey says in her best ‘I am the teacher and you will listen to me Or Else’ voice. It’s scarily effective. “Because you haven’t been in too long and if I look at my physics papers any longer I’m going to die. Right there on top of them.”

Finn stares at her for a minute, then sighs in defeat. “Fine. Where are we going?” Beaming at him, Rey bounces up off his bed in one smooth, impossible moment and heads straight for his closet.

“Not anywhere with too many people,” she tells him over a pair of dark jeans she tugs from the folded pile to throw at him. “There’s an Ethiopian restaurant downtown. Uncle Luke recommended it.”

Finn catches them, then pushes past her to grab a pair of underwear, bright yellow and tight. “I have to dress up and you get to wear spandex?” She waves a dismissive hand at him.

“Keep the shirt! It’s cute,” she grins. “We’re stopping by my place first.”

“So hanging out with you counts as social interaction now?” Finn asks from the bathroom, his pants hanging open as he fixes his hair in the shining mirror.

Rey pokes her head into the bathroom. “I can always invite Ben.”

Finn chokes and shoots a glare at her. “Fuck no. Christ. Are you still talking to him?” Snorting, she comes in to hop up on the counter beside him.

“No! Someone from tae kwon do did text to ask if we wanted to meet up later tonight, if you’re interested.”

“I,” Finn hesitates. All he has waiting for him tonight is the rest of his book, which is dry and slow and not at all what he was promised from his intense sleuthing of GoodReads. He meets her eyes and smiles, just a little. “Sure. Why not.”

 

* * *

 

 Monday morning, Bea shows up without shoes on her feet.

“Bea,” Finn gently grips Bea’s shoulder, pulling her away from Rey’s lecture on Christopher Columbus’ tyrannical oppression of the native American people. She looks confused, but he jerks his head at the hall, “come on, let’s talk outside.”

“But—" Bea twists her head around, but at Finn’s Look she droops and nods. His hand slips into hers and he leads Bea out into the hallway. “Ari promised me his carrots and if I take too long he’ll eat them!”

Finn sucks in a breath, then lets it out slowly. He drops down so he’s at her level, crouched on his toes. “Where are your shoes, Bea?”

For a second, she looks vaguely guilty, shuffling backwards toward the wall with her eyes down. At least today her shirt is right-side-out. It’s a little orange thing with sparkly monkeys on it, which she picks at with nervous fingers. “I dunno.”

“Did you have them this morning?” Finn presses gently, his hands dropping to his knees. Bea’s nose wrinkles up. She wavers back and forth on her socked feet, still not meeting Finn’s eyes.

“ _No,_ ” she finally says when the silence has dragged on, looking up defiantly. “Why do I need shoes anyway? Monkeys run barefoot!” She holds out the bottom of her monkey shirt like proof.

Fighting back a smile, Finn says in a serious tone, “They’re to protect your feet. Humans aren’t like monkeys, we drop things on the ground that can hurt us. You need to wear shoes when you’re at school, Bea. Any other time, your dad can say you don’t need to, but here you do.”

Bea’s face crinkles again. “That’s _dumb._ I don’t like my shoes. They’re small! They pinch my toes.” She wriggles them to make her point, making the little cats on one sock warp over her toes. The other sock is bright green and her toes stick out at the ends. Finn looks down at them, something crunching in his gut. He desperately wants to like Bea’s father. It’s selfish, but the way Poe looked at him, eyes sparkling and bright, focused completely on him, made his heart sputter. But here’s his daughter with too-small shoes and threadbare socks at school. She didn’t have a snack today either.

“Okay,” he says, mostly to himself, “okay. Bea,” Finn glances up at her and holds out his hand for her, “we’re going to call your dad, okay? He’ll bring you your shoes.”

Bea grins as she curls her tiny fingers into his. She looks eerily like her father. “He’s not gonna be able to find ‘em.” With a triumphant smile, she leans up to whisper in his ear, half-giggling, “I hid them in the _freezer._ ”

Finn stifles a groan, “I’m going to tell him that, you know.”

Bea’s betrayed wail of protest carries loud enough that Rey pokes her head outside the door, blinking. A paper airplane is somehow tucked through the loops of her hair.

“Everything alright?”

“Yes,” Finn sighs, tugging Bea with him. “We’re borrowing the phone. I’ll be back soon.”

“Don’t tell him!” Bea tells him breathlessly, thumping against his leg as he walks down the hall. “Miss Rey! Tell him not to tell dad! Not fair!”

Rey just shakes her head and lets the door fall shut again.

“It’s the rules, sorry, kid,” Finn says, his hand still locked around hers. His nerves are on edge. Half of him wants to hear Poe’s smooth voice on the other end. The other half hopes that he doesn’t have to endure it again.

The phone is a tiny old thing, attached to the wall in an administrator’s office that’s been abandoned for longer than Finn and Rey have been teaching here. Papers tower in dusty stacks that he and Bea have to weave around. Bea sneezes a bit and glares up at Finn. She stays petulantly attached to his leg.

At least the phone itself isn’t covered in dust, and someone—probably Rey—has left a directory of all this year’s parent numbers, neatly printed and tacked up to the wall beside it.

“So unfair,” mutters Bea just as, after almost four complete rings, a breathless Poe picks up the phone with a frazzled “Hang on, hang on—" Something crackles on the end of the line, then fizzes and _bangs_ ominously.

When Poe finally says, “Hey, sorry about that, this is Poe! What’s up?” he sounds surprisingly cheerful.

“Hi Mr. Dameron,” Finn says, squeezing Bea’s hand to try and shush her. “This is Finn, uh, Williams. Bea’s teacher.”

Poe’s breath catches. “Finn! Hey. Is everything okay? Bea alright?”

“Yeah, yeah, it’s nothing bad. But she doesn’t have any shoes or food,” Finn says, keeping his voice calm.

“She doesn’t—" Poe repeats, sounding disbelieving. He mutters something under his breath. “Right. Yeah. Of course. She hid them, didn’t she?”

“In the freezer,” Finn says, firmly ignoring Bea’s rising protests. “I— could you bring them?”

“You told me you couldn’t _reach_ the freezer,” Poe groans like she can hear him over the phone. “Sorry, I’ll go grab them right now— has she been barefoot this entire time? Without her lunch?”

“She has socks,” Finn offers sheepishly.

“Oh, god.” Poe’s voice is muffled now, and there’s a strange clanging behind him. “Be there in half an hour. Don’t let her near any, like— heavy metal toe-crunching stuff.”

“We don’t have any,” Finn laughs, “see you soon. I’ll keep her out of trouble ‘til then.”

“ _Thank you,_ ” Poe breathes, fervent, and then curses as something else clanks somewhere, fuzzing up the line briefly. “Seriously. Thank you. You’re the best.”

“It’s not a problem,” Finn says, hesitating for a second before he hangs up. Glancing down at Bea, he raises an eyebrow. Bea glares up at him as stormily as she can manage, which is not very, given her hair is up in pigtails and covered in tiny sparkly clips again.

“Traitor,” she tells him with a mulish tilt to her chin.

“It's the right thing to do.” Finn tells her. “Back to class, go on,” he nudges her back toward the classroom. “Your dad’ll be here soon.”

“Why’d you have to tell him about the freezer? Now he’s gonna find his planes, too.”

Bea lets it go after that, because when they get back to the room Rey is leading them all in an art exercise (something that is, objectively, kind of hilarious. While Rey is good at a truly astounding number of things, her drawings of people look more like stick figures or potatoes and she can’t color to save her life). Bea, who loves drawing excessively glittery pictures of planes and unicorns, squeals and bolts over to her desk to shove in beside Ari, who grins and hands her a carrot.

It’s better than what he’d been trying to woo her with last week. Apparently Bea is allergic to dandelions. She takes no notice of Ari’s starry-eyed affection at all, shoves the carrot in her mouth, and promptly steals three of his crayons. He lets her.

Closer to forty minutes later, when they’re all absorbed in competing to draw the best picture of Principal Luke they can manage (because he’s Rey’s uncle and she can get away with it where no one else dares), the classroom door creeps open to reveal Poe holding a pair of sparkly purple sneakers and a lunchbox with Hot Wheels on it. Something black is smudged along his face. Finn breaks into a grin. He gets up with as little noise as possible, which is hard when the colorful chairs are barely a foot off the ground.

“Thanks,” he says quietly to Poe, taking the shoes from him when holds them out with a sheepish grin. He snorts. “They’re still cold.”

“Chilled to perfection,” Poe mumbles dryly and holds up the lunchbox, too, letting it dangle from his hand. “The freezer. Who'd have thought.”

“Your daughter, apparently,” Finn takes that as well, but doesn’t move back. Poe’s hair is a mess and there’s grease on his cheek and Finn doesn’t know if anyone has ever been this attractive. He shrugs at Finn, looking apologetic and tired and somehow still smiling.

“All my fault. Sadly.” His eyes flick down Finn’s body and back to his face. Finn’s cheeks burn, but he can’t help flexing a bit under his purple T-shirt with elephants on it. When Poe meets his eyes again, his grin widens. “You got some glitter.”

“I always do,” Finn says breathlessly, reaching up to rub his cheek with the back of the hand holding Bea’s shoes. “You know, ah,” he murmurs, “my offer still stands.”

Poe’s brows inch up. “What offer’s that?”

“Help. Teaching you to cook,” his lips flick up in a smile. “Whatever.”

“You’re already helping by monitoring her feet,” but Poe’s smile widens a bit. He leans on the door frame, looking entirely too attractive with his hair everywhere and that easy grin. Finn’s fingers itch to run through those wild curls. They look ridiculously soft. He grips the shoes tighter as Poe continues, “You must think I’m the worst dad ever.”

“I don’t,” Finn says quickly. “I really don’t. Everyone goes through rough spots. Really.”

Poe bites his lip and nods at the lunchbox. “There are some vegetables in there.”

“She’ll love that,” he says genuinely. The noise of the kids swells behind him. Rey calls out his name, a little sharp, and Finn winces. “I should really go. Thanks. Seriously.”

Poe’s laughter is bright. “I should be thanking you! You’re a great teacher.”

“It’s my job,” Finn says, but he can’t help the pleasurable heat in his cheeks. Poe is suddenly the only still thing in the room, leaning against the doorframe with easy grace. Still grinning, Poe nudges him with his elbow.

“Keep it up, then. I gotta get back, but,” he hesitates, biting his lip again—like he doesn’t even realize he’s doing it— “You really know how to cook?”

“Yeah, I’m alright at it,” Finn tamps down on the hope bubbling in his chest before it can be dashed. Poe’s smile widens a bit. He shoves himself off the door frame to stand up straight.

“Trade you? I can chaperon for whatever field trip is next.”

“Oh, uh,” Finn blinks. He hadn’t expected that. Then he grins back, unable to stop himself. Poe has this effect, replicated in Bea, where he smiles and immediately makes you want to smile back. They have the same bright beam, the same crinkled nose. “Okay. Sure. I, I’ll text you. I have your number. Which is kinda weird.”

He smiles like he means it. “Looking forward to it. There’s, uh," with a flickering look at Finn, Poe leans forward, hand coming up to smooth over Finn’s jaw. Finn freezes, eyes wide, until he remembers the glitter.

“Thanks,” he says on a breath. The tips of Poe’s fingers come away sparkling.

“That’s most of it.” Poe watches him, still smiling softly, and he’s just sucking in a breath when Rey calls out in her most annoyed voice “ _Finn_ it is time for math!” followed by a chorus of groaning children.

Poe’s grin goes wide. “Oops. If I had time I’d sit in so I don’t feel so useless letting Bea-Bea explain third-grade subtraction to me.” He winks again and pushes his glittery hand into his hair, leaving bits stuck sparkling in the strands. “I’m free on Saturday, if— well. Just text me.” he says as Rey calls Finn’s name again.

“Yeah, yeah,” Finn shuffles back into the room. “I will!” He holds up the shoes in triumph and hands them to Bea with a stern, “now put those on,” before he rushes up to the front of the class to herd the kids into their seats again. For a second Poe is still visible at the door, pointing to his eyes with two fingers and then to Bea, who sticks out her tongue but starts to wriggle into her shoes. Laughter trails as the door shuts.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Rated Explicit for later chapters (very explicit. See our other [works](http://archiveofourown.org/works/5938393) for reference).
> 
> If it isn't clear, BB-8 = Bea!
> 
> Babies with babies is probably my favorite AU. There's just something about characters who barely have their lives together trying to raise children that gets me. It's great.
> 
> Come hang out with dreamfleet on tumblr to yell about stormpilot together!


	2. It's Not a Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bea comes in the next day with a note pinned to her backpack in scratchy handwriting that reads “ask me about Bohemian Rhapsody.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Beta'd once more by the awesome [todaylookslikerain](http://archiveofourown.org/users/todaylookslikerain/pseuds/todaylookslikerain) who is amazing and should be applauded.

Finn stares down at  Poe’s name on his phone, his face squished against his hand. The cursor blinks accusingly at him from the empty text field.

“Fuck,” he mutters, pushing himself up from the table.

Rey glances up from their shared desk, amusement glittering in her (highly unsympathetic) eyes. “Language.”

“Don’t start,” Finn mutters and goes back to what he’s supposed to be doing: preparing one of their activities for tomorrow, cutting out paper shoes to teach the kids how to tie them properly. Rey wanders over to him with a pair of scissors in her hand and flops into one of the chairs.

“I started nothing. That’s all you.” 

“I’m not doing anything,” Finn says, cutting the paper too harshly. It tears at the end of his scissors.

“That’s a lie if I’ve ever heard one,” Rey reaches out to steal his template. “Didn’t you read the little poster? We’re  _honest_ in this classroom.”

“Oh, shut up,” Finn tosses it at her, “I just need to talk to someone. And I suck at texting.”

Rey snatches it deftly out of the air and then scoots closer to him anyway. "You really do. Who is it?”

Finn stares down at the paper in front of him, debating for a moment about whether he should lie or not. 

He settles on: yes. 

“A guy I met. He invited me over.”

“Oh!” Something nice about Rey: she’s genuinely excited when he meets people (except in the one memorable case when she’d  _hated_ Finn’s then-boyfriend, who'd turned out to be a gang-affiliated drug dealer, proving once and for all that Rey is right about everyone, always). She grins at him now, cutting out a lopsided shoe. “Cute?”

“Very,” Finn says and sighs. “Cute, sweet, charming. Older than me, but not a silver fox,” he groans and rubs his hands over his face. “I really like him.”

“You know what you do when you really like someone?”

“…what?” Finn asks, glancing at her. She grins.

“You text them. Like a rational person.” Another nice thing about Rey: having spent entirely too much of her life in one place, waiting for it to come together, she no longer has (and possibly never had) the patience for waffling. On anything. 

She pokes him with one foot under the low table. “If he invited you over, he already likes you.”

“I know that!” Finn gripes, “I just don’t know what to say.”

“Don’t ask  _me_ ! Be your usual charming self,” she laughs and tosses something that was supposed to be a paper shoe at him. The holes for the laces are perfect and lined up. The shoe itself looks more like a squash. “D’you know, I’m taking my night flying test this evening? If I pass—" she smiles wider. It makes her look dazzling because everyone in Finn’s life right now is beautiful. “I can almost be a  _real pilot_ . Certified.”

“Tonight?” Finn gasps, sitting up straighter. “Wow, that was quick. You’re going to be amazing!”

Her smile dims a bit. “I hope so. I—it is  _fast,_ isn’t it? I mean. I only just started learning. I  hope  I can pass. Eventually. If I do well on this, only one to go.”

“You totally can,” Finn reaches out for her, then stops himself. This is her thing, not his. She doesn’t need touch to reassure her, unlike Finn. Instead, he grabs another piece of paper. “You’ll be amazing.”

“Thanks,” she beams at him again. “So when is your _hot date_?” The words sound so wrong coming out of Rey. Finn grimaces.

“Saturday. Maybe. I need to text him.”

Rey steals his scissors. He doesn’t know how, but the woman moves like a ninja: one minute they’re in his hands and the next she’s sitting on them. A bit of purple glitter winks at him from her eyelashes. “Right. Do it.”

“I,”  he starts, then swallows. “Okay. I will.” He gets up to grab his phone, staring at the blank text.

Simple. Simple is easy.

_Hey! This is Finn,_ _B_ _e_ _a’s_ _teacher. Is Saturday still good? I’m thinking tacos._

And he sends it, just like that. An odd sense of calm settles over him. He does that: riles himself up over something that doesn’t really matter, where the response could go either way. Big decisions, he’s great at. He can decide to leave the place he’s forced to call home and start a new life on his own in an hour. 

It takes him a whole day to figure out what to text a man who he may never see again. When he puts down his phone Rey cheers quietly and presents him with his scissors.

“So easy. You worry too much.”

“You don’t know what the response is gonna be,” Finn mutters, and aggressively cuts out another foot. Rey’s laughter echoes through their empty classroom. Finn’s phone buzzes underneath it.

_Saturday is great!_ _I’m terrible at tacos my father would be so disappointed if he knew. Sure you’re up for the challenge??_

Finn grins, cradling the phone in his hands.  _Depends on how many things you’re determined to burn. I’ll do my best, but I’m no miracle worker._

_I am expecting miracles_ Poe texts back immediately, followed by,  _or at least killer tacos. Noon alright?_

_Noon is great,_  Finn sends back, unable to keep the broad grin off his face. Of course Poe sends flurries of emojis.  _Send me your address. Unless you’d rather cook at my place._

_Better learn in my own kitchen! also Bea wants to see you and will never forgive me if you don’t come over. you must really be something._

“Oh my god,” Finn mumbles. Poe's address shows up on his phone a second later. It's close to his own apartment.

Rey glances up from her fourth shoe and leans over, trying to see his screen. “What? What’s oh my god?”

Finn holds it closer to his chest, face hot. “Nothing. Flirting. Go away.”

“I want to see.” Rey protests, but she’s already leaning back into her own seat. At least she listens to him sometimes. 

“He’s complimenting me,” Finn mutters, already typing back as Rey croons “Aw, Finn!” delightedly .

_Thanks. She’s really something herself. I’ll see you then. Unless she “loses” her shoes again._

_Just child-locked the freezer. Got at least two days before she figures out how to get that open. Thanks again for looking out for her_

_Always_ Finn shoots back and shoves the phone into his pocket. He grins at Rey. “Saturday. It’s happening.”

“I am so proud,” Rey says as gravely as she can manage with glitter on her face. “You’re learning. Let’s pick out your clothes on Friday so you don’t call me at three in the morning panicking.”

“Thank you,” Finn says weakly and leans against her side.

She squeezes his hand, very briefly. “Any time. Except three am.”

Poe turns up again on Wednesday,  just as the kids are trooping in from recess, with that same sheepish look to present Bea’s recorder for their music lesson. “Hid it from myself this time,” he explains from the doorway. Today Poe has no grease on him and smells a little bit like cinnamon. His clinging black shirt leaves nothing to the imagination. 

Poe’s fingers brush Finn’s when he hands over the tiny instrument. The touch sets his skin on fire.

“Also,” Poe continues with a smile, “you gotta teach her at least one other song. I’m getting war flashbacks during Hot Cross Buns.”

Finn stares for a second, then snorts a laugh. “We’re working on Twinkle Twinkle Little Star today. Is that better?”

“Marginally,” Poe informs him with an arched brow. “I’ve been trying to teach her the best of Queen.”

“You play?” Finn blinks at him, and then at the recorder.

Poe grins. “You are looking at a former  _ super  _ band geek. Clarinet, trumpet, percussion, tuba for a year. Guitar.” He ticks off on his fingers as he says them like he maybe won’t remember them all.

“Wow,” Finn says, impressed. He’s leaning against the wall with his whole body turned toward Poe. “And your daughter can only play one song. That’s pretty disappointing.”

Poe snorts, and then laughs a laugh that comes all the way from his belly, bright and warm. He throws his head back when he does it. There are crinkles at the corners of his eyes: laugh lines, from a lifetime of this. When he looks at Finn again, his eyes glitter. “Okay, first of all,  _rude._ Second of all, recorder is a terrible instrument and I can’t believe you haven’t snapped them all in half yet.”

“Patience is the most important skill when teaching  eight-year-olds,” Finn chides. He hears a cough from the classroom and flushes. “Shi—I have to go. Saturday?”

Poe’s eyes are still glittering. “Saturday,” he confirms, and curls Finn’s fingers around the recorder. “Seriously. Break that thing in half. Teach them ukulele instead. Or I’ll come in and teach them guitar if I have to. Good luck.”

He winks and shoves himself off the wall before Finn even has a chance to respond, whistling Hot Cross Buns as he pushes out the front doors.

Bea comes in the next day with a note pinned to her backpack in scratchy handwriting that reads “ask me about Bohemian Rhapsody.”

Turns out she can play it almost note-for-note. It’s a little scary and a lot impressive, and Rey spends five minutes laughing when Finn tells her why.

Predictably, it takes Finn an hour to pick out his outfit for Saturday while Rey sits on his bed drinking coconut water and offering her opinion on each thing he brings out. (“Way too thirsty” is the consensus on the super-deep V he’d worn in college, and “are you even trying?” to a pair of jeans with holes in the knees he hasn’t actually worn in years.)

He dances carefully around the questions of “who" and “what,” not letting on that he’s going over to a parent’s house to help him cook for his daughter. Rey wouldn’t necessarily disapprove, but Finn doesn’t feel ready to risk it.

He arrives a few minutes late in a light blue sweater vest, a grey button down, and tight black jeans. Rey tried to veto the sweater vest, but Finn stood firm, showing her how it looks with the jeans. She conceded his point. They make his ass look great. (Not that he wants Poe to look at it.)

Taking a deep breath, he knocks on the door of the small house, squished between several others on the block.

It’s neat on the outside, at least, if a little shabby. Bright blue with an orange door, the house is strangely cheerful despite the cracking paint and mossy, crumbling cement driveway. Light shines through one of the crooked windows. From inside the house, there’s a high shriek of  _Mr. Finn!_ and then laughter and two sets of footsteps: one fast and light, one more sedate.

Bea gets to the door first and yanks it open with another cheer of his name. Behind her, Poe ambles up in only a t-shirt and jeans, barefoot and smiling with hair damp and curling against his cheeks. Bea talks a mile a minute about what they’re going to cook and how great it is that Finn’s here and now he can see her collection of cool toys that she was trying to draw the other day. She’d keep talking if Poe didn’t cut her off with a gentle “ _Mija_ ,” that makes her snap her mouth shut. 

Poe laughs. “C’mon in, if you’re still brave enough after that.”

“I deal with that every day in school,” Finn’s eyes are on Poe, looking right over Bea’s head. He moves into the house like he’s magnetically drawn there. Holding up the bag he’s carrying, he says, “I brought supplies.”

“Awesome!” Poe takes the bag from him with a smile and whirls around in the direction of what must be the kitchen. The whole house smells like cinnamon, not just Poe. “Seriously, thank you, you’re the best. Baby, did you want to show him your collection before we get started?”

Bea gasps and tugs suddenly at Finn’s hand. “Mr. Finn, you have to come and see!”

“Collection?” Finn asks, glancing back at Poe as he stumbles after Bea.

“She’s been talking about it all morning,” Poe calls back through the hallway. He clearly isn’t coming with them up the narrow stairs, all decked out in paper flower banners blooming from the railing. Bea pulls him up with far more speed than she should have. The stairs creak in protest with every step.

“You know how, we’re learning about science and you told us about all the kinds of animals and how there are groups?” She asks as she leads them down another narrow hallway up the stairs, lined with doors. One is half-open and gleaming in the sunlight. The other at the end of the hallway is bright purple and emblazoned with a giant hand-painted BEA.

Bea leads him down to this one and drops his hand only to open the door. “I collect them now and they’re all organized in their, uh, in their kingdoms!”

“Oh, wow,” Finn can’t help but grin, following her inside. “I’d love to see that. What kinds of animals did you find?”

“ _Mammals_ ,” she pronounces proudly. The inside of her room is as purple as the door. A sweep of glow stars shimmer faintly in the noon sun above her bed, shot through with planets and a couple crude spaceships. For such a whirlwind of a girl, her room is remarkably neat: only a few tiny jackets draped at the edge of the bed, and a bookshelf bursting with tiny animals. Each shelf is, on closer inspection, labeled, with mammals crowding together up at the top. “See? And reptiles, and am… am _phibians_ , and then I couldn’t find any toys for the other ones except for that,” she points to the bottom shelf where an eerily cute plush version of  _Staphylococcus aureus_ rests, with large dark eyes at one end. 

Bea beams at him, bouncing on the balls of her feet. “Do you like them? The whales are my favorite! Did you know, whales can go underwater for tons of hours and don’t need to breathe?”

“Yeah,” Finn murmurs, his fingers brushing over one of the whales on the top shelf. “They use oxygen much more efficiently than us. Where’d you learn about them?”

“There was a show on Animal Planet!” Bea comes up beside him, stretching up to get the giant blue whale figure rendered in plastic. “About whales and sharks and dolphins and did you know my mom was a real live  dolphin trainer?”

“Wow, really?” Finn smiles and sits down on the edge of her bed. He feels too big in the room, a giant compared to all of her small furniture. “That’s really cool. Did you ever see her perform?” Bea shakes her head as she pulls down a few more whales and dolphins to show to Finn. One drops, making Bea frown and scold it as she picks it up again only to dump them all onto the bed beside Finn. 

“Dad said she stopped before I was born, and now she doesn’t do it anymore. Why aren’t whales fish?" She presents him with a small blue figure with a protruding horn, beaming. “This one’s a  narwhal. They’re like ocean unicorns! Oceanicorns!”

Finn takes it carefully, looking over the figure that’s half the size of his hand. He can barely hear Poe downstairs. “I always liked narwhals,” he finally says, tracing his finger over the horn. “Wish I could see one in the wild.”

Bea’s eyes get very round. “You can  see them?  ”

“Yeah, up in the north,” Finn smiles and presses the figure into her hands. “By Canada. They’re pretty rare, though. Like unicorns.”

“Oceanicorns,” Bea corrects him imperiously. Her fingers curl carefully around the little narwhal. “Does it cost a lot of money to go to Canada?”

“It’s pretty far away,” Finn says with a slight nod. “I’ve never been.”

Bea wilts a bit in front of him and turns the little narwhal over in her hands. “Oh. If it’s a lot of money, then…” 

“Hey,” Finn smiles, leaning in a little. Her expression is too familiar. He saw it on the faces of the other kids in the group home when someone would leave, move on to adult life or to another home. She doesn’t have to feel that, not yet. “It’s just one country over. I bet you can do it. Someday. You just have to save, alright? A few dollars here or there and you’ll get there.”

“Yeah, in a million years,” Bea mumbles, scowling. “I don’t  _have_ a few dollars.”

“Do you have an allowance? Or chores?” Finn asks. Bea’s eyes flick up to his. They’re dark, like her dad’s, and very wide in her face. She looks like a doll with her hair frizzy around her head and her long lashes.

A very energetic, troublemaking doll, usually, who now looks at Finn like she’s embarrassed about something. “I help dad sweep and I make my bed and I help with dishes and dust, and my allowance is a dollar a week.”

“Then you do have a few dollars,” Finn smiles gently and takes one of her hands in his. “Unless there’s something you want more than Canada.” Bea mumbles something inaudible under her breath and starts to gather up the figures from the pile next to Finn. 

“Hey,” Finn snags one from the ground and holds it out for her. “You can tell me. Promise I won’t tell  your dad.”

Bea eyes the little dolphin warily for a second before she accepts it. “You promise?”

“I promise,” Finn says, extending his pinky. Bea brightens up immediately. 

“Pinky promise!” Her little pinky is tiny in his, but she’s firm and shakes on it, meeting his eyes. “I wanna go to Disneyland with my mom. Dad said,” Bea hesitates, biting at her lip, “we don’t have enough money for it. So, if I save a lot, I can go.”

He squeezes her pinky before letting go. “How much do you have saved so far?”

“Uh…” Bea wrinkles her nose, turning in a circle until she spots something on her dresser. She shoves the little animals back onto the shelf and hurries to get the other thing: a piggy bank in the shape of a cat. A pink sticky note is taped haphazardly to the side with numbers written and crossed out. Bea flips the note up to read the back, mouthing numbers to herself, and announces proudly, “Fourteen dollars!”

“On one dollar a week, that’s great!” Finn grins at her. “I bet you’ll see your mom soon.”

Bea turns anxious eyes on him. “Really? Do you think so? A ticket is ninety-three dollars ‘cause I’m only eight, and I think mom can buy her own, so that’s… um...”

“93 minus 14 is..?” Finn prompts gently. Bea counts off something on her fingers, murmuring aloud to herself.

“93 minus… 10 is 83,” she glances up at Finn for confirmation, and continues when he nods. “And then 83 minus 3 is 80, minus one more is… 79?”

“Yeah,” Finn smiles, hands clasping over his knees, “exactly. That’s not so bad.” Then curiosity gets the better of him and he can’t keep back the question: “do you see your mom much?”

Bea shakes her head. “Dad says she’s really busy, so she doesn’t visit a lot.”

“When, uh,” Finn starts, then closes his mouth before he can stick his foot in it. It’s not his business. “Y’know. I bet we could write an essay to get your dad to take you to Disneyland.”

“An  _essay_?” Bea gives him a doubtful look. “Only teachers like essays.”

“I’m a teacher,” Finn reminds her with a soft smile.

Something crashes downstairs.

Finn winces and looks at the door, then back at Bea. “Uh, do you think your dad is okay?”

“He drops stuff all the time,” Bea giggles, sounding totally unconcerned. She does hop toward the door with a bright smile.  Finn breathes a sigh of relief.  “Are you really gonna teach him how to cook?”

“I’m going to try,” Finn says seriously. “Do you think he’s as good of a student as you are?”

“Dad?  _No_ ,” laughs Bea as she moves around Finn’s legs to lead him back out the door. “No way. He’s good at listening and singing and making hot chocolate and making  _pancakes._ Not cooking. He’ll make you blow up.”

“I heard that,” Poe calls from downstairs. There’s laughter in his voice. 

Bea bursts into delighted laughter. “Don’t blow up Mr. Finn!”

“I won’t let him blow me up,” Finn says, but his face feels hot. 

This is so wrong. Using a little girl to get close to her dad. But he can’t stop himself. He likes Poe too much, his easy voice, the lazy smiles, the way he is with his daughter. Finn’s never been very good at dealing with crushes. This one has him by his heart and lungs and pulls him into the tiny kitchen where Poe is picking pots up off the floor. Relationships, he can do, but getting there, with the father of one of his students, seems impossible. 

The afternoon sun glances off Poe’s hair, sending a dizzying halo of dust spinning around him as he crawls on his hands and knees to get a fork that skittered under the fridge. 

He glances at Finn and Bea over his shoulder and beams. “Hey,  _dulceida_. Heard you’ve been smack talking me to Mr. Finn.”

“I told him the truth.” Bea insists haughtily. Poe just laughs. 

“Yeah, alright, we’re working on it. Have some faith in me, huh?”

Bea wrinkles her nose. “I have faith in Mr. Finn.”

“ Hey.” 

Finn can’t help a laugh. He lets go of Bea’s hand to drop down and nab another fork off the ground. “Not off to a great start.”

Poe snorts and tosses a spoon at him. “Alright, alright. That’s my organizational skills and that’s a  _whole_ different ball-game, buddy.”

Finn catches it out of the air with a grin. “We can work on that next week."

“Bea’s room has been cleaner since she started third grade.” With one sweep of his hand, Poe gathers up the last of the silverware and shoves himself up, holding out a hand for Finn. Finn takes it and feels the callouses on Poe’s fingers. His hands are tanned and strong around the delicate utensil.

“It’s another of my talents,” Finn says breathlessly. Poe’s eyes twinkle distractingly at him. His fingers are pressed to the soft skin on the inside of Finn’s wrist. 

“Oh yeah? How many talents am I gonna learn about today?” There’s  something  in the curl of his smile, in the pointedly innocent tone of his voice as he slides his hand slowly out of Finn’s.

“That depends,” Finn says. He feels a bit like he’s falling behind in a game he just learned he’s playing. Poe’s laughter fills the entire kitchen, like the sun brightening all of a sudden as he whirls on his bare feet to dump all the cutlery into the sink with an echoing clatter.

“Pretty stoked about your taco skills,” he says as he flicks on the water. “What do we do first? Besides fling all the pans everywhere. I got that  _down_.”

* * *

 “Oh my God,” Finn breathes, running back into the kitchen. He’d only gone to the bathroom, barely gone for two minutes, and the smell of burning permeated the house. He grabs the pan of singed ground beef, holding it up off the burner. “Poe!”

“It’s not even burning that bad!” Poe protests, hands still on the cheese grater. “How am I supposed to stir and grate this at the same time?”

“Multi-tasking,” Finn snorts and takes to stirring the meat. “Just grate the cheese.”

Poe doesn’t so much frown as pout at him. “Okay, multi-tasking I can do, but that’s just ridiculous. This shouldn’t be so difficult.”

Finn gives him a look  full of suppressed laughter. “Just grate it. You can get Bea to help too.”

“I keep reading blogs about that,” Poe mumbles. “I mean. We don’t starve, but every time it gets more complex than grilling something or shoving it in the oven,”  he laughs and pushes a hand through his hair to get it out of his eyes. “Well. It’s definitely not my strong point.”

“Maybe I can keep helping,” Finn says, then regrets it. He can’t look up at Poe.

Poe definitely looks at him. His hand slows on the cheese grater. “I can’t ask you to come over and cook for Bea,” he says, soft. “But that’s. I mean. Thanks.”

Finn doesn’t answer. He stares down at the beef, his heart in his throat.  The whole kitchen smells slightly less like burning and more like spices and still a little like cinnamon because apparently Poe had made them cinnamon pancakes for breakfast (“They’re fast,” he’d said with laughter in his voice, “so I can’t really mess ‘em up, right?”)

Poe’s still peering at him, curious and bright-eyed. “Why did you volunteer to do this? I mean, not that I don’t appreciate it, ‘cause I do."

There it is again. The time to decide if he should lie or not. A direct question, two easy answers: the truth, and what would be expected. He decides on something in between.

“I like you,” he says simply. “And I like Bea. And it looks like you’re having a rough patch, and I have free time,” he shrugs, studying the  scratches on  worn faux-granite counter tops.

“Well that’s , ” Poe’s voice sounds odd. Soft, and wondering. “…thanks.”

“It’s nothing. Really,” Finn says too sharply. He jerks back to the stove and takes the pan off the burner. “Is the cheese ready?”

His question seems to melt Poe back out of his strange mood. Grinning, he presents the cutting board covered in roughly-grated cheese to Finn. “Yessir. Grated to perfection. I think.”

“Then I guess we’re done,” Finn smiles back, soft with only an edge of nerve, holding up the pan. “Think you can handle putting one together?”

Poe rolls his eyes with a good-natured snort. “I dunno. Might explode.”

“I’ll risk it,” Finn says seriously and hands him a spatula.

None of the tacos explode. Poe does grin at him for bringing over soft  corn  tortillas instead of “the hard ones that cut your mouth up,” in his own words.

They freeze half the tacos for later and then Poe drags Finn to the tiny table just outside the kitchen covered in butcher paper and scribbled all over by Bea. He tells cheerful stories with his hands moving everywhere: about the time Bea was four and tried to hotwire his car, when they were at the playground once and Bea did a flip off the swing and landed on her feet and was the hero of the other children for the rest of the hour, the adventures they have when Poe scrounges up the money for the two of them to go camping (which happens often, apparently).

Finn listens raptly to everything he says, eyes fixed on Poe’s face, watching the expressions switch every few seconds like an old cartoon. He finds himself scooching forward, moving closer and closer to Poe until their knees are touching under the table. Finn nudges his knee gently, almost on accident. He nearly slides his hand onto Poe’s thigh, once, when Poe mentions a time when Bea was sick and his face goes soft with the memory, but the story then dives into the tale of her still managing to talk down a door-to-door salesman and getting a free box of candy.

The need is still there, but Finn keeps his hands on the table, mindlessly doodling with Bea’s crayons until he has a whole scene, Poe’s house tucked in the block with Bea and Poe outside and dog Finn thinks they should have.

Poe laughs as soon as he notices and pushes up out of his seat to peer over the table. His hands slide, almost meeting Finn’s. “Did you draw us with a corgi?" 

Finn flushes and grins up at him. “I think a corgi would fit.”

“You have no idea,” still laughing, Poe flops back into his seat and immediately drags the chair closer to Finn’s side of the table so he can see the drawings. “You should get one, buddy. Dogs are great.”

“I don’t think so,” Finn says, smile subsiding a little. “My apartment, it’s too small for a dog. Like a giant crate.”

“If it wasn’t too small, would you?” Poe’s eyes are on him.

Finn hesitates. It suddenly feels like an exam with a right answer, only he’s not sure which answer that is. “Yes?”

Poe just smiles at him. “It’d suit you.”

“We  should get one!” Bea shuffles closer to Finn’s other side, pressing in against his arm. “That’s way better than Miss Rey’s pictures! Why don’t you help us draw?”

“’Cause I have to keep you kids from going crazy,” Finn tells her with a little smile. “And Miss Rey likes drawing. Even if she is terrible.” Bea giggles.

“Her people look like, like potatoes— _dad_ , can we have baked potatoes tonight? Dad makes really good baked potatoes,” she nods earnestly at Finn while Poe laughs tightly.

“I think Mr. Finn’s got other stuff to do than hang out with us all day. You know. Coming up with new ways to torture you at school.” 

Finn nods seriously. “Monday’s going to be terrible,” he says. “Just you wait.” Bea’s dark eyes go round and then narrow all at once, determination flattening her mouth.

“I can do it!”

“You sure? You don’t even know what it is,” Finn raises an eyebrow at her. “Don’t agree to something until you know what it is.”

“I can do anything,” she insists, raising her chin. Poe bursts into laughter. Bea whips around to glare at him instead but it only makes him laugh harder, dropping his forehead against Finn’s shoulder to hide it from his indignant daughter. “Stop laughing! I can!”

“No, no,”  Poe reaches out across Finn to grab her hand, still laughing a bit. “Baby, I know. You can.” Worming her hand free, Bea huffs and turns up to Finn instead.

“Do your worst!”

“You know, I believe you,” Finn grins at her, fiercely ignoring Poe’s arm draped across his chest. He subtly tenses his muscles, a lump stuck in his throat. “I’ll have to do it when you don’t know it’s coming.”

“I’ll  _always_ be ready,” she whispers, fierce and tiny and determined, and Poe draws back just to grin brightly at her.

“That’s my girl.” 

He sounds very soft and very proud. 

Finn stays much later than he’d intended. They end up watching Frozen and then a couple of X-Men cartoons, Bea curled up between them on the couch. Finn’s glad for the separation. The thought keeps running through his head: Poe and Poe’s lips and Poe’s hair and his wirey, muscular body. It’s fascinating, how much he moves, the _way_ he moves with a self-assured kind of grace. It’s exemplified when Finn watches him and Bea, so familiar they’re like a planet and its moon, reliant on each other, always in orbit. 

They play a couple lazy rounds of Candy Land, which Poe loses spectacularly at, and help Bea color in the rest of Finn's scene on the paper tablecloth.

Poe does make them baked potatoes for dinner. They aren’t burnt. Poe grins pridefully the entire time and asks Finn stupidly sweet questions like what his favorite food is so they can make it sometime.

Bea is tucked into bed at exactly 8:30. Finn waits at the door to say goodbye to Poe. It’s dark outside and the last bus comes soon, but Finn doesn’t want to leave and retreat to his tiny apartment by himself. Listening to Poe and Bea upstairs feels too intimate. He’s spent a whole day being treated like family and he likes it probably more than he should.

Poe finishes off whatever story he was telling, something about aliens and the Intergalactic Pirate Princess Bea being a dashing heroine. Bits of it filter down the stairs through the dimmed lights.

The stairs creak under his weight when he comes down with a tired smile.

Only the light in the kitchen is still on. The quiet glow lights Poe’s hair up from behind. “You’re in her bedtime story now. Special request. Hope you don’t mind being an evil space commander she had to defeat.”

Finn smiles at him, caught by the sweet look in his eyes. “Make the teacher the bad guy. I see how it is.”

Poe’s quiet laughter echoes into the dim living room. “Okay, to be  fair, she had to beat you using math.”

“My nemesis,” Finn says, clutching his chest. “It was a brutal death, huh?” Poe’s eyes glitter.

“Oh yeah. Cast out into space by the power of fractions. I know your weakness, buddy.”

“At least the violence you’re teaching her is surrounded by learning,” Finn snorts a laugh and leans back against the door frame. “I don’t really condone it otherwise.”

“It’s empowering _._ Like,” he waves a hand, “Beating evil through the power of being really good at math. When else do you use fractions besides to defeat space commanders bent on taking over your ship? Never.”Grinning, unrepentant, Poe nudges him with his shoulder. “But seriously, thanks for, you know. Tacos. Sticking around. Today was pretty great.”

“It was,” Finn says quietly. His eyes are on Poe and his breath is stuck somewhere in his throat. He needs to stop this. Poe has a kid, a kid in his class. He hasn’t shown any interest beyond flirting that could have just been friendship. Poe touching him makes his whole body run with heat and awareness. He leans into it for just a moment. “Thanks for having me.”

“Sorry to keep you so late.” Poe doesn’t actually look or sound sorry at all. “How long is your drive home?”

“Oh, uh,” Finn’s face feels hot and he’s not quite sure why. “I don’t have a car,” he admits and somehow it feels like a secret even though he’s always liked not having one (in a way; in another way it’s incredibly annoying).

Poe blinks at him. “You took the bus here?”

“Yeah,” Finn shrugs, glancing back into the house. “It’s not far. Only a few stops.” Poe looks doubtful at this. He looks past Finn into the darkness, biting his lip, then back at Finn.

“I can drive you. If it’s not too far.” 

“Then you’d have to leave Bea,” Finn smiles gently at him. “It’s really fine. Thanks, Poe. I’ll… see you sometime, I guess."

Poe still looks like he wants to argue, staring up at Finn under furrowed brows. He shifts on the step then sighs and shoves a hand into his hair. “Okay, but the bus is… sketchy. Here, at night. I’m serious. If you’re set on it at least text me when you get back.”

Finn snorts and looks at him incredulously. “You think someone’s going to try and mess with me?”

One of Poe’s eyebrows drifts up. He glances down at Finn’s sweater-vest and back up to his face, silent. Finn laughs, too loud, then shoves his hand over his mouth, glancing up toward Bea’s room.

“Point taken,” he says, much quieter, and pushes his bag into Poe’s hands. Then he grabs the back of the sweater-vest and tugs it off over his head, leaving him in  his thin  button-up. He undoes another button, leaving the collar loose around his neck. “Better?”

“Terrifying,” Poe says dryly, and shivers for effect. There’s a tiny, fond smile on his face as he looks Finn up and down. “Just glare a lot until you’re home. For me.”

Contrary to that, Finn grins brightly and takes back the bag. “I will. Promise.” Snorting, Poe shakes his head and reaches up to squeeze Finn’s elbow.

“Still. Text me. And see you , ” he pauses, grins, looks a little rogueish in the half-shadows over his face with his hair flying everywhere, “Soon?”

“Soon,” Finn promises and pushes open the door. He wants to look back, to say something, but he forces himself to keep walking, down the street and around the corner to the little bus stop. He has the uncanny feeling of eyes on his ass.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> About 85% of this fic is written already, so updates should be pretty regular until this beast is done :)
> 
> For the record, Poe is absolutely fluent in emoji.


	3. This Might be a Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Where are we going?” Finn asks, staring down at Poe’s fingers curled around his arm.
> 
> “Shark tube.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [todaylookslikerain](http://archiveofourown.org/users/todaylookslikerain/pseuds/todaylookslikerain) is an awesome beta who puts up with our crap.

Sunday and Monday are a blur of texts and flirting that make Finn’s head spin. When ‘Poe Dameron’ pops up on his phone, excitement floods through his veins and he opens it immediately, even in the middle of class, which gets him a talking to from Rey. Classroom rules say no cellphones during lessons. Because third graders have cellphones now. Finn didn’t get one until he went to college.

Tuesday is bright and cheery, but Finn’s phone is oddly silent. Trying not to read into it is harder than he wants to admit. Poe could be busy. He could be working or sleeping in or otherwise unavailable to respond to Finn’s text. 

The phone burns a hole in his pocket all through recess, but he refuses to touch it. Rey notices his obsessive checking and kindly doesn’t ask, though Finn can see the questions bubbling under the surface.

The day is bright with the last long days of fall and the kids are full of energy right after lunch, shrieking at each other over a massive game of tag probably organized by Bea. They let it happen, because the kids exhaust themselves this way (a tip, apparently, from Luke in his teaching days).

It works. The kids are all quiet and docile by the time Rey has to blow her whistle, and troop down to line up more neatly than usual. Even Bea is quiet, shifting and smiling from her place near the front of the line.

“This is weird,” Rey mutters after she’s called off to make sure everyone’s there.

“Don’t question it,” Finn says, waving the line back inside from his position at the door. Few of the kids are taller than his waist and he smiles down at their heads. 

“Suspicious silence should always be questioned,” Rey starts as she shuffles in with the kids. As soon as they get back into the classroom, there’s a shout. Rey shoots Finn a Look. Finn rushes to the door, making it right after the last kid trickles in. He stares. Poe sits in the middle of their classroom, looking cheerful and at home in jeans with a guitar slung casually in front of him.

He waves lazily at them. “Morning.”

“Morning,” Finn replies, staring at him dumbly. “Uh, what..?”

Poe’s eyes glitter in the sunlight. Dust drifts lazy around him and his guitar. “I’m here to usurp your music lesson, which I know based on good authority is happening in about five minutes.” He winks exaggeratedly at Bea, still in line. She throws him a thumbs-up back.

Finn laughs, short and easy. He glances sheepishly over at Rey, “I guess that’s alright. We don’t have enough guitars. Or any guitars, really.”

“This thing’s just a prop,” Poe swings it up into place. “Bea says you guys haven’t done a ton of singing this year. Gotta pay you back somehow, so,” he winks at some of the kids peering curiously at him. “What d’you guys think, wanna sing some Disney songs?”

Several kids immediately shriek in glee, prompting the rest to yell various forms of agreement (except for Ari in the back, frowning at the lot of them, who shouts NO as loud as he can. He is ignored).

Finn watches them with a smile on his face. He drops back next to Rey, ushering the kids inside. “You okay with this?” He asks softly. Rey snorts at him.

“If I had to listen to those recorders all shriek off key for an hour—" she shakes her head, eyes bright. “I was actually going to abandon you and get those spelling tests graded.”

“Do you want help? Or, I can still supervise,” Finn nudges her toward the desk. His eyes stray back to Poe, who's seated himself on one of the tiny chairs with his guitar on his knee.

Rey shakes her head, still smiling. “I’ll take care of it. Nothing from Frozen.” she orders Poe, who laughs.

“That’s a promise.” He strums a few chords that sound suspiciously like _Let it Go_. “We’ll stick to the classics.”

Finn grins, squeezing Rey’s arm before he walks back over to the group of kids sitting around Poe. Finn drops down to the ground at the back, sitting cross-legged with his focus completely on Poe. He wasn’t expecting this, wasn’t prepared. Poe looks totally at ease with his fingers curling around the neck of the guitar. Swallowing hard, Finn sucks in a breath and meets his eyes.

“We’re gonna try a round first,” Poe says softly, smiling— at Finn, across the circle. “Anyone know what that is? Not you, Bea. I know you know.”

“Oh oh!” Alex, sitting nearly on Poe’s feet, raises his tiny hand, rocking up on his knees. Tanya reaches out to shove him back down and throws up her hand instead. “It’s when we all sing the same thing, but at different times,” she says without waiting for Poe to call on her.

Poe smiles softly and shakes his head. “You’re right, sweetheart, but I think you should wait your turn before you answer me, huh?” He nods his head toward Alex, leaning down close. “Is that what you were going to say?”

Alex nods shyly and murmurs, “yes.” Poe beams at him. 

“Well, buddy, you can help lead us off,” he says, and then with a bit more explanation, neatly sorts the kids into two groups, using Finn as the dividing line down the center. “Finn, you gonna sing too?”

“Sure,” Finn says, and some of the kids groan. He grins sheepishly with a shrug, “I’m not great.”

“I’ll believe that when I hear it.” Poe strums a few pointed chords on his guitar and leans back in his tiny chair. “Alright, guys. I’m gonna lead us off, and when I point at you I want you to copy me, okay?”

He gets a chorus of yeses in response and laughs, strumming a few familiar chords from the beginning of Lilo and Stitch. His voice vibrates through the air and suddenly Finn can’t breathe. He stares, lips parted, and Poe’s voice washes over him, sweet and deep and grating into his heart. Hands clench on his knees. He forces himself to stay still.

Apparently, Poe knows not only how to play all these Disney songs, but also how to sing them. He leads them through the song from Lilo and Stitch—in English, instead of the native Hawaiian—and they stumble cheerfully along after him until Poe announces that they’re all too good at this, except maybe Finn, and asks for a few shout-outs for the next song.

It’s the liveliest lesson that day. Poe finishes out with a softer song to calm everyone down. Mostly it’s him singing and picking out quiet chords, something folksy and slow and definitely not Disney. Finn thinks he would swoon if he had that in him. Instead, he sits and watches quietly, his heart pounding and his skin on fire. It sounds like a song to sing for a lost love, and Finn wants to tell Poe that he’s here, that he’ll take care of him.

When Poe finishes, Finn stays where he is even after most of the kids have gotten up, chatting quietly among themselves, a few verses of Under the Sea still reverberating between them. Poe’s fingers drift over a few more strings, tuning something up. Then he glances up and sees Finn still sitting and beams, shifting the guitar to the side to stretch out his legs.

“Sorry I hijacked your lesson. Totally Bea’s idea.”

Finn grins back and finally pushes himself up. “I believe that. It was great. They all loved it.” Half of the kids are still singing, one girl twirling around in a blue dress until she falls back into a chair. "Thank you.”

“Hey, no, that was at least partially my thanks to you,” Poe slings his guitar over his back and moves to grab the case where he’d shoved it against Finn’s desk. “Partially. I can still come for that field trip, unless you guys are filled up on lame parent volunteers.”

Finn laughs again, short and sharp, his eyes shining brightly. “Not yet. You sure you can take time off work? We have some regulars who should be free.”

“Believe me, they’ve been bugging me to take off for a day and do something else for weeks.” Poe drops to his knees to start zipping the guitar back into place, smiling at one curious little boy who hasn’t quite committed to Rey’s lesson yet. “Pay attention, kiddo, or we’ll both get in trouble.” He winks as the boy goes pale and whips back around toward Rey.

Finn shifts closer to him, smiling dreamily. “You’re great with kids. Bea’s lucky.”

“That’s eight years of hyper kid-wrangling,” Poe laughs. “How long have you been teaching?”

“Three years,” Finn says softly, “since I graduated.”

“So with three classrooms full of eight-year-olds,” Poe laughs, “that’s a ton.”

“Sure,” Finn nudges him in the side. “Bet you know more than I do.” Grinning, Poe nudges him back a little harder, eyes locked with Finn’s.

“About the various Disney princesses? Totally. I know everything.”

“More than me,” Finn agrees. His hand reaches out for Poe’s, but he stops himself just when their fingers touch, sucking in a breath. “Yeah,” he says, dropping his hand. “Yeah. Thanks.” 

He can’t be imagining the way Poe’s fingers twitch briefly after his, or the strange little flush that creeps up to his ears. “So, what super-fun field trip did I just sign myself up for?”

The field trip isn’t nearly as horrible as it could be. Rey wants the kids to have real context as they start their lessons on all creatures that live in the oceans. Bea is particularly excited about the section on whales and dolphins and listens with more rapt attention than any lesson so far. 

The aquarium is the clear choice. They manage to set up a tour with the larger of the two aquariums nearby. Rey assures him this is mostly because Luke has a weird way of influencing people and she had him call in to get it.

Poe texts Finn pretty regularly. At one point his phone gets stolen by a coworker who spends an hour texting Finn various vegetable emojis before Poe gets it back and apologizes. He works at a garage, which he or Bea must have mentioned at some point, and which explains the regularity of grease smears on his hands and cheeks and wrists.

Fall takes a rainy nose-dive into winter, and sandwiched in between indoor recess and lessons on the water cycle, there’s another memorable afternoon of singing lessons led by Poe himself. (He gives them at least a few hours notice this time.) It’s a nice break from the board games. They’re starting to make the kids antsy.

By the time field trip day has arrived (Bea is only allowed to go because Poe drops off the signed form the day before) the weather has cleared a bit. It’s nippy and cold and Poe shows up bright and early with a violently orange scarf tossed around his neck, red-cheeked as their breath steams into the cold air.

“Chaperone Poe, reporting for duty,” he salutes Finn as soon as he sees him, grinning. “Morning.”

Finn snaps a salute back, heels together and fingers perfectly straight. “Morning. Glad you’re here. I was a little afraid you’d be late.”

Poe eyes his form until he drops it, whistling low and impressed. “Wouldn’t dare. Are you actually military? My mom didn’t even salute that straight.”

“Uh… kind of?” Finn says, embarrassment warming his cheeks. “ROTC. I still go, half of the year.” Poe looks even more impressed at that, grinning under his ridiculous scarf.

“Awesome. What branch?”

“Marines,” Finn says, looking past Poe at the kids getting out of their parent’s cars. The buses haven’t arrived yet to save him from telling Poe about the army or the Marines or the one time he was called to duty, halfway through his junior year. But he can’t help adding, “I’m not all squishy elementary teacher under the Big Bird shirts.”

Poe’s smile widens, his eyes sliding down Finn’s coat and back to his face. He bites at his lip, grins wide enough to make his nose wrinkle, and says, quiet, “Yeah, I can tell. When’d you join up?”

Heat floods Finn’s face and shoots down into his gut. It takes him a second to find his tongue. “The day I turned 18. I, uh, needed it. To pay for college.”

“Wish I’d’ve thought of that, that’s a great idea.” Poe says cheerfully, still watching him. The kids are starting to get antsy around them, huddling close like tiny penguins to keep warm. Finn brushes past him with a soft apology and waves the kids in to count them. It’s just the last bus that’s missing. Finn ushers them onto the bus that Rey generously volunteered to drive. She doesn’t trust Finn behind the wheel with a bus full of kids. Finn doesn’t disagree.

When they’re all finally on board and the last batch have arrived, Finn drops into the seat next to Poe with a groan. He drops his head back against the seat. “And it hasn’t even begun.”

Poe nudges him in the side. “C’mon, seems like the hard part’s over.” Bea is, for once, ensconced in a seat with her new best friend Ilia, talking excitedly about Pokemon, and not trying to wedge in next to her dad. 

“You have no idea,” Finn drags his hands over his face. “It’s like herding cats. And one always manages to get lost.”

“That’s what I’m here for. Keep any of ‘em from wandering off.”

Finn turns his head on the seat and grins tiredly at him. “Is that really why we hired you?”

“Yup,” Poe smiles at him. “I’m the best there is. Kept up with Bea for eight years. Even Snap’s terror twins are no match for me.”

Finn’s eyes flick over his face, dropping to his lips, then back to his eyes. It’d be so easy, leaning over the foot gap between them to press their lips together. Poe’s lips look chapped, skin broken where he bites them. 

He realizes a minute later that he never responded, but Poe is still looking at him, meeting his eyes. “Glad we have you then.” Finn finally says and drags his eyes away from his face, staring instead at the back of Rey’s head in the driver’s seat. The morning light drifts softly into the bus, making even the excited chatter of the kids seem soft and quiet. Poe smiles the whole way there, despite how tired he looks.

The aquarium itself is a massive white stone building with mosaics of fish pressed into the cement. Rey makes the class and Finn and Poe pose for a picture, then charms a few other guests into taking a few with her in them. 

“To remember,” she tells Finn, pressing her arm against his as Poe herds the last of the kids inside with promises of ‘really awesome fish, c’mon.’ 

“I’ll always remember,” Finn says, like he always does, and wraps an arm around her waist. 

“There was this one when Bea was in first grade, in the district over,” Poe tells him, walking near the back of the trailing group of kids with Finn to make sure no one wanders off, “they tried to take them to the beach to look in tide pools. Half the class was sick and went anyway, and then the beach was closed because of some algae bloom making it toxic, and then a thunderstorm opened up overhead. Pretty miserable. Poor Bea had a cold for a week.” 

“God,” Finn laughs, far more fascinated than the story warrants. There’s something in the way Poe tells it, invested in every detail, that hooks him. He only feels slightly guilty for not paying attention to the tour guide. “That’s horrible. I think that worse than my worst. Thought I had it bad. I went to a pretty bad school through, well, always. One teacher’s brilliant idea was to take us to the local police station to hear all about law enforcement. I think she thought it’d inspire us to be good citizens. But she didn’t know that she was on a gang-associated list and got busted right there, in front of the whole class. I think she’s still in prison.”

“Holy shit,” Poe says almost loud enough for the kids to hear him. He bites his lip, staring wide-eyed at Finn. “Did you—how _old_ were you?”

“15,” Finn sways closer to him, a smiles stretching his lips. It’s barely left since he and Poe started talking at the back of the herd of children. “To her credit, it definitely made us not want to get arrested.”

Poe whistles. “The long con. That was her plan all along, I bet. Where were you? Around here?”

“Mos Eisley,” Finn says, wrinkling his nose. “Got out of there as fast as I could.” 

“Yeah,” Poe says, soft. “I would’ve. Did you wear your sweater-vests back then, too?”

Finn shoots him a glare, but it breaks in a second, leaving a laugh. “No. I would have gotten pummeled. Sweater-vests are from college when I wanted to look smart and non-threatening.”

Poe snickers at that, nudging at his shoulder. “Can you ever actually look threatening? I don’t believe that.”

“You didn’t know me in high school,” Finn mutters ominously. Poe smiles sweetly at him.

“Would you have kicked my butt? I _was_ a band geek. Also on the cheer and the lacrosse team, but band first.”

“You were a cheerleader,” Finn says blandly and looks at him, eyes skating over his body. He’s the right build for it and Finn can only imagine how lithe he was as a teenager, as small and compact as he is now. “I could’ve. I wouldn’t’ve. Unless you tried anything on me first.”

“Base of the pyramid, thanks,” Poe laughs as he throws one arm up like he’s holding a pom-pom. “Wasn’t a trendsetter or anything. There were a bunch of guys on the cheer team. It was actually mostly guys.”

“I wish I went to your school,” Finn grins and nudges his hand back down. His fingers linger longer than they should. 

Poe shakes his head. He doesn’t quite move his hand away from Finn’s, and sways a little closer, maybe. Neither of them is paying attention to the tour anymore. “Wasn’t that bad,” he says quietly, smiling. “Sounds better’n yours. I hope Bea gets into a better one.”

“She will. She’s a smart kid, and she has you. Having a parent who cares really helps,” Finn nudges his fingers, his breath tight in his chest.

For a split second, Poe’s jaw goes tight. “Yeah,” he bites out, then laughs small and skittering and says with a tiny smile. “You say that, this’ll be the day they’re doing shark demonstrations and she’ll get eaten. She has a talent for trouble.” He doesn’t quite meet Finn’s eyes.

Finn drops a hand onto Poe’s shoulder and squeezes tight. It feels like Poe’s pain is his in that moment and he wants to hold Poe against him and reassure him that nothing will happen to him or his kid. “Just your luck, huh? Don’t worry, no sharks. I hate them.”

“ _What_ ,” Poe whirls on him all at once, eyes wide. His strange mood is gone just like that. “You can’t hate sharks. No way.”

“They’re freaky,” Finn wrinkles his nose. “Those giant teeth and those beady eyes. Ugh.” He shivers.

Poe grabs his elbow, eyes still very wide and very serious. “Nope. I’m not gonna stand for this. Didn’t you ever watch Shark Week?”

Finn shudders, but only partially out of fear. Poe’s hand is on him, touching his skin. His skin is so pale compared to Finn’s, a honey tan and Finn wants to kiss the back of his hand and drags his lips up Poe’s wrist. 

“No. God no,” he murmurs, forcing his eyes back to Poe’s. They only hesitate for a moment on his lips. “Sharks are terrible.”

Poe bites his lip, staring at Finn for a few silent seconds. The kids and Rey are starting to get on without them. “Will Rey mind if I steal you for fifteen minutes?”

Rey is almost as enraptured with the tour as the class is. She keeps glancing back at Finn when the guide mentions something about the volume of the oceans or the sheer biodiversity in them, like she can’t quite believe there’s that much life on the whole planet. 

Finn blinks rapidly, then glances over at her. “I should tell her."

Poe beams and lets him go only to wave up at Rey. “Miss Rey, I need to steal Finn for a bit! We’ll catch up!”

Rey half-turns to blink between them. Her brows drift slowly into her hair. “Why?”

“Gonna scout out someplace to go after the tour,” Poe replies cheerfully, already half-tugging Finn toward another hallway.

Rey meets Finn’s eyes for a moment, questioning, and then smiles. “If you’re late I’ll leave without you!”

“Where are we going?” Finn asks, staring down at Poe’s fingers curled around his arm.

“Shark tube.”

“What? No!” Finn tries to yank his arm out of Poe’s grip, face contorting into something between exasperation and fear. Poe almost lets go, but Finn hesitates at the last second. He doesn’t want Poe to let go, but he sure as hell doesn’t want to go to the shark tube. “No. Poe. No, come on!”

Poe grins sunnily over his shoulder, curling his fingers tighter. “C’mon, you’ll be fine. There’s foot-thick glass and me between you and any sharks.”

“You’ll punch a shark for me?” Finn asks, just this side of a joke when his voice goes a little too high.

“Right in the nose, buddy,” Poe winks at him and steers him to the right, into a blue-lit hallway lined with shallow-sea creatures colorful in their tanks. “Scout’s Honor. No sharks will come anywhere near you.”

“You were an eagle scout, weren’t you,” Finn mutters and follows too-closely behind him. He’s taller than Poe, and he can see the perfect disarray of his curls, the way the blue light hits them as they pass through the halls. 

“Oh yeah,” Poe is saying, laughter still in his voice. “Once I was in the States, anyway. I forgot basically everything I learned. Except about shark-punching. You really hate sharks?”

Finn nods, his cheeks hot. Hopefully that doesn’t seem too stupid to Poe. “I really, really do.”

“Lemme guess,” Poe falls back next to him again, now that Finn’s actually following, “you saw Jaws when you were really small and it ruined you forever?”

“Typical, isn’t it,” Finn grimaces. The story is a little more dramatic than that: one of his foster-brothers convinced him that it was a documentary on dental hygiene. At the time, Finn wanted to be a dentist and was extremely excited to sit down and watch it. But then his brother force-fed him cola and candy and sat on him when he protested the movie. When the shark snapped that girl in half, Finn was near tears.

Snickering, Poe squeezes his elbow before dropping his arm. A chill creeps over Finn’s skin where his hand had been. “Little bit. I was scared of the bathtub for two weeks after I saw it. Thought the shark was gonna come up out of the drain.”

Finn nearly asks him to keep holding his hand, but then he realizes that he’ll sound like one of his students and he presses his lips shut. There’s no one else in this section of the aquarium, not on a Tuesday morning. It’s just Finn and Poe and the soft blue light. They could be in another world completely, one for just the two of them, with no responsibilities, no boundaries between them. A turtle swims lazily alongside them for a few feet, making Poe laugh until it dives away to chase after something. 

“When I was a kid, I used to spend tons of time in the water.” The tunnel looms up dark at the end of the walk, but Poe’s slowed down, possibly to give Finn time to mentally prepare. “Thought I could talk to the fish for a little while.”

“Did they talk back?” Finn asks. He walks close to Poe, nearly touching. Poe’s hands swing a bit as his sides. His knuckles brush Finn’s every now and then, soft and electric.

“Not even a little bit. You ready for this?”

“No,” Finn mutters. After a deep breath, he grabs Poe’s hand, not looking at him. Better not to see his face. “Let’s go.” 

He can hear Poe’s inhale, fingers twitching in Finn’s hand.

There are sharks _everywhere_. In between schools of fish, wheeling this way and that with silvery sides, darting over their heads. One giant shark lounges near the bottom, water-distorted and murky, and three small striped ones dart along the wall, leaving bubbles in their wake. One of them is definitely watching Finn from the shadows of an overhanging rock.

“Oh God,” Finn mutters, shifting closer to Poe. His eyes skitter over the creatures swimming peacefully through the water, not landing on any of them for too long. “This is horrible. They’re. It’s staring at me.”

“It is not!" Poe turns to look at the shark lurking in the shadows. “Oh. It is staring at you, huh.” He immediately starts dragging Finn toward it.

“Poe!” Finn protests, but he doesn’t struggle beyond that. Poe’s hand is warm and solid around his. “Better be ready to punch it. Looks vicious.”

“I’ll protect you, buddy,” Poe laughs. He doesn’t protest Finn pressing close when they stop in front of the glass, and squeezes his hand reassuringly. “Besides, this one’s a nurse shark. They’re tame as hell. You could probably pet it.”

“You’re crazy,” Finn mutters, but the shark is actually kind of cute. Its eyes are less beady and more calm. He doesn’t move away from Poe, however, instead pressing against his side, fingers tight around his. Poe wriggles his fingers in front of the glass, carefully not touching it, and laughs when the shark bumps its nose up trying to get to them. 

“Don’t antagonize the sharks,” Finn pleads, falling back a pace to keep Poe in front of him.

“It’s playing,” Poe protests, snickering. The shark is still trying to follow his hand. It looks kind of like a puppy this way. A very pointy, large-eyed puppy, but it’s definitely swimming after Poe’s fingers and nosing against the glass curiously. “She’s cute.”

“She is not cute,” Finn follows her, and despite his words, a small smile quirks his lips. Another nurse shark swims up alongside her so fast that her nose bumps on the glass. A dull thud echoes around them and Poe bursts into laughter, shoving one hand over his mouth so he doesn’t break the quiet. Finn’s eyes are on him instead of the sharks. He fixes his grip on Poe’s hand, knitting their fingers tighter together. The soft blue light plays over Poe’s face and Finn is fascinated with the laugh lines by his eyes, the tiny scar on his cheek, the muscles of his jaw. 

Poe is quiet as they make their way through the rest of the tunnel. Their fingers are still twined firmly together and Poe’s not making any attempt to remove them even when they come to the end. He does glance up at Finn with a strange, soft expression, smiling. “Not so bad, huh? No sharks tried to kill you.”

Finn laughs, quiet and easy, “I know that. Doesn’t mean I have to like them.”

“But shark tube wasn’t that bad,” Poe insists, eyes bright in the gloom. 

“No, not too bad,” Finn smiles and shifts closer to him unconsciously until there’s barely a few inches between them. Poe is magnetic, pulling him in and keeping him there. He barely feels like he can breath, the air between them thick and hot. For a second he wants to say screw it and kiss Poe against his better judgment.

Instead he says, a little strained, “thanks.”

“Yeah,” Poe murmurs. His voice is strange and low, quiet under the hum of the aquarium around them. “We should probably get back to Rey. Make sure they haven’t mutinied and killed her.”

Finn blinks, then looks around quickly. “Shit. I forgot.” he flushes and tugs on Poe’s hand to drag him back toward the class, and away from the shark tube. Laughing, entirely unhelpful, Poe jogs up by his side.

Rey has not actually been overthrown when they find her again. In fact, all the kids are quiet and still listening raptly to the tour guide’s explanation of deepwater fish species. It’s a minor miracle, as far as Finn is concerned. Smiling, Poe drags Finn to the back of the group and waves at Rey when she glances over at them, one eyebrow raised. Finn squeezes his hand, loathed to let go even if Rey, and probably Bea, will question him about it later.

“That went well,” Finn says, stretching out his arms when they’ve sent the kids off to their respective buses home. It’s only the four of them left: Finn, Poe, Bea, and Rey, who's diligently writing down her mileage and gas consumption in the front seat. The afternoon sun stretches lazy fingers over her.

Poe sprawls in his seat, Bea tugging on his arm. “Dad, come _on_ , get up!”

“I can’t, baby; I’m dead.”

Bea whirls, still giggling, and reaches out for Finn instead. “Make him get up!”

“I can’t,” Finn says, leaning over the seat back to loom over him. He pokes Poe in the stomach. “He’s dead.”

“See, even Mr. Finn knows I’m dead,” Poe peeks over the top of his arm at them, eyes bright with laughter. “I guess you’ll have to go be a wild child now, Bea. Survive in the woods. Think you can do it?”

“No!” Bea half-laughs, half-shrieks. “You can’t be dead! You’re _talking_!” She looks at Finn to prove her point, eyes wide and beseeching. “Dead people don’t talk!”

“He might be a ghost. Or a zombie,” Finn says in a tone like an archeologist speculating on a new find. “What do you think, Poe? Ghost or zombie?”

“Zombie, definitely,” Poe says immediately, removing his arm to grin up at Bea. “I want your brain,” he drawls out, slow and halting, and reaches up to grab her. Bea shrieks again, wriggles out of his hold, and dives into the aisle to scramble into Finn’s seat. Finn crosses his arms over his chest, grinning down at Poe.

“You might be able to punch sharks, but I dunno if you can take me.”

Poe quirks an eyebrow at him. “I’m a zombie. _You_ are a mere human. I could take you.”

Finn grins broadly, muscles flexing under his T-shirt. “Yeah? I have a princess to protect.”

Poe’s lips part silently with a soft intake of breath like he’s going to say something. For a second, though, he just looks up at Finn and blinks, eyes round. His eyes flick from Finn’s face down to his t-shirt—covered in little cartoon fish, because why teach elementary and not capitalize on it—and back up to his face. His ears are pink. “Uh,” he says, then shakes his head and grins, shoving himself up onto his elbow. “Well, I have… her brains to eat, so I definitely. You know. Have a higher stake in this.”

“I’ll never let you do that,” Finn reaches back for Bea’s hand. “The princess and her knight are going to defeat you.” Bea’s tiny fingers curl into his.

“Yeah! And the princess knows karate!” It’s all the warning Poe gets before Bea pounces, trying to wrestle him into submission.

Poe is still panting and laughing a bit as Bea throws her arms up in victory. He glances up at Finn red-cheeked and grinning and says, “Traitor.”

He shrugs easily and holds out a hand for Poe. “Princesses before zombies. That’s the rule. Sorry.”

“Oh yeah, that’s the rule now?” Poe shoots back, easy, and curls his hand around Finn’s wrist to let himself be tugged up. “Guess Bea-bea’s the real traitor here. Turned on her own father.” He grins down at Bea and ruffles her hair until she whines at him to stop. “You ready to go home, _mija_?”

She nods. “Yup. Don’t forget to invite Mr. Finn over for dinner again!”

Poe’s ears go pink. He’s still holding Finn’s wrist, and lets go with a sheepish little smile. “Uh—yeah. Thanks, baby.”

“I’d love to,” Finn says without waiting for the question. He smiles, hand following Poe’s to brush across his knuckles. “What day?”

Poe smiles at him. There’s something grateful in it, and the way he shifts a little toward Finn. “Saturday again? Gotta prove I’m not completely useless.”

“Not gonna blow anything up?” Finn says with a significant look at Bea, who returns it with a roll of her eyes.

Poe’s laughter is easy. “That I can’t promise. Try my hardest not to singe your eyebrows off.”

“Good,” Finn reaches up to cover them. “I like them where they are, thanks.”

“No promises,” Poe reminds him, then takes Bea’s hand absently as she slips it into his. “Ready to go?” She nods a few times. 

“Thanks for taking us on the field trip, Mr. Finn,” she recites politely. Clearly she and Poe have been working on this. “It was really nice and I had lots of fun learning about fish.”

Poe laughs. “Perfect, very polite. Thanks, buddy. I’ll. Uh. See you Saturday.”

“See you,” Finn says. His heart swells and he feels dizzy enough that once Poe is off the bus he collapses into a seat, leaning his head on the seat in front of him. “Fuck.”

“Again?” Rey’s voice comes dry from the front. Finn doesn’t raise his head, only peeking his eyes through his fingers. Rey glances out the windows, watching Poe with Bea at his side, her eyebrows raised carefully.

She looks mostly non-judgmental when she comes over next to him to tug at his arm. In fact, she’s grinning a bit. “Come on, get up. We’ve still got to file everything.” Peering down at him, she tugs one more time. “Dinner?”

“Shut up,” Finn mutters. She knows now. It can’t hurt to ask: “he’s hot, right? I’m not just crazy.” Rey hums, absently gathering together her papers.

“A little,” she finally says, smiling softly at him. The light glances off her face. She squints into it and nudges at his leg with her foot. “But he is your type. Get up.”

Finn groans and turns his face into his arm. “He is. And he’s so nice. How can anyone be that nice?”

“You’re that nice,” Rey points out, and yanks on his arm with her surprising strength. “Except to me.”

“I am totally nice to you,” Finn shoots back. He hauls himself up and wraps his arms around her waist, head resting on her shoulder. Rey’s weird about touch from other adults. She’s alright with the kids clambering over her for the most part. Finn’s known her so long that he’s some kind of exception. Rey ignores him except the slight tilt of her head against his.

“He’s a parent,” she reminds him quietly after a second. “You really like him?”

“I do,” Finn confirms with a sigh. “I know I shouldn’t. But he’s into it too. I think. Is it still bad?”

Rey shakes her head. “I don’t know. I mean, I don’t think. It wouldn’t be against any rules, right? And we only have Bea for this year. He was holding your hand.”

“I made him do that,” Finn laughs, hugging her tighter. “He took me to the shark tube.”

“The what,” Rey turns in his arms, eyebrows up. “The tunnel? In the aquarium?”

“Yeah. That’s where we went. I told him that I hate sharks,” he wrinkles his nose, hands dropping to her hips. “I might have exaggerated a little.”

Rey grins and shoves her way free. “To get him to hold your hand! Shameless.”

Finn holds up his hands with a grin. “It worked.”

“Shameless,” Rey repeats, laughing. She moves toward the doors and hops down off the top step with the smooth grace that comes with having done some form of martial art for most of her life. Finn watches her for a minute, then follows to file the rest of their paperwork for tomorrow.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There'll be a bit of a pause in the super-frequent updates while we get the rest of the content down, but this thing is nearly done! Thank you all so much for enjoying this and for all your awesome comments :)
> 
> As always, come hang out with dreamfleet on [tumblr](http://dreamfleet.tumblr.com/)!


	4. This is Definitely a Date

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Bea prefers permanent markers,” Finn says airily. “And the gluten-free craze is killing macaroni art.”

The rest of the week is a blur of excitement and nerves,  with  Finn anxiously waiting for what he can only call a date. He shows up at Poe’s door with a bottle of wine and a pizza coupon in his pocket just in case. 

Poe doesn’t answer him right away. He’s apologetic when he tugs open the door with Bea at his heels bouncing excitedly, even though she just saw Finn yesterday. 

“So I actually bought ingredients this time,” he tells Finn on the way to the kitchen, after thanking him effusively for the wine and stealing it out of his hands with a brush of fingers and a promise of a grape juice analog for Bea. “ _And_ there’s pasta already made, if you wanna help me with the sauce.”

“Sure,” Finn grins, the anxiousness of the last few days lifting at Poe’s easy smile and Bea’s insistent chatter.  This house is already feeling more like home than his own drab apartment.  “And nothing’s burnt yet?”

“I should probably be offended,” Poe muses as he shoves the wine onto the counter somewhere and turns to present the stove. “Behold: pasta that is only slightly overcooked, and  _not_ burnt. Hold your applause, please.”

Instead of clapping, Finn just laughs, a hand on Bea’s shoulder who's decided to hug him firmly around the middle. Her face presses into his stomach. “Smells great. What can I do?”

Poe presents him with a cutting board full of ground beef. “I can handle a few veggies.”

Finn snorts and takes it. The urge to kiss Poe is incredibly powerful, but his daughter is still attached to Finn and he doesn’t want to overstep anything— 

Even though Poe is looking at him with bright, excited eyes and his lips are full and parted and Finn’s eyes are stuck there for a second. Poe sucks in a tiny breath, barely there, and takes half a step toward Finn.

Bea, of course, takes that second to unlatch from Finn and tug on his wrist instead. “I have to go catch a Pikachu.” she informs him seriously. Poe’s eyes flick to her like lightning. “So don’t eat without me, okay?”

If they were in school, Finn would ask her to tell him about it, but right now he’s grateful that she wants to leave. “Go get her for me,” Finn says, voice tight. He flashes her a bright smile. Bea cheers and darts off to her room, calling “Don’t forget about me!” over her shoulder as she climbs the stairs.

Poe smiles softly at the doorway. “That’s a new one. ‘Don’t forget about me.’ She’s been asking that a lot lately.”

“You wouldn’t,” Finn says, standing in the middle of the kitchen with his arms feeling too big for his body, hanging like dead weights at his sides. “I won’t. I’ll make sure she knows that.”

“How could I?” Poe says, so quiet it’s almost inaudible. Bea’s footsteps echo from upstairs, her quiet chatter in a steady stream of narration falling into background noise. Poe’s laughter breaks the strange silence, and then he’s moving again, grabbing onions from a crinkly bag on the counter. “She’s on my bed at 5:30 every morning demanding breakfast. Loud voice for such a tiny person. That’s my fault.”

“That she’s loud?” Finn follows after him, opening the package of beef. “You seem… a pretty normal volume. Generally.”

“That’s because you haven’t heard me when I’m drunk or with Snap and Jess. Her mother  is  a mostly quiet mouse in comparison, believe me.”

Finn’s eyes flick over to him, mouth opening, but then he snaps it shut. They’re not that close. Not yet. “Well, we have wine,” he says instead.

Poe laughs at that, and twirls the knife in his fingers. “You might regret bringing that—  _ow_ !” He’s cut into the onion and a little bit into his own thumb, and winces as he brings it up to his mouth. 

“Poe—” Finn reaches out for his hand, face twisting. “You okay?”

“I’m fine,” Poe mumbles around the tip of his thumb, wrinkling his nose. It’s only bleeding a bit when he tugs it free of his mouth to wave it at Finn. “Tiny cut. One time I got this giant metal splinter lodged in my arm and drove to the emergency room like that. Karé almost killed me the next day.”

“Jesus, Poe,” Finn laughs. He looks over Poe’s thumb, then pulls out his wallet. He takes out a bandaid and holds out his hand for Poe’s. “Who's Karé?”

“Wallet bandaids,” Poe shakes his head, smiling, and lets Finn wrap it around and seal it neatly. His fingers trail on Finn's as he pulls it away again. “Good idea. Bea needs ‘em all the time. Karé’s a friend. And a saint.”

Finn holds up three fingers in the Boy Scout salute. “Always prepared.” Poe bursts into surprised laughter.

“You would’ve been a Boy Scout. And you were making fun of  _me_ . When?”

“For a while,” Finn shrugs a shoulder. “Never made it to Eagle.”

“I bet you were the best Boy Scout there.” Poe flexes his thumb, watching the curl of the bandaid. “Thanks.”

“Sure,” smiling, Finn lingers with their hands together for a second before he goes back to the beef. “Maybe you shouldn’t use that knife anymore. Maybe open the wine?”

“Please. I’m not gonna be outwitted by onions."

“Well, I want wine,” Finn lifts his hands that are now covered in beef juices.

“Oh,” Poe grins, dropping the knife, “I see how it is.”

Shrugging, Finn goes back to mixing spices into the meat. “You invite me over then put me to work.”

“I’d invite you over for normal dinner but I don’t think you want unrecognizable spaghetti,” Poe’s already rummaging in the (chaotic) drawers for a corkscrew. It’s only after he’s removed half the contents of a drawer (three kitchen towels, some dead batteries, a tiny princess figurine, a sparkly sippy-cup lid, and a whole box of cheap plastic forks) that he produces one and gets to work opening the wine.

“You’re right. This is probably better,” Finn says. He stares down at the food before adding, “if you didn’t really want to do this, me to come over. Sorry I played along with Bea.”

Poe pauses in wrenching the cork out. “What? No, first of all, that was awesome, and second, of course. I was actually going to ask you. And anyway,” he pulls the cork with a satisfying pop and grins, “you can really just show up, if you want.”

“Really?” Finn glances over at him with an odd expression.

“Really,” Poe says firmly, then hesitates. “A ll my other friends do it. Don't even bother to knock half the time.” He sounds almost nervous when he says it, watching Finn closely for his reaction.

It’s a little shattering— _friends,_  like a punch instead of a word— but Finn quickly schools his face into a smile. “Glad to be counted among them.”

Poe’s grin is full of relief. “Warning though: friends means you have to put up with Jess sometimes. She's gotta come with a warning label.”

Finn laughs and shakes his head. “Alright, consider me warned. What, uh, does she do?”

“She works with me at the garage,” Poe says over his shoulder, stretching up to get wine glasses for the two of them. They’re at the top of the cabinet and he huffs, falling back onto the balls of his feet. “Damn. I really haven’t used these in a while.”

Finn can’t help but watch as his shirt rides up over his stomach, then immediately feels terrible for it and jerks his eyes away. “Here, one sec—” he rinses his hands off quickly and reaches up over Poe to grab them off the shelf . It involves a little stretching, he’s not  _that_ much taller than Poe, but he gets them down and Poe looks suitably impressed by it .

“Well now you can never leave.” He grins at Finn and nudges him out of the way to wash the glasses. Dusty as they are, he’s right about having not used them in a while. “I’m not even sure what’s up there. These cabinets are made for giants.”

“A project for another day,” Finn says. He’s still smiling, even as he starts to file away the feelings budding for Poe. Now they’re even more inappropriate. He would have kissed Poe earlier, effectively ruining this friendship. Rey tells him that he needs friends more than he needs a boyfriend. Closing his eyes for a second, he re-categorizes holding Poe’s hand to friendship instead of what he’d hoped. 

Poe doesn’t cut himself again prepping dinner, though he takes it easy on the wine until  _after_ he’s finished with the vegetables and shoved them all into a pan to cook, with a pointed wiggle of his bandaged thumb. It actually looks pretty good when everything’s on the table, spread out like a real meal. On a whim, Poe grabs a candle and lights it, saying something about proper dinners having candlelight with a strange look at Finn under his eyelashes.

Bea comes bolting down the stairs just as Poe goes to call her and almost bowls him over. “Calm down, baby!” He catches her by the shoulders and puts her back on the ground, smiling. “I was just calling you. Got your Pikachu alright ?”

“Yup!” She worms out of his hold to go sit by Finn at the table, clearly eager to tell him everything about her adventure just now. She barely stops talking enough to eat. Poe  has to keep  reminding her to let Finn respond at all. Finn just laughs, her excitement helping to push down whatever disappointment he’s feeling. It should be none. His expectations should have been zero: Poe is a single father with an eight-year-old who works nearly every day of the week and may not even be interested in men. But he’s kind and sweet and a good father and funny and a great singer and Finn wants to tell him exactly how wonderful he is and take care of him as well as Poe takes care of Bea.

Only he can’t. Not the way he wants to. Instead, he can be Poe’s friend. 

That should be good enough. 

Eventually, Poe sends Bea up to bed and Finn is left alone for a few minutes. He sucks in a few deep breathes, shocked at his own reaction to this. His heart pounds, echoing in his ears and he lets himself feel the disappointment crushing in his gut, a deep, painful ache. He presses his face into his hands, trying to calm down.

Poe’s playing his guitar. The sound carries Finn up from the table and into the kitchen, working mechanically in chores he’s done his entire life. The routine eases him. Soft chords with Poe’s voice under them echo down the hallway until they fade into silence. His feet creak on the stairs as he comes back down, flicking off the light behind him. “Asleep. Finally. Had to scare off some boogeymen.”

Finn smiles up at him, leaning against the counter with his glass of wine. All of the dishes are cleared away and clean. “Well good. No one can scare her now.”

“Did you—” Poe glances into the kitchen, the dishes neatly resting on a towel, and shakes his head, smiling. “You didn’t have to clean up, buddy. Thanks.”

Finn shrugs. “It’s no problem. Thanks for having me.” Poe’s smile is soft and grateful.

“Well, we still have half a bottle of wine. And cookies. Which I bought, so they won’t poison you.”

Finn laughs and takes a sip. “Is that another thing I should teach you? I make a mean chocolate chip.”

“ _Please_ teach me that,” Poe breathes, eyes widening. “But don’t tell Bea- Bea or she might never leave you alone. Hell, I might never leave you alone.”

Finn only barely suppresses a shudder at the fervor in his voice. “I’ll bring you some next time. Tell Bea they’re from the cookie-fairy.”

Poe laughs around the mouth of his glass. “Only if you leave a little glittery note with them. I know you can do glitter. I’ve seen it.” 

“I teach third grade,” Finn retorts, “glitter is our main  form of art.”

“Bea hasn’t brought me a single piece of glittery macaroni art,” Poe quirks a brow at him. “What kind of third-grade teacher doesn’t assign glittery macaroni art? C’mon, man. Step up your game.”

“Bea prefers permanent markers,” Finn says airily. “And the gluten-free craz e is killing macaroni art.”

Poe bursts into laughter so quickly he has to shove his hand over his mouth to keep from waking Bea up. His shoulders shake with with and his eyes are sparkling over his hands. “Oh my god, Finn.”

Grinning broadly, Finn toasts him with his glass. “It’s a lost medium. And your kid is a menace with permanent marker. She gave me a tattoo once. Without permission.”

“I believe it.” Poe rolls his eyes as their glasses clink. “I’ve been her favorite canvas since she could hold a pen. I think I have a zombie on me right now.”

“Yeah? Where?” Finn grins , then kicks himself mentally for asking. Instead of answering, naturally, Poe tugs his shirt up and the hem of his pants down so Finn can see his abs, tattooed in green and black Sharpie with something that is apparently a zombie. Finn swallows around a lump in his throat. Poe’s abs are perfect, hard and taut under his tan skin and Finn is again overcome with the need to run his tongue over Poe’s muscles. He mentally kicks himself and forcibly admires the art instead of the spectacular canvas.

“Did she get you when you were asleep?” He asks, voice tight.

“How’d you know?” Poe mercifully drops his shirt again, grinning at Finn. “I don’t really stop her. What if it’s her calling?”

“It could be,” Finn nods, “my Superman was pretty good.”

“See, exactly, and who am I to discourage a possible lucrative career tattooing unwilling people in their sleep? Or,” his eyes flicker quickly over Finn, “how did she even get you?”

“I was helping a kid wash paint off her hands. Bea got my calf,” Finn shakes his head, glad he can breathe again with Poe’s skin mostly covered up.

“A Bea Dameron original,” Poe laughs. “Take a picture for when she’s famous.”

“I think I did,” Finn tugs out his phone, ignoring the three texts from Rey encouraging him on his ‘date.’ He regrets telling her what he thought it was. “Uh… here,” he finds it and turns the phone to Poe, showing his calf under coral shorts and over high tops with a drawing of Superman flying up his leg.

“What, that’s great, lemme see—" Poe leans over the table to peer at it, laughing. “Nice shorts.”

“Thanks,” Finn says, but then he’s not sure if it was a compliment or not. Poe's still smiling and doesn't look like he's judging Finn's colorful clothes. “Should I have her sign it?”

Poe grins and leans back to his own side, grabbing his glass to drain it. “Hell yeah. I should probably make her stop before she starts drawing on strangers. Mostly she just adds things to my tattoo.”

“Oh! You have a real one?” Finn blinks at him, holding his glass halfway to his lips. Poe’s grin widens. 

“Yup. On my back. It’s her favorite thing to draw on.”

“What of?” He asks before he can stop himself. At least this time Poe doesn’t immediately start stripping, just leans over on his hand with his eyes on Finn.

“Plane schematics for the first F-18s. Some of the early technical drawings, on my shoulders.”

“Cool,” Finn breathes, staring at him with his lips parted. “So, planes?”

“Planes.” Poe laughs. “Got my pilot’s license. Haven’t flown in a long time, but I have it. Be cool to work with them, one day.” His voice is light when he says it, but a certain kind of wistfulness steals over his face, like this is an old dream.

“You fix cars, why not planes?” Finn offers, impressed mo r e than he can say. “Wow, I . I’ve never even been  _in_ a plane. You can fly them.”

Poe’s eyes go wide. “How’ve you never been in one?”

“I’ve never really traveled far,” Finn shrugs. “Rey’s going to take me once she gets her license.”

“Rey’s a pilot? Of course she is,” Poe laughs, answering his own question. “What  _can’t_ she do, huh?”

“Not very much,” Finn sighs, leaning on the table. “She’s pretty amazing at, well, everything.”

Poe’s smile goes strange, dimming a bit. He tosses back another bit of his wine and shakes his head. “I need to get to know her, clearly.”

“You do. How’d you get your license?” Finn asks to move the conversation back to Poe.  Poe flashes him another grin over the rim of his wine glass. His lips are flushed with it, reddish and damp.

“Y’know, for it being such a rare thing you’d think it’d be hard but it’s really just like learning to drive and getting your license that way. Only, in three dimensions, and with a lot less traffic.”

“That’s amazing,” Finn breathes, eyes bright. He can't keep his eyes off Poe: he  lights up when he talks about flying.  “What’s it like?”

Poe’s face goes soft in thought. “It’s like… when you’re up there, all your problems are back on Earth and you’re up there, up above the clouds. Like another world. It’s pretty humbling.” A tiny, wistful smile curves his mouth. “I miss it.”

“Why’d you stop?” Finn asks softly, watching his expressions change and shift in thought.

“Airfield memberships are really expensive,” Poe laughs. The humor doesn’t quite reach his eyes, and he’s about to continue, lips parted softly, when his phone starts ringing. “Uh, hang on,” he shoves himself up from the table to go grab his phone off the counter. Whatever is on the screen makes him frown, but he thumbs it to answer anyway with a quick, “Hey, you’ve reached Poe Dameron—" he doesn’t even get to finish. The person on the other end is already talking. Finn sits back in his chair and looks away, politely pretending not to hear him.

Poe glances at him and mouths a quick  _sorry_ before darting  out of  the kitchen so his voice doesn’t carry up to Bea.

“I don’t,” he says, and then stops with a small frustrated sound. “Okay, _okay_ , but it’s not that big a deal. Right? She doesn’t have any legal grounds to,” another groan, and then a thump as Poe drops his head against something. “No, of course not,” he mutters, sounding bitter. “What can I do about it now? It’s 9:30 at night. It’s not, but she has…” And then he raises his head, drags in a shaking breath, and scowls at the wall. “I’m dealing with this in the morning. Do what you can. Thanks for letting me know, yeah. Yeah.”

Poe doesn’t even say bye, just shoves the phone into his pocket and stands there for a second, staring at the wall. Then, with a long sigh, he shoves a hand through his hair and comes back to the table. “Sorry about that.”

“Everything okay?” Finn asks gently. He wants to wrap an arm around Poe and bring the happiness of just a few minutes ago back into his eyes. As friends. A friendly embrace.

Poe tosses his head back, throat working as he finishes off the last bit of wine in his glass. His face is grim when he looks at Finn again. “Not really. It’ll be… fine. Eventually.”

Finn refills his glass automatically. “Wanna talk about it? You don’t have to, but,” Poe shakes his head and picks up the glass with a small grateful smile.

“Nothing big. Bea’s mom is just being a pain in the ass.”

“Oh.” Finn says sympathetically. He’s seen it plenty of times at school: divorced or estranged parents fighting over their kids.  He’s had to call the police at least twice when fights got out of hand. “Is she involved?”

“She’s not supposed to be,” Poe mutters. “It’ll die off once she gets out of her latest phase. Just a pain while it’s happening.”

“Sorry,” Finn says and reaches out his hand before he can think better of it.  Poe curls his hand into Finn’s with a soft smile and squeezes, letting it rest there while he drinks his wine.

“Thanks,” he says eventua lly, soft eyed. Sitting there, half-slumped over the table without his usual self-assured grin, he looks tired and kind of small, with his hair drifting slowly into his eyes and curling over his ears.

“So,” Finn says after a minute of silence. “Do you want to get drunk or go to sleep? ‘Cause I can help with either.”

Poe lifts his head and grins.

They end up sprawled on Poe’s couch in the living room, after Poe checks that Bea is still out and her door is closed, while Poe flicks through Netflix with increasingly less accuracy. 

“Anything, as long as it  _isn’t_ Disney,” he proclaims after a second. He and Bea clearly don’t have separate profiles, because 90% of what Netflix is recommending is various cartoons (then again, Poe maybe just watches a lot of cartoons.) He frowns at the screen and points the remote at Finn. “Idea. Go.”

“Oh God,” Finn says, taking the remote from him with a lazy grin. “What about Die Hard?”

“ _Hell_ yes,” laughing, Poe sprawls even more into his corner of the couch and waves a hand at Finn. “Make it happen.”

Explosions and gun shots echo quietly in the living room, but Finn finds that his eyes keep straying to Poe instead of the screen. It’s more disappointing that he wants to admit. Poe’s face is so soft like this, slack from exhaustion and alcohol, tired and upset at that phone call. Finn wants to be allowed to comfort him, to drag Poe into his arms and tell him it’s going to be alright.

Instead, he tries to watch the movie and stop thinking about what could have been.

At some point, Poe drags himself onto the couch completely, curling with his legs stretched into the neutral cushion territory between them. His socked feet end up press to Finn’s calves, possibly without his notice.

From there, it’s a slow creep across the couch toward Finn. By the time most of the main cast is dead, Poe has mostly breached the neutral territory, and his legs are pressed up against Finn’s. They spend the rest of the first movie like that, and then Poe insists on watching the second one because “It’s tradition, buddy!” 

Poe drinks steadily through the second until most the bottle is gone and his ears are a bit flushed. Finn should probably stop him, but Poe assures him at one point with a cheery grin that he can out-drink Jess (apparently quite a feat.)

Then his hand curls into Finn’s shirt at a particularly tense moment and stays there, even when Poe is nodding a bit, head pillowed on the cushions behind him. Finn’s aware of every inch he moves, every breath that flutters between them and even his alcohol-dulled nerves are on edge. But Poe is initiating. He’s pressing close. Finn hasn’t moved, but to shift slightly toward him.

S lowly, his arm drops across the back of the couch, just behind Poe’s head. He doesn’t go further than that, but it feels good, like they’re close. Like they’re something.

Poe’s head is on his shoulder by the end of the second movie, a half-empty bottle of vodka from his freezer on the coffee table. He’s asleep, or nearly, and his hand is still curled into Finn’s shirt while the credits roll because he never bothered to move it. Finn watches the names slide across the screen without seeing them. His arm is around Poe’s shoulders and it feels so much like it’s real. For just a few minutes, he lets himself believe that  it is, that he’s holding Poe close, offering whatever comfort this can give him.

The silence must jar Poe awake, because when the movie stops and Netflix flickers to whatever it thinks they’ll like next, he groans, half-sitting up. “’S’it over?”

“Yeah,” Finn breathes, loosening his arm around Poe’s shoulders. “You missed him dying.”

“Damn. Best part of the movie,” Poe shoves himself up with one unsteady hand, still leaning warmly into Finn’s space. He realizes where he is a second later and blinks, pulling back to peer at Finn through the blueish light. “Did I, uh. Did I pass out on you?”

“Yeah,” Finn says weakly. He doesn’t move, too invested in the heat of Poe’s body. “That’s okay. Really.” Poe’s face is definitely red when he pushes himself completely up.

“No, I , shit. Sorry about that. Thanks for being my pillow.”

“I’ve been told I’m pretty comfortable,” Finn says blandly.

“You really are.” Poe’s laughter is quiet, filling up the static space left by the movie. He stretches across Finn a bit to grab the TV remote. Flicking it off plunges them into darkness except for the light still filtering in the from the kitchen. Finn stays perfectly still, too aware of every place their bodies are touching. It’s hard to see Poe’s face in the dark, but he’s definitely watching Finn. Very slowly, his fingers curl tighter in Finn’s shirt, just brushing over his skin where the fabric is bunched up.

His breathing is too loud, in the darkness. 

All at once, Poe ducks his head, swallowing around something like laughter. “I, uh. Should probably get to bed. If I’m gonna deal with shit in the morning. Thanks for staying.”

“Poe,” Finn starts, reaching for him. But he drops his hand. “Yeah. Yeah. Of course. Let me know if you need... help. Moral support. Anything.”

“You’re a good guy, Finn,” Poe mumbles to the cushions with something tight at the edges of his voice.  Finn lets himself squeeze Poe’s shoulder before he stands up with a groan, stretching his arms over his head.

“I should go.”

“Oh, ”  Poe’s head jerks up suddenly, and he stops short, staring at Finn with wide eyes. For a long moment he doesn’t even finish the thought, lips parted silently. Then he shakes his head and glances up to meet Finn’s eyes. “Uh ,  don’t you need to take the bus? They still running?”

“Um…” Finn tugs out his phone and grimaces. It’s  1:30  am. “No. They’re not. Sorry. Can I stay? They start again at 4:30."

“You are not leaving here at 4:30,” Poe snorts. “No, no, stay, definitely. Besides,” he grins, suddenly, and looks more like he did at the beginning of the evening, smiling and pleased with himself, “I need to prove myself. I make killer pancakes.”

Finn laughs, soft and short, and nods. “Thanks. I really… thanks.”

Poe smiles softly at him and nudges his arm. “You can take my bed, if you want. I was ready to fall asleep on the couch anyway.” 

“No, c’mon,” Finn holds out a hand for him. “Let’s get you upstairs.” Poe looks at him from under his lashes, standing a little unsteadily before he takes Finn’s hand with a soft smile and lets himself be tugged forward.

Finn drops onto Poe’s bed, glancing around the room while Poe brushes his teeth. He gave Finn some pajamas that are too small for him and so short that he’s flushed just thinking about wearing them.

The whole room looks like Poe. Plane schematics are tacked all over the walls in no discernible pattern, pasted over with a few drawings definitely made by Bea’s hand, and there are a honest-to-god actual glow stars on his ceiling in the shape of what might be a constellation. His guitar rests haphazard against the wall by the bed.

Between the five blankets draped across the bed and the assortment of random crap strewn across the top of his dresser—several plane figurines; a globe with little pins tacked into Russia, Indonesia, Guatemala, and Brazil; a few pictures of him and Bea at various stages in Bea’s life; a few with a group of people laughing around him—it looks like it should be a chaotic mess. Mostly it just looks lived-in and well loved. A half-drunk mug of coffee rests on the nightstand beside Finn, reading WORLD’S  ~~BEST~~ “dummest” DAD half in print and half in Bea’s scrawling sharpie.

There are conspicuously no pictures with any kind of mother figure in them, though there are two frames on the wall with photos of kind-looking older people who both look a lot like Poe.

Also, his bed is enormous. The entire thing is mussed like Poe sleeps in all of it at once. He probably does.

Poe emerges again with his face damp, in a soft t-shirt with some slogan on it and pants that cling to his legs as he moves. “All yours, buddy. There’s like, six spare toothbrushes on the counter for you.”

“I don’t think I need six,” Finn says skeptically.

“Bea loses a toothbrush a week,” Poe mumbles, dry and only a little uneven, which is impressive considering how much of the bottle he’d finished by himself. “Better to be prepared, right?” He holds the Boy Scout salute back up at Finn, bandaged thumb and all, with a cheeky grin.

Finn snorts a laugh. “Right. Thanks again.” He gets up, brushing past Poe, taking a little longer than he needs to, on his way into the bathroom. Poe’s breath catches as Finn moves past him, and he makes a move like he’s going to turn or something, but he ambles over to the bed instead to start collecting blankets. 

“Gonna go make up your bed. You sure you don’t want this one?”

“I’m sure,” Finn smiles before shutting himself into the bathroom. He drops down onto the toilet with his face in his hands.  Poe hums snatches of something to himself outside, gathering things up and banging into the wall once with a muttered  _Fuck_ , and then he’s creaking very slowly down the stairs to set up the couch for Finn.

It’s like a physical relief when Finn can no longer hear him. His presence feels like a weight on Finn’s shoulders, like a smothering blanket. He sinks down to the floor, clutching Poe’s clothes to his chest. If he were a teenager, it wouldn’t be any harder than it is now to try and not be infatuated with Poe. He’s perfect: everything Finn wants in a guy all wrapped up on one tanned, tattooed, father of one of his students.

Poe's pajamas smell like him: a little motor oil, a little soap, a little cinnamon. 

His mouth was so red from the wine.

Finn will be ashamed of it tomorrow, but now he’s inebriated enough to slide his hand around his cock, imaging that Poe is here with him instead of downstairs making the couch up for him. His feet curl on the cold linoleum. It’s too quick. He comes into his hand on the floor of Poe’s bathroom with Poe’s clothes pressed to his face.

Finn wakes up to the smell of pancakes. Groaning, he stretches out on the too-short couch, his back aching from the night spent on the squishy cushions.

“Oh my God,” he mutters, pushing himself up blearily. Head aching, he tugs down the tiny shorts, his neon pink boxers briefs poking out the bottom. Leaning on the doorway to the kitchen, he says, “that smells amazing.”

Poe twists around from the stove, grinning brightly over his shoulder. The sun glances off his hair, bringing out the brown in it. Something sizzles on the stove but Poe ignores it in favor of leaning on the stove to smile at him. “Morning, sunshine,” 

“Hey,” Finn smiles back, tugging on his shorts. Last night is fresh in his mind. He swallows, fighting down the images of Poe with wine-flushed lips, watching him. “Bacon and pancakes?” Poe’s eyes flicker over him at the movement.

The tips of his ears are red when he whips back around to the stove. “Uh , c’mon, sit down, I have coffee on too. You sleep okay?”

“Yeah,” Finn says with a smile. He drops down at the small table and runs a hand through his hair. “You?”

Poe waves his spatula. “I’ve been better. You made me drink water. Thanks. You’re awesome.” 

Finn shakes his head vigorously, and regrets it. He didn’t drink as much as Poe, but it was still enough. “I got you drunk in the first place.”

“I got myself drunk,” Poe corrects brightly, “you were witness. How many d’you want?”

“A lot,” Finn says, a little sheepish. Poe just laughs, flips a pancake with preternatural grace onto a stack of three, and grabs it and a mug to bring over to Finn. 

“My clothes look ridiculous on you,” he says softly, pushing it all in front of him. “Hang on, I’ll grab syrup.”

Flushing hot enough that he’s sure that Poe can feel it, Finn takes the food without looking at him. “I… should probably put my jeans on before Bea’s up.”

“I spend most mornings in my boxers and a t-shirt,” Poe says dryly. “She’s seen worse.”

“Yeah, but,” Finn looks down at his boxer-briefs clinging to his thighs. “I’m her teacher.”

Poe seems mostly unconcerned about the fact that Finn’s in his kitchen and hanging out of too-tiny pajama shorts. He flips a few more pancakes onto a plate and covers them up to keep them warm, then comes to join Finn at the table with syrup in tow. 

After pouring a truly heinous amount of syrup on his pancakes, Poe hands it over to Finn and smiles. “Thanks again for last night, buddy. I haven’t been able to do that for… a really long time. Meant a lot.”

“I, yeah. No problem,” Finn smiles at him, his heart jumping into his throat. “It was fun.”

“It was, right?” Poe’s managing to talk around a massive bite of pancakes. A bit of syrup gleams at the corner of his mouth. “Good movie choice. Wine made it better.”

“Yeah,” Finn snorts a laugh. “You’re real classy, Poe.”

“I’m going to take that as the sincere and honest compliment it was meant to be,” Poe drops another forkful of pancakes in his mouth with a snap to prove his point, and grins chipmunk-cheeked around them.

Shaking his head, Finn finally sets about eating his own pancakes. As soon as a bite is in his mouth, he moans, low and long, then glances up at Poe. “These are amazing.”

Poe makes a weird little noise in his throat like he’s choking on his pancakes . He ignores the look of concern and laughs instead, a little breathless. “Yeah? They’re, uh, spiced. Cinnamon. And the one, nutmeg. Yeah.”

“Well, it’s really good,” Finn grins at him, then digs in with a new fervor.

“Damn.” Poe says when Finn has finished. Half of Poe’s own pancakes are still left on his plate. His eyes are sparkling with amusement as he looks between Finn’s empty plate and him, grin curling sedate around the edges of his coffee mug. 

“Really good,” Finn says again, sitting back contentedly. “Better than my pancakes. You’ve proven yourself.”

“Not completely useless.” Poe agrees easily. “Like, 42 percent useless. Maybe 41."

“That’s still an F,” Finn reminds him. Poe snorts and settles his mug back on the table to start folding a napkin around instead.

“These pancakes have to be worth some kind of extra credit.”

“They’re how you got the points,” Finn laughs. “C’mon, no cheating the system here.”

Poe twists a bit of the napkin—it mostly looks like a mess of folds in his hands—and folds a bit more until suddenly it's a plane. He levels it at Finn. “Next weekend. French toast. You’re on.”

“I like this assignment,” Finn nods and holds his mug to his chest. “Thanks. For all this.”

“Thanks for staying over,” Poe says, soft, and tosses the tiny plane at Finn’s face with terrifying  accuracy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> maybe everything is not perfect in Poe-and-Bea Land.
> 
> we're nearing the end of the busywork for this fic, so updates should be coming pretty fast after this :)
> 
> as always, come hang out with dreamfleet on [tumblr](dreamfleet.tumblr.com)


	5. Rainbow Sprinkles

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Don’t want you to freeze to death,” Poe says quietly, offering a quick smile.

“Change of plans,” Poe tells him apologetically when Finn shows up at his door the next Saturday with the promise of french toast still on his phone. “We’re heading to the park, if you wanna come with.”

“I don’t  _want_ to go to the park!” Bea shouts from inside the house. She sounds grumpy. Poe looks exhausted. His smile strains as he twists to let Finn in.

“It’s a nice day; we won’t be able to go for much longer before winter really kicks up!”

“It’s cold,” Bea’s head appears around the living room door, a hat shoved down over her curls. “I don’t wanna do anything.”

Poe just sighs and shoves his hand into his hair. “Well, we’re going to the park.”

“I’d love to go with you guys,” Finn says automatically. He clutches his bag, containing another bottle of wine.

Poe beams at him like Finn just told him he’d saved his dog. It makes him look a little less tired. “Bea, go put on your boots!” he calls. Bea shouts “No!” back without missing a beat and stomps up the stairs to her room. The door slams loud enough to echo.

“She’s been driving me crazy all morning,” Poe mumbles in a low voice, just for Finn.

“Want me to try?” Finn asks, setting the bag down carefully by the door. He’s almost relieved. Being outside, with children, means not being alone with Poe, which is becoming more and more unbearable.

Poe shoots him a grateful look. “Give it a shot.”

Finn takes a breath and heads into Poe’s house. He glances back once on his way up the stairs. Poe’s staring into the kitchen, frowning hard. He looks like he’s miles away with his arms crossed tight over his chest and that faraway look in his eyes.  Finn swallows around a lump in his throat. If only he could take Poe into his arms, hold him, and help him forget whatever it is that’s bothering him.

With a deep breath, he climbs the last of the stairs and taps lightly on Bea’s closed door.

“Go away!” Bea snaps from inside. From the thumping, she’s stomping angrily around her room.

“Hey, Bea, it’s Mr. Williams,” Finn says quietly, “mind if I come in?”

The stomping stops very close to the door. “Yes,” Bea says, but then, softer, “Why?”

“I want to talk with you,” he says, taking a half-step back from the door.

“Well I don’t want to talk to you!” She snaps, close, and tugs the door open anyway to glare up at him. 

“That’s okay,” Finn nods, “can I come in?” Bea’s dark eyes lock onto his. She stares at him for a few stretching moments, then heaves a sigh way beyond her years and steps back. 

“Fine.”

“Thanks,” Finn murmurs and slips past her into the room. It’s much messier than the last time he was here, her bed unmade and her kingdoms of animal mixed up with some on the floor. He pulls the tiny chair out from her desk and sits down. Bea squints at him. She has only one sock on, and her hair is everywhere, frizzing out around her head without any clips or ties at all.

“Are you gonna try and give me a pep talk, too? Dad already  _did_ that.”

“No, I’m not,” Finn says softly, his hands on his knees. He watches her for a second, then asks, “what’s going on with you and your dad?”

Her expression twists and goes dark. It’s a weird look on Bea, who is smiling 90 percent of the time and who usually talks about Poe like he’s some kind of godly figure in her life who can do no wrong.

Apparently that isn’t the case anymore. Her lip trembles. “Nothing.”

“Hey, hey,” Finn reaches out a hand for her. It’s up to her if she wants to take it. “You don’t have to tell me. But if you want to, I’m here. I won’t tell him what you tell me.”

Bea must still believe him from his other promise, about Disney, because she curls her fingers into his hand after only a second’s hesitation. 

And still she bites her lip and waits, staring down at the floor instead of at Finn and curling her toes into the carpet.

“I don’t want to go to the park,” she finally whispers. “We’re just going ‘cause dad feels bad ‘cause we didn’t go  _last_ week and missed my soccer game and I haven’t been practicing so I can’t play anyway.”

Finn squeezes her fingers. “I’m sorry. He’s been too busy to take you, hasn’t he.” It’s not a question. Finn swallows, realizing just how selfish he’s been, trying to take up Poe’s time when clearly he needs more of it for Bea, when he probably doesn’t have time or energy for a guy who wants more than friendship with him. At least he’s making the time for Finn. Ahead of his own daughter. Finn slides his knees onto the floor and pulls Bea in for a loose hug.

She goes easily, small as she is, and wraps her arms fiercely around him as far as she can get with her face shoved into his shoulder.

“Yeah,” she mumbles into his shirt. Her voice shakes. “He never has time anymore and last night he didn’t tell me bedtime stories and this morning he jus’ kept being  _mean_ ‘cause I didn’t want cereal for breakfast.”

Finn holds her tightly, petting gently down her back. His gut twists. She reminds him so much of himself, knows the feelings going on inside of her that she can barely comprehend, but knows they’re not feelings she wants to have. 

But at least she still has a dad, even one who ’ s having a hard time himself.

After a long while, standing there in silence with Bea pressed quietly to his shoulder , Finn murmurs, “you know, a trip to the park done out of guilt is still a trip to the park. I bet you could get ice cream out of him too.”

Bea sniffles a bit at that and lifts her head. “Ice cream? Really?”

“Yeah,” Finn smiles and pushes her hair out of her face. “I’ll make sure of it.” She sniffles again. Her nose is red.

“Promise?”

Finn and Bea finally traipse down the stairs a half hour later, Bea with her hair in two pigtails with her favorite Frozen clips and her jacket already on. Finn grins and picks Bea up enough to jump down the last three steps , making her laugh and cling to his arms . Poe’s moved to the table, bent over papers scattered over half the surface. He looks up, startled, when they thud to the ground.

“Hey.” A few of the stormclouds on his brow drift away as he looks between them. “You guys ready?”

Bea wriggles down out of his hold. “We want ice cream.”

Finn smiles apologetically behind her. “Yes, ma’am. I heard there’s a great ice cream place in the park.” He winks at Poe and slides his hand into Bea’s.

Poe’s smile lights up his entire face. He shoves himself up from the table, pushing the papers away in a mass. “Oh yeah? You guys don’t think it’s too cold for ice cream?” He aims a tentative smile at Bea, which she huffs at.

“It’s always time for ice cream.”

Laughing, rueful, Poe nods and goes to grab a hat of his own off the banister. “Alright. Ice cream it is.” He nudges Finn as he passes him, and leans in to whisper a quick “thanks” that brushes warm over his ear. Finn shivers and grips Bea’s hand tighter.

“Told you,” he shoots down at her. His heart is in his throat, but he ignores it and grabs her boots. “Wanna  d o this yourself?”

“I can!” Bea takes them and flops down on the ground to start tugging them on. Poe smiles at the top of her head as he winds his bright scarf around his throat, then kneels quickly to help her with the laces when she starts getting frustrated. Initially she tries to bat his hands away, but Poe ties a neat knot on one boot and pushes a kiss against her forehead, and she gives in and lets him help.

Finn’s heart throbs . H e feels somewhat like an intruder, but he wants to be a part of this, of this little family.

_Friends,_  he reminds himself. Just friends.

Poe nudges his arm as they walk up the hill toward the playground. They sky soars blue and cold above them, dotted with a few wispy white clouds that do nothing for the temperate. “I didn’t know, you know. How long you wanted to hang out. If you’d maybe had enough of loud screaming kids during your week. I don’t even wanna look at cars on the weekends sometimes.”

“It’s not just kids,” Finn says quietly, “it’s Bea. And I’m not responsible for any of them, so.” he shrugs. Poe’s eyes are on him, dark and soft and searching. 

“Bea’s different?” He asks, too quiet for her to hear. She skips ahead of them, apparently energized by the promise of ice cream and being out of the house. It’s easy to forget anger, that young.

“Well, yeah,” Finn says, shifting under Poe’s gaze. All parents want to think that their kids are special. It doesn’t hurt to encourage it, a little. “Don’t get me wrong, I like all, most, of the kids I teach. But there are a few who I really like.” Poe’s smile widens, all teeth and those little laugh lines at the corners of his eyes.

“Glad to hear it,” he says, full of sincerity.  Finn watches him and, against his better judgement, curls his fingers around Poe’s.

“Is everything alright? With her?”

Poe huffs out a quiet sigh and squeezes Finn’s hand. “With Bea, or with her mom?”

“Both,” Finn says softly, swaying closer to him. Bea runs ahead of them, already halfway to the playground. Poe's answering sigh is soft. He lets his head fall back so he’s staring up at the sky.

“No,” he says, consideringly. “Not really. It’s not. It won’t be for a while.”

“You’ll let me help, if you need it,” Finn squeezes his fingers and sways close, brushing against his side. Poe snickers and lets his head drop again. His shoulder bumps against Finn’s.

“Yeah? That an order?”

“Yeah. It is,” Finn sticks out his tongue at Poe , who laughs and squeezes Finn’s hand with a grateful smile.

“Sure.”

Bea’s screams echo across the playground, joined by the kids who she’s chasing in a very intense game of freeze tag. Finn has to physically hold himself back from supervising, sitting with Poe on one of the benches out on the grass. It’s comfortable to sit in silence with Poe. It’s rare, but when silence falls between them, Finn feels like he does around Rey: content and peaceful. Although, there’s the underlying tension that he hasn’t been able to quash. Overhead the sun is bright, unobscured by the few fluffy clouds trailing here and there, and the kids’ shadows are new and small on the grass as they dart around.

Poe’s eyes are on him.

“You look like you wanna get up and go after them,” he says quietly with laughter in his voice.  Finn glances at him with a short laugh.

“Kinda. I shouldn’t.”

“Nah,” Poe shifts a bit closer. His shoulder is warm from the sun overhead. “They’ll be okay. Bea can hold her own. Look how many are frozen.”

“It’s not her I’m worried about,” Finn mutters, looking down at his hands in his lap. “God, it’s like a compulsion.”

Poe’s hand lands heavy and warm on his shoulder. “Buddy, this is an intervention. You have a problem.”

Finn freezes for a second, then forces himself to relax. “I do. I really do.”

“You’re probably tuned to it by now,” Poe laughs, and squeezes his shoulder just a bit before letting go (slowly, so the tips of his fingers drift down Finn’s arm.) “Can’t help it. You’re brainwashed.”

Goosebumps trail down Finn’s arm. “And I don’t even have a kid,” he manages to joke.

“It changes things,” Poe says softly. “I think I always know where she is. Somehow.”

“I’ve heard of that,” Finn says, glancing up at him. “How long d’you think it took for you to get that sense?”

Poe snorts. “If I tell you that you really will think I’m a terrible father.”

“Promise I won’t,” Finn says, nudging him with his shoulder. Poe’s eyes flicker up to him. They’re soft and light in the sunlight, a deep warm brown that looks almost gold with so much sun on him.

“About… four years and ten incidents involving her getting lost at the store and me trying not to panic.”

“Well, she probably couldn’t walk for one of those years. It only took you three,” Finn grins.

“There was a time at the fair too,” Poe says, but he’s grinning and leaning a bit against Finn’s shoulder, watching Bea chase down  one of the last  screaming boys standing between her and victory. “Don’t you have that sense by now? Like, overdeveloped for every kid instead of just one?”

“I have it when I’m in class,” Finn says, keeping his eyes straight forward. “And a little outside of it. But then it’s really only for kids in a ten-foot radius.”

“So if Bea gets outside that, she’s golden—wow. Brutal.” Bea only narrowly avoids actually tackling the boy to the ground as she freezes him. 

Finn barely stops himself from cursing and running to make sure he’s okay. His body jerks, but he stays put with his fingers gripping the edge of the bench.

Poe bursts into laughter beside him. 

“Oh, shut up,” Finn grumbles, rubbing his hands on his thighs. “Bet you have to help every struggling car you see.” 

“Only the really dire cases,” Poe winks, and calls out, “Bea-Bea, you help him up!”

She sticks her tongue out at him, but complies, holding out one hand for the boy. Her hat came off some time ago. Poe had to go retrieve it from the fray. It sits on the bench beside Poe now, and his fingers are curled into the material. He smiles as Bea runs down another girl, a little bigger than her. “You did her hair really well. Usually it’s everywhere by now.”

“Thanks,” Finn smiles, glancing over at him. He swallows, then adds, “as soon as my foster-sister, Tasha, found out I was gay, she insisted I learn. I got really good, too.”

Poe blinks at him. The sun glances off his hair, turning it brown at the tips. “You’re,” he says, and then snorts and shoves his face into his hand. “Well that explains a  _lot_.”

“What?” Finn shoots back, nerves clenching at his gut. He’s not closeted, not by any means, but if Poe didn’t know before , then . He watches Poe, barely breathing.

Poe smiles sheepishly at him. “Been trying to figure out for weeks if you and Rey were dating.”

“Oh, God no,” Finn says in an oath. “No. Really no,” he laughs and breaks into a smile. “She’s my best friend and my teaching partner, for now. That’s all.”

“For now?” Poe asks, brows raised. 

“She’s leaving. At the end of the year,” he manages to keep the smile on his face and glances back at the kids. Bea has nearly everyone frozen now. It’s almost unfair. “Getting her pilot’s license, like you. Going to school to study astrophysics and engineering. ”

“Good for her!” Poe sounds genuinely excited, perking up a little next to Finn on the bench. His knee bumps against Finn’s as he turns to face him. “Leaving you alone to teach?”

“Yeah,” Finn tries to sound as excited, but it falls flat. “Just me. It’ll be alright. I hope.”

“You’ll be great,” Poe says immediately. “Finn, come on, you’re an amazing teacher, I’ve seen you. 'Course you’ll be great.”

“Yeah, but she’s the strict one,” Finn drops his chin into his hands, “I’m the pushover. All the kids know that.”

“All the kids  _this_ year,” Poe nudges him with his elbow. “You don’t have to make them think you’re strict. You get to start over next year.”

Finn wrinkles his nose and nudges Poe back. “It’ll get around. I’m the one who lets them get away with things. They’ll try to take advantage of me.”

“We can have Bea spread rumors about what a hardass you are,” Poe grins.

“I’d appreciate that,” Finn grins at him, pushing his cheek into his hand. “Give me a leg up.” Poe watches him with soft, warm eyes like he always does, like Finn’s the only thing worth paying attention to right now. Bea’s laughter soars through the air behind them.

“Yeah,” Poe says, quiet. “So you’ll be awesome. You’re great with them, and they love you.”

“Thanks,” Finn murmurs. He holds Poe’s eyes for a minute, heart thundering, his skin on fire. It hurts to tear his gaze away, but he has to before he pushes up to kiss him. 

It’s good, then, that Bea comes barreling over at that moment, shattering the fragile waiting silence between them with her cheer of, “I won!”

Finn claps enthusiastically for her. “Impressive.” Bea grins, sweeps a dramatic bow, and comes to clamber up onto the bench between them.

“Can we go get ice cream now?"

Poe makes a show of thinking about it, scrunching up his nose. “I dunno, baby. You took twenty whole minutes to take everyone out. What d’you think, Finn? That worthy of ice cream?”

“I dunno,” Finn says, musingly. He meets Poe’s eyes, grin growing. “I think you have to catch me first.”

As soon as he says it, he’s up and dashing across the playground.

“Un _fair!”_ Shrieking, Bea launches herself off the bench with all the power of the spring-loaded eight-year-old that she is while Poe collapses into helpless laughter, shouting encouragements to both of them at once. 

“Your legs are too long!” She skids around a pole on the playground to whip after Finn, half-laughing and half yelling at him to slow down. 

“You can do it!” Finn yells back at her, but when he’s far enough ahead, he slows down a little and turns around, jogging backwards. “C’mon. Get me.”

“You’re going down,” Bea pants at him, glaring under the sunlight, and waits until Finn’s slowed down just a little bit more to bolt right for his legs. Poe’s voice carries over the playground, full of laughter. 

“Get him, baby!”

Finn jerks out of the way and she misses by just a few inches. “So close!” Grass flies up behind her as she whirls and goes for his legs again, following Poe’s shouted instructions to follow him to the left. She collides with Finn’s legs and he drops to the grass with a loud “oof.” 

“Oh no,” he groans, trying to crawl again. “You got me!”

“I got you!” Bea repeats, laughing, and clambers up his legs to sit on him before he can crawl away. Her eyes glitter in triumph, the sun behind her dark head shining like a halo. “Ice cream.”

“Then you gotta let me get up,” Finn mumbles into the grass.

“Then don’t run away again,” Bea orders him with suspicion in her voice. 

“Promise,” Finn holds up his hand with his pinky up. Bea eyes it carefully for a second, then sticks her own pinky out to curl around his. 

Bea solemnly shakes their pinkies and clambers up just as Poe’s shadow falls over them. 

“Hey, buddy.” He looks like he’s barely containing his laughter, holding out a hand for Finn. “Need some help?”

Finn grabs his hand and pulls himself up. It  tugs him right into Poe’s personal space . H is face  heats up . He pulls back, dropping Poe’s hand quickly, and curses. The whole front of his shirt is covered in grass stains.

Poe glances him up and down and winces. “I have a Tide stick,” he offers, trying to contain his smile, “You may wanna run that under some water.”

Finn sighs, “Yeah, it’s fine,” he starts to unbutton the shirt to show the white tank-top underneath. “I never wear white around the kids. ‘Cause this happens.” Poe laughs quietly and takes a step back, running his hand absently through Bea’s hair. He glances off toward the ice cream stand on the other end of the park, a tiny speck near the street from this far away, surrounded by kids and parents. 

“We’ll, uh , we can run it through the wash when we get back. You wanna do that now?”

Finn shakes his head and folds the shirt neatly to fit in his hand. “It’s fine. Bea needs her ice cream, right?”

“She did earn it,” Poe says just as Bea says “yes!” and grabs both of their hands to tug them forward. Poe looks at Finn apologetically.

“Sure your shirt’ll be okay?”

“Yeah,” Finn smiles at him. “My own fault. I should’ve run faster.”

“No one can outrun Bea- B ea on a mission,” Poe tells him cheerfully, swinging her hand up to make her laugh. Bea starts chattering about the flavors she wants, and vetoes most of Poe’s suggestions on the way over (these include things like pickle, dog treat, and tar, to make Bea yell about how gross her dad is.)

The wind starts to pick up again, rifling cold through the grass. It raises goosebumps on Finn’s skin. He clutches the shirt a little tighter to himself and considers putting it back on and just losing it to stains for good.

Before he can, though, a warm, heavy weight drapes itself over his shoulders.

Finn pauses, glancing at Poe, then at the jacket now around him. It’s soft, buttery leather, the one that Poe wears nearly every day.

“Don’t want you to freeze to death,” Poe says quietly, offering a quick smile.  Finn runs his hands over the jacket and grins brightly at Poe, his heart thumping loudly. 

“Thanks. You’re not cold?”

Poe just waves a hand, laughing as Bea calls back for them to hurry up. “Don’t worry about me. I run warm.” His eyes dart over Finn. “Suits you better anyway.”

Finn’s new mantra runs through his head even as his face burns hot  _just friends, we’re just friends._ He shrugs the jacket down and slides his arms into it, settling it over his shoulders. “Doubt that.”

Poe just snorts and smiles a little brighter. “Alright, buddy, whatever you say.”

Poe buys the ice cream for all three of them, limiting Bea to two flavors instead of the five she’d finally decided she wanted. The sun is already starting to melt his by the time he gets to it, so Poe has to swipe a few drops off the bottom of his cone with his tongue, grimacing at the slide of ice cream sticky on his fingers. Finn finds himself watching and immediately shoves his spoon into his mouth. A few rainbow sprinkles catch on his lip.

Bea watches him over her cone, eyes narrowed, and Finn sticks out his tongue, also covered in sprinkles. She bursts into giggles and licks a stripe up her own sprinkle-covered creation to show off to Finn. 

“You guys are ridiculous,” Poe says around the top of his cone. He’d gotten the bright red cherry cotton candy ice cream. It stains his lips as he eats it. He has no room to judge either Finn or Bea for their sprinkle choices. 

“You should have gotten sprinkles!” Bea informs him. Poe laughs.

“Nope. Sprinkles are gross.”

“They’re delicious,” Finn says, his spoon still in his mouth. “You’re so wrong.”

“They taste like plastic _,”_ Poe insists around his own mouthful of ice cream. He reaches out with his free hand to tug Finn over to a nearby bench, sun-warm and away from the mass of excited kids who just swarmed up to the ice cream stand. 

“Dad  _is_ wrong,” Bea informs Finn succin ctly, pressing herself into his other side. “Right? They’re the  _best_ .”

“They are,” Finn says softly. He feels warm, and not just from the sun. It bubbles up from his gut and his chest feels light, a smile on his face that hasn’t left all afternoon. He squeezes Bea in a short hug, careful to avoid her dripping ice cream.

* * *

Poe was right: they are loud when they’re together. Poe’s voice rises above most of the others, laughing loudly at something that Snap said, his grin huge as he thumps Snap on the back. Jessika’s hand rests on Finn’s thigh and he struggles to relax, crowded in by these people who are close enough to be Poe’s family. Iolo is quiet too, but seems much more used to their antics, laughing and adding in his own jabs that are more brutal for their infrequency.

Poe introduced him to them first as “This is Finn,” and then added the fact that he’s one of Bea’s teachers like an afterthought. Snap had rolled his eyes, grinned, and said “Nice to finally meet you,” and Jessika had immediately tugged him down to sit beside her, laughing at Poe’s protests to be nice to him because he’d saved Poe this morning from his own daughter.

They’re all crowded together in Poe’s living room, empty for the night since Bea had demanded to be allowed to go to a sleepover that night, clearly not wanting to go back to her own house. 

Jessika’s hand slides up his arm over the jacket he’s still wearing and that still smells much too much like Poe. She tugs on the arm with a quirked grin. “How have I not met you yet?”

Finn glances at her, shrugging even though it doesn’t seem like an appropriate response to the insinuation in her eyes. “Guess I only just reached friend-status.”

She snorts. “Oh, believe me, he’s been talking about you for months. Every other conversation, I swear to god.”

“He warned me about you,” Finn says, sitting a little straighter. “Maybe he was giving me time to prepare.”

Laughing, Jessika throws that arm around his shoulders to drag him back down. She’s a lot smaller than him, so he has to bend a lot. “Warned you, huh? Well, don’t worry. I like you. You can stick around.”

“Pava, stop threatening Finn,” Poe calls dryly, even though that hadn’t exactly sounded like a threat, and Jess is smiling toothily at him. 

“You warned him about me? I’m flattered!” She calls back, and Poe snorts and rolls his eyes, turning toward them both.

“Would be inhumane not to. Finn, you have full permission to shove her off the couch.”

Finn shrugs under her arm, “she doesn’t seem that dangerous. Yet.” He smiles, just a little, shifting under her arm.

“Just wait,” Snap says with a shake of his head. “She’s going easy on you since you’re new.”

“That’s how she gets you,” Poe laughs, just as Jess finally lets him go and says, “Hey, I was promised the chance to kick Wexley’s ass at Brawl!”

Finn lets out a breath he didn’t realize he was holding and pushes himself back on the couch. Snap grabs a controller from the floor and throws it at her, almost hitting her square in the face. “You’re on, Pava.”

“Alright, woah,” Poe shoves himself up from where he’d been perched on the armchair beside Snap and comes over to stand in front of Jess. He nudges her with one socked foot. "Jess gets pretty violent when she plays,” he tells Finn, smiling. “You don’t want her pointy elbows coming at you.”

Jess shoots him a cool look, a slow grin spreading on her face as she leans into Finn’s side. “Shove off, Dameron. I’m comfy.”

Finn looks apologetically at Poe, caught for a second in his smile. He sucks in a breath, then shrugs. “I can handle elbows. I call winner.”

Poe grins and shoves in on Iolo's other side instead, ignoring his mild protest. “Well, I’m not sitting by him, either! You do it.”

“I’ll be squashed,” mutters Iolo, and that’s that. It’s a bit squished on the couch but Iolo is pretty small and Jess is barely even sitting anymore, shoved forward and intent on the screen in her 1v1 with Snap.

Poe leans around her back to smile at Finn as Jess knocks Snap off the stage for the fourth time. “Hey. Pizza preference? Forgot to ask.”

“I’ll eat anything,” Finn grins at him, breath gone at Poe so close with that smile. His smile is one of Finn’s favorite things about him. Poe snorts and leans closer on his elbow, half-sprawled behind Jess.

“Not with these guys’ preferences. Any feelings about pineapple on pizza? It’s a contentious issue.”

“Because it’s gross,” Iolo mutters blandly, and yelps when Poe kicks him. “It is!”

Finn can’t stop his nose from wrinkling at the thought. “I’m with Iolo.”

Iolo smiles at him for the support.

Poe is practically pouting. “First sprinkles and now pineapple?”

“Maybe not such destiny after all,” Jess says. Poe’s face goes red.

“Kick her ass, Snap!” He calls over to Snap, shoving himself back up. It takes Finn a few more seconds to move back into his seat, staring after Poe with his mouth slightly open. It might just be teasing. They might be like this with everyone. 

When he sits back next to Jess, he stares at the screen without really seeing it until the controller is thrust into his hands after Snap’s inevitable defeat.

Jess kicks his ass in the first round, but narrowly loses in the second after demanding a rematch, and she laughingly hands her controller over to Poe once he’s done ordering pizza for everyone, telling Finn that he’s alright and that she’ll have her revenge later.

They play until the pizza gets there, and then Poe switches over to music, shoves himself down on the other side of Jess from Finn, and grins when he introduces Finn to capers on pizza, which turns out to be delicious.

Everyone seems to be careful not to bring up Bea’s mom too much. There are a few quieter moments, where Iolo asks if Poe is really okay and tugs him into a quick hug; where Jess asks if Finn’s up to speed with a significant look and Poe mutters “mostly” without looking at any of them.

But Poe clearly doesn’t want to think about it and they all seem happy to let him, mostly telling Finn stories of Karé, who isn’t there, and about when Poe was younger and had a motorcycle and was much more of a wildcard. He blushes through those stories, watching Finn closely like he’s afraid Finn’s going to change his opinions, hearing these things.

“We put up posters of him once. Bet he didn’t tell you that,” Snap is saying over Poe’s protests, grinning widely at Finn. “All over the garage. Bumped up in-person visits by about 150% that month.”

Finn snorts a laugh, his eyes finding Poe again, “I believe that. What’d they do when you’re actually the one working on their car?”

“Sit in the waiting room,” Poe snorts, but Jess elbows him.

“Bullshit, and you know it, Dameron. He has this terrible habit of wearing his suit down around his waist instead of using it to cover his clothes like he’s supposed to.”

“Because they’re hot,” Poe protests dryly. “Like you don’t roll your sleeves up and flex every time an attractive woman knows a single thing about engines.”

“She does,” Iolo confirms with laughter in his eyes. “Every time my sister comes in, she goes starry-eyed.”

“Your sister is hot,” Jess laughs, shameless, and shoves herself up to grab more pizza. She sits back down on Poe’s other side, so that Poe has to scoot over closer to Finn on the couch so Jess doesn’t end up on his lap. He shoots her a look for that, but she ignores him in favor of throwing napkins at Snap until he passes her the red pepper flakes. 

Poe gives him a sheepish little smile as they’re pressed together. “Hey.”

Finn tries to ignore how his skin sparks and his heart kicks up. “Hi,” he mumbles through his bite of pizza. He swallows, painfully, and asks, “can I come by the garage sometime?”

Poe’s eyes widen. “Yeah, buddy, of course! Come by anytime. All the damn posters are gone, promise.”

“Sound like they were good for business,” Finn nudges him in the side, not quite meeting Poe’s eyes. If he does, he might do something like kiss him, “too embarrassed by them?”

Poe rolls his eyes. His cheeks are flushed all over again. “I don’t look like that.”

“I barely took any artistic license,” Snap laughs. “Your hair is really that ridiculous.”

“Alright, alright,” Poe snorts, mostly good-natured, and nudges at Finn. “But yeah, definitely come by sometime. I can pick you up with Bea. She usually hangs out with me for a couple hours until it’s time to go home.”

“And she’s a better mechanic than you,” Jess says around a mouthful of pizza.

“Smarter than me, anyway,” Poe beams. “Thanks to Finn. She’s smarter than the terror twins by now.”

Snap throws a napkin at him. “Also way older, so it doesn’t count. My guys are geniuses.”

“They are,” Poe tells Finn conspiratorially. “You’ll have ‘em in a couple years. Warning you now so you can prepare.”

“They can’t be worse than some of the kids I have now,” Finn says diplomatically, smiling over at Snap. He shifts closer to Poe unconsciously, enjoying the warmth of his body against Finn’s. 

“Oh yeah?” One of Snap’s brows drifts up, almost challenging. “What’s the worst kid you’ve ever had?”

“Oh, God,” Finn laughs. His hand brushes Poe’s, unused to all of their attention on him at once. “Uh, well. It’s gotta be this one girl I had my first year of teaching. She was the Worst.” His eyes flick to Poe’s and his grin widens at Poe’s rapt attention. “I don’t even know where to start with her. She ruined three pairs of pants by sticking her paint-covered hands on my ass.”

Jess bursts into laughter, dropping her head against Poe’s shoulder, while Iolo snickers on the other end of the couch. “Are you serious? That’s  _great!_ I mean, not great for your pants, but,” she shoves a hand over her mouth.

“I’ll try and teach ‘em not to do that before they get to you,” Snap grins. “No promises.”

Finn laughs with them, fingers twitching over Poe’s hand before he lets it fall into his lap instead. “That was the best thing she did, honestly. She also bit a kid over a game of double dutch. She was a terror. Worst thing Bea did was draw on me.”

“Oh,” Iolo rolls up one sleeve with a grin to show a lopsided marker unicorn. “That means she likes you.”

Poe beams at him. “Told you. It’s a  _good_ thing.”

“I never said it wasn’t,” Finn laughs back, keeping his eyes from straying too long on Poe’s face. “Just that it’s kind of inappropriate at school.”

“Okay, yeah,” Poe acknowledges with a grin. “Working on that. At home, though, you’re fair game, buddy.”

Finn rolls his eyes and settles deeper into the couch. Jess is giving Poe a narrow-eyed  _look_ , frowning a bit. He looks back over at her and immediately ducks his head, shifting forward until he’s on the edge of the cushion.

“First one to say a genre gets movie pick!” he calls, and snatches up the remote with a strange sideways glance at Finn.  Finn doesn’t try to be first, instead trying to figure out the change as Snap and Jess immediately call things out.  Poe pulls further away from him, leaving him in Poe’s jacket that smells too much like him on the couch that reminds him of that first night he spent here. 

He barely pays attention to the movie, instead staring just below the screen, wondering what he missed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> it beginnsssss
> 
> on slight hold for a bit while one of us goes out of the country, but then we'll be back to your regularly-scheduled, completely random updates
> 
> \o/


	6. Extracurriculars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Good,” Bea mumbles. “Because he is. Why d’you come over so much if you think he’s stupid?”
> 
> “Why d’you want him here if you think he’s stupid?” Finn shoots back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This time betaed by the wonderful [avariceawakens](http://archiveofourown.org/users/avariceawakens/profile) who is a phenomenal friend!
> 
> ALSO, a [wonderful human being](http://lostyourapples.tumblr.com/) did some [incredible fanart of Bea](http://i.imgur.com/pSMiX3i.jpg) that we are still screeching over. YOU ARE AMAZING, she is so cute and perfect!

Poe sounds as close to panicking as Finn has ever heard when he calls  on Wednesday afternoon, only an hour after school let out. 

“I wouldn’t ask,” he says as soon as Finn picks up the phone, "but I, can you, are you busy?”

“No, not busy. Are you okay?” Finn asks, setting down the weight in his hand. He presses a finger over his ear to block out the sounds of the gym.

“No,” Poe says, rough and honest. Somewhere in the house, Bea is crying. Her voice just barely crackles down the line. “There’s  some legal stuff I have to deal with. Custody stuff . Could you maybe watch her for like, four hours? Just long enough, I have to get to the courthouse. Baby, shh,” he doesn’t address that last bit to Finn, worry threading thin through his voice. “I know, I promised, I’m sorry . ”

“Yeah, yeah. Now?” Finn starts to walk toward the dressing room, ignoring the annoyed stares from the other people in the gym. 

Bea’s crying is getting louder. Poe tries to shush her again, murmuring something in Spanish low and soft, and then, “If you can, that would be,  I’d owe you big time.”

“No, you wouldn’t. I’ll be right there. 20 minutes, tops,” Finn says, already starting on his shoes.

“You’re amazing,” Poe says breathlessly. “And hell yes I will, I’m not letting you do this for free. Bea, shh, Finn’s coming, you’re not, hey .”

“See you soon,” Finn says, then hangs up.

 

* * *

 

“We’ll be fine, I promise,” Finn says for the third time, pushing Poe out of the door with one arm around Bea’s shaking shoulders. “Just go, okay?”

Poe starts to protest again, but his phone starts buzzing . H e curses softly. “Okay, I love you, baby, be good for Finn please.” Bea sniffles and pointedly doesn’t say anything back, looking up and away. Poe’s face falls, but he shakes his head and sucks in a breath to aim a smile at Finn. “Thanks. I’ll call you.”

“Yeah. We’ll be fine,” Finn reassures him and nudges him again. His own nerves threaten to pour over as he steps back, hands on Bea’s shoulders, squeezing softly.

Poe nods, sighing, and turns to hurry to his car, keys already in his hand.  Bea  jerks  away and huffs, not looking at Finn, either.

“Well,” Finn says slowly, closing the door.  He hasn’t babysat since high school. Even though he watches kids every day, it’s different at school. “It’s just us. What d’you want to do?”

“Nothing,” Bea says from the edge of the entryway. She crosses her arms, glaring down at the floor. “I want  Dad.”

“He’ll only be gone for a little bit,” Finn smiles, strained. “Like, the length of two movies.” Shaking her head, Bea stomps over to the stairs.

“I don’t want movies!”

“Well, I do,” Finn says, heading for the living room. He’s used this tactic before. It always worked on his foster sister, Bethany. “I’m thinking Frozen.”

The little footsteps stop.  He moves toward the couch.

Slowly, Bea comes creeping after him, peeking around the door frame with eyes red-rimmed and narrowed, her little mouth trembling. “Why are you  _here_ ?”

“’Cause your dad has to go run some errands. I’m here to make sure you don’t get into too much trouble,” Finn smiles and drops down onto the couch. He keeps his body casual, like the tension in Poe’s voice hadn’t affected him nearly as deeply as it had Bea.

Bea narrows her eyes even further. “He’s going to talk to someone about me.”

“It’s his business. I didn’t ask,” Finn says truthfully. “He needed my help, so I’m here.”

“Well, we  _don’t_ need your help , ” Bea says, disdainful. She stares at Finn for a second, then walks into the living room anyway to flop on the other end of the couch, hardly looking at him.

“I’m sure you’d be fine without me.” Finn says easily and turns on Netflix.

“I would.” Bea snaps, but curls her legs up onto the couch and tugs a blanket down. She watches him flick down the movies in sullen silence while the birds chirp merrily outside. It’s dark in the house, and a little hot, and smells a little like motor oil.

Finally Bea huffs, shifts a bit closer, and mutters, “Dad said we were gonna go get new clothes.”

“I’m sure he’d be here if he could be,” Finn murmurs. He drapes his arm over the back of the couch for Bea if she wants.

Snorting at him, Bea curls her legs up under her. “He’s just,” she sniffles and pushes a little closer still, letting her head drop back against the cushions, just below Finn’s arm. “He’s  _stupid_ .”

“He is pretty stupid.” Finn agrees. He finds Frozen in the list and turns it on.  Bea glances sideways at him .

“You think so too?”

“’Course,” Finn smiles at her, small and soft. She bites her lip, a move straight from her dad, and s huffles until her head is pressed to his shoulder.

“Good,” Bea  mumbles. “Because he is. Why d’you come over so much if you think he’s stupid?”

“Why d’you want him here if you think he’s stupid?” Finn shoots back. He shifts under her to help her settle more comfortably. The honest answer isn’t something he wants to share with an eight-year-old.

“Because,” Bea  answers, and that’s that.

By the time the credits scroll over the screen, she’s completely passed out on Finn, head pillowed on his chest. His arm drapes around her shoulders and he tugs out his phone to text Poe  _everything okay? Bea’s asleep._

_not really._ Poe’s response, at least, is fast, which means nothing is exploding. Hopefully.

_Anything I can do?_ Finn asks.

_does she hate me?_

Finn looks down at her, his fingers gently touching her hair.  _No. She thinks you’re stupid. But she loves you._

_not so much this week._ Poe even sounds dejected in text . Exhausting threaded through every line of Bea’s body, shows in the heavy press of her head. 

The TV has gone quiet. Bea lets out a quiet mumble, trapped in a dream.

_She does. She told me._ Finn lets out a breath and sinks into the couch, reaching awkwardly around Bea to type out,  _She wants you all to herself._

_working on it_ _._

Finn takes a steadying breath, wondering just when he got so tangled up in their lives.  _Wish her opinion mattered. Then you’d definitely win._

Poe goes  silent after that, probably wrapped up in something, and the house settles slow and old around them. The house that Poe’s dad had bought and never really inhabited, and left him with. Full of ghosts, Poe had called it with laughter on his lips last weekend. Ghosts he’d painted over and fixed up until they weren’t there anymore, until it was just him and Bea  _against the world_ , he’d said too, and laughed a little less.

Bea’s  fingers curl in Finn’s shirt.

Everything is quiet until someone knocks on the door. Finn twitches, but manages to stay somewhat still under Bea. 

The knock comes again.

Carefully, he extracts himself from under her and leans her against a pillow. With a gentle touch to her cheek, he slides off the couch and moves to the door.

Through the peephole he can see a woman with long dark hair. Frowning, Finn opens the door with a tentative “Hello?”

She startles a bit, seeing him there, and takes half a step back so she’s not nearly pressed up against the door. 

The next second she’s frowning and snaps out, “Who the hell are you?”

Finn frowns back, half closing the door behind him. “I’m Finn. I’m watching Bea . W ho are you?”

“Alicia,” she snaps, like that answers everything, and moves to shove the door open. Finn blocks the doorway as politely as possible. “Where is he? Why are you watching her?”

“ Po e’s out. He’ll be back in a few hours. Maybe you should come back later.” Finn’s arm stretches along the door, effectively keeping her on the other side.

Alicia’s face shutters. “I  _should_ stay right where I am.”

“I’m sorry, I don’t think you should,” Finn says carefully.  His eyes flick over her: well dressed in a black blazer and a dark green dress, with an expensive purse dangling from her arm. She’s very pretty, objectively, except that her perfume wafts off of her like a field of alcoholic flowers . “Did you want to see Poe or what?”

A cold little smile tugs at her lips. “I wanted to see my  _daughter_ . It’s my week with her. I guess he didn’t tell you that.”

_Oh._

Finn looks her over again, really paying attention now. He can see it. He can see Bea’s eyes, her nose, her hair. Finn stands a little taller.

It isn’t her week, actually. Finn knows, because Poe had told him last weekend that Bea’s mom gets every other week with her and has never cashed in, including that weekend. She’d also, apparently, missed all but two of Bea’s birthdays, and spent the two she did attend getting steadily drunker and more passive-aggressive until Poe had to drive her home.

A muscle in Finn’s jaw twitches, but his tone is polite when he says, “Sorry, ma’am. Babysitter’s code. I can’t let you in without Poe’s say-so.”

Anger flashes in her eyes. “And how do you know him, exactly? Picked you up off the street like the last one?”

Something twists in his chest. This is the woman who's making Poe and Bea’s lives hell, who's standing there insulting Poe, and Finn along with him. “I’m Bea’s teacher,” Finn says, voice hard, his hand gripping the door frame tightly.

“I’m sure,”  Alicia purrs, silky-smooth and full of derision as she looks him up and down. “If you don’t let me in I’m calling the cops on you. I never gave you permission to look after my daughter.”

“I’m not letting you into someone else’s house, ma’am,” Finn pulls the door shut completely behind him and tugs his phone out of his pocket, ignoring Alicia’s affronted huff. “Here, it’s Poe’s house, and his kid. If you are who you say you are, then we should have no problems.”

Her eyes flash, but she leans back on her heel to wait, glaring at him the entire time. Finn dials once it’s clear she’ll let him and brings the phone to his ear.

Poe answers halfway through the first ring, sounding rushed and worried . “Finn? Everything alright?”

“Yeah, yeah,” Finn says with a little smile at Alicia. “Alicia is here. She wants to come in and see Bea. Wanted to check if that was alright.” 

Poe sucks in a  startled breath and hisses, “ Alicia’s  _there_ ? Right now?”

“Yeah. She’s right here,” Finn says gently, shifting so the phone is away from Alicia and hopefully she can’t hear Poe.

“What the fuck,” Poe whispers, clearly to himself. “ W hy? Is she in front of you, or what?”

“She’s right here,” Finn says again, staring at the brick siding on the house. “Do you want to talk to her?”

“Not really,” Poe drawls, but sighs. “ No, yeah, alright. It’s not her week. Yeah, lemme ,  sorry.”

“Here,” Finn holds out the phone to her, leaning casually against the door frame. He takes a deep breath, steadying himself once the phone is out of his hand. Alicia takes it with an impatient snap of fingers and presses the phone to her ear, tossing her head to move her iron-straight hair out of the way.

“I  came to see my daughter.  This asshole isn’t letting me in. ”

Her face twists at whatever he says in response to that, and her voice drops low and soft and almost dangerous. “You don’t get to keep me away from her— _yeah_ , you are, don’t try that shit with me. You’re leaving her alone on a school night.” Poe says something sharp enough for Finn to just hear his voice.  Alicia laughs sweetly, waving a bit to Finn with painted nails. “No, sweetheart. I know exactly what you’re doing. Scrambling like you always do. She’s better off with me and they all,” Poe snaps again. Her face goes from sweet to pissed, her lip curling up in disgust. “Just tell your boyfriend to let me in. Don’t fucking start with me, Poe Dameron. You’ll lose and you know it.”

Without waiting for a response  Alicia shoves the phone back to Finn and waits, one brow arched graceful and expectant.

Poe, still in the middle of talking, just sounds sad. “-her life, I just…”

“Poe,” Finn interrupts him, pointedly not looking at Alicia. “What do you wanna do?”

“Finn,” Poe says, surprised. “Uh. Go ahead and…let her in, I guess. Just for a little bit. Don’t let her take Bea anywhere. Sorry. She’s… a lot.”

“Okay. Thanks. See you soon, alright?” Finn says, opening the door with a quick smile and waving Alicia in. Alicia swans inside, looking around with narrowed eyes at the brightly-painted walls, the riot of toys and color that is Bea and Poe’s house. It is a bit of a mess today, always is in the middle of the week when Poe doesn’t have time to clean. One of Bea’s jackets dangles from the banister.

Poe sighs on the phone. “Yeah, hopefully. Don’t engage her if you can help it. I have no idea what she’s trying to pull, but it’s something. Is Bea doing okay?”

“Yeah, she’s asleep, or she was . ” Finn closes the door and leans back against it. “Is it going alright?”

Poe snorts. “It’s, uh. It’s gone better. Apparently there’s all these forms I was supposed to fill out that no one ever told me about, and now the deadline was… last week. Working on it.”

“Shit . ” Finn mutters, watching Alicia disappear into the living room. “It’ll be alright. It’s all legal bullshit, right?”

“Oh, yeah, totally.” Poe is clearly trying for cheerful and falling flat. “I gotta get back to it. Text me when she’s gone?”

“I will. Good luck.” Finn wanders toward the living room. Alicia is on the couch with Bea, w ho’s awake now, gripping her mom’s hand.

“Thanks,” Poe says softly. He sucks in a breath like he’s going to say more, then sighs and hangs up the phone, leaving Finn only with  Alicia ’s quiet murmuring to Bea. 

Bea laughs softly at something and shakes her head, curling closer.

“But it’s okay now,” she’s saying, beaming, “’cause you’re here. Are we gonna go to the park? You promised, remember? And my project! Mr. Finn helped me , ” Bea whirls toward him, wide-eyed. “Remember? About the desert?”

“How’s that going?” Finn asks with a slight smile, sitting down in the  old , squashed  armchair Poe usually  flops in.

“I have a background,” Bea says proudly. She’s all light now that her mom’s here, clinging to her hand with the ferocity of a tiny octopus, while  Alicia smiles, a little more gentle with Bea next to her.

“Has  Daddy been helping you with it?” She asks, quiet. 

Bea’s face falls. “No. Daddy’s been really busy.”

Alicia  tilts her head. “So he hasn’t been helping you with your project? That’s not very nice, Beatrice. I’m sorry.”

Bea’s nose wrinkles. “It’s just  _Bea,_ remember?  Ari says anybody named  _Beatrice_ is old. ”

“Right,”  Alicia says soothingly, petting down over Bea’s curls. She hardly acknowledges Finn, even when Bea starts to talk about school and all her friends how she’s writing a paragraph to try to convince Finn and Rey to let them get a bunny for the classroom because they’re all very responsible (this is, of course, the first Finn has heard of this, and kind of explains why Poe has been cracking terrible rabbit jokes at him in texts.)

Finn watches all of this, only adding comment when Bea talks directly to him. Alicia’s dismissal of him and of Poe makes his gut squirm. But he doesn’t know enough to voice an opinion. It’s their business, he’s just here to help the man who unknowingly has his heart by the strings.

When  Bea starts talking about the rabbit again Finn has to say, “did Ms. Rey tell you to write that?”

Bea bursts into a grin. “Yeah! An’ she told me not to tell you, or else it wouldn’t be a surprise bunny and then you’d have time to argue against it. But you can’t. I have a  _whole paragraph_.”

Sighing, Finn leans his head into his hand. “I’m gonna have to talk to her about that. ‘Cause if we get a bunny, I’m going to end up having to take care of it over breaks.”  And when she flies off with her uncle to physics conferences, and when she leaves him at the end of the year.

“Nuh- _uh_ ,” Bea argues, lifting her chin. “See, over breaks, someone comes in to take care of it! That way we all get to help. Dad already said yes.”

“Your dad’s going to take care of you  _and_ a bunny?”  Alicia ’s brows shoot up, her eyes finally flicking up to Finn. “I don’t think that’s a very good idea.”

Bea’s face falls.  She looks tentative and nervous, so unlike her boisterous, fearless self in class.  “Why not?”

Alicia ’s still smiling kindly, smoothing her hand down Bea’s hair. “Well, you know. Your dad’s still working on taking care of you. Aren’t you afraid he’d pay more attention to the bunny?” 

“No,” Bea says, soft, but her eyes widen like she hadn’t thought of that. “He wouldn’t! Dad wouldn’t do that. He wouldn’t forget about me.”

“I’m just saying,”  Alicia murmurs, “you know how he does forget about things sometimes.”

“Somehow I think he’s responsible enough to take care of Bea,” Finn  interjects , low and hard. He meets Alicia’s eyes. 

Her face is locked in a smile. “It’s none of your business.”

“It kind of is,” Finn says without returning the smile. “As her teacher and as Poe’s friend, it is my business. If any of my kids are mistreated or neglected, I do something about it.”

“Then maybe start doing something about it.”  Alicia says coldly. 

Finn opens his mouth to argue, but catches Bea’s eyes. She stares at him, tense and scared. “This isn’t the time. Bea, want to show me your project?”

She nods slightly, eyes flickering between Finn and her mom. “Mom? D’you wanna see?”

Alicia smiles broadly and curls her hand into Bea’s. “Of course, Beatrice.”

 

* * *

 

Bea tried to convince her to stay longer. 

Alicia smiled that cold smile and said she had important things to take care of tonight, and that they’d be seeing a lot of each other soon.

Still, Bea clings to her mom’s hand until the last possible second, when Alicia is back at her shiny car that looks so out of place in this little neighborhood. Finn hovers in the doorway, light spilling over onto the path, his teeth gritted. 

_“We’ll be seeing a lot more of each other.”_

Not for the first time, Finn wants to steal Poe and Bea away to somewhere where no one can hurt them, where Finn can protect them and keep them safe from the people (person) who want to tear them apart. While Alicia kisses Bea goodbye, he pulls up his phone and snaps a quick picture. It doesn’t display the tension in the scene, the tension that Bea doesn’t seem to feel, but Poe will. He texts it to Poe with ‘ _she’s leaving_ ’ captioned.

It’s not his place to feel this way. Alicia is Bea’s mother. But he’s seen how little that can matter, firsthand and second.

Poe doesn’t make it home until nearly 6 that evening, when the shadows are lengthening across the lawn and creeping into the windows. He presses open the door and trudges toward the kitchen, letting the door fall quietly shut behind him. 

“Hey,” Finn says from  where he’s slumped at the table with Bea,  eating some chicken nuggets he found in the freezer. Bea is steadily ignoring the pile of them on her plate, resting instead with her cheek on the tablecloth.

“You look tired,” Poe says softly. He leans on the doorframe, arms crossed tight. A plastic bag dangles from one hand. “Sorry I was gone so long. You alright?”

“So do you . ” Finn replies with a small smile. “I’m fine. How’d it go?”

Smiling back at them both, Poe swings himself into the kitchen and leans down to push a kiss against Bea’s head. She ignores him, so he pushes the bag onto the table instead. “Could’ve gone better, but! I brought terrible Chinese food. " he glances at Bea, clearly expecting the way her head bolts up from the table.

“General Tso’s?” She demands, and Poe laughs and tugs a container out of the bag. 

“General Poe’s,” he grins, winks at Bea’s answering eye-roll, and hands her a plastic fork. Finn snorts a laugh and sits up straighter.

“That’s terrible.”

“It was  _great._ ” Still grinning tiredly, Poe pulls out another container and hands it to Finn. “You said you like chow mein with okra, right?”

Finn doesn’t even remember telling Poe that, it must have been so long ago. He tugs open the container and breathes in, groaning . “That smells awesome. Thanks.”

“Thanks for today,” Poe says with a quiet smile, watching him for a second as he pulls apart a pair of cheap chopsticks. After a second, he shakes his head and turns to Bea to ask about her day. She’s quiet, hardly responding to him as she shoves the chicken in her mouth. She downs half the container in a few minutes, and sullenly picks at her rice with a downturned face. Poe asks an innocuous question about the project, hardly paying attention to his own food. Bea slams her fork down and shoves herself away from the table.

“I don’t want to talk to you!”

“Bea—" Poe stumbles out of his chair, almost knocking over his container of rice.

“Leave me alone!” Bea snaps, already stomping out of the kitchen. Poe starts to move after her, but she’s already running for the stairs, calling, “I’m going to _bed!_ ”

He stops in the doorway, silent, as her door slams hard enough to make the kitchen light flicker and buzz.

“Her mom was… not too nice about you,” Finn says softly, a piece of okra hanging from his chopsticks. “I tried to counter what she was saying, but I don’t pull as much weight with Bea.”

Poe sucks in a slow, steadying breath and lets his head thud against the doo r  frame. “Fuck.”

“Sorry,” Finn breathes. After hesitating for a moment, he s tands and pulls Poe into a hug.

“ _Fuck_ .” Poe repeats. He turns in Finn’s arms, pushes his face into Finn’s shoulder and rests there, arms slowly coming up around his waist. Finn pets his hand down Poe’s back. He forces himself to remember that this is for Poe, not for him, but he does lean in a little and tug him a bit closer.

“It was all bullshit. I’m sure she knows it. She’ll remember that.”

“She loves her mom,” Poe mumbles. His voice is thin-edged, and desperate like the clench of his fingers in Finn’s shirt. “Thinks Alicia doesn’t love her. Might be true. I can’t ever tell with her.”

“She didn’t seem too… motherly,” Finn murmurs. He takes the chance to push his fingers into Poe’s hair, sliding through soft curls. “Any way I can help. Seriously. I don’t want Bea to live with that woman.”

Poe’s laughter is brittle. “When we first ,  she was pregnant, and said it was mine, she. Alicia didn’t even  _want_ her. Only told me seven months in. It was either me or going into the foster system and I couldn’t… I was terrified, like, I’m barely not a kid, how can I raise a tiny person? But she’s everything. Finn, she’s—she’s  _everything_. I can’t lose her.” His voice shakes into tight silence, punctuated only by the quickness of his breath.

“You’ll keep her. You have to,” Finn hugs him tighter. 

“Gotta believe that,” Poe mumbles. He’s always been a physical person: small touches here and there, at the wrist, at the elbow, toes curling into jeans during movie night. Now he wraps himself completely around Finn, holding himself up on Finn’s shoulders. “I  _can’t.”_

Finn has no response to that,  just holding Poe for as long as it takes for his breathing to slow down again . His fingers trail down Poe’s back, face pressed into his hair. His body is sturdy and strong, but he slowly relaxes against Finn, letting Finn bear his weight.

Poe stays there until Finn’s shirt is damp under his face, and a little longer after that, just breathing.

After that day, he’s more willing, somehow, to text Finn in the middle of the day. He still doesn’t talk about  Alicia much, or about anything he’s working on to keep Bea, but the barrage of lunchtime texts transforms. Poe goes from texting him mostly about Bea to texting him about songs he should listen to, or movies that are particularly terrible that Snap is playing in the shop one afternoon, and invites him to come hang out with them after school while they finish things up, if he’s free and wants donuts that Iolo brought them.

Poe never brings up Alicia. He smiles and laughs and talks about everything except for Alicia and the possibility of losing Bea. Finn forgets, sometimes, when Bea is asleep and he’s with Poe and his friends, an arm casually slung around his shoulders. But then, when Snap or Jess talk, or Iolo starts to tell a story, Poe’s smile will fall slack, sliding down his face until the vacancy in his eyes is apparent, exhausted and afraid. Finn grips his hand when that happens, smiling if Poe looks at him. Just to to let him know he’s there. 

Alicia’s words stick in his head. He only knows Poe’s side, knows that he could be blinded by his incredible infatuation.  He keeps thinking about her during class until Rey snaps at him for being distracted (and apologizes later in the darkness of Finn’s apartment, mumbling that she thinks maybe she’s taken on too much with flying and physics and her future, and what if she can’t do it, and then Finn has to reassure her, too.)

If Poe is  forcibly  brighter, then Bea fades into a grayscale version of her former self. She’s sullen, and stops turning in her homework, even the project she’d been so excited about finishing.

They never get the letter about the bunny.

She barely talks in school, and for the few minutes she participates in recess, more often than not they  have to  break up a fight.  Rey pulls Bea off of another girl’s hair one Tuesday, and Finn  has to carry a boy to the nurse after Bea trips him.

“I’m worried,” Rey tells him quietly  one day. “I’ve never seen her like this. Is everything alright with her and her dad?”

Finn’s eyes flick to Bea, sitting by herself on one of the little ledges in the playground instead of running and laughing  with the other kids. They’ve mostly given up trying to get her to play by now, and her name pops up now and then in whispered conversations that go silent as soon as Finn and Rey are near. 

“It’s not great,” Finn murmurs. “She’s been mad at him for a while now.”

Rey’s eyes are sharp. “Did you see her lunch today?”

“No,” Finn says warily. Rey stifles a sigh.

“Just a cheese sandwich. I know you hang out with him a lot, and he’s a good guy. She didn’t even eat it. She tossed it in the trash.”

Finn lets out a deep breath.  “S hit. Should I do something? More than I already have?”

Rey frowns. “I don’t know. You’re always so happy to see him and then you come away looking miserable. What’s going on?”

“Nothing good,” Finn shifts closer to her, moving his eyes away so Bea won’t know he’s staring. His fingers find Rey’s. She squeezes his hand back almost too tight. 

“What, then?”

“It’s his business,” Finn says, but he wants to. He wants to tell her everything, about Poe, about Bea, about Alicia, the drama he’s found himself wrapped up in. Biting down on his tongue, he looks at Rey, meeting her eyes , and finds himself saying, “there’s a custody fight over Bea. He’s losing.”

Rey’s eyes go wide. “How is he  _losing_ ?”

“Alicia, her mom, is rich,” Finn murmurs. He wants to press his face into her shoulder and stay there, but he can’t. Not in front of the kids. “And she’s the mom. Bias, and all that. And she’s turning Bea against him,” he sucks in a breath and has to break eye contact with her, his heart clenching painfully. “And I’m way too invested.”

Sighing quietly, Rey squeezes his hand again, tugging him close for just a second. “You are. There’s got to be something he can do.”

“He’s tried everything,” Finn stares somewhere below her chin, “I’ve tried too. But that’s why.”

She makes a soft, frustrated sound. “ Well, why does she want Bea ? Maybe she wants to be in her life. That’s not a bad thing. Family is important.”

“I know that,” Finn says softly. ‘Family’ isn’t a word Rey uses lightly. “But that’s not, she wants, she wants to take her away. Not to share her with Poe.”

“Not to share,” Rey repeats under her breath,  letting the words sink in. After a moment she sighs again. “He’d better win, then.”

“I think he’ll fall apart if he doesn’t,” Finn swallows around a lump in his throat. “And Bea. Bea will be hours away in Cor us cant.”

They both watch Bea snap at Ari when he tries to talk to her, and practically kick him to get him to leave again. “Bea!” Rey snaps. She’s ignored. “ G o talk to her.” 

Finn nods, watching Ari trudge away, shoulders round and slumped. His fingers slip out of Rey’s and he walks slowly toward Bea. He can see Alicia in her, in her sharp eyes, the tone of her skin, the petulant jut of her chin. But Poe is there too in her smile, her dark, curly hair, and her fierce spirit. They could be a family, maybe. If Alicia would be less controlling, if Poe would be more accommodating. If there was any love between them at all.

Instead, their daughter is caught in the middle of  a fight that doesn’t have anything to do with her.

Bea doesn’t even glance up when he comes over, staring sullenly at the ground. Her hair haloes around her head today, not restrained in the usual ponytail. She’s wearing the same clothes from yesterday, when she’d skidded in the mud chasing after another girl. Finn sits down next to her without a word.

She manages to ignore him for a full five seconds before she looks up at him. “What?”

Finn meets her eyes. “What? Can’t I sit here?”

Bea frowns mulishly at him. “I didn’t invite you.”

“Good thing this isn’t your wall, then,” Finn says lightly, looking out at the playground.

“I’m sitting here,” she tries again, still staring up at him. 

“I can see that.” Finn pauses, then “have you seen your mom much lately?”

Bea stares at him suspiciously for a second, then says, slowly, “Yeah. We got ice cream yesterday ‘cause dad was busy. Again.”

“He’s been busy a lot, hasn’t he?” Finn asks as if he’s asking about the weather. Bea slumps a bit beside him.

“He doesn’t even listen to me.”

“I’m sorry, Bea,” Finn’s voice drops, soft and easy. “What do you want to tell him?” Bea wrinkles her nose.

“He keeps forgetting to help me look at my homework and he didn’t take me to the store so I couldn’t finish my project and then I was mad so I broke it, and he yelled at me!”

Finn sucks in a breath and lets it out slowly. “That’s not good. Is your mom helping you with your homework?”

“No,” Bea mumbles. “She doesn’t have time either.”

Finn glances over at Rey. “If you have questions or anything, I can help you out before we grade them.”

Bea shakes her head. Rey is half-watching them both, but the rest of her attention is on the other kids. “I don’t need it,” Bea murmurs. “I figured it out myself.” 

Smiling, Finn nods. “That’s great! But the offer stands. It’s not your fault that your parents are busy. I still want you to be able to learn.”

Bea’s shoes—at least these fit her—bounce off the wall as she kicks her legs. “Do I have to stay after school?”

“Not unless you want to,” Finn says. His own legs are too long, feet on the ground. “We can fit it in elsewhere.”

“Maybe…” Bea mumbles to herself, frowning again. She hums in thought and turns her face up to Finn. “After school is better.”

“After school it is.” Finn smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the long wait, everyone! A lot happened in the last few weeks: one of us went out of the country, dreamfleet started a new (hectic but awesome) job and it sucked up a lot of time and left her without a computer for a while BUT. we are back. from outer space.
> 
> we apologize for any sad looks upon faces.
> 
> As always, come hang out with [dreamfleet on tumblr](http://dreamfleet.tumblr.com/), and now come hang out with [mezmerize](http://mezmerizzze.tumblr.com/) as well! Talk to us about stormpilot! Look at pictures of cats!
> 
> Thank y'all so much, also, for all your awesome comments and kudos and bookmarks. They give us both life and we appreciate EVERYTHING you tell us!!


	7. Static

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bea mumbles something into his shoulder. All he catches is “—you?”
> 
> “And me,” Finn says quietly. He can feel Bea smile and shift through his sweater, her shoulders tiny under his arm.
> 
> “Thanks,” she says, whisper-soft, and then, “’m glad.”

“I used to love Christmas shopping,” Poe mumbles to him as he dodges around a few little kids racing each other to see Santa. “But this is  _ridiculous_.”

Finn’s hands are on Bea’s shoulders, keeping her secure against him to avoid getting trampled. “This better be worth it, Bea-Bea,” Finn murmurs to her.

“It’s worth it!” She insists, craning her head back against his belly to look at him upside-down. “Mail takes  _way_ too long!”

“You know we could probably just text him,” Poe muses, eyes flicking over the line and the various elves trying to keep the waiting kids entertained. “This is the 21st century. You think Santa has a free data plan by now?”

“Santa probably has email at least,” Finn sighs and leans his shoulder against Poe, keeping him close as well. The press of parents and children around them is oppressive. Finn wants to turn his face into Poe’s neck and stay there, safe and quiet.

Poe grins over at him, close enough Finn can feel the puff of his breath damp on his skin. He probably still tastes like the candy canes that were shoved into their hands as soon as they got into the mall. “Bet the  Wi-Fi is terrible up there. Hey,” he nudges Finn as they shuffle forward in line, “what are you doing for Christmas, anyway?”

Finn freezes for a second. He’s used to keeping his history quiet, not wanting the pity or the offers of help, but with Poe it’s different. He wants to be asked to have Christmas with them, to watch Bea open presents and throw her arms around him with a shriek of glee. But not out of pity. 

Sucking in a breath, he forces himself to relax and swallows around a lump in his throat. “I usually hang out with Rey’s family. Principal Skywalker is her uncle.”

“Christmas with the principal, huh? Bet that’s a blast.” Poe laughs. His eyes are warm and bright and full of all the lights twinkling around them. “Sounds awesome.”

“Yeah, it’s,” he wrinkles his nose, remembering last year when Rey’s cousin Ben effectively ruined the entire event getting into a shouting match with his dad. Ben had upended the entire pitcher of eggnog over Luke and stormed out by the end of it. “Something.”

Poe’s eyes glitter. “Sounds like a story.”

“It’s somewhere to go . ” Finn shrugs, deciding yet again that Poe is safe. More than safe. “Better than my first Christmas here. I spent it in my apartment. What, uh, do you two do?”

“Okay, no, what,” Poe’s eyes are wide. “You spent your first Christmas here in your  _apartment_? Good thing Rey adopted you.”

“It wasn’t that bad ! ” Finn laughs. Bea grabs his hand and he squeezes hers tightly. “I had Christmas movies and eggnog.”

Poe shakes his head. “Good on you for making the best of it, buddy, but if that ever happens again you come hang out with us, alright?”

“Thanks,” Finn says quietly, barely loud enough to be heard over the din. They shuffle forward a few feet. After a second, he reaches out for Poe’s hand as well. It’s a horrible idea and his heart aches, but he’s allowed to do this and it’s something. It’s better than standing here, pretending by himself that they’re something they’re not. Bea’s little hand is warm in his as she chatters quietly at them, listing off the things she’s hoping to get from Santa (a stuffed jellyfish and a real kendo sword among them, the latter of which must be Rey’s fault). With every item out of her mouth, Poe’s hand gets a little tighter in his.

“We always sing Christmas songs,” Poe says after a bit. His voice is tight around the edges. “On Christmas  Eve. Put on Rudolph and sing along with that. Make up our own.”

“I like Deck the Walls with Lots of Lollies,” Bea adds brightly. “We should have a candy tree this year! Like the Candy Cane Forest!”

“Would you make the tree?” Finn asks her, his thumb stroking easily over the back of Poe’s hand. He leans in a little closer while Bea expounds the virtues of candy trees over pine ones and asks, “is it okay if I get her something?”

“If you,” Poe repeats, quiet, like he doesn’t quite get it. He hesitates, eyes darting over Finn’s face. 

Then he smiles, small and soft and murmurs, “You don’t even have to ask. ‘Course it is. She  _might_ have a surprise for you, y’know,” he says a little louder and winks just as Bea tugs on both of their hands. 

“Don’t  _tell_ him!”

Poe just laughs. “I mean, what? Who’s surprising anybody?”

It feels like he’s been punched in the gut. Finn can barely suck in a breath, looking between the pair of them with a lost expression. “Thanks, Bea,” he says, strained, and glances at Santa instead of their faces, so happy and sweet.

If he had his way, this would be real. Holding their hands would mean something, would mean that they’re close. If not a family, that they’re at least something. Something more than just friends and his student. More than a favorite teacher and a helpful babysitter. He wants to be able to lean over and kiss Poe, to hug Bea close when she’s not crying, normally as a part of their lives. When he can’t pretend anymore, pain strikes through his chest, clenching and pulling at his heart.

It must show on his face;  Poe’s smile fades into worry. He squeezes Finn’s hand, tugs him closer. “Finn? You okay?”

Finn hesitates, then gives him a small nod. “Yeah,” he says, voice hoarse. “I’m okay.”

For a second, it seems like Poe might push it, and the force of his concern is no small thing. He wavers, bites his lip, and smiles. “Alright, if you’re sure. We’re gonna need coffee after this.” Bea is bouncing impatiently between them, still chattering mostly to herself about how good she’s been this year (“Debatable,” Poe mumbles in Finn’s ear in a laughing voice) and how she wants to go buy presents for her friends after this (and at that Poe’s face goes very sad, which he covers up as fast as he can ) .

Finn is lost in his own head as the line shuffles slowly forward. By the time he surfaces, they’re in front of Santa and the helper elf coos over them, her voice high and pitched happily. “Wow! Aren’t you a cute little family. I bet you’ve been a great girl this year!” She leans down, hands on her knees to smile at Bea.  

Even the elf thinks they’re a couple. Finn sucks in a breath, staring at her for a second before he glances at Poe. He’s not sure how much more of this he can take. Carefully, he lets go of Poe’s hand, dropping to his side. 

“Uh,” Poe starts, going red as he glances at Finn, but Bea interrupts with a cheer.

“I’ve been  _so good_!” Bea smiles her half gap-toothed smile. Her new tooth hasn’t quite grown in all the way yet. It makes some of her words whistle when she says them. “Was it a really long trip from the North Pole? How are you gonna get back up in time?”

“Magic, of course!” The elf squeaks, the bells on her shoes jingling. “Do you know what you want to ask from Santa?”

Bea nods furiously. “I made a list!”

“Santa loves lists,” the elf nods and glances up at Poe and Finn. She smiles sweetly, “but, you know, there are a lot of kids out there. I bet you’ll get some of the stuff on your list, but Santa can’t promise everything.”

It’s a tribute to Bea that her face only falls for a second before she steels herself. “I’ll tell him the most important ones.”

“Good idea, baby.” Poe says quietly, and sifts his fingers through her hair as the elf turns to help her onto Santa’s lap. He bites his lip, then drags out his phone to take a picture as Bea starts chattering to Santa in her bubbly voice, small hands clinging to his jacket. Santa laughs and wraps an arm around her to point to the big cameras. “Guess we’re buying a photo,” he mumbles to Finn, nudging him with his elbow. He won’t quite meet Finn’s eyes.

“Nah,” Finn says, taking out his phone too. It’s a good distraction. “We’ll get a good one.”

Poe leans in, over his shoulder, to peer at the screen as he snaps a few pictures of Bea’s animated explanations of exactly  _why_ she really needs a stuffed jellyfish.  Just before Santa gently makes her move on, she leans up in his ear to whisper something that makes his bright eyes flick over to Poe and Finn. He points to Poe and Bea nods and slides neatly off his lap with a soft, “Thank you, Santa!”

Finn doesn’t offer his hand to her this time. He’s not sure he quite remembers to breathe as they finally leave the line, staring blankly at the space in front of himself. 

“Finn?” Poe’s peering at him again, a small frown on his face as he takes Bea’s hand instead. “You sure you’re alright? D’you need to get out of here?”

“Probably,” he says with a tight smile. The world swims around him, too bright and too loud. “I don’t like,” he waves a hand at the crowds around him. It takes effort to catch his breath.  Pressure builds in his sternum. His ribs feel too tight. “I’ll. I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

Poe watches him for a second longer, still frowning, but he nods and claps Finn on the shoulder. “Thanks for coming with us. Let me know if you need a ride home or something.”

Finn wants to press into him, to feel Poe’s body against his, to be that family he never had. Acting like this is devastating. He swallows and shrugs Poe’s hand off his shoulder. “That’s okay. Thanks.”  Waving weakly at Bea, he turns away  without looking at Poe.

As soon as he’s out of their sight, ducking into one of the department stores behind a tall display of holiday dresses, he pulls out his phone and calls Rey. His lungs can’t get enough air and he’s afraid he’ll break down right here in the middle of the mall.

Rey sounds out of breath when she picks up. “Finn! Hi, hang on, let me get away from the road,” the wind brushes sharp past the receiver and then abruptly goes quiet. “Alright. Hey.”

“Can you come pick me up?” He says, voice tight, shoulders hunched against the wall. Fabric folds in around him, threatening to swallow him up.

“Yeah,” Rey says immediately. “Are you alright? You don’t sound alright.”

“No. I’m not,” he whispers, staring at the floor instead of the fluorescent lights glinting off of sequins on a garish gown. He can barely breathe.

“I’m heading back to my bike right now. What’s wrong?” She sounds brusque, which usually means she’s extremely worried about him and doesn’t want to freak him out.

“Tell you when you get here,” he says. “I’ll be at the bus stop.”

“Hold tight,” The wind picks up again along with Rey’s breath. “Be there in 15."

 

* * *

 

Finn stares down into his soda. The panic is under control and Rey is holding his hand, fingers nearly too-tight around his, grounding him. “And I just left,” he says, voice deadened. “I can’t do it.”

Rey makes a soft sound of agreement and tugs his hand onto her lap so she can slide her other hand into his, too. “That was probably smart,” she says, quiet. “Leaving, I mean.”

Falling to the side, Finn rests his head on hers and closes his eyes. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t want to not talk to him, but I don’t. I can’t. Anymore.”

“So tell him that.” Rey suggests gently. “If your other options are, what: sit in silence, keep being his friend and suffer, or stop speaking to him and suffer in a different way?”

“Tell him what, exactly?” Finn mumbles, turning his face into her hair. Rey’s thumb slides soothingly over his palm.

“That you’re deeply in love with him and want to be Bea’s other dad and possibly adopt more adorable children. Maybe there’s a third option here.”

“I can’t.” Finn’s hands tighten over hers. “Not. Not right now. He has so much. Maybe,” he sucks in a breath and sits up to look at her, his eyes ringed with red. “I can tell him some of that. That I, not love. Like him. And I want something more. And I don’t want to, to, make him decide anything right now.” Rey’s fingers slide over his, dry and warm and comforting. 

“Good idea. And that you’re going to stay away until you can figure things out? I think you should. This is killing you.”

“What if he doesn’t want that. Any of it,” Finn whispers hopelessly. “I. I’m too used to it. I can’t be alone again.”

“You won’t be,” Rey tells him firmly, eyes flashing. “You have me. No matter what. Worry about what he says after he says it.”

“Thanks,” Finn doesn’t bring up the fact that she is leaving him, going to pursue her dream. He can’t stand in the way of that. “I’ll figure out what to say. Then say it.” He wrinkles his nose, “maybe not in person.”

“Chicken,” Rey snorts, but it’s affectionate, and she squeezes his hand. “Just don’t text it to him.”

“I’ll call him,” Finn says firmly. He squeezes her fingers one more time, then lets go. “That’s good enough.” Rey shoots him a smile, all teeth.

“Want to come work out your frustration at the gym with me? It’s yoga day. That adorable instructor is there.”

“Yeah. Yeah. He’ll take my mind off Poe,” Finn laughs, a pathetic sound, and he gives her a messy kiss on the cheek.

 

* * *

 

He never does get around to calling Poe. 

 

* * *

 

“Alex!” Rey’s voice is sharp enough to make the boy drop his hands instantly from Riley’s hair. He turns guiltily toward her, eyes downcast. Rey stifles a sigh as he slinks over to her. “There are better ways to spend your free time,” she tells him when he’s stopped in front of her. She looks over his sullen face and adds, softer, “There are also better ways to get someone’s attention.”

“I don’t want her attention!” Alex flushes all the way down to the pale roots of his hair, shaking his head violently. 

Rey just smiles. “Try giving her a Valentine in a month, alright? A personal one.”

Alex’s eyes go wide. He stares at Rey for a second, then mumbles something about his journal and races off to his desk. “Walking!” Rey calls after him. He slows down halfway across the room. 

Most the other kids are involved in their usual activity of choice. There’s a small group buzzing around the puzzle in the corner, and a few sprawled on the reading mats with books. Bea is over near the window writing furiously in her journal, stuck there until her punishment for pulling Kayla’s hair is over and she’s produced a neat essay on why it is not alright to do things like that. 

Rey sighs and leans against the desk, glancing at Finn.

“Are those journals graded? We’re meant to hand them back soon.”

Finn drags his eyes up to her and blinks. “What?”

Rey laughs and nudges the stack of papers toward him. “Are you alright?”

Finn looks down at them and sighs. “Yeah. Sorry. My head is somewhere else.” He drags the first one toward himself and pulls out  his purple pen he always uses for grading.

“I know,” Rey says quietly, flicking a glance at Bea. “Has he called you back?”

“Like four times,” Finn mutters and skims over Alex’s latest entry. He doesn’t add that there was no call to return in the first place. “And he texted me.  It’s fine. ”

“Fine?” Rey sounds skeptical.

“He said he  _understands_ ,” Finn mumbles. He gives Alex a 10/10 but nearly tears the paper with the pen. Frowning, Rey reaches out to smooth the paper down and curls her fingers into Finn’s. 

“That’s good, isn’t it?”

Finn stares down at their hands and takes a deep breath. “Yes. It is. But it doesn’t mean I’m okay with it.”

“What did you want out of it?” Rey sounds a little confused and a little distracted, watching a few of the kids as they start bickering over the puzzle.

“I want,” Finn starts, then shakes his head. “It doesn’t matter.”

Rey rolls her eyes. “It does, actually, but if you’re going to be stubborn about it then get back to grading. Ten minutes!” She calls out over the classroom, making several kids groan.  Finn smiles at her and hands her back a third of the pile.

“We can do this in ten minutes.”

“You’re the worst,” Rey grouses, but dutifully gets out her Important Grading Pen and flops down beside him.

Cutting Poe out of his life is more painful than Finn would have imagined. Ignoring his texts, refusing when Poe invites him over, absenting himself when Poe comes to pick Bea up from their homework sessions. Rey watches Poe intently when he’s at the school, his increasingly scruffy beard and wrinkled clothes, gaunt face and force d smile. Finn can’t let himself be in the room or he’ll need to help, need to do something when Poe is so obviously miserable and haggard. 

It makes time to spend with Rey, which Finn only now realizes how much he missed. With the bad movies, the wine, and night rides on her motorcycle, he spends just as little time at his apartment as when he was spending time with Poe.  She  helps him forget and hugs him when it’s hard to, when Bea mumbles that her dad’s been really sad lately with a pointed look at Finn like he’s meant to do something, or when she asks him when he’s coming to the park with them again.

Christmas passes with a Santa hat on Finn’s head and reindeer antlers on Rey. Ben makes an appearance, but only to steal a cinnamon roll and a glass of eggnog that Principal Skywalker makes every year.  Rey feeds  Finn a cookie every time he starts to look a little out of it, wondering what Poe and Bea are doing and if there are a lot of presents and if they managed to get everything she asked Santa for.  If she likes the jellyfish he’d left in her backpack on the Friday before break.

“I’ll sic Aunt Leia on you,” Rey warns him at one point, and drags him over to the couch so they can all make fun of  _Christmas Vacation_ together, as is tradition. He wraps his arm around her, leaning his head on Rey’s. 

“I’m fine,” he repeats the lie he’s said every day for the last few weeks. 

Bea, at least, is a little happier after the break. As promised, she starts staying after school with him and Rey and a few of the other kids, working on special projects or their homework. Most of the homework Bea was missing before the break gets done in a few weeks now that she has the time for it, and she still runs out to greet Poe when he comes to pick her up. She e ven turns in the Bunny Letter (as she’s dubbed it) after a few weeks, complete with a proud grin and several lines of corrected spelling errors. 

Poe stops reaching out, eventually.

 

* * *

 

“You’re close,” Finn says with a smile. He points out the number with his pen. “Try that one again.”

“I can’t do it,” Bea mumbles back, frowning down at the problem. The late afternoon sun slants in, lighting up her hair at the edges until it looks like finespun thread.

She’s been scowling all day, today. “What’s wrong with it? Why didn’t it work?”

“You forgot to carry the one. Here,” he points to it, scooting closer to her. Bea follows his finger and makes a tiny noise of understanding.

“I  _always_ forget about the ones.” She scratches it in and erases the rest of the answer she’d gotten before. “That’s stupid.”

“Try it again. Promise it does make sense. We’ll get there,” Finn gently touches her shoulder before he turns back to the grading he’s working on.

Reluctantly, Bea nods and goes back to the problem, murmuring to herself as she figures through it.

She’s only been working for two minutes when she wails and drops her head against the worksheet. “It doesn’t make any sense!” 

Finn stifles a sigh and pointedly ignores her, concentrating on trying to decipher Riley’s handwriting. Bea whimpers beside him and picks herself back up when becomes clear Finn isn’t going to feel bad for her. 

“I carried the one,” she mumbles. “I  _did_. Dad doesn’t get it either. It’s dumb.”

“It’s math,” Finn murmurs. “Give it a few more minutes.”

“I already gave it a lot of minutes,” Bea grumbles at him. “That’s enough minutes.”

“Five more minutes, then I’ll help,” Finn tells her, tapping his pen on the papers. Bea groans, but dutifully goes back to trying to solve it herself, muttering the entire way. She can’t seem to solve anything quietly, but she does have a lightning-fast mind and frequently trips over her own words trying to explain things as she comes up with them.

“This is  _impossible!_ ” She declares after three more minutes have passed, and then solves it a minute and twenty-five seconds later. Finn glances over with a smile and pokes his pen at the next one. 

“Good job. That’s perfect.” Bea grins at him, exhilarated by her own success. She breezes through the next couple problems in perfect silence, except for a few self-satisfied cheers under her breath.

She’s still silent when her pencil stops scratching.  After a suspicious long moment of quiet, Finn looks up at her again. She’s staring at him with her wide, brown eyes.

“…what?”

“Why’d you stop coming over for dinner?”

Finn sits up a little, swallowing around his suddenly tight throat. “Uh,” he looks at her and she just stares back, unmoving. “I’ve been busy,” he lies lamely.

“For a month?” Bea sounds appropriately skeptical about this. She is entirely too perceptive.

“For a month,” Finn confirms.

Bea’s eyes narrow. “You haven’t been talking to dad, either.”

Lying to her feels so wrong, like twisting a knife in his gut. Her eyes pierce straight through him. “No, I haven’t.”

“Why not?” Her voice goes sharp. 

Finn takes a deep breath, meeting her eyes. Instead of lying, he says gently, “that’s between your dad and me.” Bea frowns at him. Her pencil is tight in her hand.

She looks tired. She has for a few weeks now. Every day there are bags under her eyes, and her concentration slips more and more in lessons. These times after school with Finn are the only things keeping her grades from slipping, too.

“You should come back,” she finally murmurs. “Dad wasn’t as sad all the time.”

Finn looks down at the essays he should be grading. Nearly every day, Poe’s name is on his phone with one text or another written out, but he never sends them.  While he hasn’t been joyous since he stopped talking to Poe, he hasn’t been miserable either. He  hasn’t really been anything. Being around Poe was a constant battle between bliss and devastation. Numbness is a better alternative, for now.

“I’m sorry,” he says softly. “I don’t want him to be sad. But I can’t come around anymore.”

“Why not?” Bea asks again, bitterness in her voice. She seems to know Finn’s answer before he says it, because she immediately goes back to scowling down at her worksheet. “I’m done.”

A thin smile stretches his lips and he takes the paper from her, glancing over the answers. “Good job.” He marks 100% at the top of the page, then glances at the clock. “Your dad’ll be here in fifteen minutes. I need to grade these papers, but you can do whatever you want, inside the classroom.”

“I don’t want to do anything.” Bea mumbles, a little hopelessly. 

“Then sit here with me,” Finn holds out a hand for her. Bea stares down at it. Her pencil, the blue one covered in cats that she’s had since day one of class, rolls lazily off the edge of the table and onto the floor. She ignores it and takes Finn’s hand instead. Her hand is tiny in his. Finn  wraps his fingers around hers and ignores her besides that. Bea’s quiet for a while, watching the scratch of Finn’s pen with her head pillowed on her other arm.

“Mr. Finn?” She finally asks, in a small voice.

“Yeah, Bea?” Finn asks quietly.

She shifts a little closer, her legs kicking under the chair. “Did you like your mom?”

Finn pauses and sits up a little straighter. “I’ve had a lot of different moms. Some I liked, some I didn’t.”

Bea looks confused for a second at that, but accepts it with a small nod. “That’s lucky. I wish I had a lot of moms.”

“Do you like your mom?” Finn asks gently.

Bea doesn’t look at him. “I dunno,” she mumbles, and then “ _yeah_ , but, I don’t think she likes me.”

Finn stays quiet for a moment. He would pull her into his arms if they weren’t at school, but he can’t here. Instead, he smiles slightly, “your dad loves you. More than anything else.” Bea makes a quiet, sad sound and shoves her face into her arm.

“Whatever.”

“Why do you think your mom doesn’t like you?” Finn asks, glancing at the door. If Poe walks in right now, he’ll have to talk to him.

“She never wanted to do anything with us before,” Bea mumbles. “Not even on my birthday.”

“Do you know why she’s back now?” Finn asks, unable to stop himself. Bea shakes her head.

“I asked dad. He doesn’t know either. He said maybe… she finally realized what she was missing. But he doesn’t like her very much.”

“Who do you want to be with?” Finn’s curiosity feels morbid, but for months it ' s felt like Bea was a part of his family too.

Bea lifts her head just enough to look at him. She looks miserable. “I want mom to like me.”

Finn’s heart breaks at her expression. Heedless of the classroom, Finn pulls her into his arms in a gentle hug. Bea relaxes instantly against him, clinging to his sweater as tight as she can. “I dunno why,” she breathes, shaky, “she doesn’t. It’s not fair.”

“No, it’s not,” Finn murmurs, petting gently down her back. “But someone doesn’t have to be related like that to love you. Just ‘cause they are related, it doesn’t mean that they do either. But there are plenty of people who do love you. I know your dad does, and Jess, and Snap.”

Bea mumbles something into his shoulder. All he catches is “—you?”

“And me,” Finn says quietly. He can feel Bea smile and shift through his sweater, her shoulders tiny under his arm.

“Thanks,” she says, whisper-soft, and then, “’m glad.”

“And even if I’m not around your dad too much, I’m here. You can talk to me about anything, okay?”

“You’ve been sad a lot too,” Bea murmurs. “I noticed.”

Finn smiles, resting his chin on her shoulder. “I’m okay. Sadness isn’t always a bad thing.”

Bea snorts at that and pulls away just enough to frown at him. “Yeah it  _is._ It doesn’t feel good. _”_

“It doesn’t. You don’t have to worry about me,” he pets back a lock of her hair that fell out of her ponytail.

“Miss Rey said that too.” Bea shakes her head under his hand and leans in to hug him again. “But I want to. And I want to worry about dad, too, even though he tells me not to.”

“I appreciate that,” Finn says, holding her tightly. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. It must be bad if an eight-year-old can reassure him. “I want to worry about you too.”

“You don’t have to worry about  _me,”_ Bea snorts dismissively, and she either doesn’t understand the gravity of everything that’s happening around her or she doesn’t care, to be saying that. Maybe both. 

“I do anyway,” Finn says, smiling softly over her shoulder. Outside, the light wanes, fading down into soft pink and gold that washes out everything in classroom.

The little bell above the door jingles cheerfully.

“Dad!” Bea yells over his shoulder, and wriggles back out of Finn’s arms. 

Poe’s voice is soft and strange when he says, “Hey, baby.”

Finn sits up, carefully avoiding looking at Poe for too long. He doesn’t look good, his hair limp, stubble on his cheeks, bags under his eyes. He can’t help feeling guilty. Bea insinuated that he’s the reason for Poe’s decline. He doesn’t want to be. God, he doesn’t, but the ache in his chest whenever he’s around Poe is too much to bear.

“Good job tonight, Bea,” he says quietly. Bea smiles at him, her earlier hesitancy gone. 

“Thank you for helping me.” Without being asked, Bea gathers up her worksheet and pencil case, bites her lip, and throws her arms around Finn one more time. Finn laughs softly and hugs her in a tight squeeze. 

“You’re welcome. Be good for your dad.”

Sticking her tongue out, Bea worms back out of his arms and bolts for her dad, chattering about how she’d solved all the long division problems that had been so hard. 

Poe, with the rosy  sunset lining his face, looks down at her with a tiny sad smile and says, quietly, “That’s amazing, Bea.” She beams up at him. They’re both trimmed in gold.

“Thanks for helping her.” Poe’s talking to him, now, not to Bea. Watching him. “Good to see you, buddy.”

Finn swallows, throat tight, and nods. “Yeah,” he says, Poe’s eyes pinning him even from across the room. “You too.”

Poe smiles at him. It’s not as bright as his usual ones, and it’s a lot more tired, worn at the edges, but it’s a smile.  He scruffs a hand through Bea’s hair, says “C’mon,  _mjia_ , I’ve got a surprise for you,”  then turns into the sunset and is gone. The bell tinkles very quietly behind them, then fades into silence.

Finn stays put for a minute, staring at the place where Poe was. His heart hurts. Only a few more months and Bea will be out of his class and he’ll only see Poe at school events, if that. A few more months of pain and he’ll be free.

If he were a stronger person, he would tell Poe, confess everything he’s feeling, everything that’s tearing him apart, to put some ease to Poe’s expression. But the words won’t come. His finger hovers over Poe’s name that night, lying on his immaculate bed with his phone held above his face. Sucking in a breath, he hits dial.

It almost goes to voicemail. Poe picks it up halfway through the fifth ring with a surprised-sounding “Finn?”

Finn freezes. He hadn’t expected Poe to pick up. Somehow, he’d imagined it going to voicemail and Poe ignoring the missed call from him. 

“Uh.” He fumbles for words, eyes wide, staring at the blank ceiling. “Hi. Poe.”

“Hey,” Poe says, soft. “You, uh. You okay?”

“Yeah,” Finn breathes. “Yeah. I’m okay. Are you okay?”

Poe laughs. “Definitely been better. But I’m alright.”

“Good. About being alright,” Finn shoves a hand over his face and forces himself to take a breath. This is nothing like how he’d rehearsed it. “Shit. Is everything going okay with Bea’s mom?”

“Nope.” Poe sounds almost cheerful, in a sad sort of way. “We’ll be okay, though. We will. What’s up?”

“I,” Finn starts, pressing his fingers into the corners of his eyes. “Bea doesn’t want to go with her,” he says, too quickly, to stifle what he actually meant to say. “She told me. Not in so many words, but. She needs you, and needs you to love her.”

Poe is silent for a few long moments. His voice shakes. “She, uh. She told you that?”

“She thinks her mom doesn’t love her,” Finn whispers. “Don’t tell her I told you. Said I wouldn’t, but. Please fight for her. As hard as you can.”

When Poe laughs this time, it doesn’t sound cheerful at all. “She’s not wrong. I’m trying, though. Hard as I can.”

“Good.” Finn says firmly. He drops his hand and pushes himself up, cradling the phone against his ear. “And,” he ste e ls himself, gritting his teeth. “I’m sorry. For the last month. Ignoring you.”

For a second, Poe says nothing at all. 

“It’s, uh,” he finally murmurs, “yeah. Thanks. Are you alright?”

“Not really,” Finn admits, resting his elbows on his knees. He’s never appreciated just how boring his carpet is before. “But it’s fine. I. You need to focus on Bea.”

“ _Not really?_ ” Poe echoes back, concerned. “What’s going on?”

None of Finn’s carefully planned words come to him now. His mind is blank besides the words that he can’t say, that he won’t say, not over the phone.  Poe makes a soft sound.

“Finn? You okay?”

“Nothing,” he says, voice strained. “It’s nothing. Just. Wanted to tell you what Bea said. Shouldn’t’ve done that anyway. It’s her. Her business. Shit,” he pushes a hand into his hair and tugs. 

“Hey,” Poe cuts him off before he can say anything else, “No. I appreciate it. You know you can talk to me, if you need to. I know I’m busy, but I’m not gonna just. You know? I can listen.”

“Poe,” Finn groans, curling into himself. “Shut up. Please. I don’t need to talk about anything. Not with you. Okay? I need to. Not do that. Before I go fucking insane.”

“Not with,” Poe repeats very softly, and the frown on his face is audible. “Uh. Alright. That’s fine.”

Finn wants to throw his phone across the room. He shouldn’t understand. He should be angry, or hurt, not just accept it. Finn’s gut aches and his head hurts and all he wants is to see Poe and curl up with him on his ugly orange couch. Not alone in his stark apartment. 

“Just. Make sure you win.” He says, voice harsh.

Poe’s breath catches. “Dunno what I’ll do if I don’t.”

“You have to,” Finn orders, his voice low. 

Finally something sparks in Poe’s voice, sharp and hot and snapping. “I  _know_.”

Finn falls silent again, glaring at the drab floor. 

“I know, alright?” Poe hisses on the other end. He sounds ragged and so unlike himself. “If I lose her I’m never gonna forgive myself but  she has better lawyers than me, and more money and a better house and it’s not looking good, right now. It’s really not.”

The offer to help is on Finn’s tongue, but he swallows it back. He can’t help. He can only think about himself when his friend is struggling to keep his life together. Finn can’t help because he would just make this worse for both of them.

“You raised her,” he finally says. “That has to count for something.”

“Yeah,” Poe says, bitterness making his voice sharp, “you’d think, wouldn’t you.”

“I would,” Finn presses the bridge of his nose. “I’m sorry. I hope it’s okay. In the end.”

Poe’s answering laughter has sharp edges. “I’ll make it okay.” 

“Yeah,” Finn breathes, hating the pain in Poe’s voice. “You will. I should go. Bye, uh, Poe.”

Poe’s breath catches like he wants to say something, like maybe he’s going to ask Finn to stay on the line with him, but it only falls out of him all at once as a long, slow sigh. “Yeah,” he says, very quiet. “Bye, Finn. Thanks for calling.”

“Sure,” Finn mutters and takes the phone from his ear. He stares at Poe’s picture for a second, a selfie he’d taken when Jess was showing Finn how to fix a leak in the oil system of a truck, his hair a sweaty mess, but grin bright as he winks at the camera. He shoves a thumb over Poe’s face to hang up.

His whole body feels numb. He already regrets what he said and what he didn’t say. Letting Poe think, well, something. Something untrue and cruel when he needs a friend and Finn is everything but that. 

Finn drops back on the bed and pulls a pillow over his chest.

 

* * *

 

Finn glares down at the giant sheet of paper Rey forced him to take home to try and decorate his dismal apartment. He feels like one of his students, sitting here with water colors and a paint brush, music tinny in the small, barren space. There’s nothing on the sheet, even after twenty minutes of staring at it, hoping that an idea will sprout. 

Rey is off on one of her trips, and spring break has never been so incredibly dull. His fingers itch to pick up his phone and text Poe. Or the boy he’d met in the bar last weekend, but he can’t do that, not when he’d spend the whole time wishing that he was someone else. He’s spent the last two months wishing that he’d made a different choice. That the person on the other end was Poe, inviting him to go with them to the park or to the garage or to hang out with his friends. But the last text from Poe is over a month ago. The last one from Finn came from a week after Christmas.

Groaning, Finn drops the paint brush and picks up his phone, thumbing through a Pinterest board of ideas, all of which are outside of his skill level. Muttering under his breath, he thumbs open Facebook instead and drops onto his back. He’s halfway through some stupid post about the environmental disaster that is K-cups when Poe’s name flashes up on his screen. 

He’s calling.

Finn stares at his name and that stupid  selfie, grinning brightly at him. His heart jumps.

Against his better judgement, Finn  answers it. “…hello?”

There’s a sharp intake of breath, stifled, on the other end. “Finn,” Poe says soft and full of surprise. “I, uh. Didn’t expect you to pick up.”

“You never call,” Finn says automatically, staring up at the ceiling.  Poe’s  voice  vibrates through him, setting his nerves on fire. “What—what’s up?”

Poe swallows, audibly. “Um.”

Finn pushes himself up so he’s sitting, on the floor in the middle of his bare apartment. Poe’s breathing comes hard down the phone in a rush of static, strange and quick. 

“She,” Poe starts, but the word fractures in his mouth. He swallows, tries again, and doesn’t quite manage it.

“Poe?” Finn’s hand tightens into a fist on his thigh, heart in his throat. Poe makes a tiny choked-off sound on the other end, like his breath is stuck somewhere behind his ribs.

“Finn,” he tries, in a very small voice, and has to suck in another steadying breath. Silence crackles dimly, and then Poe’s voice breaks. “I lost her.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh y'all I'm sorry. 
> 
> It can only go up from here, right?
> 
> This chapter beta'd by the lovely and wonderful [avariceawakens](http://archiveofourown.org/users/avariceawakens/profile).
> 
> As usual, come hang out with us on tumblr at [dreamfleet](http://dreamfleet.tumblr.com/) and [mezmerizzze](http://mezmerizzze.tumblr.com/).


	8. Common Sense

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m excited,” Poe murmurs. The stars glitter high and cold above them.
> 
> “For what?” Finn asks, staring forward at the wall of his apartment.
> 
> Poe hums a bit and finally slips off the bike. Gravel scuffs under his boots. “To see your place.”

“You what?”

Heat pricks at Finn’s eyes. The room swims, white walls blurring around him. He never actually thought that Poe would lose. Poe, who tried so hard to give Bea what she needs. Who didn’t always succeed, but he was still there. He was trying.

“I lost her,” Poe repeats into the stretching silence. “Took it into court, finally. She makes more money than I do and had a better lawyer, mine had like six other cases he was working on or something and the judge was this hugely conservative old guy," he cuts himself off with a growl of frustration. “She doesn’t even want Bea! She wants this perfect idea of a daughter she can show off to get fucking brownie points or some shit. She wants, she wants Beatrice.”

“God, that. I’m so sorry,” Finn says weakly. Poe laughs, wild and bitter.

“I’m fighting it, but it’s gonna take forever.” He swallows, hard, and continues, “She was crying. So much, you would’ve—they swapped schedules, so I can visit her every other week at her mom’s place.”

“Where does she live?” Finn asks, his fingers digging into the carpet.

Poe’s breath catches hard.

“Two hours away,” he mumbles. “Coruscant. Middle of downtown. Fancy penthouse apartment.”

“Shit.” Finn’s hand balls into a fist. “Poe, that, that, it’s stupid. How could she win? I don’t. Fuck. Are you okay? Of course you’re not. What do you need?”

Poe’s answering laughter wavers. “I need Bea. Alicia doesn’t even, she doesn’t know the bedtime stories, or how you check for bed monsters. What kind of soup to give her when she’s sick. She’s never been there. Not even when she was, when she was asking why her mom didn’t fucking want her. Y’know, I seriously thought about telling her that Alicia had died because it was easier? And now she just…”

“Yeah,” Finn murmurs, slamming his fist against the ground. “Yeah, can you, why did she win? ‘Cause she’s the mom?”

“Moral grounds,” Poe mutters. “So, yeah, pretty much. Alicia’s her mom even though she hasn’t been there for eight years, and I’m bi, which makes me Satan. I guess.”

“That,” Finn starts, then he tries again, “that. What the fuck?”

“I mean,” Poe still sounds bitter, “he couldn’t outright say that. Discrimination. But Alicia’s lawyer sure as fuck brought it up. Should’ve seen the judge’s face. Harris, my guy, should’ve shot it down as irrelevant but he just fucking took it.”

“That’s ridiculous,” Finn snaps and shoves himself to his feet. “How can that even matter? It’s not like you’re, you’re fucking men in front of her or something. God, Poe.”

“I know!” Poe snaps, and then curses. There’s a soft thud from his end. “No,” he mumbles, tight-voiced, “sorry. Not your fault. I know. It’s BS. I’m trying to use that to get it turned over. Unfair discrimination.”

“Yeah, yeah, good,” Finn says, nodding at nothing. “That’s fucked. She’s your damn kid.”

“She’s at her mom’s right now. Getting her room set up.”

“So you’re by yourself?” Finn asks, imagining Poe there in his bright house without Bea, probably sitting in the kitchen with the one flickering light on.

“Yeah.” Poe’s voice is very small. “House is really goddamn clean.”

“Want me to come over?” Finn asks without thinking.

Poe sucks in a sharp breath.

He hesitates, and something rustles through static, and then, “Yes. Yeah. Could you? If you want to,” all at once, like the words are stumbling over themselves on Poe’s lips.

“I do want to. I’m sorry I’ve,” he peters off, grabbing his wallet from the table. Poe’s jacket is still hanging by the door. He hasn’t had the heart to throw it away or wear it or give it back. He stares at it for a second, then grabs it, sliding his arms into the sleeves. “I’ll be there in 20."

“I have movies,” says Poe, weak and full of relief. “Thanks. I, thanks. See you soon.”

“See you,” Finn whispers and hangs up before he can say anything he’ll regret.

Poe’s house is too familiar, even after more than two months of forcing himself to stay away. He hesitates outside, sitting on the scooter Rey helped him buy with his helmet under his arm. Taking a deep breath, he gets up and locks the bike, taking longer than he needs to, stalling before he needs to knock on the door.

Only the porch light, buzzing with moths, and the flickering kitchen light give the house any hint of life. Once, over dinner with Finn, Poe told Bea that it flickered because the fairies who make the electricity can’t keep running on those wheels forever. She’d believed him for all of four seconds before proclaiming that Finn told her Benjamin Franklin invented electricity, and to stop being a liar.

The memory just makes Finn’s heart ache more. He knows he should get back on his bike and go home before he can make this worse, for himself and for Poe.

Instead, he takes a deep breath and knocks, hovering outside of Poe’s house in Poe’s jacket.

Poe answers the door like he was waiting there, shoving it open, wide-eyed and—

He looks like crap. Shadows lurk under his eyes and in them, dark and waiting. While the scruff on his face is gone, the rest of his hair is wild like he’s been running his fingers through it nonstop.

He stares at Finn like he’s never seen him before, opens his mouth, and closes it again silently.

“Hey,” Finn says when he can’t stand the silence any more, a smile flickering on his lips.

“I am so glad to see you,” Poe says quietly, still wide-eyed. A moth flutters around Finn’s ear. Poe’s eyes track it, then snap back to Finn as he steps back. “That was quick.”

“I don’t have to take the bus anymore.” Finn says, nodding back at his pastel orange scooter, locked up in Poe’s driveway. Poe glances over at it, blinks, and grins, sagging against the doorframe.

“That’s great. Always wanted one of those.”

“Me too. You, uh, want to ride it?” Finn asks, nerves clear in his voice.

Poe grins.

“Hell yeah.”

* * *

 

“This thing is awesome!” Poe yells into the wind as they zip around a corner. He’s pressed flush against Finn’s back, head tucked over his shoulder and arms tight around his chest, and the wind is whipping his hair every which way under the matching orange helmet. Finn laughs with him, heart swelling as he takes the corner far more sharply than he should. It’s torture, Poe holding him like this, even if it’s out of necessity, but Finn can’t bring himself to stop it.

“Knew there was a reason I always wanted one," Poe is saying, and there’s a lightness in his voice that wasn’t there only an hour ago, that hasn’t been there for months. He squeezes a little tighter and pushes his knees into Finn’s thighs. “What’d you name it?”

“Should I have?” Finn asks, glancing back at him as well as he can. Then he drags his eyes back to the road, slowing a bit. There’s a reason that all he has in a scooter, not a car or a motorcycle. Definitely not a plane.

“Hell yeah!” Poe’s grin is audible. “Gotta name all the important machinery in your life! Let it know you care.”

“Oh, uh.” Finn thinks hard, or as hard as he can while trying to keep them both alive as he pushes the speed that the scooter is supposed to go. “What kind of names? Like people names? Dog names?” Poe bursts into bright laughter behind him and winds his arm tighter around Finn’s waist.

“Any name! Whatever she feels like she is. Or he. Or neither.”

“Well, it’s orange. I guess a he?” Finn wrinkles his nose and slows down a little as they get back into a residential area.

“Not necessarily,” Poe breathes against his shoulder. His grip loosens just a little with the decrease in speed, but he tucks his head a little more firmly over Finn’s shoulder and stays there. “Can be whatever you need.”

“I guess. She. He…” Finn lets out a deep breath and settles onto the bike, feeling all of Poe against him. “I dunno. What’s your car’s name?”

“Sinclaire. She’s a lovely lady.”

“That’s beautiful,” Finn says. He pulls over on the corner and twists around. “Do you want to go home?”

“Not particularly,” Poe says, slow. “Guess we should.”

“We don’t have to. Let’s do something else. I have a ride now,” Finn grins. Poe tightens his arms around Finn’s waist again and leans forward.

“It’s your ride, buddy,” he breathes, low and quiet. “Take us somewhere.”

Finn shivers and nods. “Alright. Hold on.”

They go bowling.

It’s perfect, and wonderful, and Poe is terrible at it. He puts up bumpers halfway through the second game, leaning on Finn as the ball careens off and doesn’t hit anything at all.

He practically tackles Finn with a hug when he manages to get a strike, laughing close to his ear, and does a stupid dance in his bowling shoes involving a ridiculously graceful moonwalk that shouldn’t look as hot as it does.

Sometimes Poe’s laughter goes a little too sharp, a little too bright. Then he gets quiet, hooks his fingers into a ball, and tosses it with more force than necessary without meeting Finn’s eyes.

Finn wins by a landslide.

By the time they leave, Poe is softer-edged, pushing his nose into Finn’s shoulder as they slide onto his scooter.

“Where’s your place again?” He asks as the engine hums to life.

“On Oak,” Finn says, body tense. “Want to go there?”

Poe curls his fingers slowly into Finn’s shirt. “That alright? The house is…”

“Yeah. Yeah, it’s alright. Let’s go.” Finn breathes and kicks off, the engine, while not roaring, purrs satisfyingly. Poe’s fingers find the little buckle on the front of his (Finn’s) jacket.

“This guy really does suit you,” he mumbles into Finn’s shoulder as they pull into the street.

He’s quiet the rest of the way there, resting silently against Finn with his fingers wrapped around the buckle. When they pull into the parking lot of his building and the engine goes quiet, he stays where he is.

“I’m excited,” Poe murmurs. The stars glitter high and cold above them.

“For what?” Finn asks, staring forward at the wall of his apartment.

Poe hums a bit and finally slips off the bike. Gravel scuffs under his boots. “To see your place.”

“It’s really not much. At all.” Finn says, dropping to his knee to lock the scooter. “Don’t get your expectations up.”

Poe laughs and slips a hand over Finn’s shoulder. “Don’t have any. C’mon.”

Finn swallows. His hand is heavy and hot and Finn slowly stands and turns to face him with a little smile. Poe’s fingers trail slowly down off his shoulder. “Yeah,” he catches Poe’s hand, making Poe smile at him.

“Lead on, buddy.”

Finn tugs him up the stairs of the grimy building and unlocks the door to his immaculate apartment. His heart beats too fast. Turning on the lights, he drops his helmet onto the table. “Well, this is it.”

A bed is shoved up against one white wall, made perfectly. Two chairs sit neatly under a small table. Besides that, he has only a bookshelf, a pocket kitchen, and the still-blank paper on the floor. Poe zeroes in on the paper immediately, standing from unlacing his boots. “Art project?”

“Rey thinks I should decorate,” Finn says, hovering next to him by the door.

“You should definitely decorate.” Absently, Poe grabs his hand again. “How long’ve you been here?”

“Two years.” Finn mutters as he stumbles toward him.

“Damn.” Poe glances around again but lands quickly back on Finn with a soft smile. “Long time to deal with white walls.”

“I don’t spend too much time here.” Finn mumbles. He’s frozen under Poe’s gaze, sucking in a breath.

“More time at school?” Somehow the apartment seems even smaller with Poe in it, even subdued as he’s been tonight (or wavering, rather, between exuberant and subdued like a confused pendulum.)

“Yeah. Something like that,” his voice seems to deaden between them, lost in the torrent of desperation that fills his gut. Poe’s hand is still curled with his, fingers locked tight. His palm is warm and calloused and firm and he’s close enough to Finn it’s like they’re still touching. The air between them sparks. Poe sucks in a breath, scanning over his face.

“Poe,” Finn says weakly, his fingers slackening in Poe’s grip. If Poe gets any closer, Finn doesn’t know if he can manage. This is exactly why he cut off contact, why he couldn’t go on seeing Poe like this with his casual touches and his easy laughter and the way he makes it seem like Finn is the most interesting person in the room, no matter if that room is full of eight-year-olds or his best friends. Guilt grips his gut and then words spill out of him in a rush.

“I’m so sorry, Poe, I never called and you, Bea, I could have helped, but I didn’t and I left you to do this by yourself,” he swallows, choking down on the same panic that overcame him in the mall, until—

“Finn,” Poe cuts in, sharp, “I don’t care. You’re here right now.” He sucks in a tiny breath, eyes flicking over Finn’s face. Their fingers are locked tight. Poe bites down on his lip, sighs, and leans closer. “I just. Don’t make me think. Okay?”

Finn nods mutely, frozen in place. Poe’s eyes are locked on his, dark and pleading. He’s close enough Finn can just feel the nervous puff of breath warm on his cheek.

Poe’s lips part, silent, like he wants to say something, but he presses his mouth shut again and leans up, brushing a soft kiss over Finn’s mouth instead. Finn doesn’t move, doesn’t breathe, his mind struggling to catch up with the fact that Poe kissed him. Poe jerks back, looking shocked at himself and very pale as his eyes dart everywhere but Finn. “Shit, Finn, sorry, that—"

“No!” Finn moves with him, desperate to keep this, even if it is only to take Poe’s mind off of Bea. His eyes flick over Poe’s face and suddenly Finn’s hands are in his hair and his lips crush against Poe’s with a desperate sound. It’s a messy kiss: Poe’s teeth scrape over his lip, raw and hard. His arms are around Finn before either of them quite realize it.

Finn staggers back, Poe’s jacket slipping down his shoulders. He can’t quite believe what’s happening. Poe’s lips are rough on his and his scent is all around Finn and his hair is soft under his his fingers. He wants to moan, to savor it, but all his energy is in the kiss, keeping it going because he’s been in love with this man for months with no way to express it and now Poe is in his arms and kissing him with all the passion he shows in everything else in his life.

Poe’s hands curl in his shirt and then slide up, around his shoulders and over soft leather. His thumb slides over Finn’s jaw and Finn’s legs turn to jelly. He lets go of Poe to grab onto the wall, barely keeping himself upright. Poe follows him, sliding shaky wet kisses from his mouth to the line of his jaw and down against his throat. He breathes Finn’s name and it slides from that into panting breath that curls damp over Finn’s skin.

Finn keens, his shoulders falling against the wall. Hands drop to Poe's hips, thumbs pressing against the bone. His neck arches, breath tight in his throat. Poe’s mouth trails fire that follows the scrape of his teeth and the slide of fingers, behind Finn’s ear and down along his jaw. His teeth drag over Finn’s pulse, fluttering and pounding under his mouth. Finn arches into him, lips parted, staring up at the bland ceiling.

If he were any good, he would stop this. Poe is heartbroken and erratic and Finn is taking advantage, but there isn’t a bone in his body that wants this to stop. Not when Poe is intent on sucking out a dark bruise just below his collarbone, not when his hands are sliding back down Finn’s arms and up his ribs.

Poe groans quietly as he sinks down, pushing kisses down near the collar of Finn’s shirt. He huffs when he hits fabric and shoves his hands into Finn’s shirt. He nips at Finn’s skin again and pulls back to stare at him dark-eyed and flushed.

“Can I," he starts, then curses quietly under his breath and pushes a hard kiss to Finn’s throat. Finn grits his teeth, groaning low in his chest. His body twitches against Poe, but aside from that he stays still.

“Yeah. Yes. Do whatever you want,” he bites out, fingers tight on Poe’s hips.

“Fuck,” Poe breathes, and shoves Finn’s shirt up as far as he can get it. He presses a trembling kiss under Finn’s chin, then drops jerkily to his knees and pushes Finn’s hips into the wall all at once. A desperate sound breaks the stale air in the apartment. Finn looks down at Poe, his face contorted between arousal and confusion.

There are so many words he needs to say, but all that comes out is a puff of air. His chest heaves and he only moves enough to slip Poe’s jacket off his arm and yank his shirt off, dropping both to the ground in front of the door. Poe ignores them, too busy pushing kisses up Finn’s belly, murmuring inaudible things to himself as he clutches at Finn’s hips tight enough to bruise.

He keeps Finn against the wall, forearms braced on his thighs to hold him still. His kisses start neat and small but soon he’s dragging wet, open-mouthed kisses from Finn’s belly to the hem of his pants and down over rough fabric. Finn’s stomach twitches and tenses. One hand shakily pushes Poe’s hair out of his eyes, just enough that Finn can see his face.

He isn’t even sure that this is happening. It could be a dream, when he fell asleep from sheer boredom in his depressing little apartment.

“Bite me,” he says breathlessly, his thumb sliding against Poe’s temple. Poe’s eyes go black. He lets out a laugh that careens into a groan and bites hard at Finn’s hip. His teeth scrape sharp and then he’s sucking out a matching mark to the tender spot on Finn’s throat, nails digging into Finn’s skin. Finn hisses and his fingers tighten in Poe’s hair, yanking sharply before he stops himself. “Shit.”

Poe jerks under Finn’s hands. He sways forward until he’s pressed against Finn’s thighs and shoving useless fingers against the button on Finn’s pants, trying to get them open. It takes a second, but Poe manages it and shoves Finn’s pants down his thighs as far as he can get them with only a tiny desperate, “okay?”

Finn’s cock strains inside his bright green boxer briefs, the muscles in his thighs twitching under the fabric. “Yes,” Finn says, throat tight. “I said whatever you want. I mean it.”

Poe laughs, strained, and pushes a wet kiss against the tip of his cock through his underwear. “Oh, god,” he breathes. It’s hot and wet even through cloth and his hands are firm on Finn’s hips, holding him still even as Poe trails kisses down the length of him, eyes locked on Finn’s face. He stares back, expression slack. Something in his brain stopped working when Poe’s lips touched his cock and now all he can do is tighten his hand in Poe’s hair. Poe groans again, hips jerking forward against nothing. He mouths at Finn’s cock through his underwear, leaving damp trails wherever his mouth was and still holding Finn in place so that every time he presses up even a little he’s shoved back against the wall behind him.

Slowly, Poe’s fingers creep down the to the waistband of his briefs, elastic and tight, and slip underneath until he can push them down too. Finn’s breath hitches. He strains to stay back against the wall, cold on his bare ass. His grip tightens, pulling the hair out of Poe’s eyes. His cock springs free of his underwear once Poe gets them down far enough and Poe wastes no time at all wrapping his lips around the head with a quiet groan. He braces one arm across Finn’s belly to keep him still and curls his fingers around his cock at the same time.

“God, fuck,” Finn slams his head back against the wall, his fingers clenching and unclenching in Poe’s hair.

“That’s the idea,” Poe mumbles. The syllables push damply at Finn’s cock. Poe drags quick fingers down to his balls as he slides his lips around the head again. He stays there for a moment, letting Finn sway off the wall and into his touch for just a second. Poe shoves him back again and slides down to meet the top of his fist, groaning quietly.

A whimper bleeds out from Finn’s lips, his thighs quaking with the effort to stay like this, completely at Poe’s mercy. He’s frozen against the wall, head dropping to see Poe with his cock between his lips, tight and hot around him. Poe’s tongue slides flat up the underside, and pushes into his slit until he jerks under Poe’s arm, and then his mouth feels like it’s everywhere all at once.

Finn melts against the wall, hands grasping at the flat surface. His knees are weak and he’d lose his footing if not for Poe in front of him and the wall solid behind him. “Shit,” he gasps, bringing his eyes back to watch his cock slide between Poe’s lips again and again. “Poe, oh my God.” Poe’s eyes flick up to his. He looks proud for a fleeting second before he redoubles his efforts, cupping Finn’s balls in his hand as he pushes forward until Finn’s cock nudges at the back of his throat.

Finn hisses, his hand back in Poe’s hair, clutching and tugging. His hips press off the wall, just a bare inch. Poe groans thinly around him, desperation threaded through the tight line of his shoulders. His hips jerk against thin air, trying to find friction where there isn’t any.

“Jesus,” Finn groans, thrusting as much as Poe will allow him. His gut twists, hot and tight and he manages to say, “gonna—fuck, Poe. Gonna come.” Poe makes a soft sound around him and slides his arm back behind Finn’s hips, palming at his ass to push him forward. Finn’s hips snap, thrusting deeper into his throat once, twice, and he lets go, one hand tight in Poe’s hair, the other slamming into the wall. Poe’s lips stay wrapped around him, sucking with wet-hot pressure, until Finn goes limp and boneless against the wall, all the strength gone out of him. Poe’s mouth slides off his cock with a slow, obscene pop, his lips swollen and pink. Finn’s come smears at the corner of his mouth, still holding onto his hips.

Finn collapses, sliding down the wall to stare at Poe, lips parted, expression slack. He reaches out and wipes the come off of Poe’s face, his legs splaying out around Poe’s hips. Poe stares back, hazy-eyed, and wraps his lips around Finn’s thumb when it slides over his lip, sucking it brief into his mouth. Finn lets out a breath and slides his fingers over Poe’s lips. He watches them for a while before his eyes drift back to Poe’s and he smiles hazily, legs folding behind Poe’s back, his boxers still around his ankle.

“Damn,” Poe breathes, finally, and his voice is low rough but he’s smiling, just a little, over the tips of Finn’s fingers.

“You’re staying,” Finn tells him, words slurred. “Here. Tonight.” Poe shivers, eyes dropping shut so his lashes brush his cheeks, and nods.

“Yeah,” he murmurs, and sways forward just enough to push his lips questioningly to the corner of Finn’s mouth. He tastes like Finn, like sweat and salt and him. Finn groans and noses against him enough to seal their lips together. His pushes his tongue past swollen lips and slides his hand into Poe’s hair. Just like that, Poe is sealed against him with Finn’s thighs braced over his and his own legs on either side of Finn’s hips.

He kisses Finn with a singleminded sort of desperation, nipping at his lower lip. There’s less finesse about him, now; his jaw must ache, and so the kisses are heavy against Finn’s mouth. Finn drags him in until they’re glued together, Finn nestled between Poe and the wall, arms and legs wrapped tight around Poe’s body. He can feel Poe’s cock hard against him and Poe’s clothes brushing his bare skin. Poe moves against him in tiny little bursts, like maybe he doesn’t even know he’s doing it, following the rhythm of their mouths until he’s panting against Finn’s jaw.

“I,” he starts, and then groans and pushes a kiss to the dark bruise already blooming on Finn’s throat. “Bed? Can we—?”

“Yes, please,” Finn drags out the words. He tries to untangle himself from Poe, but only manages to push Poe back onto the ground, bridging over him with his chest heaving. Poe looks gorgeous like this, his hair a mess around his head, lips kiss-swollen and cheeks flushed. He stares up at Finn like he’s never seen him before. Hasn’t really, not with his shirt off and his muscles tense.

Poe’s eyes are very dark and very hot as they skate down Finn’s chest and back up to his face. He groans, shoves himself up on one elbow, and pushes a kiss to his shoulder. “Fuck.”

Shivers run down Finn’s spine. He finds Poe’s lips again, kissing him a few times because he can’t help himself. Only now does he have enough sense to realize that this is happening. He’s naked with Poe, who's kissing him, who sucked on his cock and swallowed his come and is touching him, hands soft on his back and waist. He wants this night to stretch on forever. For Poe to not realize that he’s trying to drown his sadness in sex. For Finn to be able to pretend for just that much longer.

Poe doesn’t seem to realize, or more, doesn’t care. He’s too preoccupied with curling his tongue along Finn’s teeth, kissing him until the breath is gone from both of them and he can only pant against Finn’s shoulder. “Bed,” he says again, and tugs at Finn’s arm. “I can’t. Need you.”

“Yeah,” Finn pants, “Yeah.” His arms fold around Poe, starting to help him stand until he gets distracted by pulling on Poe’s T-shirt until it’s off.

Poe lets his arms settle around Finn’s shoulders, and sucks in a quick breath, watching him close. He wavers on his feet, then leans up to kiss Finn, tugging them both backwards. Finn’s hands slide along warm bare skin, tracing over the bumps of Poe’s spine, down to the threadbare jeans hanging loose off his hips.

Finn pulls impatiently at his belt. His lips slide messily over Poe’s, half-walking, half-leaning on him until Poe’s legs hit the bed. Poe snorts and drops down, dragging Finn with him into a tangle of limbs that somehow ends in Poe pressed up along his side. He slides one hand down Finn’s spine to grab at his ass, tugging him closer. Finn groans, shivering when his still-sensitive cock slides against rough denim. He manages to open Poe’s belt and starts on his button, but his dexterity isn’t what it should be after that.

Poe is laughing at him, a little bit. It’s a soft sound, pressed against Finn’s mouth, and then Poe’s kissing him again and sliding his fingers over Finn’s to pop his jeans open and start wriggling out of them. “Need some help?”

“Already doing that,” Finn murmurs. He pulls back to watch, lazing on his pillows with eyes half-lidded. Poe’s pants slide down over his thighs, along with ridiculous Thomas the Tank Engine boxers. His cock lies flush against his stomach, hard and leaking. Finn wants to drag his tongue over it. Poe gets a smug little grin on his face at the look Finn’s giving him and kicks his jeans away without looking.

He also looks very slightly nervous, stretching up on the bed with one hand resting on Finn’s hip. The edge of his tattoo peeks over the top of one shoulder. Finn’s fingers slide over it and he tugs Poe up to kiss him, tangling their legs together.

It brings Poe close enough that his cock slides on Finn’s thigh, making his whole body jerk. “Fuck,” he breathes ragged into Finn’s mouth. His hand goes tight on Finn’s elbow, and then slides back to his hip, up his sides trailing and slow. Finn jerks underneath him, skin sensitive. He lets out a soft moan, his thigh pressing between Poe’s legs. A hand drops first to drag over Poe’s ass, then to slip between them, brushing his cock.

Poe curses again, wild and unsteady under his breath, and kisses Finn like he can’t do anything else. He rocks his hips against Finn’s hand, chasing his fingertips with a drawn-out groan. “What," he gasps, hard against Finn’s mouth, and doesn’t finish the thought. Finn wraps his fingers tighter around Poe’s cock, his legs sliding behind Poe to pull him closer. The heat of arousal is already coming back, if slowly, and every place where Poe’s skin touches his burns. Poe’s fingers creep from his ribs down to his hips and lower, back on his ass. He groans into Finn’s mouth, mumbling something that Finn doesn’t understand, and rolls his hips down against Finn’s with a breathless gasp. Finn bites at his lip, canting his hips up against Poe. He lets go of his cock to grind up against him.

“Finn,” Poe gasps, and chases the flutter of Finn’s pulse with his tongue, palming Finn’s ass to tug him up as Poe rocks down. He’s slick with precome, hard and hot against Finn and there’s a shiver in his voice when he says Finn’s name again low against his throat, something that echoes in the trembling slide of his fingers along Finn’s skin.

“Under the bed,” Finn tells him, his hands back in Poe’s hair, so soft, curling around his fingers in little rings. His head falls back on the pillows, his ass rubbing against Poe’s cock and it feels like heaven. He’s imagined this a hundred times, alone in this apartment. Poe fucking him against the door, pulling his hair and whispering that he loves him. Poe on his back, taking Finn’s cock with desperate moans, Finn gripping his tight hips. Poe on his knees, just like he was earlier, his perfect lips wrapped around Finn’s cock. He wants all of it, and if he can get two of his fantasies in one night, before Poe remembers that this is a mistake, he’ll do it.

Poe pulls away from him, though, dark-eyed and wild and already listing toward the edge of the bed. He squeezes Finn’s ass under his palm, looking a little lost. “Yeah?” Without waiting for Finn’s answer, Poe scrambles to the edge of the bed and grabs until he finds a box, mutters, “better be,” and then “yeah” and drags himself back up without touching the ground. Finn’s packet of condoms and lube are between his fingers. He flashes Finn a weak little grin. “Hell of a collection.”

Finn laughs, letting his legs fall open around Poe’s hips. “Yeah. I’m more excited for that,” he says, eyes dropping. His face is hot. Poe’s cock is flushed and gorgeous against his stomach and Finn hopes that someday he’ll get to explore every inch of it, and every other inch of Poe as well.

Poe actually goes red at the attention, all the way to the tips of his ears, and ducks his head with a soft groan to kiss along Finn’s jaw. The condoms fall to the bed for now, forgotten, but Poe flicks open the lube with one hand and squeezes until his fingers are slick with it. It’s still cold when he slides his hand over Finn’s cock and down. Finn arches up, thrusting into his hand with a soft moan. He reaches out, his fingers running down Poe’s chest, over taut muscles and a few scattered scars, thin and light with age.

Poe shivers under his touch and slips his fingers back until they’re sliding on Finn’s ass. He presses, experimentally, and doesn’t take his eyes off Finn’s face. Finn’s knees clench around his hips, nerves building in his gut. Then he smiles, soft and easy. This still feels like a dream; Poe’s never looked at him like that before. With all the force of his attention on Finn, it’s easy to pretend that there’s something there amid the arousal and depression. Leaning up, he brushes a kiss over Poe’s lips. Poe sighs and slides his finger into Finn in one easy motion. His skin is warm where Finn’s thighs are draped over him.

“I haven’t done this in a while,” he breathes into Finn’s mouth. He sounds almost embarrassed, and watches Finn closely as he slides his finger out and in again, crooking and stretching very slightly with a tiny bit of awe in his eyes.

Finn doesn’t respond right away, distracted by the slow slide of Poe’s finger. When he finally finds his voice again, he says hoarsely, “don’t care. You can be awful and I don’t care. Don’t think you will be.”

“When I say a while,” Poe laughs, unsteady, and curls another finger slick into Finn, “like, years. So don’t say that ‘til you find out." he chases the words with kisses, nipping and sharp, trailed down Finn’s throat to his shoulder. Groaning, Finn grinds himself down on Poe’s fingers.

“I’ll go easy on you, then,” he breathes, and tugs at Poe’s hair to make him gasp.

Poe’s fingers jerk inside him. He shudders all at once, sliding against Finn’s cock until they’re both gasping and Poe’s got a third finger in him, stretching and twisting. Finn drags him into another kiss, a hand searching for the condom. He grabs it and fumbles it open with his lips sealed with Poe’s.

“You’re gonna kill me,” Poe murmurs against his lips. He kisses Finn, messy and wet and open, and shoves his fingers back into him to make them both jerk against each other. “God, Finn.”

Finn groans and shoves him back with more messy, desperate kisses. He pulls back only to see what he’s doing as he slides the condom down over Poe’s cock, fingers trailing. “Then better get on with it,” he breathes, but suddenly he’s nervous, staring at the trail of dark hair on Poe’s stomach instead of his face. This means so much to him. This is their first time. It’s the first time he’s had sex with someone he’s really loved. And it doesn’t mean the same thing to Poe. It’s a meaningless fuck to get his mind off of losing his daughter. A distraction. Not real, not love.

His breath hitches and he pushes himself back, dragging Poe’s fingers out of his ass. With one last, fleeting kiss, he drags himself onto his knees and grips the headboard. Poe sucks in a shaking breath, murmuring Finn’s name again, low and strangely reverent. He pushes a kiss against Finn’s shoulder, sliding his tongue across skin to the bumps of his spine and down. His cock nudges brief against Finn’s ass.

“You,” he breathes, “you alright?”

Finn drops his head, taking a deep breath that expands through his ribs. “Yeah,” he says softly, “yeah. I’m alright. You alright?”

Poe’s laugh huffs out warm and damp on Finn’s skin and then he’s pushing in, hot and hard and perfect, with a choked-off gasp of Finn’s name and “Yeah, fuck—"

Finn’s thigh quake and he sucks in a sharp breath. His shoulders drop, knuckles white on the headboard. “Shit,” he breathes, trying to force his body to relax. It’s been months since he’s had sex, even longer since someone has fucked him. His collection of toys only goes so far. Even the ones that are as large as a real dick are only so good. There’s nothing like the feeling of someone pushing into him, deep and slick and burning hot, and Finn thrusts his hips back to seat Poe completely. Poe’s still shivering behind him, his hands braced on Finn’s hips. He presses tiny circles with his thumbs into Finn’s skin and nips at the sharp edge of his shoulder blade and waits, breathing hard. Finn’s chest heaves, deep breaths helping him to relax. Words bubble at his lips but he presses them tight together and swallows them down.

“Okay,” he says a minute later, words muffled in the pillow. Poe’s still dragging soft soothing kisses over whatever part of Finn he can reach: his shoulders, the back of his neck, the soft arc of his spine where he bends up, and Poe’s hips are flush against his, hot and sweat-slick.

He’s murmuring something against Finn’s skin, in Spanish and too low to understand anyway. The words chase each other damp-hot down his back and then Poe is pulling out, slow and steady, and cursing quietly under his breath as he slides back in. Finn lets out a strangled noise. He lets go of the bed, reaching out hand back for Poe’s. His cock is hard again, flush and aching against his stomach, and Poe’s thrusts push him into the bed, his nerves searing with the sensation. Poe’s fingers curl into his almost too tight, clinging. Every time he fucks back into Finn a stream of curses slides liquid from his lips, mingled with Finn’s name. Poe is—is loud, when his mouth isn’t full of Finn’s cock.

He says, “Finn,” and then “Fuck I never stopped thinking about this,” but that fades away into a shaky groan as Finn rolls back to meet him, and then Poe’s voice trips into a breathless “Ah,” after that, words gone. Finn even forgets his heartache, lost in Poe’s words and his voice that sears right through Finn every time Poe slams into him. It’s liquid silk and it sets Finn’s blood on fire. He thinks vaguely that he needs to learn Spanish, if only to understand more of those beautiful words on Poe’s tongue.

Finn is a lot quieter, breathing raggedly, pressed into the pillow. Small sounds escape him, moans and gasps as his hips thrust back against Poe, fingers gripping his tightly, until he turns his face enough to say, “touch me. Poe. Please.”

“Yeah,” Poe chokes out, and obeys, wrapping slick fingers around his cock, hard again with Poe sliding into him over and over. “Fuck, how did you—" he bites at Finn’s shoulder again, stroking him hard and fast in time with the smooth roll of his hips, and it fills Finn’s whole tiny apartment with wet obscene sounds and Poe’s fluid voice still slipping over his skin.

“Poe,” Finn gasps, rutting between his hand and his cock, his eyes squeezed shut. The pleasure washes out the tightness in his lungs. With a deep sigh, he lets go. His entire body on fire and his gut clenches tight when Poe thrusts over his prostate again, sending his mind into a blissful nothing that lets the words slip out unheeded, at last: “I love you.”

Poe’s breath stutters in his throat, catching over words he doesn’t quite say. Instead he gasps Finn’s name, forehead pressed into his shoulder as he moves, erratic and tight. Finn reaches back and shoves his hand into Poe’s hair. Without the support of his arm, he’s pounded into the bed. Poe is all around him, holding his hand, biting his shoulder, stroking his cock. He loves this, loves Poe, and Poe’s cock slams into him again, forcing the breath from his body. His stomach clenches tight, thrusting back onto Poe hard enough to drive him over the edge, coming with a deep groan.

“Ohgod,” Poe’s voice goes high and sharp and breathless as he strokes Finn through it. His thrusts are erratic, losing their rhythm as he gets close and just as his hand is almost too much, Poe comes with a desperate groan of Finn’s name, stilling behind him.

Finn pants against the bed, arms dropping lax to the mattress. His heart races, breathing hard, as his mind slowly comes back to him. He hasn’t come twice with someone else in, well, never. His body is the consistency of jello, falling to the side once Poe pulls out of him, and he can’t help the smile on his face. Something nags at the back of his mind, but he ignores it in favor of skimming tired eyes over Poe’s body.

Poe ties off the condom with shaky fingers and collapses next to Finn, shoving his face into the pillow. His breath is still coming hard and fast and his skin is flushed, darker in a few places where Finn’s mouth had been. Finn’s arms are around Poe and he kisses him lazily, tangling their legs together. Poe mumbles something into his mouth and nudges closer, pushing his lips against Finn’s ear. “Damn,” he breathes, small and soft. Finn shudders, fingers tightening on Poe’s hips.

Poe’s skin is still sweat-slick. They should really clean up, or let Finn’s sheets air out or something, but Poe just pushes closer to him and sighs and says, very softly in his ear, “thanks. For tonight.”

“Don’t thank me,” Finn murmurs with a laugh. Poe’s breath sparks on his skin. “Really.”

“No?” Poe pulls back just enough to meet his eyes, smiling breathlessly. “Feel like I should anyway.”

“Thanking someone for sex,” Finn wrinkles his nose, “feels weird.” Poe bursts into laughter.

“Not for sex, that is weird. No, for, y’know. Today. Tonight.”

“Oh. Right.” Finn flushes. “Yeah, it’s no problem. It was the right thing to do.” He drops his eyes and add, “and I missed you.”

Poe smiles weakly at him and leans up for another kiss. “Missed you too, buddy.”

“You can’t,” Finn turns his head away from him with another laugh, “call me that after. C’mon.”

“Buddy,” Poe drags the word out, grinning around it. “Pal. I can go on.” He nudges his thigh up between Finn’s legs. Finn jerks back and shoves at his chest.

“God, stop,” Finn groans. “Seriously.”

* * *

Usually, on the mornings during spring break, Finn is up at dawn to run or lift, staring the day with a burst of energy to keep him motivated. It’s always worked well for him, but waking up late to the scent of pancakes with his body aching from last night is far better. A smile spreads over his face and he slowly rolls over enough to see the Poe, dressed only in his ridiculous boxers, flipping a pancake in his kitchen. He watches for a minute, eyes skating over Poe’s body, his tangled curls, hard muscles, bruises on his neck and chest that Finn left there.

Poe’s humming something quiet under his breath, a little soft and a little sad with the sunlight striping over his skin through Finn’s blinds.

He only notices that Finn’s up when he turns to grab the bowl of batter. “Morning, sunshine.” His smile is a little smaller than it was the last time he made Finn pancakes, his voice a little softer.

He doesn’t look upset.

And: he’s still in Finn’s apartment.

“Morning,” Finn says, voice rough. His back aches when he pushes himself up, but he doesn’t really care. The sheets slide off of his lap and he stretches his arms over his head with a groan. “That smells great.”

Poe grins at him and turns back toward the stove, his bare feet sliding on the linoleum. “Was wondering how long it’d take you to wake up. You always this lazy on breaks?”

“Never,” Finn laughs and drags himself to his feet. He hesitates, but the memory of last night is fresh in his mind. If Poe weren’t interested at all, that wouldn’t have happened, or Poe would already be gone. He wouldn’t have stayed to make Finn breakfast and only be in his boxers. With that in mind, he walks the short few steps over to Poe and wraps his arms around Poe’s waist, lips dropping to his neck. Poe sucks in a sharp breath, but the only movement he makes is to reach out and prod the pancake currently sizzling in the pan.

“You, uh,” he says, a little breathless, and turns his face so his lips brush Finn’s temple, “…hey.” He finishes, and laughs. Finn nuzzles against his neck, breathing in deep. His scent is intoxicating, and being this close to him feels right.

“Hey,” he says before kissing Poe again, just under his jaw. Poe hums softly, and it vibrates in his throat as he turns just enough to catch Finn’s mouth before he pulls away. Finn smiles, content, and drops his chin to Poe’s shoulder. “Are any of those for me?”

“Nope.” Laughing, Poe drags them both forward so he can nudge at the pancake. It slides and he shoves the spatula at Finn. “Hold.”

Finn’s fingers wrap around the handle, fingers brushing Poe’s. His arm locks around Poe’s waist, fingers gently petting his skin. With his hands free, Poe can lift the pan off the stove, dip it down, and in smooth motion that ripples through his body, flip the pancake up out of the pan only to catch it after it spins. He laughs when it flops back into the pan. “Hell yeah.”

A laugh puffs over his neck and Finn pulls Poe into a deep kiss. His mouth feels fuzzy, but kissing Poe sets a slow fire to his gut and he doesn’t want to waste time brushing his teeth when he could be here, kissing him. Poe has just enough presence of mind to turn off the burner and tip the finished pancake haphazardly onto the plate. He turns in Finn’s arms to kiss him properly, slow and soft. Finn drops the spatula and wraps his arms firmly around Poe, dragging him against his bare chest. His fingers slide down Poe’s back to his ass, squeezing tight.

Poe shivers against him. His hands on Finn’s waist are warm from the stove and the pancakes and the sun still settling over both of them. “You don’t,” he breathes into Finn’s mouth, mumbling between kisses, “even have maple syrup.”

Finn snorts a laugh and kisses him again before he pulls back to look at him. Eyes flit over Poe’s face and he reaches up to run his fingers through Poe’s hair. “Never make pancakes for myself. They wouldn’t be as good as yours.”

“I am pretty damn good at them.” Poe muses quietly. He doesn’t quite meet Finn’s eyes, but he does push a kiss to the corner of his mouth, and then stays there with his eyes drifting slowly shut. Finn pulls him close and noses against his shoulder. He should say something, something sweet, something supportive, but he can’t think of anything helpful. So he brushes his lips over Poe’s skin and strokes gently down his back.

“They’re gonna get cold,” Poe mumbles eventually, without making a move to pull away.

“Sorry,” Finn says into his neck. He presses a soft kiss to his skin, then drops his hands to curl around Poe’s. “Wanna eat?”

Poe smiles at him, soft in the streaming sunlight, squeezes his hands. “Yeah.”

Breakfast is delicious, but Finn can’t fully concentrate on it, not when he can keep his free hand on Poe, on his thigh, his arm, gently teasing through his hair. He’s distracted by kissing Poe’s neck, his jaw, his lips flecked with butter and jam.

He’s stopped trying to convince himself it’s not a dream. If it is, he’ll still wake up happy. If it isn’t, it may be as fleeting as one.

Poe tries valiantly to actually eat his pancakes, but he’s apparently as distracted by Finn as Finn is by him. He leans into the soft kisses and mumbles Finn’s name around his fork and turns, just as Finn’s lips are sliding from his jaw up to his ear, to kiss him properly. He tastes like strawberry jam and pancakes.

Eventually, Finn gives up and just pulls Poe into his lap, hands running down his back as he presses his tongue between Poe’s lips. It’s a soft kiss, lazy and slow and sweet. Poe’s face is rough with stubble that scrapes pleasantly on Finn’s chin. Finn’s fingers slide under his boxers and over his ass, nosing against his cheek, “d’you. Uh. Like this?” The pads of his fingers press against Poe’s ass tentatively.

Poe groans and rolls his hips pointedly down, raising his head just enough to meet Finn’s eyes. “Fuck yeah.”

A shudder wracks Finn’s body. He groans deeply, crushing their lips together. Poe shifts until he’s straddling Finn properly. The chair protests under their combined weight. He doesn’t seem to notice, too busy rocking back into Finn’s fingers with a tiny breathless sound.

“Still need,” Finn murmurs, nipping at his neck. He doesn’t finish his thought, cupping his hand under Poe’s ass. Poe groans and shoves himself back again and Finn is gone.

He fucks Poe against the table in the sunshine, kissing him lazy and deep over his shoulder and pushing in tiny thrusts until Poe is gasping against his mouth, his boxers shoved messy around his knees and jam sticky-sweet on his lips. It’s only the arm braced on Poe’s chest, tugging him back against Finn, that keeps him upright when he comes with a shivering cry of Finn’s name.

The words nearly slip past Finn’s lips again, brushing over Poe’s neck as they come down together. I love you, he thinks instead, and pushes Poe down to kiss him soundly.

* * *

Poe leans against the counter by the sink, scrubbing idly over the pan to get the pancake bits off. The light has faded a bit as the sun gets higher, but it still drifts in lazy pools on the linoleum.

His eyes are on Finn as he gets dressed, burning into the back of his head. Finn can’t help glancing back at him, between getting his boxers on and then his shirt. Anything more than that seems extraneous, especially if the day continues like this and Finn can get his hands on Poe again.

“You don’t have to,” Finn tugs his shirt over his head and moves back to the kitchen, reaching out for the pan.

“No.” Poe agrees easily, and hands the pan off to him to dry. He grabs one of their plates in its place.

Finn smiles and drops a kiss to Poe’s shoulder. “Thanks.” Poe smiles at him, soft. He rinses the plate in a stream of clear water, then sighs all at once and turns back to the sink to grab another.

“D’you,” he starts, quiet. “Are you busy today?”

“No,” Finn says immediately, glancing over at him. He shifts closer to Poe. “Wanna do something?”

“Figure out how to get my daughter back,” Poe mutters down at the rushing water. He scrubs particularly hard at the plate until it nearly slips from his hands. “No, I, uh. I gotta get a game plan together, but.” He bites at his lip, still swollen from Finn’s mouth on his. “Jess forbade me from going to work.”

The cloud Finn’s been floating on since he woke up evaporates from underneath him. He glances down at the floor. “Right. What do you think is the next, uh, thing?”

Poe’s laughter cracks the air. “I have no fucking clue, buddy. Zero.”

“Do you,” Finn starts, then pauses, setting down the dry pan. “Do you think it was the lawyer?”

“The lawyer?” Poe picks up the last plate to rinse it off. “What about the—"

He stops scrubbing. The water bounces off the plate and sprays his front, making him curse and drop it as he whirls toward Finn. “Holy shit.”

“Poe?” Finn asks, reaching out to touch his arm. Poe sinks against him like he’s tugged there, closer and closer to Finn until he’s got one still-soapy hand braced on Finn’s hip and is staring up at him with stormclouds in his eyes.

“That’d be just like her,” he breathes. “You should’ve seen it. He stopped defending me at the end. Just sit there and took it and—shit, yeah. Yeah, it—" He trails off with a quiet curse.

“Fuck,” Finn mutters and strokes his fingers over Poe’s cheek. “It. I.” Finn pauses, frowning for a second. “Wait,” he says and skips back to his closet, rummaging around until he pulls his wallet out of his jeans, tugging out a worn business card. He looks at it for a second, then walks back across the room, stopping a foot away from Poe.

“Here. This is the best lawyer. The best.” He pushes it into Poe’s hand. “She might. She should help.” Poe blinks down at the frayed little card, mouthing the name printed on it with brows furrowed.

“How d’you know her?” He asks without looking up. His thumb smooths over the tiny letters.

“I told you I wasn’t that great of a kid in high school,” Finn steps back, giving him some space, and leans on the counter. Poe nods, watching him, so he goes on. “I got in a lot of trouble and was facing, well. Being put on trial as an adult, as a 16-year-old. Organa saved my ass.”

Poe’s lips part. “They were gonna try you as an adult at sixteen?”

Finn nods, “yeah. She called them out on that, and kept it in a sealed record.”

Poe frowns at him. He swipes his thumb over the business card one more time, bites his lip, and steps forward to push a kiss against Finn’s mouth. “That’s fucked up.”

Finn hooks his arm around Poe’s waist and pulls him against his chest. “Yeah,” he noses against Poe’s cheek. “It was. But she is the best.”

“You think she’ll help out?”

“I think we can ask,” Finn murmurs, bringing him in close. Poe sighs and pushes his face into Finn’s shoulder. He stays there, silent, just breathing and curling his fingers into the hem of Finn’s shirt.

Finally, very small, he says, “We?”

“If you want,” Finn says, soft into his hair. Poe laughs. It shakes his entire body.

“That’s a lot to ask of you, buddy.”

“You’re not asking,” Finn holds him tighter, “I’m offering.”

Poe’s fingers go tight in his shirt. “You sure?”

“Yeah. Yes,” Finn kisses his cheek, then stays there. Swallowing, Poe nudges closer to him until their legs are tangled together and the counter is the only thing keeping them both up.

“Poe,” Finn says softly, his fingers stroking idly along Poe’s neck, “I need to apologize. I need to, to tell you.” Poe drags in a soft breath.

“Alright,” he says, slowly. “Alright. But you’re fine.”

“No,” Finn shakes his head, meeting Poe’s eyes, “I’m not. It’s not. I should have talked to you. I meant to talk to you. I should have, and I didn’t. Rey told me to, I just, didn’t know how.”

Poe smiles thinly at him. “You really are fine. And—I appreciate it,” he says in a tiny voice, wet-edged and raw. “Thanks. I, uh. Her office is probably open tomorrow, yeah?”

“Yeah. I’ll call her in the morning,” Finn’s lips are against his skin, words pressing hot against him. “It’s a start, at least.”

“It’s a start,” Poe echoes on a shaky laugh. “More than I had before.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope y'all remembered that rating. This chapter was the reason for that if you, uh, didn't get that yet.
> 
> Y'all are amazing!! The response to the last chapter was insane. If we haven't responded to your comments, it's because we are too overwhelmed by how damn amazing you are and can't think of a good enough response.
> 
> I hope this makes up for it a little ;)


	9. Slightly Mad

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rey levels at flat look at him. “Finn Williams, that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard you say.”

“She’s the best. Seriously. She can help.” Finn smooths his thumb over the back of Poe’s hand, trying to soothe away some of the tension there. He hasn’t moved since they sat down, frozen on the edge of the stiff wooden chair with his eyes fixed on the door.

“I trust you,” Poe murmurs, but he still looks doubtful. The office they’re in isn’t the biggest or the newest, but it’s nice, light and open and very neat. “She helped you out, right?"

Finn leans closer to him, letting go of his hand only to wrap an arm tight around his shoulders. “She’ll listen, at least.”

Poe practically melts into him. He slumps and turns his face into Finn’s shoulder, dragging in a shaking breath. “She won your case.”

“If she hadn’t,” Finn murmurs, resting his head on Poe’s, “I’d be in jail right now.”

“No you wouldn’t. Nobody smart would send you to jail.” Poe mumbles.

Finn snorts a laugh, hugging him close. “Thanks. But they really tried to.”

Poe huffs against his shoulder. He shifts in his seat until he can wrap one arm around Finn. “Leia Organa, huh. Sounds so familiar.”

“I’d hope so,” a gravelly voice comes from the door. A petite, older woman walks through with a slim file in her hands. She settles behind the worn desk and looks over at the pair of them with a small smile on her lips. “It’s good to see you, Mr. Williams.”

“You too, ma’am,” Finn says, straightening up, his hand back in Poe’s.

“And you must be Mr. Dameron,” she says, turning her gaze on Poe.

Poe nods quickly and tries for a smile. “That’s me. Thank you for agreeing to talk to us.” He stares at her a second longer, his smile slowly fading. “It, uh. It means a lot.” He squints at her for a second.

“Of course,” Organa fixes her eyes on him, brows furrowing. “Finn tells me that you’re having some trouble with your daughter’s mother. Why don’t you tell me about it.”

Poe aims a grateful look at Finn and sits up straighter to explain everything.

It takes him nearly 20 minutes just to get through it all— including a few things Finn hadn’t heard, like that they’d nearly had to move to get away from Alicia in the beginning, and that a few months ago Poe had found a tiny camera in their house after one of her visits. He looks even more tired by the time he says, softly, “So now Bea’s, uh. She’s with Alicia in the city. Last I heard, Alicia was planning to get my visitation rights taken away completely.”

Organa sits back, her hands bridged on her stomach. She’s silent for a long moment. Poe squirms a bit in his chair as she looks him over.

“Well.” She finally says. Her eyes flick over to Finn instead. “This one is tough. You have to know that these cases nearly always go to the mother.”

“Yeah,” Poe says quietly. “But Alicia said originally she wanted nothing to do with Bea. Now she’s trying to say she was wrong, and that I, I dunno, damaged her or something by being the only one who even wanted her.”

“And there’s no legal record of this? Of your original custody?”

Poe flinches. “No. Sorry. I… had no idea what I was doing, back then.” He still doesn’t, he’d told Finn with a forced grin that morning.

Organa lets out a sigh. She sits up and leans on her elbows. “I’ll be blunt: it doesn’t sound easy.”

“Shouldn’t—" Poe starts, then bites his lip and glances down. “Bea should get a say in who she stays with.”

“She’s eight,” Organa says bluntly. “She has no legal say in anything.”

Poe’s face goes dark. “Yeah, well, that’s bullshit.” He snaps, but sighs and shakes his head before she can say anything. “Shit. I know. Sorry. Feels wrong fighting over her future without even asking her opinion.”

“It is bullshit,” Organa agrees, a tiny smile flashing over her lips. “Mr. Dameron, please give all your information to Miss Celchu.”

Finn relaxes, both of his hands around Poe’s. He grins brightly. “Thank you.”

“Don’t thank me yet,” she mutters. Poe thanks her again anyway, but doesn’t stand when Finn does. He stares over the desk for a little bit longer, frowning. Finn hesitates by Poe, glancing at him once Organa left the room.

“Are you alright?”

“Huh?” Blinking, Poe twists to face him. “Oh. Yeah,” he grins weakly and squeezes Finn’s hand, “Yeah. Processing.”

Finn drops back into the chair, pushing Poe’s hair back from his face. “This is good. She’s the best. The absolute best.” Poe droops very slightly like a wilting plant as the tension runs out of him. He sighs.

“Yeah. Wouldn’t want to go up against her in court.” He flashes Finn a weak grin. “Good thing she’s on our side. Probably.”

Finn smiles, quashing the need to kiss him even as his heart aches for it. “Probably. She can’t resist a good sob story. Even if it doesn’t seem like it.”

“She reminds me of my mom,” Poe laughs. “In a good way. I think. So if she’s taking the case, then,” he grins wider, “now comes the fun part: firing the asshole who got me here in the first place.”

* * *

 

“Must’ve been crazy, growing up with so many people,” Poe says quietly on the way home from Coruscant with questions in his eyes. Rain slides off the car, dark and wet and shining on the road in front of them.

“It wasn’t so many at once,” Finn glances at him, leaned back in the passenger seat. The whole car smells like Poe and he falls into it, breathing deep. “A few siblings and foster parents at each house.”

“More ‘n I had, growing up,” Poe laughs. “How many houses total?”

“I dunno,” Finn sighs, watching the lights pass over Poe’s face, soft and concentrated on the road. “six, seven? Each one for a couple years. Longest one was four years when I was little.”

Poe glances at him. “Four years,” he echoes, then grins. “People couldn’t get enough of you, huh. Had to share.”

Finn snorts a laugh, “yeah, sure. No, that family, they were great. Probably would’ve adopted me if they hadn’t had their own kid.”

Poe’s eyebrows go up. “That stopped them?”

“It’s hard to have a kid of your own and an adoptive kid,” Finn shrugs, “never really works out.”

“Yeah?” Biting at his lip, Poe watches the slide of rain on the windshield. “I always wanted to do that. Adopt another kid, if I ever got myself together enough. I mean,” he cracks a thin little smile, “obviously not if I can’t even… but I thought about it. A lot. They’d’ve been lucky to have you.”

“Thanks,” Finn says with a smile, reaching across the car to brush his hand over Poe’s arm. “I bet you could do it. I don’t care what a judge says, you’re a good dad.”

Poe laughs shakily. “I— we’ll see. Why,” he pauses, swallows, and takes them carefully over a lane. “Why’re you so invested in this? I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m so glad, I’m not. Just curious.”

Finn looks over his face, the tired bags under his eyes, the smile lines above his cheeks. The music plays softly from the speakers, the newest part of the car that Finn can see. “’Cause you are a good dad. Bea needs you and I,” he takes a deep breath, smiling thinly, “I don’t want to see another kid grow up like I did.”

“Don’t say it like that,” Poe says quietly. “You turned out pretty damn good. Bea would be lucky to grow up into someone like you.”

“Thanks,” Finn squeezes his bicep tight for a second. “But I mean that. I wouldn’t wish that any kid end up in the foster system. Even a kid as strong as Bea would have a hard time of it.”

Poe nods and glances over at him again. “I know,” he mumbles. “I couldn’t let it happen to her eight years ago, and Alicia—you know, she’s not a terrible person, but she’s not a mom. She wouldn’t hold onto Bea through the rough stuff. She’d give up. You’re, uh,” he shakes his head, smiling, and doesn’t finish. Finn watches him with a tiny smile and lets go of his arm.

“I think it’ll work out.”

A lot of work, it turns out, goes into making an appeal on the grounds of a mistrial, which Leia informs Poe on Tuesday is going to be their strategy.

“She said there was some solid evidence already that Alicia paid Harris off,” Poe tells him that night over the phone. He sounds hopeful for the first time since he lost the trial. “Maybe the whole thing was fucked from the beginning. We’ll need more.” He laughs nervously. “Gonna be a hell of a lot of work, but we might actually win this because of you.”

Finn can’t stop from smiling, leaning on the stack of short essays he’s grading. “I’m so glad. It’s all Organa. Told you she’s amazing. What kind of stuff would work?”

“Said she’d get back to me tomorrow with some ideas, but I’m gonna start tonight. There’s a hundred reasons why she shouldn’t have Bea, and Harris didn’t point out any of ‘em during the first court session.” His voice drops again, low in anger. “It was BS. The whole fucking thing. Can’t believe I didn’t see it.”

“You’re not a lawyer,” Finn says softly, “it was his job to do it and he didn’t. Do you. Do you want any help? Tonight?”

Poe sucks in a quick little breath. “I can’t… ask you to do that.” He sounds so small.

“I’m offering,” Finn says firmly, already on his feet. “Bounce ideas off of me. Grading third-grade papers doesn’t take much mental capacity. I have plenty left to help.”

Poe laughs shakily. “You sure?”

“Yeah,” Finn shuffles his papers together in a haphazard pile before pouring them back into his bag. “Stop trying to do this by yourself.”

Poe just laughs again. “I’m, uh. Workin’ on it. Thanks.”

“I’ll be there soon,” Finn says and then hangs up before Poe can protest further.

Finn never leaves Poe’s house that night, instead sleeping in Poe’s bed with their bodies tangled together. He shows up at school the next day in one of Poe’s old shirts that only just fits him and the same jeans he wore the day before.

* * *

 

“Uh, Ms. Organa?” Finn says tentatively, standing next to the table she’s at in the small coffee shop. She waves him to sit down and he does immediately, perching on the edge of his seat. She’d called Poe two nights ago and asked to talk to him, then set up this meeting without Poe.

They haven’t talked just the two of them since she visited him in the detention center when he was sixteen. While the setting couldn’t be more different, her expression is the same and he’s nervous.

“Leia, please,” she tells him quietly across the small table, and somehow even under the murmur of voices and with her own so soft, she’s the most commanding presence there. “It’s good to see you.”

“You too,” Finn smiles a little, his hands in his lap. “I, thank you, for helping Poe. I know it’s a lot to ask, after not seeing you in a long time, but. Thanks.”

Leia smiles back at him, tilting her head. “It is my job.”

“Yeah,” Finn laughs quietly, “but I know this is outside of what you usually do. I’m grateful.” Her smile gets a bit wider and a bit softer.

“You’ve changed,” she says, and takes a long, slow sip of her latte. “How did you get wrapped up in this? It’s quite the case.”

“Oh,” Finn should have known that question was coming. He sucks in a breath and steels himself. “Bea, Poe’s daughter, she was in my class. I offered to help them out, since he was having so much trouble with the case. I guess I just got pretty wrapped up in it after that.”

Leia gives him an unreadable look across the table. “I see that.”

Finn breaks eye contact, feeling like she can see straight through him. “Yeah. We, um, I’m helping him with it.” Leia laughs over her delicate cup.

“You mentioned. Well, I’m making good progress, but I didn’t invite you here to talk about work. How are you doing?”

“I’m good. Really good,” he smiles and relaxes a little bit. “I’m a teacher now. I already said that, but I’ve been doing it for a few years and I really like it. All thanks to you.”

“Thanks to me?” Leia echoes, with her smile growing. “I wouldn’t give myself that much credit. That was all you. Are you going to stick with it?”

“Yeah, I think I am,” he nods, fingers sliding over his jeans. “You did, ma’am. I wouldn’t’ve gotten into college without your help. It’s much harder with a record.”

Leia just smiles. “You did well. I wondered about you sometimes, but I figured it was better you not be contacting me, if it meant you didn’t need my help.”

“Sorry,” Finn says with a rueful smile. “I wanted to tell you all about it, but I know you’re busy.”

“Not too busy to check up on you,” she says softly, “so tell me about it now."

As soon as the permission is there, Finn can’t stop the flood of words. He tells her everything, from graduating from high school (the last time they saw each other), to joining ROTC, getting accepted to college, graduating and getting a job directly out of school. He tells her about Rey, about the school, about his favorite students and favorite things to teach. Leia has always been a patient listener. She asks him quiet questions and smiles, prodding him to admit things he hasn’t told anyone about his life: his hopes, his fears for when Rey leaves and he has to teach on his own. It’s cathartic.

When the conversation finally turns back to Bea and Poe, he’s leaning back in his chair, a coffee in his hands, warm steam tickling his cheeks. “I want him to win,” Finn says quietly, meeting Leia’s gaze much more firmly than before. Now it’s a connection instead of a challenge. “He has to. Alicia, she wanted Bea to go into the foster system. I can’t imagine doing that to a kid, especially my kid.”

“Neither can I,” Leia says, frowning hard. “I’ll do everything I can to help him. I know you’ll do the same,” she’s on her second tea by now, swirling a stick in the mug to help it steep faster, “but don’t wear yourself out.”

“I won’t,” Finn promises, but it feels hollow. Leia, of course, fixes him with a look that says she knows exactly how little he means that.

“It’s wonderful that you want to help so much, but this is Mr. Dameron’s life, not yours.”

“Well,” Finn says, suddenly feeling bold. “It’s my life too. I’m sort of dating him.”

Leia arches one neat brow. “Sort of dating?”

“Sort of,” Finn confirms, his heart in his throat. With a sigh, Leia removes her teabag in one neat motion and sets it on a plate.

“You know when Han and I first started dating, we didn’t even know it.”

“You didn’t know you were dating?” Finn asks. She quirks a brow at him.

“We were ‘sort of dating’ for almost a year and fought constantly about it. It was miserable. It nearly broke us up for good before we sat down and talked about it.”

Finn sets down his mug. Leia rarely talks about herself, and never about her marriage. He’s silent for a minute, then says, “I want to wait, until after this is over. It’s comfortable. It, it helps, I think.”

“Helps you, or helps Poe?” Leia asks, gentle.

“Helps him,” Finn says slowly. “He needs me right now. I can’t leave him alone again.”

Leia’s gaze pins him. “And what about after? I like Mr. Dameron, but a relationship based on needing each other isn’t healthy. Trust me.”

“I,” Finn starts, then swallows. “I don’t know. I haven’t talked to him about it. I’m,” he meets her eyes, shoulders sinking, “I’m scared to ask.”

“What do you think he’d say?” Leia asks quietly.

“I know he’ll say something sweet,” Finn says with a quirk of his lips. “He’ll say something like ‘of course it’ll be the same,’ but it won’t. He has a kid and a life. If he wins, Bea will be back and it’ll go back to normal and there’ll be no space for me. If he loses… well, I might have a shot. But I don’t know if I, if I can even wish for that. I can’t even imagine it. He’s a mess without her.”

Leia smiles at him, small over the rim of her steaming tea. Her eyes are strange and soft. “It doesn’t seem to me that Poe is kind of person who would cut you out of his life once he gets his daughter back. Especially when that will be largely thanks to you.”

“It’s not that. It’s that,” Finn looks down into his coffee, frowning hard at the delicate foam bubbles. “It’s that it can’t be the same. Right now we spend all our time together. I’m practically living with him. We have dinner together, we sleep together, he drops me off at work. I,” Finn sighs, “I don’t think I can lose that and still be around him. I’ve never felt that way about anyone before. It’s like, like he’s all I need and I’d be happy. But you’re right. If he doesn’t need me anymore, what’s going to be there?”

“Love,” Leia answers, quiet, and shifts forward to meet his eyes. “It sounds a little cheesy,” she grins, and it makes her look ten years younger, “but it’s true. Love’s the strongest base there is. As long as you have it, you can build anything.”

“I love him,” Finn admits. It’s only the second time he’s said it aloud, the first never acknowledged, probably forgotten to the pain of losing Bea. “I don’t know if he loves me. Or if that’s enough.”

Leia’s smile is old and sad and small. “That’s up to you.”

“Was it enough for you?” Finn asks tentatively.

“I thought you’d ask,” Leia mumurs, and sighs. “It… should have been.”

Finn nods slowly. “What happened? If you don’t mind my asking.”

“With me and Han?”

“Yeah,” Finn barely breathes, not wanting to ruin this chance to learn something about the woman who saved his life.

“Han and I are still married,” Leia starts with a sigh. “We… haven’t seen eye-to-eye in a long time. We never did, really,” she laughs and takes a sip of her tea. “Eventually, we stopped trying.”

“But you’re still married,” Finn nibbles on the edge of his lip, glancing over her face. “Why?”

Leia laughs and actually looks a little amused. “I told myself it was because divorcing him was complicated. It was really…” sighing, she lets her eyes drop shut. “Regret, mostly. There’s a part of me that still thinks we could fix things. Han would call it naive. But that,” her eyes flicker up to him again, “is why I wanted to check on you. You deserve better than regretting and waiting to see if things will change.”

“You already knew,” Finn says. “You knew I’m in love with him.”

Her smile widens. “Figured it out about five minutes into our conversation on Monday.”

“Oh,” Finn’s fingers play with the mug nervously. “I don’t know if we’ll even get to the marriage, let alone the divorce.”

“The point isn’t being married,” Leia says. “It’s knowing when to quit before it hurts you more, and when to persevere because it’s worth it. I just want to know you’re thinking about it.”

“I don’t think I’ve tried hard enough yet. I’m not going to give up until,” he sucks in a breath, “I need to talk to him.”

“That would be best,” Leia agrees with a smile, and then, “You haven’t talked to him about this?”

“Not really,” Finn wrinkles his nose, “I don’t know what to say.”

“You could start with what you told me,” Leia suggests.

“But I,” Finn starts slowly, “I don’t want it to end until it has to.”

For a long moment, Leia watches him without a word, her eyes fixed on his face but clearly not really taking him in. She could be in another building completely for all she isn’t focused on him.

Just when Finn starts to think she didn’t really hear him, she shakes her head and starts laughing, quiet and easy.

“Ms. Organa? Ma’am?” Finn shifts uncomfortably, frowning. Leia waves a hand at him, still laughing quietly.

“I’m sorry, Finn, I’m not laughing at you,” she finally manages, and when she meets his eyes, her own are bright and glittering. “I promise. I’m sorry.”

“Okay…” Finn looks back down at his coffee, still nearly full. Leia shakes her head again.

“That’s a stronger reason than anything else you’ve given me,” she tells him, still smiling.

“I want to be with him forever, if I can,” Finn says earnestly. Leia’s smile goes soft.

“Then you’d better let him know. Don’t let it be too late.”

“I will. I should,” nodding vigorously, he reaches out a hand for her. “Thank you.” She shakes his hand firmly, with the ease of years of practice.

“Don’t thank me until I’ve won this,” she tells him with a tiny grim smile. “And I do intend to.”

“Thank you for the pep talk,” Finn clarifies, “and I know you will.”

Leia laughs and pushes away her empty teacup. “That wasn’t a pep talk. That was a ‘get your shit together, Finn Williams, before you regret it like I do’ talk.”

“It was pretty peppy,” Finn points out, “is there anything you need, to help with the case?”

“I’ll let you know if I need anything,” Leia promises. “But you focus on yourself and Poe, alright?”

“I will, ma’am,” Finn nods. As afraid as he is, he’s itching to go home and see Poe. Even if it’s too much to think he’ll have the nerve to ask about any of this, he can talk to Poe, touch him, reassure him that everything will be alright. Poe’s house is starting to feel too much like home, but Finn can’t think of anywhere else he’d rather be.

Leia walks him out, telling him a few of the breakthroughs she’s had so he can relay them to Poe, and smiles at his scooter when he leads her over to it.

“I love those,” she tells him quietly. “Han used to take me out on his bike. I hated it at first.”

“Do you want to try it?” Finn asks, holding out his helmet for her. Leia blinks down at it, then looks up and grins.

“That would be lovely.”

The vision of Leia laughing while riding his orange scooter keeps a smile on his face for the whole ride home. He’s whistling, a habit he picked up from Poe, when he gets back to Poe’s house that evening.

“Hey,” he calls out, kicking the door shut behind himself.

“Finn?” Poe’s voice is soft and faraway, coming from upstairs where the lights are on. Finn toes off his shoes and shrugs off Poe’s jacket before heading up the stairs. He still thinks of it as Poe’s jacket even after months of wearing it everyday.

He takes the stairs two at a time, wheeling around the corner into Poe’s room with a bright smile. “Hey, handsome.”

Poe sits on his bed surrounded by papers, which he shoves aside when Finn comes in. “Hey.” he gives Finn a tired wave, shifting to his feet. “You with Leia that whole time? Everything okay?”

Finn hops onto the bed and pulls Poe back down with hands on his forearms, “yeah. Yeah, totally okay. We had a lot to catch up on.”

Poe’s smile widens. He lets himself be tugged closer, ignoring a few of the papers crumpling underneath him. “You’re in a good mood,” he says quietly.

The papers crinkle around Finn’s knees as he pushes a quick kiss against Poe’s lips. “Yeah, I am. Leia had some good advice. Good perspective. Oh, and she had some news for you. More dirt on Alicia.”

“I like dirt,” Poe says, brows shooting up before he winces at his own words. “That sounds…” he kisses Finn instead of finishing the sentence, leaning over the papers. Finn’s arms wind around his shoulders, nosing against his cheek.

“Work later. I… you know I love you, right?” Finn says breathlessly, not daring to meet Poe’s eyes.

Poe sucks in a sharp breath, right in Finn’s ear, and pushes himself a little closer. “Finn,” his voice is thick.

“No, no, it’s okay,” Finn murmurs with a small smile. His heart is in his throat, but he’s glad that he can say it. “I’m not expecting anything from you. I just, I want to make sure you know that, okay? I love you, I’m in love with you, and I’m glad that I can be here for you right now.”

“Finn,” Poe repeats, low, and pushes himself back, swallowing hard. “You’re, uh. You know you don’t… have to help me. Like this. When I can’t…”

“I know that,” Finn settles back on his heels, a smile still on his lips, and speaks with a confidence he doesn’t feel. “I told you, I want to help. But you’re right. It’s not ideal. But after, right?”

Poe’s eyes flick to his. “Yeah,” he breathes, and reaches out to drag Finn close again. The papers crumple underneath just as Poe kisses him, making him break off with a short laugh. “Alright. Those need to get out of the way.”

“Yes, please,” Finn laughs and pushes Poe back against the pillows. He gathers up all the papers and drops them haphazardly onto the dresser that’s now half his. Most of his clothes are here now. Really, most of the things he cares about are here. His apartment is empty except for his cheap furniture and his winter clothes.

Turning back to Poe, he takes a deep breath, eyes skimming over Poe’s body. It’s freeing, telling Poe how he feels. He said it before, but he’s not sure if Poe heard or if he didn’t want to hear. Now he still doesn’t, but he knows, and that’s what matters. That’s what matters to Finn, at least.

“God you’re gorgeous,” he breathes, then strips off his shirt, dropping it to the ground next to him. Poe tracks the shirt as it falls then snaps back to him, eyes trailing slow back up his chest.

His eyes are very dark by the time he meets Finn’s again. “Look who’s talking.”

Finn doesn’t hesitate, running the few steps across the room to crawl back onto the bed over Poe.

Sex with Poe is never boring. After a month of sleeping together every night, Finn thought it might fall into a routine, but Poe always manages to surprise him, whether it’s with his mouth, his fingers, or the words that slip breathlessly out of him.

This time is no different, except that Finn says “I love you” at least three more times, pressed against Poe’s neck, against his lips, into the air that’s too hot around them. Each time, Poe closes his eyes. Finn almost feels bad, but Poe holds him tighter, kisses him harder, each time he says it.

Finn holds him tight, legs tangled together in Poe’s bed, sweat drying on their skin. Poe curls close to him—always does, after sex, pushes himself up against Finn as close as he can get. He’s still trying to catch his breath, nose pressed into Finn’s shoulder.

“You know you’re,” he breathes, “way too good.”

Finn’s laugh bubbles between them, soft and sweet. “That was all you, hotshot,” he reaches down to squeeze Poe’s ass, hefting him up against his body.

“That is so not what I meant,” Poe drawls, grinning against his mouth. “I know that was all me,” he can’t even finish the sentence without dissolving into laughter. “No, no, I meant. You. In general.”

“Poe,” Finn murmurs, ducking his head against Poe’s throat. “I told you, it’s fine. I want to help you. Selfishly want to help you.”

Poe pushes a lazy kiss to his cheek. “Not sure I follow. Tell me exactly how helping me like this is selfish?”

“Because it’s an excuse to stay over here every night,” Finn mumbles against his skin. Poe shifts a little, leaning back just enough to look at him.

“If that’s an excuse, it’s one you’re really dedicated to.”

“It’s working,” Finn says, quickly meeting his eyes, then away again. Poe’s mouth goes hard. He pulls away from Finn, eyes narrow.

“Would you quit trying to downplay what you’re doing?”

Finn drops against the pillows, watching him closely. “I’m not saying that I don’t want to help you get Bea back. I do. I care about you two more than I should. But that’s why, Poe. I’m not doing this out of the goodness of my heart. I’m doing it because I love both of you and I can’t stand to see you apart, okay? But I. If there wasn’t anything there, if you didn’t feel like, like this,” he gestures between them, then rests his hand on Poe’s shoulder, “I wouldn’t.”

“I just,” Poe says, sharp and breathless, and he shoves himself away from Finn again, staring at him wide-eyed. “This isn’t. I don’t deserve any of that. Right now, buddy, because I can’t even think about it. Bea’s the only thing in my head, and you’re here and I’m so, I don’t even know what to do with that.”

“I know,” Finn says, voice small and tight. He pulls back too, to the side of the bed that’s become his over the last few weeks. “I know that.” Poe makes a tiny cut-off sound and lifts his hand, fingers twitching toward Finn, but he pulls himself back and bites down on his lip hard enough to leave an indent.

“Finn,” he says, for the hundredth time in that cracking tone he gets when he’s upset. His eyes are very dark. “You're incredible. Alright? And you’re trying to blame it all on, on all that stuff, but even if someone was—that’s all you. So quit,” he sucks in a tiny breath and pushes himself up on his elbow, free hand held close and clenched to his chest like he’s stopping himself from getting closer. “Just. Stop it. Alright?”

The breath leaves Finn’s body before Poe stops speaking. He can’t wrap his mind around what Poe is telling him, words conflicting and shooting pain through his chest. This. This is exactly why he didn’t want to do this, not now. Not when they have another two weeks before the appeal and they could be two more weeks of the fiction Finn created for them.

“Okay,” he answers, the word wavering.

“Okay?” Poe repeats, soft and beseeching. He reaches out to curl a hand around Finn’s elbow, light, barely there. Finn doesn’t move, still under his touch. Slowly, he nods, looking down at Poe’s chest instead of his face. His face with his easy smiles and his gentle eyes that are the only ones that can see straight through him and not know him at all. Poe’s fingers curl a little tighter, pressing there on his arm. His weight dips the bed as he shifts closer.

Finn’s never really thought about it. If he told Poe everything and Poe didn’t reciprocate. It’s been a possibility, always present, but the risk is just too great. Losing the hope that there could be something is devastating. But having Poe come back to him, for comfort, for whatever it is he needs, feels like he’s burning. Heat starts at his eyes and spreads down his cheeks, choking tight into his chest and down into his gut. He needs this. Being needed feels better than not, even when Leia’s voice echoes in his head: you can’t build a relationship on needing each other. His fingers comb through Poe’s hair and he wants this. Poe makes him feel special, but Finn’s sure he could make anyone feel that way. Poe throws himself into something, puts his all into it, and Finn is just the most recent subject of his unique grip on life.

It’s foolish, but another part of him thinks for now. This might only be until Leia wins the appeal, bringing Bea back into their lives. Then Poe might be able to think about him. There might be space in his heart for Finn after it’s all over. When Poe doesn’t need him anymore.

Last time, he made the decision to leave. To protect himself instead of helping Poe. And look what good it did them, either of them.

Slowly, Finn relaxes. A sense of tranquility spreads over him, the fire lowering to a simmer burning at his throat. Two weeks. He’s pretended this long, what’s two more weeks. Pretending that Poe didn’t say any of that, that Poe actually wants him, isn’t difficult.

The sheets rustle underneath him and he moves toward Poe, an arm wrapping firmly around his waist.

* * *

 

Sunlight filters bright into the room through old blue curtains. Finn groans and throws an arm over his face, ignoring the pounding in his head. It took him hours to fall asleep with Poe breathing softly, nestled against him. It’s the most exquisite torture, Poe’s curls tickling his chin, breath spilling over his chest. It’s a small blessing that Poe isn’t still in bed with him, his half cold and empty, the blankets rumpled. Finn opens his eyes enough to be sure, dropping a hand over where Poe was the night before.

He’s not sure if he made the right choice. If upon waking up he feels the exact same aching pain root in his gut, it can’t be the right choice.

But then Poe’s voice floats up from the kitchen. He’s singing something sweet that sounds a little bit like Frank Sinatra, all easy sliding notes over tinny trumpet probably playing on Poe’s phone.

He hasn’t sung in weeks.

“But each time I do,” He’s getting closer as he sings, soft and lilting, and suddenly the whole room smells like breakfast, “just the thought of you makes me stop before I—" Poe appears in the doorway and stops, smiling suddenly. “Hey, you’re up!”

He’s holding a tray.

He’s holding a tray, and the thin light from the window by the bed makes his skin look like gold, and the tray is full of plates and two mugs steaming lazily into the air. Finn stares, jaw slack. He blinks a few times, and then the smell of coffee hits him and he groans, pushing himself to sit up.

“What, what’s this for?” Finn asks densely.

Poe beams at him and pads closer over the carpet, balancing the tray carefully so the coffee doesn’t slosh over the edges of the mugs. “Breakfast, if you want it.”

Finn nods slowly, his brain trying to catch up with his body, hands reaching out to help Poe settle the tray on the bed. Is it an apology? Is it regret? Or is it Poe being the same thoughtful, sweet, generous person that Finn fell in love with.

“Yeah,” he tries tentatively, voice thick. He can blame it on just waking up. “Uh. Thanks. This smells really good.”

“Only thing I can reliably cook,” Poe watches him closely as he pushes one of the mugs closer to Finn and crawls back into the bed, still only wearing loose pajama pants and a thin shirt. His sleep-ruffled hair is even wilder than usual. He bites at his lip, still staring at Finn with one hand wrapped around the edge of the tray.

“You’ve said,” Finn murmurs, taking a small sip of the too-hot coffee, surveying the tray of pancakes, eggs, and bacon. His stomach growls.

Silently, he hands Poe the other mug and picks up a fork, cutting out a piece of pancake. There are eggs to go with it this time, fluffy and spiced with some mixture that Poe apparently learned from his dad. Poe watches him eat for a moment, sipping quietly at his coffee, before he sighs and crosses his legs, settling down across from Finn. “Last time you said to add some ginger to the pancakes,” he says, very soft, still smiling a bit over the edge of his coffee.

"It’s really good,” Finn mumbles through a mouthful. He glances up at Poe and it’s obvious now. Of course staying is the right decision. If Poe will do this, for whatever reason, for him, then it’s worth two more weeks. It can’t hurt more to break this off in two weeks than it would now.

Finn reaches out a hand for him.

Poe’s nervous little smile breaks and it’s like the sun coming out, brightening up his face as he curls his fingers into Finn’s and beams. Frank Sinatra filters up from downstairs, still singing. Poe’s foot is just pressed into Finn’s thigh underneath the tray.

“Thanks,” Finn says again, meeting Poe’s eyes, a genuine smile on his lips. A relationship based on mutual need can’t last. He knows that. But he sure as hell can enjoy it until the end.

* * *

 

It’s been weeks since Finn and Rey had time alone together. Between teaching, Rey’s classes, and Poe’s appeal, they only see each other at school. It’s preparation for her leaving, Finn tells himself, but he knows that’s not true. And with this rift forming between him and Poe, he realizes just how much he already misses her.

“You haven’t ridden Sunny in a while,” he says a few days later, when the ache in his gut has become normal.

Rey glances up from the tests she’s grading, her pen still poised above the paper. “I’m almost done with these,” she says quietly.

“Me too,” Finn says, smiling at her. “You don’t have a test tomorrow?”

She beams tiredly at him. “No, I don’t! For the first time in four weeks. I have got a paper to turn in but I planned for that so I’m already three-quarters of the way through it.”

“So, pizza?” Finn asks.

Rey cocks her head at him. “Depends.”

“On what?”

“How healthy you’ve been eating lately.”

“Very,” Finn says sheepishly. “I’ve been cooking every day.”

Rey turns back to her tests to finish them up. “You have? In your tiny little kitchen?”

“Not exactly,” Finn looks down at his own stack of tests. “I’ve been staying with Poe. His kitchen is much nicer.”

Rey’s pen scratches to a halt. “For how long?”

“A while. Few weeks,” Finn shrugs, ticking off Ari’s test. “I told you were we talking again.”

“Talking isn’t the same as living with him,” Rey says sharply.

“Yeah. I know,” Finn looks up at her again. There’s no reason to keep anything from her. This is Rey, his best friend, his partner in everything except for this. “We’re together, sort of. As together as we can be without talking about it.”

Rey dashes off one last test and shoves her chair back, spinning to level him with a hard look. “That doesn’t sound healthy at all.”

“It’s not,” Finn says softly. “I tried to talk about it, a few days ago. I got my answer. It’s not what I want, but,” he sighs and sets down his pen. “I can’t let him go yet.”

Rey shifts closer. “What was the answer?”

“He doesn’t feel the same way about me, that I feel about him,” Finn murmurs, his shoulders slumping. “I’m not surprised. I just wish it were different.” Rey sucks in a tiny breath.

“Oh.” huffing softly, she moves close enough to wrap an arm through his, squeezing. “Then why are you staying? That’s not…”

“Healthy?” Finn laughs and wraps an arm around her waist. “I know. But I’m doing it anyway. It’s only about another week, then it’ll all be over and I can go back to my shitty apartment and live alone again.”

Rey levels at flat look at him. “Finn Williams, that is the dumbest thing I have ever heard you say.”

“It beat the thing about eggs last year?” Finn jokes blandly. Rey rolls her eyes.

“Don’t you start with me. Have a little more self-respect. You’re better than this.”

“I already made my decision,” Finn says, squeezing her close for a second. He finishes off the last test and drops it on her pile. “C’mon, let’s go get pizza.”

“I’m not just going to drop this in the face of pizza!” Rey protests. She neatens up the pile without even thinking about it and shoves herself up in front of him, arms crossed. “You can’t distract me with food.”

“Then you can lecture me over a pie,” Finn smiles and kisses her cheek quickly. Grimacing, Rey shoves halfheartedly at him, but follows him toward the door anyway.

“You’re on classroom cleaning duty for a week,” she tells him as she settles behind him on his scooter. “I hope you know that.”

“Because I make bad decisions in my love life? That doesn’t seem to correlate, Rey.”

“Because you’re not listening to me,” Rey snorts. “At all. Even though I’m always right.”

“Uh huh. What about the time you bought that junker? That was being right?” Finn grins back at her, flipping down the visor on his helmet. Rey rolls her eyes as she shoves the spare helmet down over her head.

“Uncle Luke is still going to help me fix it, so yes, that was absolutely being right.”

“Know-it-all,” Finn mutters and kicks the scooter to life, taking them out of the school far too quickly. They’re the last ones there aside from a few after school clubs with few children to set a bad example for.

It’s nearing midnight when Finn comes back to Poe’s house that night to find all the lights on downstairs. He pushes open the door with a quiet “Poe?”

There’s no response. He pads to the kitchen to put away his extra pizza. Rey insisted he take it since even the four slices she had were against her diet and exercise regime for school.

Poe’s fridge is always something like organized chaos, covered in art projects by Bea and various shopping lists and reminders in Poe’s scrawling handwriting, receipts he always means to do something with, and around Christmas, dorky cards from his friends.

Now most of the mess in the center is cleared away except one bright orange sticky note with Finn’s name on it in bold black sharpie.

There’s dinner for you if hungry! is scrawled underneath, barely legible.

Finn can’t help but smile and peeks into the fridge to find a tupperware of taco fixings with another orange note on top. didn’t burn anything it’s safe!

Finn grabs a fork and tries some of the filling, humming happily. It’s surprisingly good. Pride swells in his chest.

Poe, when he finally finds him, is curled up on the couch surrounded with more papers for the appeal, his computer fallen asleep next to him. Finn gently pushes his hair out of his face and leans down to kiss Poe’s cheek.

I love you, he thinks, since he can’t say it aloud. Not anymore.

“Hey, buddy,” Finn murmurs, "you don’t wanna sleep here.”

Poe groans at him, hardly even moving except to turn toward Finn, mouth fallen open in sleep. Finn moves around the couch and drags a blanket over Poe, tucking him in carefully. Poe mumbles something soft, eyelashes fluttering. Just as Finn draws back with the blanket tucked around Poe’s shoulders, he mumbles, “Finn?”

Finn pauses, perching on the edge of the couch. “Hey.” Poe always takes a while to wake up, his brain several seconds behind his body. He stares blankly up at Finn for a second, blinking.

Then a slow, sleep-soft smile spreads over his lips and he flops back against the arm of the couch. “Hey. Time is it?”

“Late,” Finn's smile grows with Poe’s and his hand slides up Poe’s thigh. “Didn’t want to wake you, but the bed is much more comfy.”

“Ugh,” Poe groans. He shoves himself up on one elbow, curving up toward Finn. “Didn’t think I’d fall asleep,” he mumbles, and pushes up the rest of the way to lean against Finn’s leg instead. “Did you find dinner?”

“I tried some of it. It’s really good,” Finn squeezes his thigh easily. “Rey and I got dinner first.”

“’s good, right?” Poe’s smile is audible. “How’s Rey?”

“Good. Getting ready to leave,” Finn keeps the smile even though he wants to fall into Poe and hold him close. “She’s acing her classes.”

“’Course she is, she’s super-smart,” Poe mumbles, and turns his face into Finn’s leg to push a kiss there. “Need to finish going through this stuff, then bed.”

“Hey, hey,” Finn drags his hand through Poe’s hair. “Go to sleep. You’re exhausted.”

Poe shakes his head and shoves himself up properly. “Leia needs this stuff,” he mumbles, staring down at the papers. “Every interaction Alicia’s had with Bea since she left in the first place. Gotta get it all down.”

“How would you know that? You were here.” Finn shifts next to him, a hand sliding down Poe’s back.

“Bea’s told me about most of them,” Poe sighs, and reaches up to tug him closer.

“Did she call you tonight?” Finn asks, leaning his head on Poe’s shoulder.

Poe squeezes his arm. “Who? Leia?”

“Bea,” Finn murmurs, turning into his throat. Poe makes a quiet sound under his breath.

“Yeah. Talked to her for a while.”

“She okay?” Finn asks. Poe just sighs and lets his arm settle around Finn’s waist.

“No. She’s not, but she doesn’t wanna admit that. You know Bea.”

“I do. When’s the next weekend you get with her?” Finn asks, kissing his throat gently.

“This upcoming one, actually.” Poe murmurs. “I’m gonna go there.”

“Oh,” Finn sits up, looking at him, “that’s good! What are you gonna do?” Poe gives him a tired smile, keeping himself close.

“Dunno. It, it’s gotta be the best weekend, you know?”

“Hey, no,” Finn’s fingers push into his hair, tugging easily, “don’t put that on the yourself. Just spend time with her, take her to the park, get some ice cream.”

“If she’s as miserable as she sounded on the phone, she needs more than that.”

“That’s exactly what she needs,” Finn says softly. “She needs you.”

Poe lets out a quiet sigh, turns, and nudges Finn into a kiss. Finn curls his hand behind Poe’s neck and turns into him. Poe’s too tired to do anything other than kiss him, lazy and soft, and curl his hand into Finn’s shirt, and he’s leaning into Finn like he’s the only thing keeping Poe from falling back over and going to sleep.

“You really think so?” He finally mumbles against Finn’s mouth, pulling back with a soft hitch of breath.

“I really do,” Finn smiles and noses against his cheek. “C’mon, lets go upstairs.”

Poe glances down at the papers one last time, gives them a long, considering look, and says, “Fuck it.” He turns back to Finn with a sleepy grin and pushes a loose kiss against his throat. "Yeah. You’re a genius, let’s go to bed.”

Finn wraps his arms around Poe and hefts him up off the couch. “C’mon, buddy. Let’s go to bed.”

“Are you carrying me right now?” Poe twists in his arms, blinking at Finn.

“Want me to?” Finn smiles, hefting Poe against him.

“I’d give you five steps before you dropped me,” Poe drawls, quirking a brow. His toes are just touching the ground. Finn’s eyes flick over his face, then he grins.

“I’ll take that bet. I’ll get you to the stairs.”

“What?” Poe shifts until he can peer over Finn’s shoulder. “That’s ten. BS. You’re not that much bigger’n me, buddy.”

“No, but I can bench my own body weight, which is a lot more than yours,” Finn sets Poe down onto the couch, then hooks his arm under Poe’s knees, the other behind his shoulders. Poe grins up at him, leans up to kiss his chin, and promptly goes completely deadweight in Finn’s arms. Finn grunts but doesn’t drop him. “Jesus,” he mutters, maneuvering around the couch, one, two, three steps.

“Two more,” Poe sing-songs from against his shoulder. “Can you really bench-press your own bodyweight?”

“Yeah. More than,” Finn takes him those two steps, then another one. “Hah. You lose.”

“You about to drop me?” Poe asks him sweetly.

“Want me to?” Finn loosens his grip a little, Poe slipping down his body. Laughing, Poe scrambles to wrap his arms around Finn’s shoulders so he doesn’t just fall when he lands back on the ground.

“While I have total faith in your arms,” Poe squeezes his shoulder, “I also don’t want you falling down my stairs, that would suck.”

Finn’s arms are around Poe and he kisses him deeply, hands sliding down Poe’s back to hold him close. Poe is still sleep-soft, leaning against him until Finn has to stumble against the wall to keep them both up. He slides lazy kisses along Finn’s jaw up to his ear.

When they’re like this, it feels so real. It feels like it could last, like Bea could come home and Poe would still want him. Finn holds him tighter and murmurs, “this isn’t bed.”

“It’s not,” Poe agrees and his breath is warm and wet, sliding over Finn’s skin. Finn slumps back against the wall, wrapping a leg behind Poe’s.

“Poe.”

Poe drops his head against Finn’s shoulder, kissing at the skin just under the hem of his shirt. “What.”

“You need to go to sleep,” he says softly, stroking over Poe’s back.

“No I don’t,” Poe mumbles, petulant, but squeezes Finn close and tugs him off the wall toward the stairs all the same. Finn follows easily, kissing the corner of his mouth.

“You know I deal with 8-year-olds every day. I can get you into bed.”

“Are you comparing me to an 8-year-old?” Poe’s hand slides down to curl into Finn’s.

“Yep,” Finn smiles and kisses Poe’s lips again, quick and easy. “Not much difference.” Poe grins against his mouth and tugs him up the stairs, flicking off the lights as he goes.

“Is it really inappropriate to bring up the primary difference here?”

“Shut up,” Finn mutters, hands dropping to grip Poe’s ass tight. “You’re acting like one, okay?”

“You have your hands on my ass,” Poe tells him cheerfully, and yanks Finn into his bedroom. Finn laughs and pushes Poe toward the bed.

“Eight is a confusing age, alright?” Finn smiles easily, hanging back a few feet. His expression softens and he adds, “you’ll have a great time this weekend.”

Poe glances up at him and for a second he’s all nerves, mouth tight and shoulders tense. “You think?”

“I really do. And I’ll be here when you get back. We can do whatever you want,” Finn reaches out for his hands, squeezing softly, then presses into his space, chest to chest, hips to hips. The bare inch he has over Poe still has Poe leaning up into him, tilting his head to kiss him. Poe murmurs his thanks against Finn’s lips, sliding his hands flat and warm up Finn’s back, bunching his shirt. Finn stifles an ‘I love you’ with another kiss, trying to show him instead of saying it aloud. His body curves around Poe, nestling him close, keeping him safe from everything that wants to bring him down.

Down in the kitchen, the electricity kicks up with a sputtering hum like it does at midnight every night, and which Poe usually sleeps through because he sleeps like the dead.

Poe mumbles something, sucks in a slow breath, and lets his hand creep up to the back of Finn’s skull, resting there warmly. “You’re the best.” he breathes, soft, and his voice is thick and full of something. “You know that?”

Finn smiles against his lips, small and sad. He presses another kiss between them, staying close and quiet, letting emotion press at his lungs, at his heart, filling him with an intensity that he never knew before Poe. Eventually Poe lets out a slow breath and pulls himself away with the echo of a smile on his lips.

“Now who’s keeping me from bed?”

“We’re at the bed,” Finn points out, nosing against his cheek. He sighs softly and pulls back. “Don’t sleep in your jeans again.”

Poe gives him a sheepish little grin, nudges a kiss against his cheek, and shimmies out of his jeans to let them lie where they fell. “Sir yes sir.”

“And your shirt,” Finn says, hands dropping down to Poe’s hips. Poe’s eyes are locked on him as he reaches to tug his shirt off. Finn smiles easily, eyes locked on Poe’s face even as his hands skim up his stomach to his chest. “You can get into your PJs if you want to sleep.”

Poe grins at him and drops back down onto the bed, tugging at Finn to stand between his thighs. “You offering another option here?”

“Only if you’re interested,” Finn sinks down to his knees, hands dragging down Poe’s bare legs.

Poe levels him with a look. “I’m always interested.”

* * *

 

That weekend Finn stays alone in Poe’s house for the first time. He can’t bring himself to go back to his apartment, and has looked into how he could stop paying for it altogether. Poe’s house is comfortable and it feels like a home, a feeling Finn has never really felt before.

Except boredom sets in just a few hours into Saturday. Poe left the night before, Finn cooked himself dinner, spent the night sprawled out over Poe’s bed, and then hit the gym in the morning. By noon, he’s lying on the couch watching trash TV and texting Rey, who’s at her uncle’s house again cramming for her exams. He sends her heart and flower emojis and promises to take her out once it’s all over for cake. Cake is Rey’s version of alcohol.

Stop texting me and do something productive! Holding you to cake. I’m putting down my phone now or Luke will make me do more pushups. Rey texts him back just as a loud knock echoes over the TV. Finn blinks at the phone, then looks up at the door, wondering if he imagined it for a second. Then the knock comes again, louder this time.

The only person who ever knocks on his door is Rey, who is texting him from the other side of the city. And who doesn’t actually know where he is right now.

Alicia is in Coruscant with Poe and Bea.

Slowly, he pushes himself up and edges toward the door. It’s noon on a Saturday. Not prime time for crime of any sort.

“Um,” he pulls open the door, only registering who it is after he says, “hello?”

Jessika Pava blinks up at him from the ratty mat, her hand still raised to knock again. Snap hovers over her shoulder, his brow furrowed as he stares at Finn.

Jess lowers her hand and smiles a bit. “Hey, Finn, long time no see.”

“Hi, Jess,” Finn says, shifting back on his heels. “Snap. Uh, Poe isn’t here.”

Jess’ brows dart up. She glances from Finn back behind him into the house and back again, opens her mouth, and closes it again just as Snap drawls, “Where is he then?”

“Coruscant,” Finn says automatically before wondering if maybe there’s a reason that Poe didn’t tell them. “It’s, uh, his weekend with Bea.”

“It’s his—" Jess repeats, and narrows her eyes. “That shit, no wonder he’s not answering his damn phone! Good thing you were here.” She pauses, steps back, and stares at Finn again. “Why…are you here? I mean, no offense, it’s good to see you, it’s been forever, but—you know. I thought you guys weren’t talking? Poe wouldn’t say a word about it.”

“Jess,” Snap mumbles, but Jess waves a hand at him.

“Hush, he’s not answering his damn phone, I can talk about him all I want. Is he okay?”

“Yeah, as okay as he can be,” Finn hesitates, then steps back into the house. “I don’t think he’d mind if you came in. If you want to.”

“Atta boy,” Jess grins and follows him in, gesturing for Snap to follow when he hesitates on the mat. “That’s what we came for. Still didn’t answer my question.”

“I’m,” Finn starts, then pauses to shut the door behind them. It’s a valid question. One he’s specifically ignored answering for himself. There’s no reason to lie to them. Not now, at the end. “I’m staying here for a little while.”

Jess’ brows dart up again, but she doesn’t say anything as she wanders into the living room.

Snap gives him a look for it, though, frowning quietly and toeing off his shoes.

“Are you watching Kitchen Nightmares? God, this show makes me so sad.” Jess calls out and pokes her head back around the wall. “Hey, don’t leave me all alone. Snap, d’you have the beer?”

Finn takes one of the beers that Snap presses into hands when he passes, then trails after him into the living room. Jess is already on the couch, taking up half of it. Snap sits in Poe’s usual chair, leaving Finn to sit next to her. He leaves a good foot between them. Jess, for being such a small person, takes up a surprising amount of space, and somehow ends up with her foot shoved into Finn’s thigh despite his best efforts.

She grins at him when he looks over. “So he’s with the evil ex this weekend, huh?”

“Yep,” Finn says, trying to relax even though he can feel Snap’s eyes on him instead of the TV. It feels a lot like he’s being analyzed.

“Could’ve told us,” Snap mumbles, apparently to himself, and heaves a sigh. “You gonna tell us what happened?”

“Between Poe and me? Or…” he can wish that they don’t mean that, but their expression dash that hope.

Jess shoves her toes into his leg. “Yup.”

“It,” Finn wrinkles his nose and takes a sip of beer to stall. “I dunno. He called me, after he lost the first case.”

“Yeah, he told me that part,” Snap says quietly. "How long’s it been?”

“How long’s what been?” Finn asks. The nerves in his gut aren’t a good sign. They’re just another reason that this will be over in a week, when Poe goes to the appeal and wins back Bea. He has complete faith that Poe will win if he has Leia on his side.

“Since you were staying here, but I don’t care about that,” Jess toes at him again. “What happened in the first place? I mean, you don’t have to talk about it, if you don’t want, but— are you okay?”

Finn looks at her and sees a sincerity in her eyes that settles something in his skin. He smiles, small and soft, and says, “I’m okay. But, yeah, I don’t really want to talk about it.”

Jess smiles back at him and relaxes the press of her foot so she’s not shoving Finn into the arm of the couch anymore. “It’s good to see you again. We missed you around the garage. Nice having someone take me seriously every once in a while, god knows Dameron never does.”

“He doesn’t?” Finn asks, keeping his eyes on her. He can see Snap staring at him with pursed lips through his peripheral vision.

“Pff,” Jess snorts, waving a hand at him. “Nope. Tries to do it all himself, doesn’t listen to me when I tell him to knock it the fuck off unless I threaten him, and even then, like, Snap, how many times have I had to threaten him into letting me help with stuff?”

“At least 20,” Snap supplies blandly, and Jess nods.

“Exactly! Like, I know what the fuck I’m doing, god.”

“You seem more competent than him most of the time,” Finn jokes, nudging her back with his thigh. “And you’re better with bikes.”

“Hell yeah I’m better with bikes,” Jess crows, laughing. “I knew I liked you for a reason.”

A grin stretches his lips. “Did you see the bike outside? Well. Not bike, scooter.” Jess bolts up.

“No way. That adorable thing is yours?”

“Yeah,” Finn says, pride swelling in his chest. “Yeah, her name’s Sunny.”

Jess beams at him as Snap groans, “oh, god, he got you too.”

“Naming your equipment is a time-honored tradition, and I happen to know for a fact your bike’s name is Delilah, so shut up,” Jess laughs. Snap rolls his eyes and slumps a bit more into the squashy chair. “That’s a great name. When did you get her? How fast can she go? You should bring her by sometime.”

“She’ll take it apart, don’t do it.”

“I trust you,” Finn says, toasting her with his bottle. “I got her a month or so ago. She can do around 45 if I push it. I didn’t really want something fast.”

Jess laughs and toasts him back with a bottle she doesn’t have. “Not into the super-speedy stuff?”

“Not at all,” Finn shakes his head with a grimace. “At least, I don’t want to drive it.”

“Your loss." But Jess doesn’t push it anymore, just settles back into the arm of the couch with a tiny smile. “I missed being over here.”

Finn brings the bottle to his lips, debating his words for a second. “Yeah, I guess you guys came over more, before, right?”

“My apartment is tiny, Snap’s house has the terror twins and his wife likes to keep it mostly free of engine grease, Iolo lives with his parents and he doesn’t want us corrupting their idea of what he does,” Jess lists off on her fingers. “So, yeah. Until recently, anyway. He’s been shoving us all away.”

Finn makes a soft noise in his throat. “Sounds about right. My apartment is tiny too. This is, uh, much nicer.”

Snap peers at him. “Where do you live?”

“Not far from here,” Finn says, looking over at him. His expression is less tense now. “Over on Oak. You know where that is?”

“That brick building? That place has terrible reviews, man," Snap wrinkles his nose.

Finn shrugs, “it’s cheap. I don’t really spend much time there.”

Jess snorts at him. “Because you’re over here, or because you’re a workaholic like Poe?”

“Recently, the former. But usually, yeah, I’m at school,” Finn smiles a little. “I’m starting a little league team.”

“That’s adorable,” Jess says immediately, and sits up. “You’re like, the perfect elementary teacher.”

“I wish,” Finn laughs, leaning back on the couch. “I’m trying. But, I mean, it’s fun. It’s gonna be a summer school thing, at first.” He glances at Snap again with a tiny smile. “How old are your twins?”

“They’re gonna turn five in another month,” Snap mumbles, and shivers. “You’re lucky you get to deal with eight-year-olds.”

“It’s open to five and up, if you want them to come,” Finn says softly. Snap stares at him for a second. He’s the most intimidating-looking of all of Poe’s friends by a long shot.

But then he smiles and it softens his whole face. “That’d be awesome. They could use an outlet.”

“Great!” Finn laughs, and suddenly he feels much more relaxed. “Great. Now my sign-ups are at two.”

“I wanna play,” Jess pipes up beside him. “Or like, watch them scream and run around and yell at each other. Sounds hilarious.”

“I’ll text you the times,” Finn nods and tugs out his phone. Bringing up his contacts, he hands it to her. Jess cheers and grabs it to punch her number in. When she hands the phone back to Finn, her name is in all caps in his contacts. He grins and tucks it back in his pocket, ignoring the conspicuous lack of texts from Poe. There’s usually at least one.

"Wanna go take a look at Sunny?”

Jess beams at him. “Hell yeah."

She coos over his scooter like it’s an actual human child. It’s exactly how Poe had reacted a few days after Finn had taken him out on it that first night.

“I bet Dameron was all over this thing, huh?”

“Oh, yeah,” Finn grins, crouching next to her. “He loved it. Took her as fast as she’d go.”

Jess snorts and slides her hand over the metal. “All, what, 45 miles an hour?”

"Yeah, it was terrifying," Finn pats the bike fondly. "But the three of us are still alive, so I can't be too mad."

“Somehow I doubt you can stay mad at him too long,” Jess mumbles, and sits back on her heels. “What’s your deal exactly? Snap’s not here to judge, you can tell me.”

“My deal," Finn says, rubbing his hands on his thighs. “My deal is that I've been living here for a month. And our deal is that we're... something. Not sure what, but something."

“You’re helping him with the appeal, right?” Jess asks quietly, watching him.

"Yeah," Finn sucks in a breath. "You're worried about him."

Jess’ mouth twists. “I’m worried about both of you, actually.”

“Poe’s the one you should worry about," Finn says, "not me."

“Poe’s been handling this for eight years,” Jess says shortly. “You haven’t even been here a year, and I’m not saying that to say you’re shitty at this, I’m just—Poe can handle himself. You know? I’m glad you’re looking out for him, but if this is dragging you down too, it’s not worth it.”

“It's not," Finn replies, then drops his eyes. "Not the appeal. I mean, yeah, it sucks, but you’re right. It's not really my thing."

Jess watches him closely. “Just remember if it’s too much for you, you can duck out. He’ll be fine. He’s always fine. It’s one of his super powers.”

“It’s not that easy,” Finn mutters and drops back to sit on the concrete. He looks over Jess and decides that it doesn’t matter. It’s one more week. “I’m gone on him. Really far gone.”

“I can tell.” Her face softens a bit. “He’s a pretty great guy. But still. You don’t have to do anything. He can take care of himself.”

“I’m not arguing with that. But it’s one more week. I’ll stick around until it’s over.”

Jess smiles weakly. “You think he’s got a chance?”

“I really do,” Finn nudges her gently in the arm. She nudges him back.

“Just keep it in mind, yeah?”

“Someone’s gotta make sure he eats more than pizza.”

Laughing, Jess shoves herself up. “Alright, alright. She’s gorgeous, though. Great purchase.”

"Thanks,” Finn smiles back, following her up. “You can take her out, if you want.”

Jess yanks the helmet into her hands and beams. “You wanna ride with me?”

“Definitely.”

* * *

 

When Poe gets home on Sunday, the sky is already dark and crowded with thick black clouds.

His car is cat-quiet in the driveway, but when he pushes open the door it’s the loudest thing in the house for hours, and his voice is rough when he calls out Finn’s name, tentative. Finn looks up from where he’s curled on the couch with a book.

“Hey,” he says with a soft smile.

Poe lets the door fall shut heavy behind him. “Didn’t think you’d be here still.”

“Oh,” Finn’s smile drops slightly. He sits up and leans against the back of the couch. “Do you, uh, want me to leave?”

“No, no, you’re okay—" Poe waves a hand at him, toeing off his shoes. His bag hits the ground with a thud. “Hey.”

“Okay,” Finn tucks a post-it into his book and slips off the couch. He pauses in the doorway. “You alright?”

Poe goes still.

“Fine,” he mumbles. The house creaks around them. His eyes flick to the banister, still covered in shining tinsel from Christmas. That was months ago now. They’d spent an afternoon in early December making snowflakes in class and Bea had taken most of them home to decorate and stuck them lopsidedly in among the tinsel.

“Okay,” Finn says again, but he doesn’t move. Poe’s head slowly comes up. “There’s some dinner left, if you want it.”

“Dinner,” Poe repeats, soft, and sways a little closer. “Yeah. Thanks.”

Finn smiles again and leans in to kiss him.

Dinner is quiet. Finn sits with him even though he’s not hungry, retrieving his book when Poe doesn’t respond to any of his questions. But it’s difficult to read with the tension radiating off Poe into the thick silence.

Finn flips a page, eyes flicking up. Poe’s food is only half-eaten, sitting forgotten in front of him as he twirls a noodle around his fork. His eyes are distant, focusing somewhere over Finn’s shoulder.

“Do you wanna tell me about it?” Finn asks quietly, fingers running over the page. The fridge kicks up behind them in a hum of electricity. As the kitchen light stutters overhead, Poe finally looks up.

“About what?”

Finn smiles and reaches over to touch his arm. “About the weekend. How’s Bea?”

“Bea’s,” Poe says automatically, eyes flicking to Finn’s hand. He pauses, then sighs and drops his head. “She’s pissed, and miserable. Would barely talk to me. What’d you think she’d be like?”

“I don’t know,” Finn says, scooting a little closer to him. “She’s mad at you?” Poe’s jaw tightens.

“Yeah. Should’ve seen it coming. I basically abandoned her.”

“You wouldn’t’ve,” Finn breathes. “She… yeah, she wouldn't understand that. But you’re doing everything you can. You know that.”

“It doesn’t matter what I know,” Poe drawls, and meets his eyes. He looks exhausted, like he did a month ago after everything went to hell in the first place. Shadows lurk dark and heavy under his eyes. “It matters what Bea thinks."

“Hey,” Finn frowns slightly, “Poe, that. She’s eight.”

Poe’s eyes flick to him. “Yeah. I got that.”

“I just mean, yeah, she’s upset. But that’s not the end, right?”

Poe stares at him for a few silent seconds, hand pushed against the table like he’s going to shove himself up. The fridge whines electric and sharp.

Poe drops his head with a sharp huff. “I don’t really wanna talk about it, buddy. If that’s. I know you’re just trying to help."

Finn lets out a breath and sits back in the chair. “Okay. That’s okay. Well, I’m glad you’re back.”

“Yeah,” Poe mumbles, “me too. How was your weekend? Jess texted me.”

“Oh, yeah, she and Snap came over on Saturday,” he smiles and toes against Poe’s calf. “They hung out for a while. I didn’t really want to go home. I thought that’d be okay.”

Poe lets out a slow, shaking breath and smiles across the table. “Yeah, yeah. ‘Course it’s—yeah.”

Finn’s heart jumps, breath suddenly tight even though he’s not sure why. “Yeah. I’m working on my summer school plan. I think it'll be fun.”

Poe’s smile gets wider. “The little league thing?”

“Yeah. That’s the fun part. I drew the short straw and I’m doing remedial math too,” Finn wraps his toes around Poe’s leg. Poe leans forward, just a bit.

“What’s the long straw?”

“English,” he smiles and leans on his hand. “Summer English is the best. You can just read good books and talk about them.”

Poe blinks at him, lips parting for a brief, silent moment.

Then he bursts into bright laughter and drops his head forward against Finn’s shoulder. “You’re such a nerd.”

“I’m a teacher,” Finn says, pushing his fingers into Poe’s hair.

“You’re a dork,” Poe laughs, quiet. “Suits you. So better weekend than mine?”

“Yeah, sounds like it,” he turns his head to press a kiss against Poe’s temple. “Missed you.”

“Yeah,” Poe breathes back, and leans into him. "Missed you too. You know you, uh. You didn’t have to stay, though.”

“I haven’t slept in my apartment in a month,” Finn murmurs, massaging his head gently. “Feels weird to go back.”

“Has it really been a month?” Poe mumbles. “God.”

“Yeah, it has,” Finn kisses him again, soft against his cheek. For a second, Poe leans in, close and quiet, and mumbles something under his breath too low for Finn to catch.

The chair scrapes sharp on the linoleum as Poe pushes himself back from the table. Finn watches him, a little bereft from the warmth of his body. If he feels like this after two days, he’s not sure that he’ll be strong enough to leave next week.

“Thanks for dinner,” Poe mumbles softly. He curls an arm around himself and stands there, staring down at Finn with a tight little frown.

“Yeah, of course,” Finn says quietly. He shifts up and gathers Poe’s plate, taking it to the sink. Still frowning, Poe follows him across the creaking linoleum to steal the plate out of his fingers with a soft “hey, no.”

“It’s fine,” Finn says with a smile, but he lets go of it. “You’re tired. I’ve been sitting around all day.”

“That’s the rules,” Poe snorts and turns on the water before Finn can protest anymore. He scrubs idly at the plate, biting at his lip. “Gotta keep something the same, right?”

Instead of replying, Finn’s hands drop to Poe’s hips and he shifts behind him, pressing lips to his throat. He noses there, emotion bubbling in his gut that he can’t let out. Poe makes a tiny breathless noise in his throat and shoves the plate into his rickety drying rack with a clatter. Finn smiles and nips gently at his skin, a hand sliding down Poe’s stomach.

“Finn,” Poe mumbles, and his voice shakes into the thick air. Finn inhales deeply, arms tightening around him. He smells like soap and always a little like oil, underneath everything, and his hair curls damply at the base of his neck. Even just his scent spurs heat in Finn’s gut, curling and pressing him against Poe. His lips part over Poe’s pulse, sucking softly in a way that always makes Poe squirm.

“Finn,” Poe tries again, a little louder, and then yanks himself away from Finn with a soft, frustrated sound, knocking into the dish rack so it smacks against the back wall. Finn’s hands drops uselessly to his sides and he sways on his bare feet.

“Poe?”

“Just--” Poe snaps, and whirls to face him, his eyes dark with anger, “Not. Knock it off. Okay?”

Finn’s breath catches and he shifts back out of Poe’s space. He’s never seen an expression like that on Poe’s face before, not twisting and focused on him. “What? Stop what?” Poe swallows hard and moves further back until he’s pressed to the counter, gripping the edge white-knuckled.

“This whole,” he tries, and his voice is rough and low. His eyes skitter away from Finn’s. “We can’t do this.”

“Oh,” Finn manages to say, standing listlessly in the middle of the kitchen. “Okay. Okay. Um,” he swallows, throat tight and painful. His face feels hot. “Why?”

Poe makes a rough sound and meets his eyes again. His mouth is pressed into a tight, shaking line. “Buddy,” he tries, and almost laughs but the sound shatters in the air and he cuts it off. “you know why, c’mon.”

Finn knows a hundred reasons why. A hundred reasons why this shouldn’t work, why Poe isn’t right for him, why Poe needs someone else, someone who isn’t young and inexperienced and fits into his family. But Finn feels like he fits. Like there’s a place carved just for him in this house. Even if he was prepared to give that up, he has a burning need to keep it, to save that place. Cherish the first place that’s felt like a home.

Steeling himself, Finn stands up straighter, wishing he were wearing more than a T-shirt and sweatpants. His bare feet stick to the linoleum. Questions settle on his tongue and he pieces through each one until he decides on: “Why now?”

“I shouldn’t have let this go on in the first place,” Poe says shortly, and lets go of the counter only to shove one hand into his hair and tug. “Fuck, Finn, you’re living here! Bea asked after you more than anything else!”

“Why shouldn’t she?” Finn says quietly. “I care about her. I care about both of you.”

“I know,” Poe whispers, and his voice edges on miserable. “Shit. You think I don’t? You don’t get it,” he sucks in a sharp breath, pushes on before Finn can even try to say that he does, actually. “That’s the problem, alright, because you think you care and you know what you’re doing but you don’t, you have no idea what you’re doing here.”

“So tell me.” Finn grates out. His hands curl at his sides and his eyes narrow, staring at Poe’s face. Poe narrows his eyes and sucks in a tiny breath.

“I told you!” Poe snaps. “This can’t—you’re acting like, like we’re some domestic couple,” he has to pause, sucks in a sharp shaking breath, “Finn, we haven’t even talked about any of this. There’s a reason for that.”

Finn’s not sure if he can catch up with this. With Poe saying what he’s been thinking for the last month. His mouth feels like it’s full of cotton.

He nods slowly. “Yeah. Well,” something snaps in him and his voice pitches low and hard. “You never let me talk about. You want to talk about it now? Go on. Talk.”

“I am.” Poe’s voice has pointed edges. “I’m trying and you just keep—you’re not listening.” Finn crosses his arms over his chest and stays silent, leveling Poe with an expression that he fights to keep neutral. Poe sucks in a steadying breath. “I can’t keep doing this, is the point, alright? I have to focus on getting Bea back and you being here—you can’t be here.”

Finn closes his eyes with a deep breath, trying to settle the clenching in his lungs. It takes him longer than he’d like to get his voice under control. “Okay. Okay, I thought we had longer, but that’s your choice.” He sighs and shoves a hand through his hair, eyes flicking over Poe’s face. “I hope it goes okay, next week.”

“What?” Poe shakes his head. “What’s that mean, you thought we had longer?”

“This was going to end. Probably next week,” Finn smiles, weak and a little shaky. “It’s easy to pretend when it’s just us.”

“Probably next week,” Poe echoes, hollow. “So, what, you had it planned? Stick around until the appeal and then leave?”

“If we’re finally telling the truth,” Finn relaxes despite his lungs strangling in his chest. “Yeah. That’s exactly it. I can stop trying to make this something it isn’t and go back to my own life.”

Poe flinches back. “Yeah,” he says, small. “Guess we are telling the truth. Finally.”

The truth barely comes close to what he’s said, but Finn can’t find the vocabulary to say everything that’s forcing his heart painfully against his rib cage.

“Finally,” he echoes and takes another step back. He wants to run out of the room, but he also wants to press himself against Poe and kiss him until he changes his mind. Heat pricks at his eyes and he grits his teeth to try and keep it back. “Is there,” he says, but he can’t keep his voice even anymore. It breaks and he swallows to try and clear his throat. “Is there anything else you want to say?”

“No. What, like I’m just--talking at you,” Poe hisses, eyes narrowing.

“You asked me to listen!” Finn snaps, “so talk at me.”

“That’s what I’ve been—" Poe growls and whirls around away from Finn. “Alright, fine, you wanna listen? Then listen.” He whips around again and his eyes are dark and snapping, mouth twisted into a thin line. “You can’t. I can’t focus on you, and I told you that, and you stuck around anyway because you’re— you’re, I don’t even know why!”

Finn stares at him for a minute, frozen there, his breath coming hard and fast through flared nostrils. Then he turns his back and walks out of the kitchen. His wallet is on the shelf by the door, just where he left it, and a key to Poe’s house is nestled next to a few bills. It takes him a second to get up the nerve, but he plucks it out and walks back to the kitchen, holding it out for Poe. “Here.”

Poe swallows hard. “Right,” he mumbles, staring at the key. “Yeah. Uh. Thanks.”

Finn lifts it up toward him, wishing that he would just take it, get it over with. When Poe stays still, Finn grasps his hand and presses the key into it, closing Poe’s fingers around it. “I’ll go get my stuff.” Poe’s eyes flick up to his.

There’s nothing at all on his face. His eyes are deep and dark and full of clouds.

He bites at his lip and, clutching the key, lets his hand drop.

His eyes never leave Finn’s face. “I—yeah. Okay. Okay. Can I…?”

“…what?” Finn asks, apprehensive. He wants to beg Poe not to make this harder, but he also wants every last word that Poe will give him.

"Nothing,” Poe breathes out shakily. He sways a little toward Finn, like he’s going to break his locked legs and dart forward, but he reins himself in and presses his eyes shut instead. “Sorry.”

“Don’t,” Finn murmurs and reaches out, just touching his arm. Then, because he can’t help himself, he presses a quick, small kiss to Poe’s cheek. Before Poe can open his eyes, Finn turns around and half-runs out of the kitchen.

His heart aches and his vision starts to blur, but he grabs his backpack from the living room, stuffs in his laptop, and then stops, standing there. The living room is full of Poe, but Bea is there too, in the remnants of a pillow fort they’ve been too lazy to clean up. One of Finn’s hoodies is draped over Poe’s chair. He grabs it and pulls it on.

It smells like Poe.

Collecting the rest of his things is quick, just two drawers full of clothes in Poe’s bedroom, a toothbrush and a bottle of shampoo, a book on the floor next to ‘his’ side of the bed. He sits there, staring at it for a second. A few days ago, he was lying in bed, reading it, when Poe crawled on top of him and kissed him in a way that made him question everything. A kiss like that means love. At least, that’s what he thought.

A groan rips from his chest. Finn shoves the book on top of his clothes and struggles to zip his backpack shut.

Bea’s room, just across the hall from Poe’s, gives him pause. Her name is still on the door in sparkly letters, but it’s shut tight. Finn reaches out and traces the ‘B’ with a watery smile before he trudges down the stairs. The last thing left are his shoes, sitting next to Poe’s like bright green Nike soldiers. He slips them on and grabs his helmet, but pauses before pushing open the door.

“Uh,” he starts, his voice shaky. He closes his eyes for a second, not wanting to look back at the kitchen where Poe is still standing. “Bye.” It’s the only word he can think to say before he pushes open the door, hefting his over-stuffed backpack over his shoulders.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, not sorry.


	10. One More Chance

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The expression on Ari’s face is too familiar. It’s how he feels, thinking about Poe and Bea and what could have been. Maybe his emotions aren’t really that complicated, if he can see them so plainly reflected in the face of an eight-year-old.

"It’s today,” Finn mutters softly when he pauses next to Rey at their desk, his hand covering hers.

Rey glances up at him. She doesn’t ask what today is. She doesn’t have to. Silently, she flips her hand over and squeezes his palm tight. He smiles a little, looking down at her fingers pale in his. For the last week, he’s practically been living on Rey’s couch, unwilling to go back to living alone before he has to. She let him mope for two days before she roped him into quizzing her for her final exams, as payment for renting her couch.

It hasn’t been as hard as he thought it would be. He ignores his phone completely, and he’s pretty sure it’s out of battery now, lying in the bottom of his backpack. He takes a different route to school so he doesn’t go past Poe’s repair shop anymore. He cooks for Rey and himself, pouring his excess energy into making extravagant meals for them and working out every morning before school. Today he nearly tore a muscle, attempting to lift more than he ever has before.

“Keep me on task, okay?” Finn asks, twining their fingers together. 

“I will,” Rey smiles thinly up at him. “Do you know when it starts?”

Finn glances at the clock and swallows. It’s 7:57. “In three minutes.”

Rey presses her lips together. “They’ll be fine.” Usually, Rey is sure of everything she’s saying, or she tries to be.

Now, she sounds like she’s trying to convince them both it’s true. “Come on,” she says, and pushes herself up with their hands still entwined, “we’ve got to start planning Field Day. I wanted to ask the kids what they want to do.”

“Yeah, that’ll be fun. Are we doing a teacher’s bracket this year?” He grins, and it almost feels genuine. Last year, he and Rey beat out almost every other teacher team by a mile.

“It’s your last year with me,” Rey reminds him, grinning back. “Of course we are. Got to go out with a bang.”

“I’ll carry you over the finish line this time,” Finn says, letting go of her hand to wrap an arm around her waist.

Rey snorts at him. “I’ll carry _you_.” Twisting under his arm, she grabs the bell they use to get the kids’ attention and rings it a few times. As the kids stop talking, Rey slips free and tugs him up to the front of the class. “Good morning, everyone,” she says, sweet, and smiles when they echo it back. “I’ve got a few announcements. First, we’re going to start planning our field day activities, so I’d like everyone to think of a few events they want to participate in and hand them in to Mr. Finn or to me by lunchtime. We’ll tally them up and take a vote. The list is behind me on the whiteboard.”

As always when she says something like that, the class starts chattering immediately, excited voices rising until Rey holds a hand up and quiets them again. “Second,” she says, still smiling, and the last of the whispers die away, “Instead of our usual music lesson after recess, we’re all going to go to the sports field for a surprise.” She grins over at Finn, having told him nothing of this at all. “That’s all for today! Please hand in your journals in you have any. English starts in ten minutes.”

“What are you doing?” Finn asks, keeping his voice low. The kids are scrambling to finish journal entries that most forgot the night before. Rey just smiles sunnily and puts her bell down again. 

“Distracting you.”

Finn brushes her arm, just for that little bit of comfort. “Thanks. It’s gonna be a long day.”

“You’ll be fine,” Rey says firmly. “You’re always fine eventually.”

“You have so much faith,” he laughs, dropping down into his chair to flip through the homework from yesterday. 

“Why shouldn’t I?” Rey gives him a sidelong look. “You can handle yourself.”

She won’t tell Finn what her grand plan to distract him is, no matter how much he pesters her. Instead they head straight into their English lesson, which Rey makes Finn lead.

Then she makes him lead the history one, too, even though she’s been doing that most of the year. When he tries to protest, Rey just tells him “You can do it” in that supremely serene, confident tone and goes back to the grading work he was supposed to be doing.

It goes better than he thought it would.

The kids engage with his story of the Native Americans in Alaska and the story of Alaska’s inception into the Union. The last time he taught a history class, Bea was in the back row, trying to convince him that Atlantis was real and was about where Cuba is now. Without her, the class is quieter. There are fewer interruptions. Finn can’t quite say that he likes it better. Bea always helped spur more questions, brought up discussion that was (mostly) relevant to the topic, made everyone laugh.

And right now she’s probably sitting in a courtroom, watching her parents fight over her future.

The first few weeks were the hardest. Bea has a lot of friends, outgoing as she is. Because there was no warning and no explanation for her disappearance from the classroom, they naturally talked about it for a week. Ari went so far as to theorize that she had been kidnapped and was loudly planning a rescue with several of the other kids before Rey stepped in and told them Bea was going to be gone for a while.

Ari’s journals tell them he hasn’t quite given up on the kidnapping idea yet. He hasn’t been playing with the other kids at recess. Instead, he ensconces himself in a corner of the playground with a slowly-dwindling group of Bea’s other friends to plot on how to get her back. 

Only two kids are with him today. The rest have given up and moved on like eight-year-olds do.

He lags behind when Rey herds them all into a line facing the field that borders the playground, separated by a thin wooden fence. This early in spring, the field is thick with bright yellow dandelions. Ari picks disconsolately at one as they walk, ignoring the chattering, excited voices around him. Finn slows his step until he’s next to Ari. He lets his hand hang by his side in case Ari wants to take it.

“You doing alright, buddy?” 

Ari crushes the flower in his hand. “’M fine.”

Finn nods patiently, but the expression on Ari’s face is too familiar. It’s how he feels, thinking about Poe and Bea and what could have been. Maybe his emotions aren’t really that complicated, if he can see them so plainly reflected in the face of an eight-year-old.

“I miss her too,” he says against his better judgement.

Ari glances up. Finn can finally see his eyes, red-rimmed and glossy. “What?” His voice quakes around the word.

“Bea,” Finn smiles gently, “you miss her, right? I do too.” 

“She can’t be gone,” he finally says with his lower lip trembling. “If she was gonna move away, she would’ve told me!”

“She didn’t have a chance,” Finn says softly, his hand resting on Ari’s shoulder. “I bet she misses you too.” His whole shoulder shakes under Finn’s palm as they walk until Ari stops and twists under his hand, staring up at Finn.

His eyes narrow. “You know what happened!”

“Yeah,” he nods, “she went to live with her mom. And no, she didn’t kidnap Bea.” Ari frowns. They’re falling quickly behind everyone else, trailing slowly through the sun-warmed grass.

“Why would she do that? Her mom sounds mean. She doesn’t even come over.”

“Her mom,” Finn starts, but he can’t come up with the right words. With a sigh, he squeezes Ari’s shoulder. “Her mom wanted more time with her and had Bea move with her to another city. She, well, I don’t know why.”

Ari’s head drops heavily. “So… she’s gone.”

“She’s gone,” Finn says quietly. He stops walking and crouches down to Ari’s level. “But not forever, okay? I bet you’re gonna see her again. Maybe not soon, but someday.”

“If she’s gone then I won’t,” Ari mumbles. He won’t meet Finn’s eyes. 

“Her dad still lives here. I can talk to him. Next time she’s in town, maybe she can come see you.”

Ari snorts. “She wouldn’t. She’d go have another sleepover with Haley.” 

“I can ask, okay?” Finn smiles, just a little. Then it hits him: can he ask? Poe asked him to leave, but what does that mean?

He blinks.

One night, curled up together in his massive bed, Poe told Finn about a childhood spent in the rainforest. How he used to climb trees, worrying his mother, and sit in the top branches wishing to be in the sky like the chattering birds in the canopies around him. He’d talked quietly, lost in his own memories, sharing them with Finn. 

Soldiers-turned-environmentalists, his parents been fighting to save the shrinking Amazon and the wild chaparral around Poe’s mother’s home in Guatemala, hopping from village to village every year to teach sustainability and help the locals fight their governments when needed. Like guerilla environmental lawyers and guardians, he’d said with awe in his voice.

He’d talked about them like Bea talks about him: with stars in his eyes and his hands sketching the shapes of stories above their heads.

Poe asked him to leave. He didn’t ask Finn to stay out of his life entirely. They’re intertwined, him, Poe, Bea, these kids. The town isn’t that big.

“Sh—” he starts, before he remembers Ari and shuts his lips around the word. Ari frowns harder and crosses his arms, still holding the crushed dandelion. It leaves a yellow smear down his arm.

“She’s not gonna want to,” he says, doubtful, and then, softer, “Would she? Do you think?”

“I think she might,” Finn says softly. He holds out his hand for the dandelion. Ari hesitates, then slowly reaches out to hand him the crushed, limp flower. “Thanks. Let’s go see what Ms. Rey has us out here for, okay?”

“Okay,” Ari mumbles. He takes a few steps, then turns around again to face Finn. “Thanks, Mr. Finn.”

“You’re welcome, buddy,” Finn says. His eyes flick up to Rey. It takes effort to keep from running over to her. Instead, he walks at a sedate pace just behind Ari until they reach the rest of the class.

“Everything alright?” Rey asks quietly as he comes up and Ari falls into step with the rest of the kids, smiling for the first time in days.

“Yeah. Rey,” Finn steps in close to say quietly, “I’ve got to go to the courthouse. I gotta see the end of this.”

“Of the case,” Rey clarifies, soft. “Why?”

“Closure,” he says, his hand gentle on her arm. Rey stares at him, impassive, for a few silent moments.

Then she smiles and reaches up to squeeze his hand. “Alright. I’ll postpone the surprise for now.”

“Thanks. And thanks for the surprise. Whatever it is,” he ducks in to kiss her cheek, then pauses, “can I borrow your car?” 

Rey blinks and turns until their noses bump. “What?”

“I can’t really get there on my scooter,” he says sheepishly. “Promise I’ll treat her right.”

“Yeah,” she says, eyes flicking over his. “Of course. Luke will give me a ride home.”

“Thank you,” Finn breathes and squeezes her arm. 

The ride seems to take no time at all, a blur of road and buildings. He doesn’t let it set in that this is a bad idea. That Poe might not want him there. The fact is that Finn wants to be there. He’s making this decision for himself.

He runs up the steps, breathless when he bursts through the doors. A few heads turn, more at his bright T-shirt and backpack than his heaving breaths. 

“Um,” he walks over to the reception and asks, “there’s a, uh, custody case going on today. Dameron and Jones. Which room is that?”

“Sir,” the man wrinkles nose his, looking Finn up and down. “Are you… a member of the family?”

“No, uh,” he scrambles for something to says and spits out, “witness. Late to the case. I am, was, Bea, the daughter, I was her teacher,” after he gets it out, he tries to force his breathing to even out. The man’s expression evens out a little at that. He nods and glances down at the papers in front of him.

“That will be… courtroom 12, just on the left around that corner.”

“Thank you!” Finn says, already pushing off of the table and wheeling around the corner. When he comes to the door with a large ‘12' next to it, he stops. On an uncomfortable-looking wooden bench just outside the room sits Bea, her head down and her hands folded in her lap.

She’s almost unrecognizable. Her hair tugged back into a severe bun and a white dress fluffs out around her legs, frosted all over with heavy-looking lace. She kicks her feet, trapped in shiny black Mary Janes, slowly back and forth without looking up. Finn doesn’t even notice he’s walking toward her until he’s standing in front of the bench.

“Hey.”

Bea’s head whips up.

For a moment all she does is stare wide-eyed and open-mouthed with her feet frozen.

Then she bolts off the bench in a loud rustle of satin and lace so fast she almost trips over herself. “Mr. Finn!”

“Hey, Bea,” he grins, brighter and happier than he’s felt in a while. Bea takes a tentative step toward him. Her shoes clack loudly on the cement floor. Another half-step and then she surges forward and punches him right in the leg, tears brimming in her eyes. A little hitching sob tears from her throat as she smacks into him again, trying to say something, then throws her arms around his waist. Finn sinks to his knees without a thought and wraps both arms around her. The punch doesn’t hurt. Instead, happiness bubbles up warm and bright into his throat. She cares. She cares enough to be mad at him. 

“Hey, hey,” he mumbles, petting down her back. Sniffling, Bea shoves her face into his stomach and stays there, clinging with tight fingers to the back of his shirt. Finn holds her until she pulls back to look at him. He smiles and looks her over, hands slipping down to grip hers. “You okay?”

A few months ago Bea would have squared her jaw and said _Fine, what_? but now, in this dress that’s practically bigger than she is, pale white against her dark skin, her mouth goes soft and she shakes her head. “I don’t wanna do this anymore.”

“Yeah. I bet,” he says, thumbs rubbing comforting circles into the back of her hands. “It’ll be over today, one way or another.”

“Dad’s really sad,” she says quietly. “He’s pretending he isn’t but he is. I know he is. He keeps making faces at me.” She smiles a little at that, and tears well up sharper in her eyes. “What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to see you,” he says honestly. “Your dad probably doesn’t want me here, but,” he shrugs with a tiny smile. Bea frowns.

“Yes he does! Why not? Are you gonna stay ‘til the end? They sent me out so they could talk about me and wouldn’t let dad come with me. There was a lady but she was mean so I told her I wanted water and she left.”

“I can stay with you if you want,” Finn looks her over again, over the lace of her dress and the shine of her shoes. “Do you like your hair like that?”

Bea shakes her head immediately. “It’s too tight!” She pauses, her mouth trembling, and then starts up again in a flood of words getting higher and shakier as she goes. "And my shoes are too tight and this dress is too tight and mom keeps telling me to sit a different way but it’s uncomfortable and the benches are really hard!”

“I’m sorry, Bea-Bea,” Finn murmurs. He lets go of her hands to slip off his jacket, a new leather one that Rey helped him buy to replace Poe’s (left at Poe’s house along with half of his clothes, forgotten in his rush to pack and get out of there). He folds it carefully and sets it on the bench next to him. “You can sit on that. It should help for now.” Bea sniffles out a wavering thanks and hops back up onto the bench, scooting until she’s sitting on the jacket and pressed against Finn’s arm.

“My head hurts,” she mumbles back. “And my hair looks stupid. I look like an _egg_.”

“You look pretty, but I do like it the other way too,” Finn rests a hand on her back. This feels too normal. Like it was yesterday that he fixed her hair before they went to the park and played tag. “Want me to re-do it for you?”

“Yeah!” Bea says instantly, brightening up. “I like when you do it! Make sure it doesn’t hurt, okay?”

“I will. Uh,” he grabs his backpack, forgotten on the ground next to them and rummages through everything until he finds an old comb, buried in the bottom. “Here. Turn around.”

Bea squirms until she can bring her legs up onto the bench, crossing them with a tiny giggle. She turns her back to Finn so he can get to her hair. “Mom told me not to sit like this,” she whispers, then mimics her mom’s sharp voice. “ 'Ladies don’t sit like that! Legs down! You’re wearing a dress!' It’s stupid. Why would you wear something if you can’t even sit right?”

“I dunno,” Finn smiles and starts pulling the ties out of her hair. “One of my sisters tried to put me in a dress once. I think I looked pretty cute.” Bea sits patiently and lets him do it, giggling to herself.

“Was it a _pink_ dress?”

 “With flowers,” Finn laughs, combing carefully through her hair.

“I hate pink flowery dresses,” Bea groans. “They’re gross.”

“Did you get to pick this one out?” Finn asks. People pass and glance at them, but no one comments. His heart feels uncomfortably large for his chest, too full of happiness and longing for this to be real and normal. He never told Poe that. He never told Poe how much he wants to be a part of their family.

Bea shakes her head under his hands, bowing forward. “I didn’t want it,” she says, bitter. “Mom bought a lot. I don’t like any of them but she wouldn’t let me come with her and she didn’t listen when I showed her my clothes that I brought so how is she supposed to know? I showed her!”

Finn stifles a sigh, instead gently tugging her hair into two slightly looser bunches on top of her head. “I know I shouldn’t pick a side, but, Bea-Bea, I really hope you get to live with your dad again. Your classmates miss you.”

“They do?” Bea twists around, craning her head to look back at him. “Really? They do?”

“Yeah. Especially Ari,” a smile quirks at his lips. “And me and Rey. It’s a lot quieter without you.”

Bea’s eyes go wide. She twists around even further, tugging one of the bundles of hair from Finn’s hand. “ _Ari_ misses me?” 

“Oh, definitely,” Finn sits back a little. “Haley does too.” Bea bites her lip and flips back around, tilting her head so Finn can finish.

“I miss them too,” she says quietly, and sits in silence for a long while, leaning back into Finn’s hands.

Finally, when her hair is done, she relaxes and mumbles, “Can I tell you something?”

“Of course,” Finn murmurs as he tucks the comb back into his bag.

Bea sighs quietly. She doesn’t turn around, keeping her head down and away from Finn. “I hope my mom doesn’t win.” 

Finn closes his eyes, aching to tug her back into his arms, to hold her close and pretend that it’s all going to be okay. “That, that’s okay,” he says instead, “you can feel that way. You told the judge that, right?”

“Yeah,” Bea mumbles. “It’s just—I thought maybe if I went to live with mom, it’d be better, but it’s not. And I hate my new school. Everyone’s mean and we have to wear scratchy uniforms and I’m the dumbest one in my whole class and,” she twists back around, talking faster now, “we don’t even get recess! Not even a little!”

“That’s not good,” Finn holds his hand out for her again, palm up on the bench. “Recess helps you think better.”

“ _Yeah_ and I tried to tell the teacher that but I don’t think she was listening to me either, and I got in trouble for talking too much." Bea curls her hand into his without hesitation, squeezing tight as she scoots closer on the bench. “My hair feels a lot better. Mom has the same hair as me but she doesn’t do it right, isn’t that weird? I thought she’d be better at it but she’s not—oh.” Her voice drops in disappointment. “The court lady’s back.”

Finn follows her gaze and tenses. The woman walking toward them wears a stern expression, a bottle of water in her hand. “Who are you?” she snaps, voice ringing out in the hallway.

“I’m Finn, Finn Williams,” he holds out his free hand for her. The woman doesn’t take it. She edges a little closer to Bea’s side of the bench.

“Beatrice?” She asks softly, eyes flicking down to Bea, who looks up.

“Yeah? Uh. I mean. Sorry, ma’am, yes?”

The woman’s eyes narrow again. “Is this someone you know?”

Bea brightens. “Yeah! This is Mr. Finn. He’s here to help me, right?”

“I was Bea’s teacher in D’Qar, and I’m a friend of her dad’s,” he explains. Bea inches a bit closer to him until the woman’s severe frown starts to lighten a little.

“Are you a witness in the appeal?” She asks slightly less sourly. 

"No, I’m not. That’s why I’m not in there,” he jerks his thumb back at the room. He puts on his brightest smile and lies easily, “her dad asked me to come hang out with her til it’s over.”

“I’m going to have to check that with Mr. Dameron," the woman starts, but she’s interrupted by a sudden burst of noise from the courtroom, angry voices spilling out into the hallway. Bea goes stiff against his side. The woman’s head whips around.

“You don’t understand! She’s _my_ daughter. Mine,” Alicia’s voice bursts through the door along with a clatter of metal on concrete.

“Ms. Jones,” Leia’s voice breaks out, loud but calm, “I recommend that you sit down and be quiet. You’ve had your chance to speak.”

“I got cut off and you know it," Alicia snaps, loud, but she’s drowned out by the judge telling her to sit down, and then everything dies back into murmuring and shuffling. Bea bites her lip and presses her face into Finn’s arm, clinging there even when the door to the courtroom swings open. Finn leans close protectively, his heart in his throat. No one coming out of that room is someone he wants to see right now, not when Bea seems to have forgiven him, when she can use him for comfort when her parents can’t.

But it’s Poe.

Poe is the one who stumbles out of the room, halfway through calling out Bea’s name when he turns and sees them on the bench and stops, still in the door.

He blinks. 

“Finn?"

His hair is a mess, looking like he ran his fingers through it time after time. A tie hangs loose over his chest, sleeves of his button-up rolled up to his elbows.

He still looks perfect.

“Hey,” Finn breathes, sitting up a little straighter. Poe’s eyes flick between him and Bea, pressed tightly to Finn’s side with her arms wrapped around one of his.

“Hey,” Poe breathes back, and steps toward them. “What are you—is everything okay?”

“Yeah! Yeah,” a smile perks on his lips, “just came to make sure Bea’s okay, today. Like you asked me to,” he says, pointedly glancing at the woman next to them. Poe follows his eyes to her severe frown.

“Oh,” he says, soft, and then “Oh! Yeah, yeah. To check on her.” He looks back at Finn, biting on his already reddened lip. “Thank you so much."

The court employee deflates slightly, “Well, if you know him,” she mutters.

“Told you,” Finn says brightly.

“Told you!” Bea echoes with a smile of her own. The woman frowns and thrusts the water bottle at her, muttering something about her actual job.

“When court resumes, please continue to watch her,” she tells Finn with another severe frown, then turns on her heel and marches off, presumably to her actual job. Poe stands stiffly until she rounds a corner and then deflates like his strings were cut, letting out a long sigh.

Finn wants to go to him, but it’s probably good that Bea’s hand is wrapped firmly in his, keeping him on the bench. At least six questions rise to his lips, but he stifles them in favor of looking at Poe, taking in everything. His shirt is a mess and he’s staring at Finn and Bea like he’s never seen them before, lips parted silently.

Bea tilts her head, quiet.

“Buddy,” Poe says, and his voice is rough and low and full of feeling, “I am so glad to see you.”

Finn lets out a breath and smiles, reaching out his free hand for Poe. “C’mon, sit down. You look beat.”

“Only ten minutes ‘til court’s back in session,” Poe mumbles, but he takes Finn’s hand anyway and lets himself be tugged toward the bench. He flops down on the other side of Bea and waits there, uncertain.

Bea looks up at him silently.

Poe smiles. “Finn redid your hair, baby?” She nods. Poe’s smile drops a little, but he summons it back up brighter. “Good. You’re doing real well, you know that? Shouldn’t be much longer until we get it all fixed up.”

“That’s what you said last time,” Bea mumbles, and turns back to Finn. 

“Well,” Finn glances at the clock on the wall across from them. It reads 3:34. “The courthouse closes at five. So tops it’ll be an hour and a half.”

Bea snorts. “What if no one decides by then?” 

“They have to,” Poe says, but he doesn’t sound certain, and glances up at Finn, looking lost. His eyes flick over Finn’s face, searching quietly. Whatever he finds makes him relax a tiny bit, shoulders slumping again. “You gonna stick around?”

“Yeah,” Finn says softly, meeting Poe’s eyes. Heat spreads over his cheeks and he catches his breath. “Til it's over.”

“Okay,” Poe breathes, sounding relieved. “Okay, good, because I gotta talk to you. If you want. You don’t have to,”

“I do,” Finn says quickly. Bea looks up at them and Finn realizes he’s leaning over her to get closer to Poe. Shifting back with an apologetic smile, he adds, “after the verdict?”

Poe straightens up, throat working as he swallows hard. “Yeah. Yeah, that’s. Sure.” He glances down at Bea, who isn’t looking at Poe despite scooting a little closer to him. Poe frowns. He twists his hands together on his lap, sucks in a breath, and reaches up to tug an arm around her. “Hey, baby girl,” he mumbles hesitantly.

Bea makes a soft choked-off sound and shoves herself into his side. Poe relaxes instantly around her as he tugs her close and drops his face into her hair. “Hey, you’re okay. You’re doing real well, sweetheart, I promise.”

“I miss you,” she sniffs. “Why is mom yelling so much? And she hasn’t, she hasn’t even said she _wants_ me, jus’ why it’s better if I live with her but I don’t think it is, I hate it there, an’ I don’t want to hate it!” She trails off into tears and Poe hugs her closer, whispering quietly against her hair in soft, quick Spanish.

Finn averts his eyes, not wanting to interfere on their short time together. He can only imagine what this morning must have been like, seeing each other again, even if it had only been a week. He’s sure that Poe hates the dress as much as Bea does and has some choice comments about it that Finn will have to ask him to share.

And Poe wants to talk to him. His chest is tight just thinking about it, but Poe is right here, with his daughter and Finn still loves him more than he can articulate. He loves Poe enough to drive over 100 miles in a borrowed car to be here for him.

Bea finally starts to relax, her sniffles dying down, so Poe lifts his head and meets Finn’s eyes. “Dunno what made you come but thank you. I shouldn’t’ve—"

The door swings open again. This time Leia pokes her head out and zeroes in immediately on Poe. “Two minutes,” she says, quietly, and then, surprised, “Finn. It’s good to see you.”

Finn smiles, a little sheepish, “you too, ma’am.” He shifts, just an inch closer to Poe, as if he can protect him from all of this. Poe’s eyes are wet, but his smile is surer than it was when he sat down. He reaches over Bea with one hand, palm up. Leia watches them both very quietly. Finn looks down at his hand, then slowly takes it, twining his fingers with Poe’s.

“I’ll stay here with Bea. Don’t worry too much, okay?”

“Asking the impossible,” Poe mumbles, and squeezes Finn’s hand. “You’re the best. Thank you.”

Finn’s breath catches. It would be so easy to lean over and kiss him. It’s hard not to when Poe looks at him like that, with soft eyes and a gentle smile.

Leia clears her throat. “I’m sorry to interrupt, boys,” she sounds almost maternal, the way she says it, like she’s fighting not to smile, “but Poe, you need to get back inside. Closing arguments soon.”

“Right, yeah.” Poe squeezes Bea close, ducks his head, and murmurs, “you hear that, Bea-Bea? It’ll be done soon. Hang out with Finn, he’ll keep you busy.”

“Hurry up or you’ll be late,” Bea retorts, and pushes at him as Poe laughs and stands. 

“Alright, alright, I’m going. Thanks, _mjia_.”

Leia smiles and ducks back in, waving at Bea as she does, and Poe pulls as a face at her as he disappears. She’s left giggling against Finn’s side. His arm drops around her shoulders.

“Alright, Bea-Bea,” Finn says, “we have an hour and a half to kill.”

“That’s _forever_ ,” Bea groans, flopping back dramatically against the wall. Her dress crinkles up.

“Nah,” Finn hooks his knee up on the bench and smiles. “Bet we can make it go fast.”

 

* * *

 

Hide and seek in a courthouse turns out to be incredibly fun. Or, at least, it’s fun until a juror finds Finn before Bea does. But the man is trying to find a place to hide from another member of his jury, a tall blonde woman who keeps insulting him.

Bea finds the two of them holed up behind a staircase and says it counts for two points instead of one.

“It’s only fair,” she tells the grinning juror, who thanks Finn and scurries back to his courtroom. Bea whirls on Finn. “What time is it? Are they done yet?”

Finn holds out his hand for her. “Let’s go find out.” Bea curls her fingers into his without hesitation and tugs him back toward their hallway. She chatters at him for a minute, but the words fall away into tense silence as they get closer. By the time they find the bench again, Bea’s fingers are so tight in his it almost hurts.

“It might be over,” Finn whispers. The clock reads 4:47. “It’ll be over soon.”

Bea nods unsteadily and turns, pressing her head into his side. Finn sits with her in silence, letting her cling to him as much as she needs. He’s nearly as nervous as she is. He still cares about Poe, cares about Bea, and needs to see them together again. It feels good to care about them and their relationship and keep himself out of it. He leans closer to Bea, curling around her as the clock ticks above them.

“I can’t wait,” Bea mumbles eventually. Her voice shakes. “Do you think it’ll be dad?”

“I don’t know,” Finn pets down her back, over the itchy fabric of her dress. “But I hope so.” Bea nods silently and turns her face until she’s completely hidden.

The last five minutes drag on for what feels like hours. Bea stays as close as she can possibly get to him. There’s no noise at all from the courtroom, no gauge of how things are going.

The second hand finally drags over to 5:00 pm.

Nothing. 

Bea shifts. Her dress rustles with the movement. 

Her shoes thud against the bench.

Three minutes later, the room is still completely silent except for a few muffled voices.

At 5:07, someone with a deep voice starts talking for another two long minutes. Finn doesn’t breathe, sitting still next to Bea, frozen in place. If Poe doesn’t win, doesn’t at least get joint custody, Finn’s not sure what will happen, to Poe or to Bea. Poe may fall apart. Bea… Bea will be upset, but she’ll be okay, in the end. She’s strong. Stronger than he was at her age.

When the voice stops, there’s soft murmuring through the door. Finn looks at it, staring, his heart thundering in his ears.

“I can’t,” Bea mumbles, tight-voiced and tiny, just as the door swings open. She goes tense all at once as the rush of voice triples in volume, swelling up out of the door.

A few people filter out, speaking quietly with one another. One glances at Bea and smiles gently. Two men who Finn recognizes as Alicia’s lawyers are next. Their faces are bland, uncaring, and Finn can’t tell from their expressions if they won. They may just not care either way.

A woman who can only be the judge comes next, followed by a woman with a stack of papers, probably the stenographer. The judge looks over at them, her eyes fixing on Finn for a moment. He sits up straighter and meets her eyes, hand tightening around Bea's. She looks away again and Finn sucks in a breath.

“Where’s dad?” Bea whispers. She just peeks from under Finn’s arm. “I can’t see him, why isn’t he here?”

Finn shifts to his feet, as impatient as she is. “It’s over, we can probably go in.”

Bea bolts up off the bench so hard she almost trips, clinging to Finn’s side to keep herself upright. The steady stream of people continues, blocking their way until it thins to only a few people, and then, just as Finn’s going to march in, Poe appears in the doorway.

His hair is limp and his tie is undone, and he’s slumped over like he can barely stand up anymore.

 When he looks up at Finn, his eyes are red and crinkled at the corners with the force of his smile.

 

* * *

 

Poe hasn’t let go of Bea for the last five minutes, holding her close against him. Finn stays back, on the bench, pretending that he doesn’t want to join them. 

“I didn’t expect to see you here,” someone says quietly above him. Finn twists around and blinks. 

“Ms. Organa,” Finn says, pushing himself up. He dwarfs her when he’s standing. “I, uh, I wanted to see what happened.”

“I was going to tell you,” she says with a small smile, and gestures for him to sit back down. “Something happened last weekend between you two.”

“Yes, ma’am,” Finn mumbles, and obeys, dropping back down. His eyes dart to Poe, who’s murmuring low and soft to Bea. 

Leia settles next to him, looking crisp as ever in her soft grey suit. She looks him up and down, slow and careful. “Poe wouldn’t tell me anything about it. Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” Finn nods, his hands loose in his lap. “We broke up. It was exactly what you said. Needing each other wasn’t enough.”

Leia’s eyes are on Poe, now kneeling at Bea’s level and talking softly with a wavering grin on his face. He glances over at Finn after a second, and smiles wider.

“It isn’t,” Leia confirms just as Poe starts to stand up, mouthing something. “But you were right, too: sometimes, it’s worth trying.” There’s a secret little smile on her lips.

“You think?” Finn asks, his heart suddenly in his throat. Poe starts to walk toward them with Bea’s hand firmly in his. Finn finds himself on his feet again. The way Poe smiles at him makes him question everything he thought he’d decided.

“I do,” Leia says warmly. “I talked to Han just before the trial.” As Poe gets closer, she stands too. Her eyes glitter. “Good job. I’m glad you’re looking out for yourself for once.”

“Thank you,” Finn murmurs. He can’t drag his eyes away from Poe for long enough to address the rest of what she said. Poe practically jogs the last few steps, Bea at his heels staying pointedly close to him. Her eyes are red and shiny but she’s smiling as much as her dad is.

“You stuck around!” Poe says as soon as he’s close enough. He stops a foot away from Finn and Leia, practically vibrating in place. “I can’t thank you enough for keeping an eye on her, and Leia—" Leia waves a hand, cutting him off before he can thank her.

“You’ve already said it,” she tells him with a smile of her own, but Poe bites at his lip, hesitates, and lets go of Bea’s hand to grab Leia up in a hug anyway. She sighs and pats him on the back a few times. “You deserve it.”

“Told you she could do it,” Finn says, still watching Poe’s face as he sets Leia back down with a sheepish smile. He understands perfectly what happened last weekend, he knows why Poe asked him to leave, but it doesn’t mean that his own feelings have changed. It will be a long time before he’s not in love with Poe.

“She did it,” Poe says quietly. Leia steps back with a quiet snort, hands on Poe’s arms. He grins down at her, flushed and wet-eyed. “Thank you so much. I owe you everything.”

“Alright, alright,” Leia says dryly. She squeezes his elbows. Bea still clings quietly to Poe’s side, staring up at Finn. 

“Finn,” Poe says, finally, and turns toward him with that smile still firmly in place. It wavers a little as they lock eyes and he bites his lip, sliding his arm around Bea’s shoulders. “Bea-Bea says you were the best company ever.”

“We had a good time,” Finn feels like his smile is stuck on his face, cheeks starting to hurt. He looks down at Bea for just a second and he wants to hug her nearly as much as he wants to hug Poe, but he can’t pull her away from her dad, not now. 

“Thank you,” Poe says again, quieter, and squeezes Bea close. His eyes flick over Finn’s face, bright and full of emotion. He lets out a shaky breath and smiles. “I can’t. Thank you enough.”

Bea freezes at his side. Poe glances down at her, frowning, and turns his head to follow where she’s staring, at the door of the courtroom.

Alicia is just walking out, trailed by her assistant and a few other well-dressed people.

She’s glaring directly at Poe. He doesn’t move.

Finn shifts minutely, stepping between Poe and Alicia. She’s not going to ruin this moment for them. He won’t let her. 

Her eyes, too, are a little red at the edges. She looks briefly at Bea, who twitches against Poe’s side.

“She didn’t even say anything,” Poe mumbles, just for Finn. “We’re going to say goodbye when we get Bea’s stuff tomorrow.”

Finn wants to ask if she got visitation rights, the very thing she tried to take away from Poe. He wants to ask if it was easy, or if Organa made it simple, laying out all the ways that Poe treats Bea exactly how she should be treated, acts as the parent that she needs.

“You’re staying here tonight,” he says instead, turning his back on Alicia. She isn’t the reason he’s here. The reason is in front of him in the joy reflected in Bea’s face. Poe nods, still tracking Alicia with his eyes.

“Dad,” Bea says, suddenly. Poe immediately looks down at her. 

“Yeah, baby? What’s up?”

Bea meets his eyes. “Can Finn come to dinner with us?”

Poe sucks in a tiny breath and looks back at Finn. “If he wants to,” he says softly. “He’s always welcome.”

Finn swallows around the dryness in his throat. “Uh, if Bea wants me to. Sure.” Heat builds behind his eyes.

“I want you to.” Poe says firmly. “I promised I’d let Bea pick the place, though. Fair warning.”

“I trust her,” Finn nods conspiratorially.

“Cheesecake!” Bea announces imperiously from Poe’s side. She’s already starting to brighten into her usual self, resilient as ever. “I want cheesecake.”

“I love cheesecake,” Finn agrees. He glances at Leia, watching them fondly. “Now?”

“Don’t look at me,” Leia laughs. “I have dinner plans with my husband.”

Finn sucks in a breath and his smile widens. “That’s great! Is that great?”

Leia lifts a brow. “It might be. I’ll let you know.”

“Yeah, please do, ma’am,” Finn smiles, a little sheepish. Leia snaps him a sharp salute, grinning wryly.

“Enjoy dinner.” Her eyes flick between Finn and Poe.

“You too,” Finn says, and moves closer to Poe and Bea like a magnet drawn there.

 

* * *

 

“Mr. Finn said Ari missed me,” Bea informs Poe on the way out of the restaurant. She’s swinging a bag with leftover cheesecake by her side. It took her half of dinner to start talking and smiling and sit in her own chair instead of in Poe’s lap (he ate around her with the ease of a parent and a permanent smile.) Now she’s bouncing between him and Finn, talking a mile a minute.

“I bet he did,” Poe says quietly, and glances up at Finn. Finn meets his eyes. His breath catches on something in his throat.

“He does,” Finn says, tight-voiced. “He’s going to be so happy to see you, Bea.”

“Haley too?” Bea cranes her head up to look at Finn. 

“Definitely,” Finn smiles at her, “and you’ll get back in time for field day. Right?” He looks back at Poe, wishing that his heart would settle down again. He accepted this. He came here for Bea, not for Poe.

“Should, yeah.” Poe answers quietly as Bea cheers. “We’re gonna head out tomorrow after we get all your stuff.”

“I didn’t bring that much.” Bea mumbles, and goes a little soft at the reminder. She drags Poe’s hand down closer to herself. He sighs and holds onto her shoulders instead, tugging her in.

“So it should be easy. Actually,” Poe glances up again, “where are you staying, buddy? How did you even get here?” He was careful not to talk too much about Finn during dinner, only asking after details of their hide-and-seek game and recounting the parts of the appeal that Bea asked for.

“Oh, I borrowed Rey’s car,” Finn says, tucking his hands in his pockets.  It’s too tempting to pretend that nothing has changed, even though it has. Bea is here and Poe is smiling without the strain Finn saw for the last month. “I should really get it back to her, soon.”

Poe seems surprised by his answer, his lips parting silently. “Right. Yeah. Tell her, uh. Tell her thanks.”

“Doesn’t Miss Rey have a motorcycle, too?” Bea asks, and reaches up for Finn’s hand, too. The bag is still dangling from her fingers, but Poe plucks it easily out of her hand with a small smile. Finn wraps his hand around hers.

“She does, but I barely like riding my scooter. A real motorcycle,” he shudders, “probably not the best idea.”

“Probably shouldn’t say that around Sunny,” Poe says dryly. “She’ll get real offended.”

“Sunny knows what she is,” Finn retorts, pausing in front of Rey’s beat up old Ford. “And she embraces it. No reason to pretend to be something she’s not.” Poe eyes the car, swinging their bag idly in one hand. 

“Tell her to bring this guy in sometime,” he tells Finn. “Are you, uh. Heading out tonight?”

“I was gonna,” Finn tugs the keys out of his pockets, fiddling idly with them. “We can, um, see each other this weekend.”

“Before that,” Poe says, sudden and nervous, and tugs Bea a little tighter against his side. “You got a second? Before you go?”

“Yeah, um, yeah,” Finn says, his feet frozen in place. Bea glances between them, frowning but silent.

Poe shuffles, biting hard on his lip, and sucks in a shaking breath. “I can’t let you leave without apologizing. For—" he waves a hand, grimacing, “everything. All that. This wouldn’t have happened without you, and I, was freaked out and I have a lot to explain, but only if you wanna hear it, so if you don’t, I mean, that’s fine. You deserve to. If you want. Thank you for coming and keeping an eye on Bea anyway.”

“Poe,” Finn says, strained. He glances down at Bea. Instead of addressing anything Poe said, he drops down to his knee and opens his arms for her. Bea looks between him and Poe, still frowning, but when he nudges at her shoulder and nods she bolts to Finn, throwing herself into his arms. 

“You should come stay in the hotel with us,” she mumbles against his neck. “It’ll be fun! We’re gonna watch Disney!”

“Wish I could, Bea-Bea,” Finn murmurs, closing his eyes to hug her tighter. He stays there for a long minute, happier than he should be for a kid who he shouldn’t have an attachment to. She should be just another kid in his class, but she’s become so much more than that.

Finally, he pulls back with a watery smile. “I have to get Ms. Rey’s car back to her. My scooter isn’t fast enough for her.”

“I wanna ride on it,” Bea tells him with a frown. “Are you gonna come over again? Dad still hasn’t given you your Christmas present, right?” Poe makes a tiny choked-off sound above her and shoves his hand over his face. 

“No,” Finn says, glancing up at Poe. He wishes he hadn’t. Poe avoids his eyes, cheeks pink. “Christmas was a long time ago now.” He surges in to hug her again before pulling back and clicking open Rey’s car.

“Maybe he can give it to me this weekend,” he says to her instead of Poe.

“Dad, you better wrap it!” Bea cranes her head back to stare at Poe, who nods, smiling weakly. He meets Finn’s eyes for half a second.

“I think I can manage by then, if Bea helps me out.”

“And then I can ride on your scooter?” Bea turns her hopeful eyes back on Finn.

“That’s up to your dad,” Finn says, rocking back toward the car. This is too familiar. Too easy. He smiles at Poe, soft and gentle. Poe squeezes Bea’s shoulder. Her mouth drops in a wide yawn.

“Alright,” Poe says quietly. The stars glitter bright overhead. “We need to get you into bed, huh? I’d, uh,” he glances back at Finn and tugs Bea close, away from Rey’s car. “Drive safe.”

“This weekend,” Finn says, stepping back toward the door. His eyes are stuck on Poe until he forces himself to duck into the driver’s seat. Poe lingers for a few seconds more, staring at Rey’s beat up car.

Then he shakes his head, turns, and walks away with Bea pressed close to his side.

Finn lets his head drop back against the seat with a groan. Now he has two hours alone in Rey’s car to think about what Poe said, what Finn wouldn’t let him say. _This weekend_ , he repeats to himself. That’s only two days away. He can hear exactly what Poe wants to say, he can forgive him valiantly and they can be together again, curled up on Poe’s couch with Bea between them, watching a cartoon with Poe’s hand on his hip.

“Fuck.”

He shoves the keys in the ignition and turns on the car, backing up in a lurch.

 

* * *

 

They haven’t spoken in at least ten minutes. 

It's almost normal, like old times (if four months ago can count as old times), sitting in the park on the same bench, watching Bea laugh and shout and run with the other kids. Poe is next to him, but not touching, a tiny smile on his lips. His eyes haven’t left Bea. To anyone else, he would seem perfectly relaxed, but Finn knows exactly where Poe’s tension shows up: in the line of his shoulders, in the hard set of his jaw, in the twist of his fingers, locked together over his lap. In the way he’s bitten his lip red and raw with words he wants to say, but hasn’t.

“Poe,” Finn finally says, voice soft, facing forward. “You don’t have to do this.”

Poe ducks his head, snorting. “Yeah, I do,” he says, and then laughs. “Do what?”

“Do any of this,” Finn says, watching Bea bolt up the ladder on the playground, squealing with joy. “You don’t owe me anything, or, or anything. I’m not mad at you.”

Poe turns on the bench to face him. There’s a hard frown on his lips. “I’m not doing this because I _owe you_. You deserve to hear it. I’m just,” he sucks in a shaking breath, “working out how to say it, if you wanna listen. You don’t have to. Also, you should be mad.”

“No, I,” Finn finally looks at him, meeting his eyes. It takes more effort than he wishes it did; Poe’s eyes are so sweet, bringing back memories of lying with him at night, eating dinner next to each other, sitting with him at the table while he worked on the case. His heart swells up warm behind his ribs. He wants to touch Poe, but he keeps his hands still on the bench. “I do want to hear. But first, I never apologized either, not enough.” A tiny smile flickers on his lips, “I freaked out, at Christmas. I knew that you weren’t in the same place I was and how I felt about you, it scared me. So I cut you out. And I hurt you. And I wish I’d done it differently. I’m sorry.”

Bea streaks across the playground in a blur of yellow. Poe watches her for half a second, tracking where she’s going, then glances at Finn. He bites at his lip again. It’s shiny-red at the corner where his teeth have been pressing.

“Thanks.” His voice is soft. “I should’ve asked you about it.”

“There’s a lot of things we should have said,” Finn lets himself relax and really look at Poe. He looks exhausted, still, with dark shadows heavy under his eyes, but the hard edges that have lined his face for months are gone. He looks younger without the weight of losing his daughter pressing down. “And it took me months to figure out how to say that, so I won’t hold you to what you say right now.”

“If I wait months,” Poe shakes his head. “No. I got the gist of it.” He looks out at Bea again. Her laughter echoes over the playground, above the voices of the other kids. “I mean. I did the same thing, basically.”

“Yeah,” Finn laughs humorlessly, looking down at the ground between his knees. “You were just looking out for yourself.”

“What?” Poe draws up short and reaches out to touch his elbow. “No, what? That’s not what it is at all.”

Finn stills under his hand. “It’s not?”

“No,” Poe’s fingers tighten a bit. “I was looking out for _you_. Or, well,” he smiles lopsidedly, “I was trying to. It didn’t end up like that.”

“How,” Finn says, pulling himself up to stare at Poe, eyes wide, “how was that looking out for me?”

Poe’s mouth twists. “Really didn’t end up like that. I asked you to leave is because you would have stayed, and if I didn’t win—" he meets Finn’s eyes, “I can’t ask that of you. Alright? And I know that you’re gonna say, yes I can, or I could have, and you would have stuck around with me but that was exactly the problem, Finn, you don’t need to be dragged down into my shit.”

Finn opens his mouth and it hangs there for a moment, then he shuts it again. Of all the things Finn thought Poe would say, that wasn’t it. He thought that Poe needed to focus on Bea, needed to be by himself, needed someone who could handle what he was going through, another parent. Poe is right: if things had gone the other way and Poe had lost her, Finn would have stayed. He would have stayed and taken care of Poe, but it wouldn’t have been what either of them wanted.

“That,” Finn starts, then swallows around a lump in his throat, “makes sense.”

Poe smiles, small and bitter. “Yeah. And, honestly, I think—I think I was terrified of what it meant, that you’d be willing to stay. You know how long it’s been, just me and Bea-Bea against the world? And before that, only me, and you fit so damn well into my life.”

Slowly, Finn nods. Hearing Poe say it, repeat back what he thought was just him feeling this by himself, is gratifying. He’s lost in Poe’s eyes, fixed there in warm brown that draw him in like he’s the only person here. Hope swells in him in a way it hasn’t in weeks.

“And,” Poe continues, breathless now in a way that means he’s nervous, “I mean, before Bea I was on my own for, god, like, 4 years, and I had _no idea_ how to be a real person. And then I had a kid and I think.” He swallows. “I don’t know. I, uh. Don’t have this as thought out as I thought I did. But what I was thinking, at least. What I was thinking was, you’re so damn young and you’re saying all this stuff to me, and god, Finn, you don’t—you deserve adventures, you know? To do stuff and experience life and date some guy that takes you around the world. You don’t deserve to sit with me in my tiny house and watch me fall apart because I don’t have a handle on anything."

“Poe," Finn shifts toward him, his hand dropping to cover Poe’s. Touching him is more intense than he thought it would be.  Even a bare touch of hand on hand is intimate, Finn’s fingers falling on top of a scar he’s kissed, late at night with Poe’s head pillowed against his chest. The story flits through Finn’s head, of a 16-year-old Poe breaking into a junkyard, breaking his arm falling off the fence. The part he was after fixed his first car, Gabriela. It takes a moment before he can breathe, fingers clasping around Poe’s. “I— no. Is that what you wanted to say? I want you to say all of it. To tell me all of it.”

Poe laughs unsteadily and curls his fingers tight into Finn’s, just holding onto him for a second. Bea is just visible at the top of a hill, getting ready to roll down. Poe tilts his head toward her for a moment and relaxes marginally. “I dunno, buddy,” he says, quieter. “I wanted you there all the time. For a while, you were all I could even think about.”

“God,” Finn closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. “Please don’t say that.”

“I’m telling you all of it,” Poe says firmly. “That’s all of it. Alright? You have this weird thought that we’re not on the same level here, or that I’m behind you somehow in feelings but every single time you told me you loved me I wanted to say it back. Every time.”

It’s like Poe punched him in the solar plexus. A pained noise presses between his lips. He lets the words sink in, curling around his heart in a perfect, tight-hot band. His eyes burn when he opens them, looking at Poe to check that this isn’t some sick joke, a last nail in the coffin he’s built for himself because of the smile lines around Poe’s eyes. 

All he sees is sincerity. 

Finn stares. He can’t think to say anything and settles for smiling, just a little twitch of his lips.

Poe lets out a quiet, shaking breath, like he’d been holding it waiting for Finn to look at him. He doesn’t look away. “That’s all of it,” he breathes, soft. “I’m,” he swallows. “I’m sorry, Finn. You’ve been through a lot of shit because of Bea and me, and you’re the one who helped get her back. I wouldn’t be here saying this without you.”

“I kinda brought it on myself,” Finn says, voice thick. “I’m glad I could help. Really. You two are so important to me.”

Poe makes a quiet noise in his throat and ducks his head, laughing unsteadily. “Yeah, well. Bea’s been telling me she wants to stay in the third grade forever with you. You’re really incredible, Finn. Dunno if you believed me, before.”

“I wish she could stay in my class forever,” Finn laughs with him, looking out to see Bea, who glances at him at the same time and waves, smiling hugely.  “You’re pretty great yourself, Poe. I’m, God, I’m so happy that you won. She loves you so much.”

“Yeah,” Poe mumbles. “I really dunno… but I got her back. So it doesn’t really matter what I would’ve done, huh?”

“Yeah, yeah, exactly. You have her and now you’re not gonna lose her,” Finn says gently.

“Still trying to convince myself of that,” Poe sighs. “So that’s. All of it I can think of now, anyway.”

“That’s a lot,” Finn smiles at him, his thumb running over the back of Poe’s hand. “Thanks. I think I understand now. I do wish you’d asked me, or told me that before, but I get it.”

Poe smiles down at the ground. “That makes two of us.”

Finn watches him for a minute. Poe bites at the red spot on his lip again. Finn wants to lean close and kiss him, brush his lips across his cheek, feel Poe react under the touch. He wavers.

Bea is starting back over to them, moving surprisingly fast for such tiny legs. As she gets closer, Poe waves and shifts toward her, just enough that his knee brushes against Finn’s.

Poe jumps as soon as they touch, whipping toward him with wide eyes. Finn jerks back, his hand leaving Poe’s. He can’t say anything because Bea is there, smiling brightly at both of them.

“I won,” she announces.

Poe smiles back like she’s the sun.

“Yeah, baby? What did you win?” Bea bounces a little in her sneakers, glancing between him and Finn with a growing smile.

“Jedi Freeze Tag! Can we get ice cream again?”

Finn leans forward with his elbows on his knees. “I don’t think I’ve had ice cream since the last time I went with you.”

Bea looks appropriately horrified at this. Poe bursts into laughter. “Better get ice cream so Finn doesn’t forget what it tastes like, huh?”

Nodding furiously, Bea turns and grabs at Finn’s hand. “C’mon!”

Finn stumbles up after her with a laugh. “Okay, okay! I’m coming!”

Naturally, Bea gets another ridiculous combination of ice cream and makes Finn try it, laughing at the face he pulls when bubblegum, mint, and coffee combine on his tongue.

She insists it’s the best and downs it faster then either of them finish their single cones, and then, before Finn has a chance to do anything, Bea drags them both toward the playground insisting they go on the swings. Poe just smiles and glances over at Finn.

The sun drags low and pushes out long shadows from the trees by the time Bea finally wears down, resting her head against the chain of the swing as Poe pushes her.

“You ready to go home, baby?” He asks quietly. Bea makes a noise of protest, but droops forward and nods.

“I’m hungry. Can Mr. Finn make dinner tonight?”

Finn perks up from where he idly swings next to her. He glances at Poe, breath tight in his throat. The idea of cooking in Poe’s kitchen is so familiar, like he did every day for a month. Poe would lean over his shoulder, humming softly, and pester him until Finn let him taste whatever he was making. “Not tonight,” he says with a sad smile. “I’m sorry, Bea-Bea.”

“Hey, I’m not that bad anymore,” Poe says quietly, and lets the swing come to a halt. “Dinner last night was good.”

“It’s not the same,” Bea mumbles. She slips off the swing with a thud and yawns, throwing her arms up into the air. 

“I taught your dad some stuff,” Finn says, pushing himself up next to her. “You should help him out, make sure he doesn’t burn anything.”

Bea wrinkles her nose. “He always burns things.”

“Ouch,” Poe says, pressing his palm to his heart. “I didn’t burn anything last night. Come on.”

“She’s right to be wary,” Finn teases, tucking his hands back in his pockets to stop from reaching out to touch Poe.

“You too, buddy?” Poe turns wide eyes on him. “I am _hurt_.”

“I guess you did cook by yourself, once,” Finn smiles, taking a step toward him. “And nothing burnt, that I saw.” Poe grins and flips his bangs off his face.

“Exactly. I mean, I’m no master chef, but I can handle dinner. Have a little faith, Bea-Bea."

“He is better,” Finn says, ducking down a little to talk to her. “Promise. I even ate what he cooked and I’m still alive.”

Bea eyes him, suspicious. “You should still come over,” she says after a moment, and Poe sighs. 

“You keep this up, baby, you’re getting corn tonight. Corn soup, cornbread, steamed corn--" Bea cuts him with with a wailing “ _Noooo_!” that makes Poe burst into laughter. Finn snorts a laugh and grins at her.

"I’ll see you in class on Monday. Right?” He glances back up at Poe.

Poe smiles softly at him. “You better. Don’t send me any pictures of whatever amazing thing you make for yourself tonight. I got a confidence bubble to maintain.”

“You don’t even have Snapchat,” Finn reminds him. He rocks back on his heels. “Okay. Text me.”

“Actually Jess made me get Snapchat so yes, I definitely _do_ ,” Poe snorts, but bundles Bea close. “Will do, buddy. Thanks for hanging out with us today.”

“Sure. Missed you, Bea-Bea,” Finn nods and takes a step back before turning again. It shouldn’t be so hard to leave. Breaking up with someone you weren’t dating in the first place should be simple, but breaking up with his family, his daughter, is horrible. And every time Poe looks at him, he wants to smooth his hair back from his forehead, to press kisses over his cheeks, to stay close and feel everything about Poe under him. 

He slides onto his bike and sits there for a second. His Christmas present from Poe is in the small back of the scooter, a pair of sturdy hiking boots and an envelope stuffed with candy and a pass to the National Parks. Poe had been pink-cheeked, pressing the box (wrapped in newspaper and tied with twine in a bow he’d admitted Bea had tied) into Finn’s hands. 

“You kept bringing up how you wanted to go hiking,” he’d said, meeting Finn’s eyes with a tiny smile, “so I thought I’d help out. The candy was Bea-Bea’s idea.” 

Finn presses his knuckles against his lips, closing his eyes. It’s things like that that Finn can’t say no to, the thoughtfulness of a gift like that is unlike anything he’s ever had. This year, Rey got him a year subscription for Microsoft Office. Practical, useful, but not the same. 

Going home is the last thing he wants to do. He kicks the scooter to life and takes a U-turn, heading instead to Rey’s apartment.

Rey is still in her yoga gear when she opens the door. The smell of food wafts out behind her as she blinks at Finn. “I’ve made enough for two, if you want any,” she says by way of greeting, and steps aside for him.

“Yes, please,” Finn smiles and steps past her into her objectively nicer apartment. 

“You could have texted.” Rey grins at him and nudges him toward her little table. “Lemon chicken. How was your talk?”

“Good. It was good,” Finn toes off his shoes and then drops into his usual chair. “He apologized and explained.”

Rey snorts. “Was it a good explanation?”

“Actually, yeah,” Finn leans back, watching her move around the kitchen. She never lets him help when they’re at her apartment, just as he cooks for her when they’re at his. “He didn’t want to, y’know, have me there if he lost the appeal. And he’s right, I probably would have stayed. And we both would have been miserable. I mean, it sucks. He should have told me that, before, but,” Finn shrugs.

“There’s a lot of things he should have told you before,” Rey mutters. “So what are you going to do now?”

“I dunno,” Finn says, tapping his fingers on the table. “We didn’t really get that far. I think, well, I think I’m gonna do nothing, for now. I still feel the same way about him, but I’ve never known him without this whole huge thing happening in his life. I think I should get to know him without that. See if, if we could still work.”

“Finn,” it’s never a good thing when Rey gets that tone in her voice. She half turns to him, frowning. “Are you sure that’s a good idea?”

“To do nothing? What would you do?”

“Pull away,” Rey mumbles. “Stop talking to him when all he’s done is cause you pain.”

“Rey,” Finn says softly, “that’s not, I mean, yeah, it hurt, but I’ve never felt that way about anyone. That has to be important, right?”

She makes a quiet sound and shakes her head. “I don’t know. I just want you to be careful.”

“I will be,” Finn nods and blinks. His phone buzzes in his pocket and he tugs it out, staring at Poe’s name on the screen.

_so we didn’t actually talk about where we’re going from here and probably we should. also, dinner was great._

Finn’s breath catches and he reads it three times before typing back, _Nothing burnt? Impressive. Yeah, we should._

_great was maybe an overstatement but it was edible and bea didn’t whine so: a win!_  

“Are you texting him?” Rey peers over his shoulder.

“Yeah,” Finn says, typing, _You’re getting better. What’d you make?_

_enchiladas, kinda can’t mess those up. it’s probably better_ , and Poe’s texts stop there for a few seconds while Rey snorts and goes back to her chicken. _sorry. it’s bathtime. it’s probably. better to talk about it in person but. can we start over?_

Finn runs the question through his mind, over and over. He glances at Rey, about to ask her before he decides for himself. _No. We can’t. But maybe we can be friends._

_yeah. friends is a good idea._  

It is a good idea. It’s pulling back without giving up completely. Finn tucks his phone back into his pocket and pushes himself up, walking over to wrap his arms around Rey, resting his chin on her shoulder. She goes stiff for a second, but relaxes against him and lets him stay while she checks on her pot of rice. 

When Finn hasn’t said anything in a while, she asks, soft, “Alright?”

“Yeah,” he murmurs, watching her hands. 

Rey is purposeful when she cooks. She knows her way around a kitchen, because she essentially raised herself, and has calories, budgeting, and cook times down to a science. For a while, before Rey got busy with her school and her flying, they had a ritual of picking a new food neither had tried as kids and cooking it up together. 

“I just don’t think this can end the way I want.” He says quietly.

Rey tilts her head against his and slides a fork through the rice. “What do you want?”

“Too much,” Finn says, stealing a few grains from off the fork. He pops them in his mouth, chewing for a second before he adds, “I want this to have been normal. To do everything right. So it can end right. I dunno if it can anymore.”

“What does Poe want?” Rey asks, still soft. She lifts another forkful of rice, which she eats before Finn can, and nudges at him. “It’s ready.”

“To start over,” Finn mutters, letting go of her to grab two plates from the cabinet. “How can we start over? You can’t start from, from loving each other, from knowing everything about each other’s past. That’s not how it works.” Rey frowns as she bends to get the chicken out of the oven. 

“That’s all he wants? That won’t work at all.”

“I mean,” Finn tugs his lip between his teeth. “That’s what he texted me.” 

Rey wrinkles her nose and holds out a hand for a plate. “That’s weird.”

Instead, Finn hands her his phone with their conversation up on it. “I dunno. Is that alright? I honestly don’t know what I’m doing.”

“Neither do I,” Rey mumbles, but she scans dutifully over their conversation for a second. “It’s not really clear what he means.”

“It’s really not,” Finn mutters, pausing on that first text. “I guess. I should ask what he means.”

“Yes,” Rey decides, and hands the phone back to him. “After dinner.”

“Okay,” Finn tucks it into his pocket with a short smile and finally hands her the plate.

_What did you mean ‘start over’?_ He finally asks, later when he’s curled up on Rey’s couch. It takes a while for Poe to respond. In the meantime, Rey presses cards into his hands and makes him quiz her until she can recite the answers flawlessly.

_start over in this whole. you know instead of going from 0 to 100 go from like. 50 to 100, slower. but: friends. i’m cool with that, that’s a good idea. whatever makes it easy for you, you know?_

Finn debates a response for a while, flipping through Rey’s cards again, going over complicated physics equations that he only half-understands. When she’s rattling off an explanation about the life cycles of supernovae, he drafts a response that twists his gut into knots.

_Being friends isn’t going to be easy. I don’t want to be just friends._

He stares at it for a second, then deletes the message and writes instead: W _hat do you want to do?_

_when I figure that out, you’ll be the first to know. probably not decide on the phone._

It’s smart to say that, but Finn wants to know _now_. Waiting to talk to him in person again is going to be torture after learning, even indirectly, that maybe Poe really does feel the same way.

The smart thing to do is what Rey’s been telling him for months: pull away, protect himself, do what’s good for Finn. 

But Finn has been protecting himself since he was 16 from the people who could hurt him. Poe hurt him, but Finn can’t bring himself to draw back, to move away, because along with that pain came more feeling than he’s experienced in his life. Poe gave him a home, gave him a family, gave him a kind of attention that he’s never been the focus of before. Maybe it’s naive to want the first person to give him that, but it doesn’t stop the fact that he wants it, more than he wants to not be hurt. It’s worth it. Poe is worth it.

He sucks in a breath.

_Yeah, tell me. Take your time, but until then, friends is good._

_better than good, buddy. friends is awesome for now. just glad to have you around._

Finn smiles at the text, ignoring the look Rey gives him, still rattling out her answer. 

_Glad to be around. Tell Bea that Rey is excited to see her on Monday._

_she’s thrilled to be home._

The text sits unanswered, Finn tucking his phone away with the bubble of hope swelling in his chest. He deflects Rey’s questions, but hugs her tight before he leaves for the night. Poe’s family (what he can’t help but think of as _my family_ ) is whole again. Rey is going to pursue her dream. Leia is speaking to Han. Ari might finally tell Bea how he feels. For the first time, it feels like things are finally going right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all were right. It took another 25k words to resolve this to our satisfaction, so there will be two more chapters after this! Thanks so much for all your support, comments, kudos, and suggestions. This beast is finally (almost) done!
> 
> As always, come hang out with us on tumblr!


	11. Can Anybody Find Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This isn’t friendship. He closes his eyes and wills himself to stop this, to stop being so obvious. Poe doesn’t know what he wants. Finn barely does. 

It takes two weeks for Finn’s faith that ‘friends’ can work to fade. To his and Poe’s credit, they do both try. It almost felt like it could work, but two weeks of casual texting and polite conversation between school and Poe’s garage start to grate on Finn’s conscience. If Poe really just wants this, wants to be friends, then Finn is going to make a hard choice. The same one he made at Christmas because every time he sees Poe, he reminds himself that he can touch, but only so much. He can talk, but only about certain things. He can be with Poe, but only as friends.

Poe takes off work for Field Day and shows up bright and early with Bea in their class T-shirt for the year, designed lovingly by Rey. It’s bright orange with a blob in the middle Rey says is supposed to be a sun.

Naturally, Poe is wearing matching fluorescent orange. When he spots Finn across the field, he grins and throws his arm up in a wave. Finn’s heart kicks up and he waves back, wondering just what he did to land himself in this predicament. Bea bolts from his side to join her chattering classmates huddled together while they wait. It was chaos when she came back, running into the classroom with a shout, Poe hanging back by the door. Ari stood up so fast he hit his knees on his chair and it crashed to the ground. It took Finn and Rey fifteen minutes to calm everyone down again, Poe slipping out with a wink at Finn somewhere in the din.

“Hey!” Finn jogs over to meet him, wearing his own bright orange shirt. Poe smiling like this, uninhibited, makes him feel like he’s running on air. “You made it!”

Poe laughs and claps him on the shoulder. “How could I miss this? Field Day’s the best. Where’s Rey? You guys gonna do the teacher stuff this year?”

His cheeks are pink in the early sunlight.

“She’s setting up,” Finn jerks his chin toward the group of several teachers in different colors are working close by. His shivers under Poe’s hand. “I have kid duty. You can choose whichever job you want.”

Poe’s ears flush. Laughing quietly, he lets his hand drop. “Guess I’ll go help Rey out. She looks sorta overwhelmed. Unless you need help over here.”

“No, no, go ahead,” Finn waves him off and steps back from him. “Thanks for coming to help out.”

“Don’t thank me.” Poe shoves both hands into his pockets. “Have fun. Shout if you need me.”

Finn gives him a lazy salute and a smile, “same here. I'll keep your kid out of trouble.”

“Good luck with that,” Poe laughs, and waves as he turns to jog over to Rey. He doesn’t have to go far: they’ve moved even closer to finish setting up the finish lines for the races. Rey looks up when he gets close enough. Her face is blank.

“I didn’t see your name on the list,” she says without a ‘hello’. Finn winces and tries to pretend not to hear. 

“I RSVP’d last minute,” Poe explains sheepishly. “Didn’t, uh. Didn’t know if I’d have a reason to be here. But I do, and I’m at your command, sir. Whatever you need me to do.”

She looks him over, head to toe, expression stern. “We need to get burlap sacks for the race. They’re in that shed.” She jerks a thumb across the field where it squats, old and faded, in a patch of weedy undergrowth.

Poe follows her gaze and straightens up. “Your wish is my command. Are you,” he starts, peering oddly at her, “Uh. Everything alright?”

“I don’t like you,” she tells him. Finn glances back at her, then away again. It looks like she doesn’t know he’s listening. Rey’s told him through every step of this that it was a bad idea. Poe is bad for him, that he shouldn’t do it. She’s probably right. 

She’s still speaking. Finn steps a little closer to catch it. “--back in his life now. But that doesn’t mean that I won’t hurt you if you hurt him again.”

For a few long moments, Poe is quiet. He watches her with his shoulders tense in a familiar tight line. They’re alone. The other teachers have moved on to setting up the buckets for the relay, midway out in the field, but Rey stands where she is with the end of a finish line ribbon tight in her hand, staring hard at Poe.

He shoves one hand into his hair, messing through already-wild curls.

“I’m not planning to,” he finally says, and his voice is firm. “I wasn’t planning to in the first place,” and then he says something too low for Finn to catch, something that makes Rey’s face go hard and then soft in the span of a second. She stays firmly where she is, watching Poe as he lifts a hand. “—without him, anyway,” he’s saying, soft. “So.”

Rey stares at it for a second, then nods and holds out her own. “I want to trust you.” Even from here, Finn can hear the implied ‘so don’t fuck up.’

“Hope you can,” Poe says quietly. He shakes her hand quickly, like she’s going to take it back. “If I fuck up, you have full permission to kick my ass. I have it on good authority that you could do that with your eyes closed.”

A little smile flickers on Rey’s lips. She nods and drops his hand. “I’ll leave you alive for Bea’s sake."

“You’re a good teacher,” Poe laughs. It’s a weak sound, but the tension drops from his shoulders like water, and he salutes Rey with one hand. “So: shed? Wasn’t that thing full of spiders last year? I got about six of ‘em in my hair.”

“I can’t promise they’re gone. You can take a few spiders,” she says before turning her back on him to tie up the other end of the ribbon.

“Hear that, Finn?” Poe calls over his shoulder. “If I die from spider poisoning, it’s on Rey!”

“I blame her for most things,” Finn calls back, not looking at him because his heart is in his throat. He’s already having a hard time concentrating on the kids. Ari is trailing Bea like a puppy and he should probably handle that before it gets more uncomfortable. He shifts toward them, but doesn’t quite see them, lost in his own head. 

Poe wouldn’t say that if they were friends. Hurting friends happens, it happens and it’s painful and sometimes people don’t get over it. Finn can’t quite believe that Poe would be friends with him if he was determined not to hurt him. Being friends hurts with a slow, deep pain that starts in his heart and spread to every inch of his body when Poe is around, when Poe texts him, when Finn remembers what they had, so short and fleeting and marred with loss. Poe would know that love can’t fade that quickly. Even the heartache of their last fight, the shock of Poe kicking him out of his house (Finn’s home), can’t quash the affection rooted deep inside of Finn.

Unless Poe never believed him. Finn refuses that answer as soon as he thinks of it. He has enough faith in himself not to choose someone who wouldn’t trust him, after everything they’ve been through together.

“Now that seems unfair.” Poe’s voice is a little closer. He doesn’t necessarily have to pass Finn on his way to the shed, but he does anyway with a teasing, tentative smile on his lips. “It’s probably my fault at least some of the time. Jess would say most of the time but she’s biased.”

“That’s how you know you’re best friends,” Finn laughs mechanically after him, watching Poe move across the grass. His cheeks are warm. Poe waves a hand at him and marches toward the sad little shed with all the poise of a soldier going into battle and a big, silly smile on his face.

The back of Finn’s neck prickles. 

Finn tears his eyes from Poe to look around him, and then down to find Bea standing there with her eyes narrowed. Her hair is pulled up into two neat pigtails. Ari hovers only a few feet away, trying not to look like he’s watching her. 

Finn smiles down at her. “Doing okay, Bea?”

“You watch dad a lot,” she tells him after a second. “He watches you a lot, too.”

“Ah,” Finn glances back at Poe, trying to wrestle open the squeaky shed door, with a sheepish smile. “I guess I do. I made sure he was okay while you were gone.” Bea’s face brightens at that. 

“That’s good,” she says, soft. “I was worried about that, but then I thought about that you were here. You were right about Ari.” She glances over at him. He looks quickly the other way and starts talking louder to Matthew, who looks mostly uninterested. Bea snorts. “I think he did miss me.”

“He missed you a lot,” Finn says softly. He curls a hand gently over her shoulder and squeezes. Bea grins. “I did too.” 

“I missed you a lot. And Haley. And Ari,” Bea says, then looks over at him again and adds, quickly, “A little bit! Only a little!” She stares imploringly up at Finn, begging him to believe her.

“Don’t tell him that,” Finn winks at her, “he’ll never shut up about it.” 

“He won’t!” Bea gasps, and bursts into bright giggles that continue even as Haley calls her name. Bea half-starts towards her friends, tugging away from his hand, but whirls to face Finn after a second. “Are we starting soon? Are you gonna be with us? If you and Miss Rey help then we’ll win!”

“We will. And we are totally going to win,” Finn gives her a thumbs up and a grin, glad to have derailed the conversation from him and Poe. Bea is a smart kid, she’s probably already figured it out, but Finn doesn’t want to promise her anything he can’t carry out. If Poe decides he can’t do this, then Finn has to respect that, and respect Bea as well.

When she turns her back, his smile drops and he lets out a heavy breath. 

Bea doesn’t make it over to Haley, who’s bouncing around between a few girls from older classes, including her sister.

Matthew all but shoves Ari into her path as she walks. Ari stumbles forward, almost into her, and Bea reaches out to catch him before he falls over.

Ari jerks back. “Bea!”

Bea blinks and lets her hands drop. “Yeah? What?”

“I, uh,” Ari says, his face noticeably red. Finn strays a little closer. Ari’s transition from missing Bea to having her back and not knowing how to talk to her has been somewhere between cute and unbearable. He freezes up every time he sees her, but this time is different. He takes a deep breath and says, “Beatrice Shara Marie Dameron, will you be my girlfriend?”

“Don’t call me Beatrice!” Bea protests immediately, but she’s gone very still and stares at him with round dark eyes, her lips parted silently. “Ask me again.”

Ari smiles nervously and starts again. “Bea. Bea, I really like you. Will you be my girlfriend?”

Bea bites at her lip. She looks like a tiny version of her father, standing there in the sun with her hands fisted nervously by her sides, staring at Ari. 

He shuffles. 

Slowly, Bea smiles. “Okay. I guess I like you too.”

Ari breaks out in an even wider smile. He makes to take her hands, but then stops and just holds out his in case she wants to take them. “Okay! Okay. Good. We like each other.”

“So we have to be together in the relay,” Bea tells him seriously, and smiles as she grabs his hands and tugs him closer. “Okay?”

“Okay! I’m really good at it. You’d better be good,” Ari says, twining their fingers together. 

Finn can’t hide a smile, but he looks away to give them space. If two eight-year-olds can solve their problems by talking, a 25-year-old should be able to sort his out. Ari’s endless teasing and sharing and general worship of Bea paid off. Maybe Finn can give Poe the same thing. Time and space to figure out his emotions. Maybe at the same time, Finn can figure out, generally, how he can do it right this time. He can figure out what he wants. He can tell Poe that. And if Poe only wants to be his friend, he can have a rational discussion about how that will only bring unhappiness, in the long run. Finn wants Poe in his life, but not if that relationship comes with the intense pang of misery that that’s all it will ever be.

Bea catches his eye and beams, pink-cheeked and holding tightly to Ari’s hands.

Poe, of course, volunteers immediately for referee duty, and spends the morning with a few other parents and teachers whooping and hollering like the kids themselves, cheering on everyone. He even manages for the most part, not to play favorites, and ruffles Bea’s hair consolingly when he calls the race that puts the other third grade class into the lead.

Technically parent volunteers only have to stay for half-shifts, but Poe sticks around during lunch, too. “I think Pava wants me out of her hair for the day, Iolo’s hot sister is in town,” he tells Finn over hotdogs, grinning. “If you need more help for the afternoon I’m all yours.”

Finn’s cheeks feel hot, but he nods, sitting a little too close to Poe on the bench. “Yeah, if you wanna stay. There are the teacher’s events last. Those are always, uh, interesting.”

“Interesting because you always lose?” Rey asks sweetly as she drops in across from them. Her hair is dark with sweat, plastered to her forehead, and color shines in her cheeks from helping the kids through the last obstacle course before lunch break. “Going to go for a three-year losing streak? I think you can pull it off.”

“Hey,” Finn kicks her shin under the picnic table, “you try beating Mr. Win at the hundred yard dash. That guy is fast.”

“I have beaten Mr. Win at the hundred yard dash,” Rey says with no small hint of smugness. Poe snorts into his hotdog.

“The jokes that guy must get. Anything you have won?”

“I won the obstacle course last year,” Finn says through a bite. He swallows and adds, “and Rey and I always win the three legged race.”

“Oh yeah?” Poe arches a brow. Rey nods solemnly.

“We’ve got it down to an art form. We’re unstoppable.”

Bea and her class manage to win three of the four events they picked. Ari and Bea dominate during the water-balloon relay, calling out to each other in sharp words so considered they sound like code. They fish their prizes from the first-prize bucket with matching victorious grins and both of their hair thoroughly ruffled by a very proud Poe.

When it comes time for the race, Rey nudges Finn forward with a small smile. “Go ahead.”

Finn blinks at her, then at the rope. “What?”

"I’m refereeing this time,” she says, and nudges him again toward Poe, who’s still damp. He and Bea lost spectacularly at the Egg Toss, which they’d turned into a game of ‘get each other as covered in egg as possible.’ Poe had to go wash them both off with the hose near the relay station. His shirt has been clinging to his skin since then, drying slowly even in the heat of the day. His hair is just starting to curl back up.

“Rey,” Finn says desperately.

She quirks a brow at him. “You'd better win anyway.”

He sighs, but starts trudging over toward Poe. As soon as he’s close, he smiles and holds out the rope. “Looks like we’re doing this together.”

Poe blinks at the rope, already reaching for it. He curls his fingers around it, then looks at Rey, mouthing something to himself. “We are, huh?”

“If you wanna, but I gotta defend my title,” Finn laughs, moving up next to him. Poe’s arm brushes damply against his. Finn forces himself to ignore the fire that skitters up under his skin.

Poe flashes him a sunny grin and tugs the rope from Finn’s hands. “Then I’m your guy. You got any records we can beat while we’re at it?” He laughs, then drops swift and easy to his knees in front of Finn, twisting enough that their ankles are pressed together and he can wind the rope around them. Finn swallows, hard, his eyes caught on the way Poe’s hair curls and falls into his eyes, how his forehead is almost touching Finn’s thigh. Heat shoots down through his chest and his fingers twitch to touch, running his hand through Poe’s curls, tugging in the way Poe loves.

“Uh,” he tries to remember what Poe said instead of thinking about Poe’s lips and the way they feel against his skin. The sixth graders are shouting their way through an obstacle course across the field. “We made it in, what was it, Rey? 1:17 last year?”

“1:16,” Rey calls over. She sounds very smug. Poe finishes off the knot and flops backward, laughing, his leg attached firmly to Finn’s. 

His eyes glitter in the late-afternoon sunlight as he looks up and holds out a hand. “Help me up here.”

Finn grips his hand firmly, meeting his gaze for a second, and tugs him up, pulling Poe’s body against his. His face burns, eyes sliding away from Poe. Not only are they trying to be friends, but they’re at a school event and Bea is here. Kissing Poe now would be a mistake. Even when Poe is also flushed and not quite looking at him as he lets go of Finn’s hand with a muttered thanks. They’re pressed together along Finn’s entire left side. His stomach twists in knots.

Rey is watching them closely. “All set?”

“Yep,” Finn says, voice brusque. His arm slips around Poe’s waist, tight but not intimate. He hopes. 

He shoots Rey a glare. Poe’s arm slides around his waist, too, locking them together with his fingers curled into the hem of Finn’s t-shirt.

“Wanna practice?” Poe asks quietly, and waves back at Bea where she’s clustered on the sidelines with her classmates. Finn nods and takes a step with his outer foot. Poe gets tugged after him and almost trips, catching himself on Finn’s shoulder to keep them both from tumbling to the ground. Finn laughs and grins back at him. 

“C'mon, middle foot then the outer one,” he stands up straight again, watching Poe carefully. “Alright? One.”

“Two,” Poe echoes, hand still warm and tight on Finn’s shoulder, and then on three they fall easily into sync, laughing and stumbling their way to the starting line. Poe waves to Bea, watching them with the other kids with a bit of egg still in her hair and her hand clasped firmly with Ari’s. Ari hasn’t stopped grinning since they talked.

The race is blur of sweat and laughter and Finn’s heart racing too fast. He can feel Poe’s hand on his back, his hip and thigh against Finn’s, hear his breath and his voice, cheering Finn on. He moves as fast as he can, gripping Poe too-tight, laughing too hard, and nearly keels over at the finish line, gripping Poe’s hips as he stumbles to his knees.

Bea screams gleefully and throws her and Ari’s joined hands into the air as Rey shouts out that Finn and Poe came in first, followed shortly by Mr. Win and his wife. 

Cheering, Poe throws his other arm in the air in victory, tugging Finn with him. Finn ends up with his hand curled in Poe’s, plastered against his chest with a bright grin on his lips. 

“We won!” 

“Hell _yeah_ ,” squeezing his hand, Poe hugs him close for a second, his laughter washing damp and warm over Finn’s skin before he pulls back with glittering eyes and a brilliant smile aimed solely at Finn. “Definitely a record-breaking run, right? Had to be!”

“Rey’s gonna hate that,” Finn laughs, face flushed when he lets his eyes meet Poe’s properly. “But I think you make a better partner. At least in, uh, the three-legged race.”

Poe’s hair curls damply around his ears. His cheeks are flushed and his smile is sweet and close as his breathing slowly drops back to normal. It always takes him a bit. “Oh yeah? Gonna tell her that.”

“Oh God,” Finn shoves him away and ducks down to untie the rope. This isn’t friendship. He closes his eyes and wills himself to stop this, to stop being so _obvious_. Poe doesn’t know what he wants. Finn barely does. 

He pushes the rope into Poe’s hands and doesn’t meet his eyes. “Please don’t.” 

Poe blinks at him for a silent moment, eyes flicking over his face. Then he smiles and closes his hands around the rope. “Probably won’t. Don’t worry, your friendship is safe.”

“Thanks,” Finn shuffles back a step and pushes a hand through his sweaty hair. He can still see Poe in his peripheral vision. It doesn’t help to see Poe’s sweat sheened face, flushed from the race, “I, uh, have to go set up the last race.”

“That the bag one?” Poe loops the rope into an easy knot. “Please tell me you’re in that one.”

“Yep. And I plan on winning this year,” Finn says, debating winking at him for a split second until he thinks better of it and turns around, jogging away. 

 

* * *

 

 

The Wednesday after Field Day, Poe shows up in the classroom again for the first time since before break.

It’s a lazy day, so far. Neither Finn nor Rey really feel like teaching and the kids are antsy with the lengthening days of May and the impending end of the school year. Bea is the worst of the lot, because all morning she’s been smiling at Finn like she has a secret, but of course won’t share what it is until Poe shows up at the classroom door after recess with his guitar slung over his shoulder and a sheepish smile on his face.

“She made me,” he explains. Rey snorts, her eyes flickering between him and Finn. Biting his lip, Poe shuffles, still in the doorway like he’s waiting to be invited in.

“Well, good,” Rey decides after a moment, and smiles. “I didn’t have any lesson ideas, anyway.”

“Here to save the day,” Poe salutes and lets the door drop behind him while the kids race over the reading circle, chattering excitedly about what they’re going to sing. Poe smiles lazily at Finn. “No ideas either?”

The smile sends heat shooting into his gut and Finn smiles back at him, small and secret between them. “Nah. Third graders don’t really get final exams. I mean, I wanted to have a book club, but,” he glances at Rey with a hopeless shrug.

“You’re a geek,” Rey tells him affectionately. “Next year, start one early enough and they’ll love it.”

Poe slings his guitar around to the front and starts over toward the gathered group of kids. “That’s a great idea. Do me a favor and don’t let them read that Terabithia book.”

Finn shakes his head vigorously. “No. Not as a class. There’s enough tears already,” Finn follows him and drops into his spot at the edge of the carpet, legs crossed, head high above the kids’.

“Alright, c’mon,” Poe calls in what Finn is learning is his Dad Voice—pitched a little high, relaxed and smiling, and all the kids go quiet, waiting while he asks them for requests on what to play. They decide on something with harmony since they were just starting that the last time he was here. Poe dives right into the main song from Beauty and the Beast with his fingers easy on the strings of his guitar, singing soft enough that the kids can just follow along. 

Finn lets his mind wander, relaxing easily into the sound of Poe’s voice, so often breaking out during the time he stayed in Poe’s house, quiet with his guitar, loud in the shower, smooth when he cooked Finn breakfast. The singing petered out, toward the end, and Finn didn’t realize just how much he missed it. Poe’s voice is a sweet tenor, vibrating through the air, around the kids, and into the halls around the classroom. Finn watches Poe, a smile lost on his lips.

Poe usually finishes up within a half an hour, letting them get back to their lessons, but today Rey and Finn let it go on for almost an hour, until the kids are sleepy-eyed and content, singing along but mostly listening, and then Poe lets the last chords drift into silence and Rey stands with a strange, determined look in her eyes.

“Right,” she says in that tone that commands all the kids’ attention at once. They swivel practically as one to face her. It’s terrifying and wonderful. “I think it’s time to give Mr. Finn his surprise now. What do you think?”

Their faces light up. Poe slings his guitar back around himself and laughs. 

“You don’t have to stay,” Finn says as they walk out to the field, his steps in sync with Poe’s next to him. Bea walks next to Ari, hands brushing, but not touching. “Really. Don’t you have to work today?”

“Yup,” Poe pops the P, letting his hands swing idly at his sides. His knuckles keep brushing Finn’s. “It’s half-off oil changes at the shop, though.”

“So you don’t want to be there,” a smile creeps back onto Finn’s face and the temptation to twine his fingers with Poe’s is nearly too much.

“Not at all,” Poe tells him cheerfully, and saves Finn by bounding up a little way to call, “Rey! You gonna tell us what’s going on?”

“No!” Rey calls back, but she whirls around when they get out to the field, sun-soaked and green, and all the kids gather around her. “Alright, you remember I split you into teams?” A few of the kids nod. Some look uncertain as Poe and Finn draw closer. “Do you remember those teams?”

A few cheers of yes, and then the kids are separating down the middle and scurrying back and forth, jostling as they try to remember. 

Ari stays right in front of Rey. “Bea doesn’t have a team,” he tells her with a tiny frown. Rey just smiles.

“Suppose she’ll have to pick one. Bea?”

“I wanna play against Ari,” Bea announces without hesitation, and grins over at him. He smiles back. 

“I’ll kick your butt.”

“Yeah right,” Bea snorts, and darts over to join Haley in her little group.

Poe glances at Finn with his brows raised. “Any idea what’s going on?”

“No clue,” Finn hesitates close to Poe, then shifts to join Ari’s team with a fleeting smile.

“Nope!” Rey curls her fingers around Finn’s wrist. “You’re coaching.”

“What?” Finn gasps, then the words set in and he glances between the two teams, eyes straying to Poe for just a second before they land back on Rey.

Her nose crinkles up with the force of her smile. “I didn’t get to do this before, since you had to run and play hero,” she looks over at Poe, who grins brightly back, looking a bit surprised, “and we weren’t getting anything done anyway. I thought we could try a game and see if anyone wants to sign up for the summer.”

“I love you,” Finn mumbles, pulling her into a quick hug. As soon as he lets go, he jogs forward between the two teams and starts instructing them to grab equipment. The kids, excited and buzzing with the energy of something new, all scatter to follow his instructions. 

Poe hangs back with Rey at the edge of the field, his hands shoved into his pockets, and smiles softly at Finn every time he looks over at them.

 

* * *

 

 

The grand plan to stay friends ends on a Saturday afternoon, pressed together between Poe’s friends at a bar near his house. Being this close is unbearable, Poe’s solid muscled arm next to his, his scent apparent even over the greasy food and beer, his voice soft near Finn’s ear, his laugh deep and cheerful and grating down to Finn’s heart.

He follows Rey when she gets up, muttering some excuse he immediately forgets, and catches her arm before she can make it to the restroom.

“You need to stay,” Finn says, desperation bleeding through his expression. “Please.”

“I was going to yoga,” Rey starts, but after staring at him for a moment she shakes her head and sighs. “Alright, alright. They’re nice. Kind of loud. You can just leave.”

Finn glances back toward the group in the booth, Poe with his arm around Jess’ shoulders, Snap telling some story animatedly while Iolo rolls his eyes. “Yeah, I. I could.”

“So why don’t you?” Rey asks.

He’s still for a second before he sighs, dropping his head to her shoulder. “Because I’m hopeless. I want to stay. I just don’t want to do something, y’know.”

“Really stupid?” Rey fills in dryly, and pats his back a few times. “I’ll stay"

“Thank you,” Finn flings his arms around her and drags her close for a second. Rey hugs him back, tight enough to squeeze the air out of him for a second.

“Besides,” she says when she pulls away, “I think you’ll be fine.”

Finn grimaces. “I’ve almost done something like six times in the last hour. I can’t be trusted, seriously. Not if we’re trying to be friends.”

“I mean, you and Poe will be fine,” Rey clarifies with a smile, and seizes his arm. “You’re doing great.”

“You think?” Finn glances back at Poe, who catches his eye and smiles lazily at him. Finn looks away quickly and swallows. “Okay. I can do this.”

“You can do this,” Rey echoes cheerfully. “You can definitely do this.”

He mouths ‘thank you’ again before turning back to the bar and ordering three more beers for him, Jess, and Poe. By the time he’s back at the table, Iolo is relating a story about his sister and Finn drops back into his seat next to Poe, sliding his and Jess’ beers to them.

“Thanks, buddy,” Poe mumbles to him, and laughs at the dirty look Jess gives him for interrupting. He leans in just close enough to Finn’s ear to whisper, “pretty sure Pava here is 90% in love with Iolo’s sister at this point.”

Finn glances at her and laughs quietly. “I haven’t met her yet. I’ll have to see if she lives up to the hype.”

Poe grins. “She kinda does. Only met her once.”

“She’s too cool for me,” Iolo says pointedly to them. “And for you, Jess, so you may as well stop daydreaming.”

“Kill a girl’s dreams,” Jess sighs. “You’d think the lady mechanic thing would be hot to other women too, right?”

“Rey thinks it is,” Finn says before thinking about it. He takes a hasty sip to stop himself from saying anything else. He’s been nervous this whole afternoon, his first time hanging out with Poe’s friends since he got Bea back, Rey’s first time meeting them. It should be casual, but he feels like it’s an audition, showing them that he can be good for Poe, even now.

On the other side of Poe, Rey goes pink and very quiet while everyone except Jess bursts into laughter. 

Jess, though. Jess leans forward a little to peer around Snap, her chin in her hand. “You’re a pilot, right, Rey?”

“I will be,” Rey answers, taking her time dragging her eyes away from her water. 

Jess grins, and firmly ignores Snap elbowing her in the side. “That’s awesome! What kind of planes do you fly?”

“I kinda figured they’d hit it off,” Poe mumbles in his ear again. He looks a little proud, watching Jess lean farther and farther over the table to talk to Rey, who’s bright-eyed and still pink around the ears.

“Because they’re both terrifying?” Finn mutters, gripping his bottle too tight. Poe’s breath skitters electric over his skin.

“Pretty much, yeah. Thanks for coming out with us.” He clinks his bottle against Finn’s. 

“Oh, yeah,” Finn smiles at him, shifting a little too close, but Poe is magnetic, drawing him in and not letting go. “’Course. Thanks for inviting me.”

“Hey,” Poe sits up a little straighter, “you’re always invited, alright? Every time.”

Finn smiles a little brighter, meeting Poe’s eyes with a thrill that hums through his chest. “Well, you did forget to text me last weekend.”

“Yeah, and you showed up anyway, so who’s the real winner here? Definitely the guy who got you to bring donuts without even asking.”

“Shut up,” Finn nudges him in the ribs. “Those were for Bea, not your adult friends who can afford their own damn donuts.”

Poe laughs and elbows him a little harder, jostling him over into Rey. “Why were you bringing my daughter six donuts, then, huh? Kinda irresponsible for a third-grade teacher, pal.”

“Some were for me,” Finn protests, reaching out a hand as an apology to Rey. She catches his fingers without looking and squeezes, mostly distracted by a story Jess is telling about the time she almost exploded along with half the shop.

“Oh yeah?” Poe challenges, sitting up again. He rests a hand brief on Finn’s shoulder to steady him as he sits back up, too. “Guess I’ll have to make it up to you. Bring donuts for the class,” he winks. “Then leave.”

“Oh my God, that’s the worst idea you’ve ever had,” Finn thumps his head against Poe’s shoulder with a groan. “I can barely handle their normal levels of energy by myself.”

“What, c’mon,” Poe laughs, a little breathless, and squeezes Finn’s shoulder. “I’ve seen you wrangle those kids into complete silence. It’s scary.”

“That’s all Rey,” he mutters into Poe’s shirt. Poe’s hand slides up to the back of his head, comforting. Finn shifts into the touch.

“Nah,” Poe says, soft. “It’s not. You’re great with them. You’re worried about next year, right?”

“Yeah,” Finn breathes, forcing his head up despite how right it feels to be that close to him. “I’ve technically been an assistant teacher. But now I’m gonna be a teacher-teacher. I dunno… it’s a lot.”

“It is,” Poe says quietly, meeting his eyes. He lets his hand drop warmly back to Finn’s shoulder. “But you’re gonna be great. Maybe you don’t have Rey’s absolute power, but your kids love you. You actually manage to get them to sit still and listen to you. How many teachers can say that?”

“Lots,” Finn says, but the smile creeps back onto his face. “Thanks. I, yeah, it’ll be hard, but good. Yeah.”

“And whatever you don’t know, you’ll learn,” Poe tells him firmly. “It’ll be awesome. Besides, you’ve got me and Bea and all these guys to help you out when you need it.”

He sounds so certain of that. Like even if they don’t go any further than this, that they’ll be friends for a long time.

Finn isn’t as certain. If Poe doesn’t want anything more than his friendship, Finn’s heart might burst from the intensity of how much he wants to love Poe. 

“Sure,” he says, voice tight, “thanks.” Poe’s eyes go soft and concerned. He sits up a little straighter, squeezing Finn’s shoulder again.

“I mean it. I’ll always be there. I, uh.” He swallows and lets his hand drop a little, down to Finn’s arm. “I know that much. If you need it.”

Words push at Finn’s tongue, but he bites down on it, forcing them into silence. Instead, he smiles and murmurs, again, “thanks.”

As it gets dark, people start to filter away, until it's just Jess, Rey, Poe, and Finn clustered around their little table. Jess yawns and shoves herself up after downing the last of her beer, and shoves her phone into Rey's hand before leaving with firm instructions to text. Beside him, Poe looks like he wants to tease, but stays mercifully quiet. 

Rey extracts herself with a pointed look at Finn, who apologizes and moves away from Poe without quite looking at him, mumbling a soft goodbye that Poe returns with a quiet smile. As soon as he’s outside with Rey, walking to their bikes, he pulls out his phone and texts Poe: _I know what I want now. From this._

Poe’s response is instantaneous. _yeah? what’s that?_

Finn sucks in a breath and sits down hard on Sunny as he writes back, _I want to be with you again. But actually this time. I want to date you._

Before he can think about it more, he sends it and shoves on his helmet. He doesn’t check his phone again until he’s gone home, then heads to the gym, unable to ignore it as he changes.

Five texts from Poe wait for him.

_finn_

_what made you decide that?_

_i’d like that too_

_only as much as you want, though, dating would be great. friends would be great._

_can we talk about this in person_

Finn stares down at it, then looks at his gym bag, then back at the phone.

He grabs his helmet again and leaves the locker room without another glance.

_Yeah. Yes. Where can I meet you?_

_park?_ Poe suggests after a second, followed by a smiling emoji. _since its yknow. the place for talks._

_Okay. I’ll be there soon._

He tucks his phone into his bag and half-runs to his bike.

Poe is, of course, sitting on what’s become their bench, staring off into the deepening shadows with his elbows braced on his knees. The wind ruffles through his hair, throwing his curls all over his face as he spots Finn and sits up straight. Finn gives him a tentative smile, dropping onto the bench next to him, his gym bag sliding to the ground. Poe automatically shifts just enough to give him room, sliding sideways on the bench so he can face Finn. 

“Hey,” he says, and then snorts at himself, ducking his head. The moon spreads out silver on his hair.

“Hey,” Finn breathes, staring at him with his breath somewhere in his throat, not moving. “Probably good. Actually talking in person. Alone.”

“If we’d said anymore Jess would’ve locked on,” Poe laughs quietly. “So, uh. Dating.”

Finn lets out a soft laugh and moves a little closer to him, so their knees are touching. “Yeah. Dating. Only if you want to, ‘cause, it might be a bigger decision for you, with Bea, and everything. But that, that’s what I want. And if you don’t want that, that’s fine, I just,” he sucks in a breath and shrugs.

“That’s what I want,” Poe says quickly, before Finn can say anything else. “Shit, I mean, it’s all I’ve been able to think about. But I need you to know that if this doesn’t work out—the reason I couldn’t tell you before what I wanted is ‘cause there’s two different things. That I want.”

“What two things?” Finn asks, voice soft in the growing darkness. Poe sucks in a tiny, steadying breath.

“For you to be happy, mostly,” he says. “And to have you in my life for as long as that’s possible. And I don’t. I don’t know if those two things are exclusive or not. If this doesn’t work out, they might be, so in that case, the first one is more important, alright? Don’t stick around again because you feel guilty, or because you think I need you. Stick around because you want to, and because it makes you happy. Because,” his voice is soft and low and a little breathless, and his eyes dart away and back to Finn, “that’s the most important thing here. Alright? Promise me that.”

Finn sits still for a long moment, replaying Poe’s words in his head. They seem to make sense. Kind, genuine words that are supposed to be an end, something unarguable. Yet the argument finds it’s way to Finn’s lips. He reaches out, fingers sliding against Poe’s, and he smiles, small and soft. “I promise. But you gotta know that it’s the same for me. I want to see you happy. And if me being around makes you happy, then, well, I just might have to do that.” Poe sucks in another sharp breath. He looks at Finn with wide dark eyes, like maybe he didn’t expect Finn to say any of that, like maybe he thought Finn would say _nevermind_ and turn around and leave.

His hands are tight in Finn’s. “Yeah? So we’re gonna do this?”

Finn glances over his face and leans in, breathless, to press one soft, short kiss to Poe’s lips. Poe lets out a tiny, shocked breath, pulls back for a second, and then lurches forward to kiss him again. A smile spreads over Finn’s lips and he presses closer, hands on Poe’s shoulders, then curving around his back to pull him against Poe’s chest, knees shifting up onto the bench. Poe’s laughter is warm against his lips and their knees knock together on the worn wood as he shifts just enough to get closer. He sucks Finn's lip between his, pressing there with his teeth, and Finn wants to crawl over his thighs, pull himself flush against Poe and kiss him until neither of them can breathe, but he’s too aware that they’re in public, in a park where they’ve brought Bea. 

He breaks the kiss with a soft laugh, nosing against Poe’s cheek. “Trying to be friends was a dumb idea.”

“It was a noble idea,” Poe mumbles around a smile. “I really would’ve made it work, if I had to. All I wanted was to keep you around. Whatever that meant for everything else.”

“Poe,” Finn’s voice cracks, low and rough. He pulls back to look at Poe, fingers digging into his shoulders. “C’mon. You get a say in this too, okay? Don’t just do what I want to do. This is how we fucked it up in the first place.”

Poe meets his eyes. “I’m telling you, I’m not just doing what you want. I’m just—you gotta tell me if this isn’t working for you, okay?”

“I will,” Finn nods, bringing his hand up to comb through Poe’s curls. “Seriously. I will. I know I’ve been kinda dumb about this, before, but it’s different now. Now we’re in the same place.”

“Not dumb,” Poe protests. He tilts his head just a bit into Finn’s hand and lets out a quiet, pleased sigh when Finn pushes his hair back away from his face. “Alright, a little dumb, but I was too. I think I was just too used to doing things on my own. I didn’t wanna drag you in any further, but it didn’t make it better. Or easier. For either of us, huh. Does Rey, uh. Is she really okay with all this?”

“She wasn’t,” Finn relaxes against him, a little bit at a time until he’s pressed against Poe’s side. “But I think you won her over.”

“Yeah?” Poe turns his face into Finn’s neck and stays there, wrapped around him warm and soft. He sounds strangely nervous. “When’s she leaving again?”

“August,” Finn says, petting gently through his hair. “Do you, do you not like her?”

“What?” Poe sits up again. “Rey’s great. I thought she was leaving earlier, is all.” He stares at Finn for a second, biting at his lip. “You get a while with her, though. Good.”

“Yeah, it is,” Finn watches him for a moment, then tugs softly on Poe’s hair. Poe is stiff against his side. “Hey. What’s wrong?”

Poe lets out a shaky little laugh and pushes his face into Finn’s shoulder. “Nothing, buddy. Just realizing how long it’s been since I’ve had any kind of talk like this.”

“Is that,” Finn starts, then he takes a deep breath, steadying himself, “talk to me about it. We need to talk. More. I want to know what you’re thinking.”

“Yeah, I know,” Poe agrees quietly, and sits up a little straighter. He keeps himself pressed to Finn’s side, though, and curls their free hands together tightly. “I don’t have the best track record. Relationship-wise.”

“Neither do I. I told you about my ex, right? Or, Rey probably did,” he wrinkles his nose, staring somewhere near their knees.

Poe tilts his head. “The gang one? Yeah, you told me about him. Glad you listened to Rey about that.”

“Yeah,” Finn laughs, nestling his cheek close to Poe. “Is yours really worse than that? I mean, Alicia isn’t the best, but she also wasn’t, y’know, part of a crime syndicate.”

“I’ll give her that,” Poe mumbles dryly. “No, no worse than that. Alicia was the exception, though. I was only with her for six months, and that’s still the longest time I dated someone.”

“You also haven’t dated someone since you were, what, 24?” Finn reminds him, “somehow, I think you might have less commitment issues now.”

Poe smiles weakly at him. “21. And yeah, you’d figure, and I think so. Having Bea around forced me to figure my shit out real fast. But I don’t know for sure. No evidence to go off of.”

“You’ve been with Bea for eight years,” Finn smiles back, shifting to face him on the bench. “Don’t worry about that, okay? If it doesn’t work out, that’s, that’s okay. That’s how this works. But try not to put that pressure on before we’ve even had a chance to try.”

“I’m trying not to,” Poe murmurs, but he smiles and relaxes a bit, squeezing Finn’s hand. “No pressure on you, though. Long as you’re okay with dating me and Bea, ‘cause I can tell you that’s how it’s gonna be. She loves you.”

“I know. I know it’s both of you. And I love both of you, it, I mean, how do you want me to, with her? How do you want me to, I dunno, interact with her?” Poe’s brows knit together.

“I— uh. I dunno, should it be different than how it is now? You’re great with her.”

“You’ve never dated while she’s been around. I dunno if that’ll be different,” Finn frowns slightly, his fingers slipping down Poe’s neck.

“She loves you,” Poe repeats quietly, smiling. “Don’t change anything.”

“Okay,” Finn presses another kiss to the corner of his mouth and stays there. “Okay.”

“Good?” Poe breathes. His nose bumps against Finn's, making them both laugh until he pulls away. “Y’know, we gotta go on actual date now. Like we already should’ve.”

“I’d love that,” Finn says with a bright smile.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're getting there, y'all! Thanks for all your wonderful comments on the last chapter. They give us life and joy and neither of us can properly express how much it means to us to have so many people invested in this thing we're writing. THANK YOU.


	12. Somebody to Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Is it too early for bumper cars?” Finn asks to cover-up the way his eyes linger on Poe’s lips, instead straying over the bright, colorful rides spread out across the field. 
> 
> Poe’s grin widens. “It is never too early for bumper cars.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Izzymatic](http://izzymatic-art.tumblr.com/) drew really incredible fanart of Bea, Poe, and Alicia, and it's [BEAUTIFUL AND PERFECT](http://i.imgur.com/NM2vfts.jpg) and everyone should go shriek about it as much as we did and then check out the rest of their art, which is awesome. Thank you so much!! It is incredible, and exactly how we pictured Bea and Alicia! Neither of us will ever stop screaming to the heavens about how great this is.
> 
> UPDATE 2: Izzymatic [drew Finn in a sweater vest](http://i.imgur.com/cZ8wKVQ.png) and other adorable things and it is YET MORE PERFECT, THANK YOU SO MUCH!!!

“Alright,” Poe gestures grandly with his free arm toward the brightly-colored metal rising up from the field in front of them. His other hand is curled tightly into Bea’s. The same excited boyish grin has been on his face since he came to pick Finn up in his beat-up Honda after checking that morning if Finn minded if Bea tagged along on their date.

That particular line of questioning makes a lot more sense now. “So I know it looks like it might give you tetanus,” Poe is saying, almost nervous as he bumps his shoulder into Finn’s, “or fling you into the sky or something but this is actually one of the safest fairs in the country.”

“It’s a fair,” Bea protests from Poe’s side, bouncing in her tennis shoes. “Fairs are safe! It’s in the name! Fair means good!”

“I dunno, I don’t want to be flung out into the sky,” Finn says seriously, fighting to keep down his smile.

“You won’t!” Bea insists, and Poe laughs and tugs her close against his side. 

“Alright, baby, let’s get our wristbands and get going.” He glances up at Finn, eyes glittering.  Finn hoped that once they got together and it was no longer one-sided that his heart might start behaving around Poe, but it seems to be worse. When Poe picked him up, he thought they’d be getting lunch or something else simple and easy, but Bea bounced in the backseat, grinning just as big as her dad. A fair just outside of town that he’d mentioned once in passing is  _exactly_ where Poe would take him.  “What d’you wanna hit first?”

“Is it too early for bumper cars?” Finn asks to cover-up the way his eyes linger on Poe’s lips, instead straying over the bright, colorful rides spread out across the field. 

Poe’s grin widens. “It is never too early for bumper cars.”

 

* * *

 

“I wanna be with Finn!” Bea declares as she darts up the ramp to the ride with one new free-for-all band wrapped bright pink around her wrist.

Finn glances back at Poe as he follows, raising an eyebrow. “Is she already sick of you?”

“Apparently!” Poe whines, and turns his saddest eyes on Bea. “You know, Bea-Bea, that really hurts. Right here.” He presses one hand over his heart and tries to look pathetic. “I might need Finn to kiss it better.”

“No, you don’t,” Bea snorts, and reaches out to grab Finn’s hand, bouncing once they reach the back of the line. The line, this early in the day, consists of a few excited-looking teenagers and them. 

“I guess I’m claimed for this one. You can be with her on the ne xt ,” Finn says, his fingers sliding over the back of Poe’s hand. His eyes stay on Poe’s face even as Bea talks excitedly about the differently colored cars and which one she wants. She lasers in on a bright blue one.

“You’re just too popular, Bea-Bea,” Poe tells her, laughing, and leans into Finn just a bit as the operator opens the gate to let them in. “Thanks for this. We’ll have a proper date sometime too. Promise.”

“What about this isn’t proper?” Finn asks, but he can’t get an answer with Bea dragging him over the the blue car. He glances back at Poe before he hops in, helping Bea in after him.

Poe grins brightly at him and slides into a fittingly orange car. The ride hums to life underneath them, tinny rock music suddenly echoing louder from the speakers, and Bea laughs and reaches around Finn to grab the looping seatbelt. “Buckle up!”

Finn keeps one hand on the wheel, but lets Bea steer it, her foot pressed over his on the accelerator. “He’s right there!” Finn shouts, squeezing her tight.

“Get him!” Bea shrieks, whipping the steering wheel so they swerve toward Poe, who puts his hands up as they ram into him. He hasn’t stopped laughing since the ride actually started up and he’d pointed two fingers at them in a clear  _you’re going down_. Bea’s been focusing on chasing him, and opportunistically smashing them into the teenagers when she gets a chance. 

“I see how it is,” Poe calls over to Finn as they bounce away. He whips his little car around with way more accuracy than a bumper car should possess and, laughing breathless and loud under the music, jolts after them. Bea yelps and tries to get away, but Poe is too fast and manages to catch them in a corner, slamming into their blue car on Finn’s side with delighted, victorious yell. Finn closes his arms around Bea, keeping her from hitting the back of the seat even though she’s already leaning forward to chase after Poe.

“Oof. Your dad’s mean.”

“Mean! Cheater!” Bea calls out, and whips them around again to chase a taunting Poe across the arena.

“All’s fair in love and bumper cars, baby!” He calls over his shoulder, and neatly sideswipes a teenaged couple driving together. 

Finn lets Bea drive, his eyes straying to Poe, watching his hair bounce whenever he’s hit or hits someone else. His heart swells. There’s a part of him that can’t quite believe that this is real. That he’s included in this. They feel like a family again, but now it’s one he has permission to be a part of,  one where Poe and Bea want him there.

He’s brought back to himself when Bea slams their car into Poe’s again , sending him spinning away laughing. “You’re going down, buddy,” he calls over his shoulder, does a U-turn that doesn’t look possible, and pins Bea and Finn into a corner again in one smooth move.

Then the ride shuts down, leaving Poe grinning brightly at them. “Think that means I win.”

Finn groans and helps Bea untangle herself from the seatbelt. “I think he might be right.”

“Rematch!” Bea demands, and stands up on the seat to clamber out of the car. Poe gets up at a much more sedate pace, slowly unfolding himself to get free. 

“You sure, baby? ‘Cause I think,” he glances up at Finn, “I  _think_ I saw a sign for funnel cake.”

Finn brightens up instantly, his hands landing on Bea’s shoulders. “I love funnel cake,” he breathes, edging closer to Poe.

Laughing, Poe leads them all out of the ride, throwing his hands up once they get back into the sunlight to stretch. The ride’s music starts up again behind them as the operator shuffles in a new batch of people, and vague thrilled screams echo overhead from one of the looping rides. Poe leans briefly into Finn’s shoulder, patient and warm and smiling. 

“What d’you think, Bea—" he starts to say, but she interrupts him with a gleeful cry of “ _Funnel cake!”_

Following her arm, pointing at a bright stall that smells like heaven and fried dough, Finn's mouth starts to water. “Funnel cake first,” he says, staring at the attendant as she hands someone a bright cake dusted with fine powdered sugar. “Then more rides.”

“I like the way you think,” Poe tells him, laughing, and tugs Bea close to lead them over through the dusty field. She curls her other hand into Finn’s to tug him after her. The sun is just starting to really warm everything up, pushing out thin noon shadows underneath them as they walk. Stands are scattered everywhere between the rides, selling so many colorful things it’s hard to keep track of them all. Finn sees a giant neon panda, a small army of Pikachu toys, and what looks like stuffed emoji plushes just on the way over to the funnel cake stand. There’s no rhyme or reason to the way they stands are laid out, like massive gilded mushrooms sprouting up at random out of the grass. 

The closer they get, the sweeter the air smells, until Bea is practically bouncing at Finn’s side, skipping ahead until Finn tugs her back.

“They have— they have  _chocolate_!” Bea gasps, and whirls around to walk backwards with wide round eyes. “Dad, can I get chocolate on mine? And strawberries?”

“You can get strawberries,” Poe tells her, smiling. “You had cocoa puffs this morning, that’s enough chocolate. What do you want?” He brushes his knuckles soft against Finn’s hand.

“I can buy my own,” Finn says, caught suddenly in Poe’s eyes. It takes him a second to pull himself out of them and their deep, soft brown. He wants to kiss Poe, but they’re in public and Bea  right in front of them, bouncing along and somehow not tripping . Aside from the park, they’ve only ever kissed in Poe’s house or Finn’s apartment. It feels like a step he’s not sure he can make.

Poe snorts at him and waves a hand, already tugging his wallet free from his jeans. “No way. This is a date, and that means I get to buy your fried stuff for you. Think I’ll just go classic. Powdered sugar.”

"Okay,” Finn smiles, swaying a little closer to him, “yeah. I’ll get the same then.”

“You know you can get more,” Poe offers quietly. Finn slips his hand into Poe’s, feeling light and easy. Everything Poe does makes him feel how he never really has. He notices things, he remembers things, and he can bring a smile to Finn’s lips with just a look.

“That’s really all I want,” Finn answers quietly. Poe smiles softly back at him and squeezes his hand. 

“Keeping it simple, huh?”

Poe is so close. It would be so easy, a soft press of lips on lips. Instead, he breathes with his eyes on Poe’s mouth, “yeah.”

And then, just as Poe’s eyes flick down to Finn’s lips, too, it’s their turn in line and Bea bounces up to the window, puts her hands on the counter, and demands, “A cake with strawberries!”

“Manners,  _mija,_ ” Poe says quietly. Bea blinks, then stretches up on her toes.

“Can I get a cake with strawberries?” She tries,  looks back at Finn who nods to her to continue, and then looks back at the boy. “Please?”

Poe beams. It crinkles the corners of his eyes. “Better. Hers, and two regular ones, please.”

Sugar sticks to Finn's fingers as he futilely tries to wipe them off on a napkin. The cake sits in his stomach uncomfortably, but he can’t bring himself to regret it, not when the funnel cake is fresh and warm and the sugar is sweet on his lips. Poe finished with his in about four seconds, smearing powdered sugar all over his mouth. Now he leans back on the bench with a content smile and a bit of sugar sticking to his lips, watching Finn and Bea finish theirs off. Red juice trails down Bea’s chin. Poe has collected a small army of napkins for her at his side.

His eyes, though.

His eyes are on Finn.

“You got a little,” he breathes when Finn looks at him, and reaches up with his free hand to brush over Finn’s cheek. Finn’s eyes flutter shut for a second. Breathlessly, he turnsinto  the press of Poe’s fingers.

“Thanks.”

“Yeah.” Poe’s voice is very quiet. The pads of his fingers trail from Finn’s cheek to his temple to the back of his skull, tugging a bit until he’s closer. “Got a little more,” he says, meeting Finn’s eyes. For a moment, he hesitates—there’s sugar still at the corner of his mouth, smeared a bit across his bottom lip—and then Poe smiles and leans into kiss him, soft and sweet. Finn freezes, still under Poe’s lips for a second. Bea sits right across from them, can see them. In fact, Finn can feel her eyes on him and he almost looks over, but if Poe is kissing him in front of her, then he must be okay with her seeing. He must have accepted this part of their relationship, and Bea may have as well. Slowly, he relaxes and presses into the kiss.

Poe is smiling. He slides one hand slow up Finn’s arm, pulling him closer for a few seconds before he pulls back to laugh breathlessly, and pushes another wet kiss to the corner of Finn’s mouth. “Got it.”

Finn snorts and shoves at him, face burning. He avoids Bea’s eyes. “You just want more sugar. I saw how fast you ate yours.”

“Rude,” Poe snorts, but his eyes are glittering and he ducks into kiss Finn one more time, quickly before Finn can do anything about it. “Only honorable intentions. First date, y’know.”

Finn ducks away from Poe even as he grips his thigh tight under the table. Bea stares at them, brows knitted, strawberry juice sliding down her chin. Guilt curls in Finn’s gut. He nods at her with a slight jerk of his chin.  Poe’s eyes follow his motion over to Bea. She stares unblinkingly back.

Poe bites at his lip. “Baby, I told you this was a date with Mr. Finn, right?”

Bea swallows her last bite of funnel cake. “No.”

“Oh.” Poe shifts a little closer. “This is a date. That alright with you?”

Bea narrows her eyes. There’s strawberry juice on her shirt. Neither she nor Poe seem to notice. “Is it a date with me, too?”

Poe’s brows lift. He glances at Finn with amusement crinkled in the lines at the corners of his eyes. “I dunno. Finn, you on a date with Bea, too?”

“Uh,” Finn looks between them and swallows. Their identical eyes stare back at him, Poe’s amused, Bea’s serious. “A different kinda date, but, yeah.” He smiles a little, reaching out a hand for Bea. “I gotta impress you too if I’m gonna date your dad.”

“Impress me?” Bea repeats. She curls sticky fingers into his and scoots closer. “You’re gonna have to work  _pretty hard_ to impress me.”

On Finn’s other side, Poe snorts and drops his head, shoving one hand over his mouth.

“Yeah?” Finn squeezes Poe’s thigh harder, but aside from that he stays completely focused on Bea. “What would impress you?”

Bea lifts her head, pretending to think for a long minute with exaggerated  _hmmm_ noises that have Poe slowly cracking up behind his palm.

“More funnel cake,” she finally announces. 

“That’s not really my call,” Finn says seriously. He lets go of Poe to start cleaning off Bea’s hands with the mountain of napkins.  Bea spreads her fingers to help, humming happily.

“Then I guess you can’t impress me.”

“Well, that’s a shame,” Finn shakes his head and reaches up to wipe the juice off her face. “I really wanted you to like me.”

“Don’t let her fool you,” Poe says, grinning. He shoves himself up from the bench to kneel down in front of Bea with a few more napkins, which he swipes ineffectually over the strawberry juice on her shirt. “She really likes you. Right?”

Giggling, Bea turns her face so Finn can’t get to the other side. “No!”

“Y’know, if you’re okay with me dating Poe, then I can cook for you more often,” he points out with a quirking smile. Bea pauses in her struggle to make his task harder.

“Can you make good macaroni ‘n cheese?”

“The best,” Poe tells her, and gently wipes the last bit of juice off her chin. “And I’m not just saying that.”

Finn shrugs and sits back on the bench. “Guess you’ll never get to taste it.”

“I wanna taste it!” Bea gasps, and Poe laughs and nudges her toward Finn.

“Better give him your blessing, then. Is that gonna be alright? For macaroni?”

For a second, Bea just stares up at Finn with those wide dark eyes of hers.

Then she nods. “For macaroni.”

Smiling gently, Finn squeezes her arm. “Thank you.”

Poe smiles up at them both and leans in to smear a kiss over Bea’s cheek until she shrieks and squirms away. “We’ll talk about it tonight, alright?” 

“Kay,” Bea agrees easily, and bounces up. “Can we play a game?”

They wander from game to game, Poe explaining to the both of them what each one is as the attendants call out to them. Poe holds onto Finn the entire time, letting Bea and Finn veto game after game until they find one that involves shooting at little duck-shaped targets. There's a giant dolphin hanging from the ceiling of the stall and Bea stops in her tracks, staring up at it. Finn tugs Poe back to stand behind her, a smile soft on his lips.

“You need to complete your mammal collection, right?”

Bea nods furiously. She’s utterly transfixed by the dolphin, and by the giant stuffed shark dangling beside it with its plush jaws locked open in a silent snarl.

Poe lets go of Finn’s hand to curl an arm into his instead, tugging him close. “You ever play one of these?”

Finn shakes his head, eyeing the guns resting on the table. “Nah. Didn’t get to play these kinda games much."

“Not even as a kid?” Poe tugs at him until Finn looks at him for a second. His eyes are wide and incredulous. 

“Nope,” Finn picks up one of the guns and hefts it a little. He looks at the woman running the game . She sways a little to the frantic music spilling from unseen speakers . “How many ducks to get the dolphin?”

She barely even looks at him. “T en, unless you get all five in a row. It’s five bucks for five shots ,” she drawls and vaguely gestures toward the stuffed animal prizes. 

Poe leans over his shoulder and smiles. “You wa nna give it a _shot_?” 

Finn stares at him for a second, then elbows him in the gut. “Just for that, you’re going first.”

He holds the gun out for Poe, digging in his pocket for his wallet. Poe flashes him a smile, wraps his fingers around the toy, and aims it right at Finn’s heart.

“Bang,” he says, and both he and Bea burst into ridiculous giggles until the girl behind the counter starts to cough and Poe has to compose himself. "Alright, alright,” he waves the gun a bit and saunters up to the counter, leaning one hip on it with a lazy smile. “I’m not promising all five, but I’m not bad,” he warns the girl, who looks appropriately interested for about three seconds. Bea bounces up and down.

“I’m gonna name it Dolphie! Or Sharkapus! Dad, I want the shark, it has teeth!”

Finn laughs and slips a five across the table. “You can do it, Poe. Do it for Sharkapus.”

Poe’s laughter echoes through the booth as the girl starts the game up and the frantic music ratchets up in pitch. Machinery clatters and whirs, shaking the entire booth and all the stuffed animals for a second as ducks start to rotate jerkily across their little platforms. “You get five shots. Only counts as a hit if you knock it over,” she recites in a monotone. Poe grins, hefts the gun, and winks over at Finn.

Poe gets three of the taunting yellow ducks: two on the top, one on the bottom. When he misses the last one, he throws his hands up and laughs good-naturedly as he hands the gun back to the attendant.

“Do I get anything for three?” 

The girl lifts a brow, reaches up, and plucks a tiny stuffed fish. Poe blinks bemusedly at it, then whirls and presents it to Finn with a flourish. “For you.”

Finn stares down at it, warmth blossoming in his chest. He takes it with a laugh, petting over its soft fur. Eyes bright, he very quickly presses a kiss to Poe’s cheek. “Thanks.”

“I guess technically you got it for you,” Poe turns his face and steals a proper kiss, quick and sweet through his smile. “Those things are pretty hard to hit.”

“Let’s see,” Finn takes out a ten from his wallet and hands it to the girl. With a wink at Bea, he picks up the same gun Poe used and levels it with the ducks. The game turns back on, tinny music spilling cheerfully from the speakers. Bea perches her elbows on the table to watch, tapping her toes on the ground.

Leveling the gun, finger on the trigger, Finn sights the first duck and fires ,knocking it back with a plastic bullet straight in its heart. It’s just like target practice with the ROTC, only smaller.

And, well, ducks.

 

He gets the second one, to his left, hitting it in the head. The third and fourth are in the middle, one high, one low. Bea vibrates excitedly beside him, focused completely on the little ducks. He smiles as the sights the next one.

After that, it's all easy shots, and Finn gets into the rhythm of it. By the time all ten he’s paid for are done, there are no ducks still standing. He lowers the gun and lets out a breath.

The counter girl  blinks at the ducks with her mouth open. Poe and Bea are both staring at him instead, wide-eyed, and Poe has a shocked little grin on his face that explodes as he throws his arms out, practically jumping on Finn.

“Finn! That was incredible!”

Finn catches him, arms tight around Poe’s waist, face pressing into Poe’s shoulder. His heart flutters erratically and being encompassed by Poe’s scent doesn’t help. “I was the best shot in my class,” he mumbles into Poe’s flannel shirt. Laughing, Poe pushes a few kisses to his ear where he can reach, squeezing Finn close.

“Damn,” he breathes, soft and impressed.

Thoroughly embarrassed, but with a pleasant heat rising in his cheeks, he pulls back, one arm still around Poe. The stall girl gives them a strange look, half a grimace, half something else.

“I think that means I can have both?” Finn asks, pointing up at the shark and the dolphin.

The girl rolls her eyes. Pressed to Finn’s side, flushed and warm and clutching tightly to him, Poe beams.

Bea dances down the path with a sea creature under each arm, a giant grin on her face. They’re both nearly as big as she is. Finn leans closer to Poe, their hands locked together, “was that bad? Getting her both?”

“Bad?” Poe echoes, grinning wide. “How can that be bad? That was like, the coolest thing. Ever.”

“Okay,” Finn smiles, ducking his head against Poe’s shoulder. “I dunno. Don’t want to contribute to her getting spoiled or anything.”

With a soft smile of his own, Poe leans in and pushes a kiss to Finn’s temple, lingering there for a moment. Bea chatters excitedly to no one in particular about where the stuffed animals are going to go in her room (above her bed, maybe, or on her bed like pillows, or under her lamp to read with her, or—) 

“She deserves a little spoiling right now,” Poe murmurs. His eyes are soft as he watches her spin around with both animals stuffed under her arms. He kisses Finn’s cheek. “It’s, uh. Awesome that you’re thinking about that.”

“Yeah. I guess she does,” Finn murmurs, watching her as she looks back at them. “So d’you, you know.”

Poe laughs. “What, deserve to be spoiled? Gonna earn me another giant stuffed animal? Monkeys are pretty great, for the record.”

“I was thinking more along the lines of our just-us date,” Finn says quietly. “I think. Yeah. Let me plan it.”

“Oh,” Poe says, a little quieter, and ducks his head to hide the rapidly-growing smile crinkling up his eyes and nose. “You sure? I have a couple ideas. Places you’d like.”

“We can have more than one,” smiling, Finn pauses where Bea is, in front of the teacup ride.

Bea whirls around, animals in arm, and marches back to them just as Poe mumbles, still pink-cheeked, “Right, definitely—"

“Dad!” Poe glances at her. 

“What’s up, baby? You wanna ride the teacups?”

She thrusts both animals out toward him at once. It involves a whole-body arch to get them both facing Poe, and he grins down at her.

“What? Am I holding these for you? They don’t want to go on the ride with you?”

“I want to go with Finn,” she informs him seriously, and wriggles both creatures. “And they don’t want to ride, so you have to hold them.”

“I’m sensing a pattern here,” Poe says dryly, though he’s already inching closer to take the animals. “I thought I got you on the next one.”

Bea shakes her head. “You can have me on the one after. C’mon, you have to babysit them! They need a dad!”

“They are a little young to ride,” Finn says seriously. He lets go of Poe’s hand and moves next to Bea, a hand gentle on her shoulder. “This one?”

“Yup!” Bea wriggles the animals again until Poe concedes with a laugh and hefts them both into his arms. He looks ridiculous with them piled on top of each other, barely peeking over the top of the pile of fake fur.

“Go easy on Finn, alright?”

“I will!” Bea's already dragging Finn toward the ramp. “Come on, come on!”

Finn looks back at Poe with an apologetic smile before following her, up the ramp and into an orange teacup with a purple trim. She tugs him down so he’s sitting across from her, her arms folded on the wheel in the middle. The ride rumbles patiently under them, waiting for a few people to filter on. 

Bea stares unblinkingly.

“Hey,” Finn smiles, his hands loose on the wheel.  Her eyes narrow a little. Slowly, creaking, the ride starts to move. Bea doesn’t even appear to notice except to cling to the wheel and lean toward him.

“Are you gonna leave again?”

Finn stares at her for a second. He swallows. “I don’t want to leave again,” he says honestly. 

Slowly the teacup picks up speed, timed to the music and a few flashing lights around the edges of the ride. It’s clearly harder for Bea to keep her face serious and straight with it swinging around. She fights a smile. “Why did you the first time?”

Finn never thought he’d have a serious conversation with an eight-year-old on a spinny ride. He fights to keep his eyes on her while the rest of the world spins around them. The truth bubbles to his lips before he can think better of it. “I wanted to date your dad, but he couldn’t, then.”

Bea glances out at the other riders—only a few other teacups are spinning—and turns back to Finn, still fighting her grin. She doesn’t even seem to notice when they suddenly whirl around. “Why not?”

“He couldn’t,” Finn starts, but then they swing around and he grabs onto the wheel tightly. That makes them start spinning in a tighter circle, his weight pulling them around. Bea shrieks with sudden, bright laughter and clings to the wheel with all her strength and then they're whirling going faster than anyone else on the ride. Bea's laughter echoes loud even over the whine of the engine.

“You already,” she starts, trying to talk through her laughter, “said that and yes he could, he asked me about it,” they spin again, which sends her into another stream of giggles.

“He did?” Finn asks, trying to stay with the conversation, but her laughter is contagious. He can feel a grin spreading over his face, and he tugs on the wheel to push them even faster. The force of it sends Bea tumbling into his side, still laughing. She tries to push herself up, fails under the weight of the spinning cup, and gives up with a snort.

“Yeah!” she says, craning her head back so she can still stare at Finn. The music swells up under her voice. “He asked if it’d be okay, and I said it was, and I think it is but you can’t leave again!”

Finn wraps an arm around her, asking as quietly as he can to be heard over the music, “when did he ask you that?”

“Um,” she has to think for a second, “I think when he asked if it was okay if you came with us for Christmas.” Bea curls a little closer to him.

Letting go of the wheel, Finn hugs her close, resting his head on hers. “Wish I’d come with you. Promise I won’t leave unless, I dunno, something happens with me and your dad. But, Bea,” he shifts up a little, his head spinning with the teacup. “You get a say in this too, okay? If you don’t want me around, you can say something.”

“I want you around!” Bea insists with a frown. The teacup is slowing down a little. Bea twists to look at the other ones, then whips back around to tug at their wheel again. “As long as you’re nice to dad. Mom wasn’t.”

“I will be,” Finn smiles, letting her run the wheel. He leans back, his head spinning. “I love your dad.”

Bea narrows her eyes at him. “You do?”

“Yeah,” Finn squeezes his eyes closed, shutting out her suspicious gaze, dizziness pressing down on his temples.

A second later, Bea is pressing into his side again, ignoring the wheel as they whirl around. “Good,” she says softly, and laughs as the ride suddenly switches directions and starts to speed up again. “I love him too!”

“I know you do,” Finn laughs, his arms closing around her again. “Thanks for your blessing, Bea-Bea.”

“I didn’t bless anything!” She protests as their teacup whirls madly to one side. Everything is a blur of color and sound, and Poe is just visible every couple seconds as they turn past him, overstuffed with the two animals Finn won and laughing at them both before he’s gone again.

“Ugh,” Finn grips the teacup tightly, praying that the ride ends soon. “No, you, you did. Right?”

“Nope!” Bea shouts gleefully into the air, and throws both arms up as they spin faster, almost hitting Finn in the face. She stays there, laughing and screaming, until they finally, mercifully, start to slow down again. Then she wriggles away, apparently not dizzy at all, and levels Finn with another serious look. “When you stopped coming over Dad was really sad even though he pretended he wasn’t, and I was really sad too. And you’re the only person that dad has ever even asked me about, because before that he just said I was all he needed but I think that isn’t true.”

Finn tries to take in everything she’s saying, his ears ringing painfully. His stomach roils, but he manages to stay still and finally focus his gaze on her. He’s glad when the ride comes to a stop. “I made a mistake,” he says quietly. “I should have talked to your dad about, about everything. I didn’t and I left you both and I made you sad. I’m sorry that I did that. I want to be here, now, with both of you. Will you forgive me?”

Bea bites at her lip.

For a moment she looks so much like her father it’s like seeing Poe in miniature. 

When she grins at him and bounces up, it’s even clearer. “Yup! I wanna go on the rollercoaster.” Bea squints at him and sticks out her hand. “Are you okay? You look kinda dizzy.”

“Just need a minute,” he says, letting her pull him up to his feet. He leans on her shoulders, waiting for the ground to settle under him. “Thanks.”

“Finn doesn’t like spinny rides!  _Finn_ doesn’t wanna  _spin_ ,” Bea announces to Poe as soon as they’re down off the ride, and the ground has mostly settled under them. She bounces on the balls of her feet, giggling at her own joke like she wasn’t even on the same ride as Finn. “So you have go with me next time. Can we do the rollercoaster now?”

Poe’s shoulder is more solid under him when Finn leans against his side, head resting next to Poe’s. “I’ll hang out with Sharkapus,” Finn offers weakly.

“Someone’s gotta keep him company,” Poe agrees with an easy smile. He loops a supportive arm around Finn’s waist, keeping him upright. “Bea, go easy on him, alright?”

Bea just laughs and goes back to clinging to her stuffed animals.

Poe turns his head until his lips brush the shell of Finn’s ear. “You okay?” 

Finn makes a soft affirmative noise, fingers gripping Poe’s shoulder. “Bea forgave me.”

Poe’s breath puffs warm and damp over his skin. “Forgave you for what?”

"For Christmas,” Finn says, holding him closer for a second. “But I had to promise not to leave you again. So I guess you’re stuck with me.”

“Oh no,” Poe drawls, laughter in his voice. “That’s just unfair.”

Laughing softly, Finn noses against his cheek. “Knew you’d hate that.”

With a grin, Poe tugs him closer and turns so he’s pressed up against Finn, wrapped all around him with his hands spread flat on Finn’s back. His eyes glitter, and his voice is low when he says, “What am I gonna  _do_?” 

He leans in, very close, and his breath fans hot over Finn’s lips. His eyes are very dark. Finn swallows and leans in to steal a kiss.  “Maybe take me home tonight.”

Poe sucks in a sharp breath, a little half-smile curving his mouth. “I can do that.” 

Finn lets out a breath and matches his smile, resting his head on Poe’s. It’s unlikely that Poe would have said no, unless he really did want to take this slow, but every touch teases Finn’s skin and he needs to feel Poe’s mouth on him again, feel his skin stretch over strong muscles. “Can’t wait.”

Poe grins and leans in, just a soft brush of lips on lips, and lets him go to reach out for Bea’s hand. “Rollercoaster?”

Bea cheers.

Sharkapus and Dolphie are surprisingly good (and massive) company, sitting with Finn while Poe and Bea ride what seems like every ride at the fair. Once, he and Poe are squished together in a rollercoaster cart, Bea in front of them with her arms in the air. Even after all the time they spent together in that one month, touching Poe still makes him want more, still sets fire to all his nerves when they brush together. Finn yells as loud as both of them as they careen down the path, and Poe looks thrilled and rides it again by himself with his hair streaming behind him and a massive smile on his face.

“I love this stuff,” he tells Finn when he gets off again. His cheeks are flushed and his eyes are bright with adrenaline. “Like flying. Closest thing.”

Finn links their hands again, Dolphie  sandwiched between them against Poe’s side. “Think you’ll ever get back in the air?”

“I hope so,” Poe says, wistful, and squeezes his fingers. “I really miss it. Was gonna join the Air Force, once.”

“Yeah? What stopped you?” Finn asks softly, keeping one eye on Bea who skips a few feet in front of them.

Poe snorts and jerks his head at Bea. “I mean, don’t get me wrong, I don’t resent anything about it. It would’ve been great, but.” He smiles softly at Bea’s bouncing head, at the tiny little song she’s making up under her breath. She’s a constant whirlwind of noise, like a fair ride contained in one tiny, energetic person, getting less tiny before Finn’s eyes. “Then I wouldn’t have her and I wouldn’t’ve met you. I was in the process of enrolling when Alicia showed up at my door.”

“Wish you could’ve had both,” Finn leans over to kiss his cheek. Smiling, Poe turns to catch him in a proper kiss, stopping just long enough to  draw it out , soft and sweet. 

“Thanks,” he breathes. “But I’m pretty damn happy.”

Heat creeps up Finn’s cheeks . His laughter pushes into the damp space between their lips. “Me too.”

Eventually Bea does wear down. It’s getting close to evening. The shadows of the rides stretch out long and cool over the grass. Poe tugs her against his side, glances at Finn, and says, quiet, “Why don’t we go on the ferris wheel and then head home for dinner, huh?”

“Yeah,” Finn breathes, eyes locking with Poe’s. Even to just sleep in Poe’s bed again, with Poe wrapped around him, nosing against his shoulder like he did each night when Finn lived with him, even that would be perfect.

Bea’s so tired that all she does is nod and lean into Poe’s side as they make their way through the line, though she perks up a little when they climb up the steps to get into a bright pink cart. She wants a bench to herself, but the cart lists dangerously with Finn and Poe tucked together on one bench. Laughing quietly, Poe has to tug her onto his lap instead, sitting across from Finn with a soft smile. He wastes no time stretching out to tangle his feet with Finn’s as the ride, glowing bright and colorful in the growing darkness, lurches into motion and tugs them slowly upwards. Crickets chirp in the field below in time with bright little fireflies winking just above the grass. Bea gasps when she sees them and twists in Poe’s arms with an awed “ _Look!”_

Poe smiles and kisses her cheek. She doesn’t even protest.

They stop right at the top.

Bea squirms away just enough to look over the edge with Poe’s arm secure around her waist. 

“Can you see our house?” He asks softly, and points it out over a copse of trees when Bea doesn’t see it. A fe w thin stars wink overhead.

“Where is it?” Finn asks quietly, nudging Bea’s calf with his toe.

“Over those trees,” Bea says happily, and clambers over to the other side of the cart to stand on her knees next to Finn, peering off in the other direction. She turns to Finn. “Is that the town behind us all glittery?”

“Nah,” Finn says, his fingers trailing down her back. “It’s the Christmas village. But you can only see it from here.”

Bea’s eyes go wide and then narrow in the span of a second.  “…no it’s not!” Poe shoves a hand over his mouth to stifle his laughter. Finn glances at him, but then looks seriously back at Bea.

“No, I mean it. But it’s a secret. You can keep a secret, right?”

Her mouth drops open. Her head whips around so fast it shakes the cart. “I can keep a secret!”

“Good. ‘Cause the Christmas village has to stay secret so the elves can make toys for Christmas,” Finn nods at her, his arm secure around her waist.

“Wow,” Bea whispers, awe-struck, and leans as far out as Finn will let her.

The sun rides low on the horizon, rose-gold at the end of the day that fades quickly into a soft, deep blue. It lines the edges of Poe’s hair as he smiles at Finn.

“Thanks for coming with us today,” he says softly. 

“Of course,” Finn reaches out one hand for him, “thanks for taking me. Best date I’ve had in… a long time.” Poe’s smile quirks up as he tangles their fingers together. Bea’s head is pillowed on Finn’s shoulder.

“Yeah?” Poe squeezes his hand. “Me too. Guess we’ll just have to do it again.”

“Next weekend?” Finn asks hopefully. Poe laughs and slides his foot up Finn’s calf. 

“Next weekend. You know, I actually,” he swallows, and glances away. “Never actually went on a date like this one.” 

“That was all you,” Finn says, then tacks on with a wink, “buddy.” Poe’s mouth drops open for a few startled, silent seconds.

He bursts into laughter, throwing his head back.

“Oh my  _god, Finn_ —" he chokes out. They lurch slowly, steadily toward the bottom again. Poe’s breathless laughter fills the  twilit air. Just as they reach the midpoint Poe darts up out of his seat to lean across and kiss Finn, still laughing. Finn grins against his mouth and brings him in closer. It feels so natural, kissing Poe and holding Bea close. Like the family he always wanted. The cart sways and creaks in protest but Poe stays right where he is, braced against Finn’s bench beside him.

Then someone clears their throat and Poe jerks back, grinning unashamedly despite his pink cheeks. They’re at the bottom, somehow, and being stared down by a very uncomfortable-looking ride operator with his hand still curled around the lever. Bea curls closer into Finn and he hugs her close, hefting her up with him. He smiles at the operator, his face hot.

“Thanks,” he mutters, carrying Bea out of the ride. She mumbles something into his shoulder.

Poe sticks close to him as they walk back toward the edge of the field. Slowly, the bright music and glittering lights fade into the distance.

“I can take her, if you want,” Poe says after a few minutes of walking. “It’s kinda far to the car.”

“That’s okay,” Finn murmurs, hefting Bea in his arms. She’s fast asleep now , still full of food from lunch (pizza and fries and all kinds of other unhealthy things). “We’d wake her up if we traded.” Poe smiles quietly at him, leans in to push a soft kiss to the corner of his mouth, and doesn’t stop holding his hand for the whole drive back to the house.

 

* * *

 

Nerves bubble in Finn’s gut, ever-present and jittery as he sits on the edge of Poe’s bed. It’s the first time he’s been back in Poe’s house since they fought, since Poe asked him to leave.  It’s all the same. The bed, the mess, the model airplanes. Even the socks Finn forgot here lie untouched next to what was his side of the bed. The room has that slightly musty scent when Poe hasn’t spent enough time here, off at work or, now, with Bea. And it smells like Poe, a musky, heady scent that’s buried itself into Finn’s memory, bringing with it the pleasure he feels in Poe’s arms, and the pain that this house left him with. He rubs his palms on his jeans.

The door to Bea’s room clicks shut .

Finn glances  up, his breath caught in his throat. 

“That was easy,” Poe says quietly as he ducks into his room and presses the door shut with a soft click. His eyes are on Finn. “You alright?”

“Yeah,” Finn breathes, giving Poe a quick smile. “Just, um, catching up. I really thought this was over and now it’s, it’s just not.”

Poe nods and wanders closer to Finn, though he stays a few feet away. “Take your time,” he says quietly. “Pretty weird, having you back here.” He winces a bit and shifts on his feet, toes curling into the carpet. “Uh. Not in a bad way.”

“Yeah,” he says again. The distance between them feels like a mile, the expression on Poe’s face twisting and sad. Finn reaches out his hand for Poe. Poe’s eyes skitter from the tips of fingers and up until he meets Finn’s eyes. 

For a second, Finn’s own nervousness is reflected back at him in soft brown.

Then Poe smiles, brilliant and bright, and curls their fingers together. “I missed you, Finn. So much."

Finn’s own smile is softer, smaller, and he wants to forgive and forget everything that happened before now, but he can’t shake the past, not even with Poe right in front of him, smiling like he’s the most beautiful person in the world. He swallows around a lump in his throat. “I missed you too. I,” he drops his eyes and pulls Poe’s hand toward him, covering it with both of his. “I have to ask you something.” Poe comes after, taking a few quiet steps until he’s standing right in front of Finn. He pauses, bites his lip, and moves to sit down next to him instead.

“Go ahead,” he says, soft and earnest as he meets Finn’s eyes. “Anything.”

It’s the honesty in Poe’s expression that makes Finn believe that this can work. That he isn’t about to make yet another mistake with this relationship. He takes a breath and looks down at their hands, fingers tangled together on the rumpled duvet. “I want,” he starts, then shakes his head, forcing himself to meet Poe’s eyes again. “No, I need you to tell me what you’re thinking. Especially when it has to do with me and what you think I want. I don’t want to have to guess or for you to guess and end up, well, like before. I’m serious about this, about you and Bea and trying to make this work, and I know this isn’t a first date kind of talk but this is a big deal, at least to me. I,” he stops himself there and takes a quick breath that fills his throat uncomfortably, “can you promise me that?”

For a while, it’s just their breath between them. Poe is silent, and that’s a little strange, because Poe is usually a fountain of words like his daughter, like a whirlwind of motion and energy.

Now, though, he sits and lets his hands rest in Finn’s and watches him, biting thoughtfully at the corner of his mouth.

When he finally does say something, his words are slow and even, and his eyes never leave Finn’s. “I dunno. I can,” he pauses, sucks in a steadying breath. “I can’t promise that I’ll get it right, at first, but I can promise that I’ll try my hardest not to make you guess about anything. You said yourself. It’s not… gonna be perfect,” and his eyes flick down, eyelashes dipping to brush the tops of his cheeks. “I’m pretty damn far from it, and you probably know all the reasons why, by now. But you,” he glances back up, and all his face is full of feeling, in the lines around his eyes and the soft nervous curve of his mouth and the shiny bit at the corner where he keeps biting over and over, pulling his lip between his teeth. “You’re worth everything, Finn. I hope you know that.”

It’s nearly impossible to stop himself from kissing Poe, but he holds himself back, the nerves slowly receding into the blossoming happiness that’s threatened to overtake his good judgement. Instead, he takes a breath and nods with a tiny smile. “I do now. And that’s really all I can ask. Is to try.”

“Every damn day,” Poe swears immediately, and tightens his fingers. “As long as you’ll give me the chance to.”

“Hey,” Finn leans in enough to rest his forehead on Poe’s, “I’m not saying I’m perfect either. I just. Want you to try. I’ll try too. I’ll try really hard because I love you and I don’t wanna imagine my life without you in it.”

Poe smiles softly. “I love you. So much. I,” he sucks in another soft breath, “I’m sorry that you even have to ask that. I’m not just feeling sorry for myself, but I don’t think I said it enough. I should’ve at least told you why I made you leave, but I was so caught up in my own shit that I freaked out, and you suffered a lot for it.”

Finn can barely breathe, Poe’s words washing over him and it takes him a minute for him to comprehend them. He knows, intellectually, that Poe loves him, or else none of this would be happening. But hearing the words on Poe’s lips, pressed soft between them, like a secret just for them, is so much more real. His voice is ragged when he says, “I love you. And it. It’s not fine, but it’s done and that’s okay. We made mistakes. Let’s just not, not repeat them, okay?”

“Okay,” Poe murmurs, and pushes a soft, tentative kiss against his cheek, just at the corner of his lips. “I wanna say, let’s give it a shot,” he smiles, and his nose bumps into Finn’s and he smiles wider, “but I’m planning to give it a hell of a lot more than that. Like, a whole army’s worth of shots.”

Finn blinks at him, then snorts a laugh. “Yeah, okay. I’ll take your army.” Finn rubs his thumb over Poe’s hand and, eyes flicking over his face, finally seals their lips together in a soft kiss. Poe makes a soft, breathless sound and turns his entire body into Finn’s, letting go of his hand just to reach up and smooth his thumb over Finn’s cheek. A shiver runs down Finn’s spine and he leans into the touch, his hands dropping to Poe’s thighs, gripping tight. The tense desire that’s underplayed every single touch they’ve shared in the past few weeks snaps like fine thread. With a soft groan, Finn pushes closer, his lips parting, tongue pressing against Poe’s lips.

Poe breathes his name, sharp and soft, and curves his thumb over Finn’s temple and lets his lips part all at once, leaning into him with a tiny groan trapped somewhere low in his throat. He tugs Finn’s lower lip between his teeth, nipping soft and sharp and sliding closer until they’re pressed flush and twisted to fit together, side-by-side. Finn gasps and pushes himself forward, hooking a knee on the bed. Each place Poe touches him feels like sparks trail from his lips and fingers, tingling against Finn’s skin. “Love you,” he breathes again, then one more time for good measure, his hands sliding up Poe’s sides.

“Love you too,” Poe gasps against his mouth, and pushes even closer like he can’t help himself.  H is other hand slides up Finn’s arm to brace on his shoulder. It gives him just enough leverage to shove himself up so he can straddle Finn, tilt his head, and slide his tongue along the seam of Finn’s mouth.

A needy groan presses into the damp space between their mouths. Finn thinks it might be his. He palms Poe’s ass, pulling him flush against Finn’s body. He sucks on Poe’s tongue and forgets everything except for the words Poe said. They’re the ones that matter. They’re not need, not necessity anymore. They’re words that mean love, real love that can grow between them like wildflowers spreading over everything, through every aspect of their lives. Finn thinks that, finally, their love might be enough.

“Bea told me,” he starts, words pushed against Poe’s mouth, “she told me you asked her, about me, at Christmas.”

“What?” Poe gasps, breathless, and slides a few wet kisses up Finn’s jaw to his ear until the words sink in and he pulls back, flushed and dark-eyed and still braced on Finn’s shoulder. “Oh—she told you about that? When?”

“Teacups,” Finn smiles, leaning back on his elbows. “God, Poe. If I’d known that you wanted to, y’know, be with me all the way back at Christmas. We could have avoided so much of this shit. I wish I’d asked.”

“I wish I’d told you,” Poe breathes. His eyes flick rapidly over Finn’s face for a second before he settles back on his heels, braced on Finn’s shoulders. “ Think of the sex we could’ve been having that entire time. Would’ve been amazing, ” he pushes another kiss to the shell of Finn’s ear, nips at the sensitive skin until Finn groans and clutches at him. “You’re amazing.”

A breath bursts from Finn’s lips and he collapses back on the bed, dragging Poe’s shirt up his back. “Then we have a lot to make up for,” he grins. Poe pushes back into his hands and scrapes a few biting kisses down the column of his throat, pressed down hard along Finn’s body.

“Thanks. For today,” Finn manages to say even as he struggles with Poe’s shirt, the flannel hot under his hands. “I really. Loved it. Love hanging out with you and Bea and Sharkapus. And the dolphin, I guess. Shark is better. Guess you really convinced me there. Y’know,” he smiles, tilting his head to look at Poe, “’m not really that scared of sharks.”

“ _What_ ,” Poe gasps in mock horror, shoving one hand into the bed so he can shove himself up over Finn. “Finn. Buddy. I said I would punch a shark for you, and you’re telling me you don’t even need me to do that?”

“I’d love if you did that,” Finn grins and works  his hands in to Poe’s hair again ,  tugging a bit until Poe’s eyes flutter. “And it worked. Y’know, you’re a sucker for taking care of people.”

“Are you really telling me this right now?” Poe snorts, and drops back down on his elbow until their lips barely brush together. “After basically holding me together for a month? Thanks for that, by the way. I don’t think I ever said that. I don’t want you doing it again, but I appreciate you staying so close that whole time. Kept me sane. Mostly.”

Finn brushes a soft kiss over his lips with a slight smile. “You’re welcome. But I. I meant it, the whole thing. I’m still so, so stupidly in love with you. Letting you go, twice, was horrible.”

Poe sucks in a very sharp breath and kisses him harder, letting his arm drop around Finn’s waist. He tugs until Finn is pressed against him and their legs are tangled together. Poe’s lips are soft and easy on his, and he still tastes a little like sugar from their second, shared funnel cake as the kisses trail into two and then three, and Poe gasps, “God, I love you so much.”

A deep, low sound builds in Finn’s chest. His arms clench around Poe, heat and tension burning through his gut. Suddenly, he can’t get enough air, but he can’t stop kissing Poe either, wrapped around him with arms and legs and too much cloth between their bodies. Poe isn’t making it any easier, sucking Finn’s lip into his mouth and nipping at it with sharp teeth, shoving his thigh in between Finn’s legs to get as close as he possibly can. Poe gasps something that tries for a second to be words, but trails into a sharp groan.

As soon as the moment breaks, Finn grabs at Poe’s shirt again, pulling it up his back. He sucks on Poe’s tongue, barely moving away enough to bare his stomach. Poe shivers against him, a full-body thing that shakes through Finn’s hands. Groaning into Finn’s mouth, Poe winds fingers into the back of his shirt to tug there, too, pushing ineffectually at the fabric. 

Impatience gets the better of Finn. He grabs at the front of Poe’s  flannel, unbuttoning it  just  enough to shove the fabric  down his arms. He breaks the kiss to  trail his mouth over Poe’s  arching throat and down his chest, hands sliding down to his jeans. Poe’s arms are stuck behind him, trapped in his shirt. He whines a little in his throat and presses up into Finn’s mouth as he slips down. “Holy shit,” he breathes out sharply as Finn’s teeth scrape over his nipple. “Finn, god, we should—”

“What?” Finn asks, moving Poe’s belt out of the way to press into his pants, a hand cupping around his cock. He pauses there for a second, breathing heavily against Poe’s chest.

“Talk about this, or something,” Poe mumbles, and throws his head back with another low groan. His hips twitch up against Finn’s palm. “You’re gonna kill me.”

“Oh,” Finn looks up at him, his expression slack. Slowly, he draws his hand out of Poe’s jeans. “Sorry. Um. What do you want to talk about?” Poe makes a frustrated sound and lifts his head. His eyes are very, very dark.

“Didn’t have a particular topic in mind,” he drawls, breathless. “No, just, this okay? Doing this again? You just said you were adjusting, is all,” he shifts a little, still trapped in the sleeves of his shirt. “Just wanna make sure it’s okay.”

Finn stares at him, then swallows with a firm nod. “It’s okay. Probably stupid and way too fast, but, fuck Poe. You love me. I love you. We've done everything wrong and I still want you. Do you, do you want this? If not, that’s okay. Really.” With a breathless laugh, Poe drags his foot up Finn’s calf, pressing him back down again.

“We really have done everything wrong, huh,” he mumbles, and shoves himself up just enough to smear a kiss over Finn’s jaw. “How’d I get so lucky? Get back down here, ‘m stuck.”

Laughing, Finn follows him, sliding his shirt the rest of the way off his arms to drop on the floor behind him. Finn holds his gaze, firm and bright as he trails his hands down Poe’s chest. Poe’s eyes stay locked on his face, bright and warm and full of affection. He wraps both arms around Finn now that he’s free, stares for a second, then yanks him into another hard kiss.

A gasp bursts from Finn. His muscles don’t listen to him and he drops back to the bed, pulling Poe on top of him with hands over his ass. Poe’s answering groan is lost in the press of their lips as he rolls his hips down. “Finn, I can’t,” he gasps out, pushing the words against Finn’s chin. His fingers curl into Finn’s shirt and uncurl again, useless. “Off.”

With a groan, Finn peels it off over his head, stretching underneath him. He doesn’t take his time or try to tease, too desperate to feel Poe against him, all skin and muscles and curling hair. He shoves Poe’s pants down his thighs, sliding underneath Poe to push them down, his hands distracted by Poe’s cock, hard and hot against him. Sucking in a sharp breath, Poe shoves impatient fingers into Finn’s jeans, pushing at them until he can snap the button open, but that’s as far as he can get with Finn so far down the bed. 

“You’re not making this easy,” he murmurs, and rolls his hips a bit so his cock slides on Finn’s belly, now bare. Finn laughs breathlessly and shifts up, the duvet scrunching under him. Poe’s hair falls over his eyes, shadowing them as he looks at Finn.

“Never said I was,” Finn teases, blunt nails dragging down Poe’s sides. Poe shivers under the slide of his fingers and yanks at him, palming at Finn’s ass to try and drag him back up to the top of the bed. 

“Tease,” he huffs out, laughing, and ducks to nip sharply at Finn’s throat. “Get you in my mouth, see who’s laughing then.”

Finn’s breath catches, staring up at Poe. He arches up under Poe and kicks his pants off the rest of the way, then shoves down his boxers to follow them. He stops then, cheeks hot. “Uh,” he starts, but his eyes trail up Poe’s body, his thighs straddling Finn’s, his smile soft in the dim light. “Not me. Nope.”

Poe’s mouth curls slow and hot, full of promise as his eyes trail down Finn’s body and back up. He dips his head to murmur, “That’s what I thought,” letting each syllable drag on Finn’s lips. Finn shudders and shoves his fingers into Poe’s hair, pulling him down into a deep kiss. With a shaky groan, Poe sucks Finn’s tongue into his mouth, curling hot and wet in a promise of what he’ll do elsewhere.  Finn’s hands tighten in his hair, curls wrapping soft around his fingers. He brings his knees up to press against Poe’s ass.

Poe rocks down against him with a quiet whine, sharp and sudden like he can’t help himself. He breaks the kiss just to matter a ragged “ _God_ , I wanna suck you off so bad,” against Finn’s lips, and then kisses him again hard enough to bruise, rolling down until their cocks slide together. 

The sound that bursts from Finn’s lips would be embarrassing if he were with anyone else. It’s close to a whine, high pitched and drawn out. He yanks on Poe’s hair and tells him, “better do that then.” Poe whines right back, drops his head into the hollow of Finn’s throat and stays there for a second with his hips moving in tiny desperate jerks against Finn’s.

Then he laughs, and it washes wet-hot over Finn’s skin, trailed by open-mouthed kisses. “Love you so much,” Poe tells him as his lips brush over Finn’s collarbone, and then he’s slipping down Finn’s thighs.  His tongue slides over Finn’s  belly, edging into biting kisses that just skirt around his cock.

“Poe,” Finn gasps, hands following him, threading through his hair. His hips twitch but all he wants to do is kiss Poe. Three weeks is too long without Poe’s lips on his, sweet and soft and caring.

“Yeah,  sweetheart ?” Poe’s breath trails damply along his skin. He looks up at  Finn  under his lashes, pausing just over  his  erection to lick his lips. “What’s up?”

A choked off keen bites the air. Finn stares at him, chest heaving. A slow, small smile tugs at his lips and he says, “love you,” softly into the warm air.

Poe grins lopsidedly back up at him and drops a kiss to the tip of his cock. It starts soft, just a press of Poe’s lips around the head, slick with precome, and then his tongue flicks out and Finn jerks. With a quiet groan, Poe opens his mouth like he’s kissing Finn wet and messy, and slides his lips down the shaft and back up again with a bare scrape of teeth.

“Christ,” Finn gasps. His thighs tense, hips twitching. Poe’s mouth is hot and wet, but loose around him and he’s thought about this at least twenty times today, between soft kisses and holding hands and gentle touches. Poe is groaning, fingers tight on Finn’s thighs as he slips down and Finn’s cock nudges against his cheek, slick and sliding, and then Poe opens his lips around the head of his cock and  _swallows_ , tongue rolling against him as he slides down with a low, deep sound.

He inches his hands around, behind Finn’s ass, and pushes.

Finn chokes. “Oh my God.” He follows Poe's lead, thrusting up into his mouth. His cock hits the back of Poe’s mouth and Finn would apologize but  Poe’s fingers are only digging into tighter, urging him on while he thrusts uselessly against the bed beneath him. He lets Finn thrust deep into his mouth, opening his throat around his cock, and Finn does, addicted to the slide of Poe’s tongue over his cock.

Finn barely remembers to stifle the noises coming from his throat. When it was just the two of them, they were as loud as they could be, moaning and cursing and thumping the bed against the wall. But Bea is asleep in the next room, exhausted and quiet, and Finn has to squeeze his eyes shut. Still, he manages to quietly say Poe’s name over and over, timed with the thrust of his cock between Poe’s lips. Poe groans around him louder than he probably should, but he’s braced on Finn’s legs and moving with him, sliding down every time Finn pushes up like he still remembers exactly how to make Finn lose his mind with the curl of his tongue.

 “Fuck,” Finn gasps. He jerks on Poe’s hair, eyes shut, and he doesn’t want to come, not yet. Shoving himself up, he stares down at Poe and says, “stop. Fuck. Too quick.” Poe pulls off him with a  slow, wet sound , breathing shallowly as he stares up at Finn with heat-dark eyes, and Finn starts to slide his hand free to pet down Poe’s shoulders but Poe’s head jerks up.

“No," Poe gasps, eyes wide. "K eep your hand there. Please,” he turns his face a bit to push a wet kiss to the soft skin on Finn’s thigh.  

“Okay,” Finn breathes, pressing his fingers further into his hair, massaging over his scalp.   Poe shivers and pushes into Finn’s palm as he shoves himself up with Finn’s cock sliding slick on his skin.

Hovering over him for a second, Poe sucks in a tiny breath.

With a soft, low curse in Spanish, he pushes a tentative kiss to the corner of his mouth, then drops with a ragged breath to grind their cocks together. Groaning sharply, Finn thrusts up against him and yanks on Poe’s hair, gripping too hard in the way that makes Poe go limp and gasping and desperate above him, pushing his face into the crook of Finn’s shoulder as he rolls his hips down to meet Finn. 

“I want,” Finn says, voice rough. It takes him a moment, skin sliding slick together, to figure out exactly what it is that he wants. Poe above him, moving, lips locked on Finn’s throat, Finn’s hands pressed deep into his hair, fill him with a deep curling desire in his gut. He yanks on Poe’s hair again and says, firm, “I want to fuck you. Please.”

Poe’s breath stutters in his throat. He makes a low, sharp sound and shoves his head up to kiss Finn, rocking against him. “Please,” he repeats, almost laughing. “Yeah. Fuck, yeah, whatever you want.”

“Gotta. Gotta let go of your hair to do that,” Finn mumbles against his lips. Poe makes a breathless sound of protest and pushes his head up, into the press of Finn’s fingers. 

Finn grins at him, petting through his hair, fisting his hands at the nape of his neck. “Or I can just keep them here.”

“Keep them,” Poe breathes, and mouths slowly along Finn’s jaw. “Got an idea. Grab the lube. Bedside,” his breath hitches as Finn tugs a bit, “ah, table, fuck, you remember, yeah?”

 

“Hard to forget,” Finn mumbles against his lips, kissing him messily before letting go with only one hand, reaching across the bed to fumble with the drawer. He tugs Poe’s hair in the opposite direction. Apparently determined not to help at all, Poe drags his mouth along Finn’s throat, nipping at the skin as Finn tries to find the little tube. He rocks his thigh against Finn’s cock and presses up against him until Finn can drop the tube into Poe’s palm.

“Perfect,” he breathes, and flicks it open with a deft thumb to squeeze messy all over his fingers. Shoving himself up just enough, Poe stretches up to kiss Finn, slow and sweet, and reaches behind himself at the same time, trailing slick fingers down his own spine until he can press one into himself. Finn moans against his lips, one hand following his down his back. His breath hitches when his hand finds Poe’s, two fingers buried tight inside of him. Tightening his grip, he bites at Poe’s lips to stifle yet another noise, deep and guttural, that wants to escape.

Finn can feel every twist of fingers, every slide of Poe’s wrist as he fingers himself open and slick. His body drags on Finn’s cock as he moves, groaning Finn’s name breathless against his mouth until he finally says “ _enough”_ and slides his fingers free to wrap around Finn’s cock instead.

A gasp rips from Finn. The bed squeaks  in protest as his back arches. He bites down on his knuckles and stares up at Poe.

“Bea probably heard that,” Poe murmurs, watching him with wide, fascinated eyes as he does it again, twisting his hand around Finn as he pushes up into Poe’s palm.

“Do you want her to hear?” Finn hisses even as the bed squeaks loudly under the thrust of his hips. Poe’s thumb slides over the head, slick with precome. When the bed whines again Poe winces and drops his head into the crook of Finn’s shoulder.

“Gotta do something about that, shit,” he groans a little too loudly, and pushes his thigh up between Finn’s leg instead, rocking in tiny desperate thrusts. “Finn—"

“Get up,” Finn says hoarsely, finally letting go of his hair, his hand trailing over Poe’s cheek. Poe shoves himself up on his elbows without hesitation, blinking hazily.

“What’re you thinking?” He breathes after a second, eyes flicking over Finn’s face.

“We don’t have to fuck on a bed,” Finn smiles, following him with a soft kiss to his cheek. Poe turns to catch his lips, kissing him hard and quick, and then shoves himself up onto his knees so his cock bounces up off his belly.

“Finn,  buddy,” he breathes, smile growing. “ I knew I loved you for a reason. Smart. Hot. Inventive. ”

Laughing breathlessly, Finn’s hands drop to Poe’s hips and he slides them both off the bed, pulling Poe against his chest once they’re on their feet. “Tell me again,” he murmurs, words pressed against Poe’s cheek.

“How gorgeous and brilliant you are?” Poe breathes, and pushes a kiss to the shell of Finn’s ear as he steers them toward the wall. “How much I love you? I can do that all day. Night. God,” Both of Poe’s hands slip down Finn’s spine to grip his ass. “So much.”

Finn grins against his cheek, happiness bubbling bright in his chest. When Poe’s back hits the wall, Finn leans in to kiss him, slow and deep and full of the feelings that have kept him here for months. Having them returned might be the most perfect thing he’s experienced.  Poe fits perfectly against him, all the planes of his body aligned with Finn’s. He pushes off the wall until they’re pressed together and Finn’s cock drags against his hip and Poe groans, low and desperate, and twitches toward him.

“Better be,” he starts, panting, “better be an end to this idea , or I’m gonna go crazy,”

“But I wanna keep kissing you,” Finn gasps, his thumbs finding the joint between Poe’s hips and thighs.

“I’m flexible,” Poe breathes, and squeezes Finn’s ass again, yanking him closer to grind them together. “We could pull it off.”

“Yeah,” Finn thrusts shallowly against him and nips at Poe’s lip before he lets go. “Turn around,” he orders quietly, stepping back to find the condoms Poe keeps in the beside table. Poe obeys with a soft, strained laugh, bracing his hands on the wall. Finn turns again to find Poe peering over his shoulder to watch Finn with bright eyes.

“God,” Finn’s eyes flick over his body, over the tattoo dark against his skin, stretching down his spine. He’s traced the lines with his fingers and his tongue, asked Poe about each part, and now he’s drawn in, kissing each wing of the plane before his lips find the nose, just below Poe’s neck. Poe shudders under his mouth, dropping his head back so his curls brush over Finn’s forehead. Then he twists just enough to push a kiss against Finn’s temple and grins when his mouth collides with Finn’s skin.

“Told you,” he breathes, “kiss me all you want.”

Finn raises his head to do just that, taking Poe’s lips in a deep kiss as he rips open the condom wrapper. He drops it on the floor, sliding the condom onto his cock.  Finn’s mouth stifles Poe’s groan as he pushes up against his ass, nudging past slick skin. It’s lucky because even pressed to the opposite wall far away from Bea,  Poe is  _loud_ _._

He bites down on his voice a second later, licking into Finn’s mouth with a slow deep sigh and arching back to push against his cock. One arm locks around Poe’s waist and the other guides his cock, pushing slowly into Poe. Finn meets Poe’s tongue, lips sliding easily together in a kiss that matches any they’ve shared before. With a soft moan, the only way Finn can tell him ‘I love you’ without letting his lips leave Poe’s, Finn pauses with Poe still pushing up against him.

“Finn,” Poe gasps into his mouth. His thighs tremble, pressed back against Finn while he waits for Poe to settle. “Yeah, god,” he breathes out, and Finn has to kiss him again to make him be quiet and even then Poe just groans against his lips and says, low, “feels so good, fuck,” in a ragged voice. Finn grins and sucks Poe’s lower lip into his mouth, a hand landing on the wall in front of him, bracing them both there.

“Just hold on,” Finn whispers between them, his chest pressed against Poe’s back. He’s tight around Finn’s cock, and hot, and he thrusts back in tiny twitching movements that make Finn burn. Poe’s fingers lock around his on the wall, squeezing hard as he rolls his hips onto Finn’s cock with a low, drawn-out groan that shakes through them both. 

“Go,” he gasps a moment later, and bites at Finn’s lip. “Ready, Finn, please—" 

“Yeah,” Finn says, slowly dragging his cock out just to hear the thin moan it draws from Poe. “Yeah, Poe,” he drops his head to Poe’s shoulder as he thrusts into him, sharp and hard, pushing them both against the wall. Poe bites his lip and tries to keep himself quiet this time, fingers wrapped tight in Finn’s. He shoves his other arm against the wall beside his head and uses the leverage to shove himself up onto his toes so that Finn slips deeper.

A breathy groan presses against Poe’s shoulder. Finn slides a hand around his thigh to keep him up. His eyes flutter shut, body moving in deep, steady thrusts.

Poe manages to keep himself silent for another few, trembling moments before he’s spilling over into a litany of Finn’s name, knocked out of him every time Finn slams into him, and it’s like they haven’t been apart for a month at all, the way Poe moves exactly with him and rolls his hips back to meet Finn and arches into him. Finn kisses him as much as he can to keep him quiet, but the sound of his name on Poe’s lips sends warmth through him that has nothing to do with the sex. It has everything to do with the day spent with him and Bea, ending up in Poe’s arms at the end of it.

His hand wraps around Poe’s cock, stroking him short and sharp.

“I’m not,” Poe breathes, and shoves himself back  _hard_ with a high gasp as Finn rocks into him again, “not gonna last long, like this,” and he pushes the rest of the words into Finn’s mouth, twisted around as much as he can be to keep their lips pressed together. 

“Do you wanna come?” Finn asks on a breath, hand pausing on him. Poe whines at the loss and thrusts forward into Finn’s hand.

“Not yet,” he pants, and twitches back again with a quiet groan. “But, fuck, yeah, I dunno—"

Finn laughs softly and his hand finds its way into Poe’s hair again. His thrusts are slow and lazy, fighting the building need in his own gut. Instead of helping Poe come, his fingers tighten around the base of his cock. Panting, Poe lets his head be tugged back until he’s braced on Finn’s shoulder, rocking between his cock and his hand wrapped tight around Poe. He moves until the desperate jerk to his movements disappears and his breath comes slow and steady, hitching every now and then when Finn’s cock brushes over his prostate. “You’re so,” he breathes, voice brimming with affection, “Just. Missed you,  _ah, there, please_ ,” 

“Yeah?” Finn breathes against his throat before he bites down. His hips thrust hard, angled the same way as often as he can. Sweat trickles over his brow and he feels too hot, a quiet desperation building in his gut. “Here?”

“ _Finn_ ,” Poe shoves himself back as hard as he can to meet Finn’s thrusts, something high and desperate in the slide of his breath. “Right, right there, perfect,  _yeah_ ,”

Finn presses another groan against his skin, fingers gripping Poe’s hair tighter as his hips snap. Slow and sweet has its place, but now he has Poe back in his arms and Poe loves him and the future looks so vast and bright that Finn can’t hold back anymore. He moans, “I love you,” and takes Poe’s lips in another kiss, pounding into him with desperate, quick thrusts. Poe curls his fingers tighter into Finn’s where he’s braced on the wall, pushing panting wordless breaths against Finn’s mouth in between kisses.

“ _Poe,_ ” Finn gasps, biting at his lips, breath coming in hard bursts. “Poe, I’m, I’m gonna,” he breaks into a thin moan, stifled as well as he can in Poe’s mouth.

 “C’mon,” Poe groans, and kisses him again with a tiny desperate sound, “Want to feel you come, c’mon, Finn, love you so much,” and that’s all it takes. Finn lets go of Poe’s cock to hold him tight, an arm around his chest, face squished against Poe’s, body shuddering. Blankness presses over his eyes, pleasure curled tight inside of him, Poe hot and solid against him. Poe pushes a kiss to the corner of his lips and stays there, hips twitching as Finn comes. He murmurs through it, telling Finn he loves him over and over with soft warm breath, clinging tight. 

Finn smiles softly , grip loosening around him.  Without opening his eyes , he kisses Poe, tongue delving between his lips. Poe is still clinging to him, still tight around him and moving back onto Finn’s softening cock in tiny thrusts like he doesn’t realize he’s moving.

“You’re so,” he murmurs, and drags Finn’s lip between his teeth, “gorgeous, you know that?”

“Thanks,” Finn mumbles on a breath, petting Poe’s hair out of his face. Slowly, he pulls out of Poe, a hand sliding down his back, inching over the bumps of his spine. His fingers slip inside of Poe, easing against his prostate. Poe’s breath hitches at the easy slide of Finn’s fingers. The sound tips into a desperate breathless laugh, and his hips sway back, pushing into Finn’s hand with his cock pressed flush and leaking to his belly.

Finn’s lips slide over Poe’s jaw, brushing sharp stubble, then down his throat and shoulder. Knees hit the floor and he noses against Poe’s hip, biting down hard just above his ass . Poe almost shouts, only just slamming a hand over his mouth as he jerks back against Finn. His head thuds against the wall. “Ohfuck,” he breathes out, and sways a little on unsteady legs and gasps, low, “ _Please.”_

“Turn around,” Finn says again, voice low and rough. There’s a deep red mark where he sucked on Poe’s skin. Shakily, Poe obeys, flipping around to collapse against the wall with his eyes locked on Finn. He laughs unsteadily and reaches out to brush a thumb over Finn’s cheek, for once strangely wordless. Finn’s seen him like this once before, on a night when everything relating to the case had been too hard to deal with, and Poe, who usually can’t shut up, had been quiet and laser-focused as he fingered Finn through a second orgasm. Meeting his eyes, Finn smiles, reaching up to press a thumb to his lips. “I love you,” he says, the only sound in the still house.

“Love you too,” Poe gasps, and pushes a wet, messy kiss to the pad of his thumb. 

He twitches forward off the wall, swaying closer to Finn with a desperate sound. His cock jerks against his belly as Finn’s thumb presses past his lips. Finn’s smile widens and he leans in to lick a strip up Poe’s cock. He watches Poe the entire time, fingers keeping pulsing pressure inside of him. Poe makes a tiny shocked sound in his throat, shoving his head against the wall with a ragged groan. “You’re gonna,” he breathes, and doesn’t finish the thought, too focused on pushing himself toward the heat of Finn’s mouth, down onto Finn’s fingers twisting inside him.

Nodding, Finn’s lips slip around the head of his cock, sucking gently, tongue lapping precome off his slit. Finn’s eyes flutter shut and he takes a deep breath before he slides forward, taking Poe’s cock deep into his mouth and back into his throat. Hazy after his own orgasm, his throat opens easily and he starts a steady pace, punctuated with his fingers.

Poe  _whines_ , high and sharp in his throat and rocks forward in tiny thrusts, caught between Finn’s mouth and his hand. His thighs shake under Finn’s palm, barely keeping him up as he pushes up onto his toes, braced on the wall. One hand slips through Finn’s hair and down to the nape of his neck, not holding but pressing there like Finn’s the only thing keeping him standing. Finn probably  _is._ All Poe can do is let out shocked little gasps, over and over like he’s trying to say Finn’s name but can’t quite summon the breath to do it.

Finn hums, low and soft, his free hand sliding down Poe’s leg through curly black hair. Happiness bubbles in his gut and he opens his eyes to experience Poe’s face, flushed and twisted in pleasure. It sends a thrill through him and he’d smile if his lips weren’t tight around Poe’s cock. After a moment Poe wrenches his head off the wall, opening his eyes just to focus dark and hazy on Finn.

“I,” he bites out, and then “ _Finn_ ” in a voice choked with desperation as his thrusts turn sharp and short, rocking into Finn’s mouth. “Gonna come,” he manages to gasp, eyes still locked on Finn. “Soon, Finn, ohgod,”

The noises Poe makes, the keen of his voice, wash over Finn like music. Another soft noise presses between his lips. He stays still to let Poe thrust however he wants. Holding Poe’s gaze, Finn pulls Poe’s ass toward him.  Poe’s mouth drops open, shocked and silent and breathless as he thrusts into Finn’s mouth, erratic, and clings to his head and stumbles back against the wall, shoving himself down onto Finn’s fingers as he comes with a soft, overwhelmed groan of Finn’s name.

Swallowing around him, Finn relaxes, sinking down on his knees, hands on Poe’s thighs. He moans softly, looking up at Poe with hazy eyes, sucking gently until he’s spent. Poe shudders after a moment of this and pushes clumsily at Finn’s head.  With a soft laugh, Finn drops his head down against Poe's thigh.

“Love you,” Finn murmurs, kissing at the seam of his hip . Poe mumbles something unintelligible and slides his fingers down over the nape of Finn’s neck, petting softly as he slips down the wall. Finn settles between Poe’s knees, kissing his cheeks, lips, and neck.

“You killed me,” Poe murmurs, and turns to nose against Finn’s temple as his breathing settles. “Dead. Love you too.”

Finn settles against his shoulder, relaxing against Poe’s chest. “Better come back to life by morning.”

Poe lets his arms settle around Finn’s waist to tug him close. “Staying?” 

“Yeah,” Finn sighs, curling up next to him. “That’s okay, right?”

“’S more than okay,” Poe pushes a messy kiss to his ear. “Definitely stay.”

Finn smiles into his throat. “Mm, good. Missed your bed.”

“Missed you,” Poe tells him, and drags him even closer. It’s comfortable here, with Poe’s chest solid against him, sweat cooling on his skin. The room is dark and the house is quiet and Finn closes his eyes.

He never wants to leave again.

 

* * *

 

Finn shifts under warm blankets, Poe’s old T-shirt tight around his chest and arms,  muscles aching sweetly down his hips, thighs, and jaw. He smiles, burrowing against the pillow that smells like Poe, in the bed that smells like Poe, in a house that reminds him of family. 

After a minute, something prickles at the back of his neck. He peels his eyes open, peering over the top of the blankets. Large brown eyes stare back.

Finn blinks.

Bea inches just a little closer, braced on her elbows on the edge of the bed. “Good morning.”

“ Morning,” Finn says, voice low and hoarse . H e’s glad that he borrowed some of Poe’s clothes before they collapsed in bed together. Pushing himself up a little, Finn covers a yawn with his fist. “What time is it?”

“It’s time for breakfast!” Bea chirps, grinning at him.  Finn pushes himself up a little and glances at the clock across the bed on Poe’s bedside table. It’s nearly nine and the smell of breakfast makes his stomach growl.

“You’re being creepy, baby, ” Poe says from the doorway where he’s nudging it open with his hip. “Gonna come help me carry this?”

Bea shakes her head and clambers up onto the bed beside Finn. “Nope!”

Poe snorts and nudges at the door a little more.

A tray full of food balances precariously in Poe’s arms, piled to the edges. For once, it doesn’t smell a thing like pancakes.

Poe watches him with a soft smile on his face. Finn’s breath catches and his own smile widens, untangling himself from the blankets on Poe’s bed.

“That smells amazing,” he breathes, an arm dropping behind Bea’s waist. Bea giggles and clambers up beside him, still in her pajamas covered in rockets and stars. Her hair tickles the bottom of his chin.

“Breakfast tacos,” Poe tells him proudly as he walks carefully toward the bed, his pajama pants trailing loose around his heels. 

“And they’re not burnt?” Finn asks, raising an eyebrow with a secret smile at Bea.

She grins, delighted, and squirms up to whisper in his ear, “I watched to make sure!”

“She did,” Poe confirms with a snort. “Bea-Bea, you gotta scootch over or I’m gonna spill tacos all over you.” He tips the tray threateningly, making Bea shriek and clamber over to Finn’s other side.

Laughing, Poe slides the tray down onto the bed first, then sits on the edge, careful not to actually spill it. Coffee steams on the edge of the tray closest to Finn. “Morning.”

“Morning,” Finn says quietly, staring at Poe with a soft expression. He opens his mouth to say something, but nothing comes out and instead he reaches out a hand to curl around Poe’s. With a grin that crinkles up the edges of his nose, Poe leans over to brush a soft kiss over Finn’s mouth. He tastes like eggs, like he’s been sampling everything as he cooks it like Finn taught him to, to make sure it all tastes alright.  Whatever tension that was running through Finn’s body dissolves and he leans into the kiss, a soft remnant of last night.

He would keep kissing Poe except for Bea’s annoyed, “Dad!” which makes Poe pull back, just a little, grinning sheepishly.

“Right. Bea-Bea and I made you breakfast. Hope you’re hungry.”

“I poured the juice,” Bea tells him seriously, and sits up against his side. “Isn’t that dad’s shirt?”

“Yeah,” Finn says, looking down at the cartoon of hot sauce on the shirt. “I think it looks better on me,” he kisses Poe’s cheek before surveying the food. “Did you guys already eat?”

“No,” Bea grumbles. 

Poe laughs and leans in to kiss him one more time. “Stealing my shirts now, too? We were waiting for you. Can’t be an all-of-us breakfast without all of us.”

Bea shifts a little closer to the tray and gladly accepts the glass of orange juice Poe holds out for her. “You take so long to wake up!”

“Poe’s bed is really comfy,” Finn admits to her, picking up a taco. A taco shouldn’t bring up this many emotions for him, but he can’t help the giant grin on his face. “Thanks, for this,” he says and takes a giant bite, closing his eyes as the flavors wash over his tongue. It’s not perfect, the eggs a little overcooked, the beans a little wet, but Poe made it for him and Poe watches him, his hand still on Finn’s arm. 

“Good?” He asks, almost sounding nervous. He slides his other foot onto the bed and picks up a taco for Bea, wrapping it up tight before handing it to her.

“So good,” Finn mumbles once he’s swallowed, grinning at Poe. After a second’s hesitation, he leans over to place a kiss on Poe's cheek. “Thanks.” Poe smiles like it’s the best compliment he could have gotten, pushes a kiss against Finn’s temple, and finally starts to eat his own.

Bea doesn’t stop until her entire taco, and half of another one, are gone, and then flops against Finn’s side with a contented sigh. “That’s what you taught dad how to make first,” she murmurs. “Remember? That was a long time ago.”

“I remember,” Finn smiles at Poe, bringing his coffee to his lips, “he’s definitely improved. Does he make you dinner more now?”

“Right here,” Poe snorts, and reaches over to ruffle Bea’s unrestrained hair. “And  _yeah_ , I do, thanks to you.”

“Glad it paid off,” Finn watches them, flopped against Poe’s many pillows with Bea heavy and warm against his side, and lets himself believe that he can be a part of this family.

 

* * *

 

“Finn!” Rey cries from his tiny phone screen. “It’s so good to see you!” Her cheeks are wide and crinkled with the force of her smile, and sun streams in brightly behind her, softer in the late afternoon light two timezones over. “Hi, Poe.”

“Hey, Rey,” Poe waves at her, chin resting on Finn’s shoulder. “How’s it going?”

“Brilliant,” Rey breathes. “I’ve only just started classes— I asked if I could start early— but I’m already learning so much and Luke is such a wonderful professor, he has such amazing ideas and listens to mine. I miss you, though. I miss you both. And Bea.”

“Miss you too,” Finn says, his hand curling in Poe’s. “Not the same without you here. But good. Really good.”

“Of course it’s not,” Rey laughs. “Poe, you’ve got to remember to make him be social at least once a week. He’ll get rusty. And take him on regular walks.”

Poe makes a strangled sound and buries his face in Finn’s shoulder, laughter shaking his body. 

“Uh, that’s not really a problem anymore,” Finn grins brightly and calls out “Pepper!” A yip comes from Bea’s bedroom and Pepper,  on her stubby little legs, yips and trots across the hall.  She’s got the bat ears and stature of a corgi, with enough spots and gray patches to hint at something else, and she spends most of her days tripping over her own paws, puppy-big and mismatched with the rest of her.

She pauses in the door with a soft woof, ears perked up. Finn twists the phone to show Rey. “Poe might’ve gotten me a puppy.”

A puppy, and an offer of a bigger place for the puppy (and Finn) to live: Poe and Bea’s house, which has a yard, a kitchen bigger than the closet, multiple rooms, and Poe and Bea. 

 It was a very easy offer to accept.

“ _Oh my god!”_ Rey’s squeal echoes down the stairs. “She’s so cute! Look at her little legs!”

Bea’s head pops out of her room. “Is that  Miss Rey?” Without waiting for an answer, she darts over, grabbing the phone from Finn’s hands. “Hi Miss Rey!”

“Hi, Bea,” Rey’s smile is audible even from down there. “Are you helping Mr. Finn take care of his puppy?”

“She’s my puppy too! Her name is Pepper and  she’s eight weeks old and she lives with us!”

“Really,” Rey’s voice curls up very interestedly. Poe lifts his head over Finn’s shoulder, biting at his lip. “So is Mr. Finn living with you, then?”

Bea beams and bounces on her toes. “Yeah! He just finished moving in! He has half of dad’s dresser and they had to throw out all the dumb shirts dad had and now there are weights in the living room that I’m not supposed to touch but Finn says we can use them to make forts and watch movies!”

Finn grins sheepishly, ducking into the picture. “I was about to tell you that. Thought Pepper could use a bigger house.”

“That’s the reason, huh” Rey says. Her eyes glitter warmly. “What are you doing with your apartment?”

“Got someone to take over the lease,” Finn nods, his arm looping around Bea’s shoulders. She’s grown over the summer, an extra inch at least, bringing her to over four feet tall.  Bea cranes her head back to look at him.

“What’s a lease? Miss Rey,” her head drops again, “can you come visit us? You have to meet Pepper! She isn’t a bunny but she has ears like a bunny and really short legs so she kind of hops!”

Finn snorts a laugh and pulls Bea over toward the bed with him. “Rey, you’re still gonna come back for Thanksgiving, right?”

“Of course I am,” Rey says fondly. “And I’m making Uncle Luke come as well. Where did Poe go?”

“I’m here,” Poe says, and shoves himself up off the wall where he’s been watching them to flop down beside Finn and Bea. “What’s up?”

She grins at him on the tiny screen. “Just thought your text meant ‘within the next few months,’ not ‘I’m going to ask him this week.’ I still would have said yes, of course.”

Poe’s smile goes sheepish. “I couldn’t wait?” She snorts at him.

“Of course not.”

“What?” Finn looks at Poe, his smile dropping a little. “You asked Rey what?” Poe glances up at him, slow under his lashes, and smiles like he’s trying to be charming. It always works.

“Whether she thought you’d want to move in with us?” he offers while Rey’s grin gets wider and wider on the little screen.

 “Oh,” Finn blinks at him, then his smile is back, brighter than before. “You thought I wouldn’t? C’mon, Poe,” Finn lean s over and kisses him soundly. He stays there for a moment, enjoying the warmth of his skin, and, oddly, sharing this with Rey. For the years they’ve known each other, she never liked someone he’s dated enough to speak her approval out loud. And Poe asking her like that is sweet, but also solidifies his determination to tell Poe how much he loves him every day.

“Gross,” Rey laughs at the same time as Bea, who squeaks and dives out of the way. 

“Stop kissing all the time! You already kissed enough today!”

 Finn grins down at her and surges forward to plant a wet kiss on her cheek. “I have plenty more where that came from.” Bea shrieks, squirming backwards far enough she almost falls off the bed, except for the long-honed reflexes of Poe who grabs her before she can and hoists her back up.

“Alright, baby,” he says, soothing, and when Bea huffs and settles again he darts forward and pushes a kiss to her other cheek until she yells and tumbles backwards off the bed to go chase after Pepper.

Poe bursts out laughing and drops his head onto Finn’s shoulder. “We miss you, Rey. Glad to hear things are going well. You invented a new kind of rocket yet?”

Rey grins. “Nearly. You know, all the other students don’t seem to know what to do with me.”

“Yeah? Why?” Poe leans down closer to the screen. “Cause you’re a pretty woman and they can’t handle that?”

“Exactly,” Rey frowns.

“I dunno. I was like that when I met Rey and I got over it,” Finn says, leaning back against Poe’s chest.

“Maybe you’re just intimidating,” Poe offers. “In a good way.”

“I don’t want to be intimidating!” Rey protests, and then cocks her head. “Well, maybe a bit, but I want friends.”

“You’ll find them,” Finn says confidently. He reaches back, fingers pressing into Poe’s hair. He smiles at Rey, “I know you will. You’re way better at making friends than I am.”

She grimaces. “We’ll see. No evidence of alien life yet, either,” she directs this at Poe, who grins lazily back, “but I’ll work on that. Promise.”

“Report back in six months,” Poe tells her, smiling. “You gotta come see us before Pepper gets bigger. She grows faster than Bea does.”

“Of course I will,” Rey says with a quiet smile of her own. “You both look happy.”

Poe glances up at Finn again. His hair is still damp from his shower that morning, curling up at the edges of his ears. The summer’s put a bronze sheen on his skin that fades at the edges of his eyes and his wrists.

He smiles at Finn like he’s the only thing in the room. “Happier than I thought I could be,” he says, just loud enough for Rey to hear. Finn’s breath catches and he stares at Poe for a moment before his own grin is back, bright and wide. He pushes Poe’s hair behind his ear. A few of the curls drop against his cheek.

Just as he’s about to speak, Pepper hops up onto the bed with huff, nudging between them. Finn laughs, ducking his head as he reaches down to pet her. “I am,” he tells Rey sincerely and he leans into Poe’s side, ignoring Pepper’s indignant noise at being squished between them. 

“Good,” Rey says in a soft voice. “Glad to see it. Miss you both.”

Poe makes a quiet, choked noise and turns away from the phone. “Come see us. I mean it.”

Finn squeezes his hand and turns back to Rey, fighting back the need to drag Poe into his arms. “I’ll call you tomorrow, okay?"

“Gotta finish unpacking,” Poe says. “All three things Finn owns gotta fit somehow.” Rey bursts into easy laughter, waving her hands at them.

“Alright. Say bye to Bea for me. Talk to you tomorrow.”

“Talk to you tomorrow,” Finn echoes and grins at her before hanging up. Turning to Poe, he tackles him to the bed, Pepper yelping and hopping back to the floor. “Three things!”

Poe goes tumbling back into the pillows, his laughter vibrating right through Finn. “Right, yeah, sorry. I meant two.”

 “Oh my God,” Finn crawls up his body, looking down at Poe with bright eyes. “Didn’t you say  _mi casa es su casa?_ So by that logic, this is my house now. Which has a lot of things.”

“It has the right number of things,” Poe argues, and yanks at Finn’s arms with a grin. Pepper yips at the foot of the bed. Poe ignores her and turns to push a kiss against Finn’s shoulder, the only bit he can reach. “Good pronunciation. You’re learning.”

“I’ve got to keep up with you and Bea-Bea,” Finn drops his head to the crook of Poe’s neck. 

Laughing, Poe turns to kiss his temple instead, lingering there with his arms wrapped around Finn’s waist. “I’m still trying to keep up with Bea-Bea.” Pepper yips again, high and insistent. Poe snorts. “Think she wants up again.”

“I thought we said she’s not allowed on the bed,” Finn mumbles, too content to move.

“But,” Pepper whines again, high and sad, and Poe makes a tiny little sound in his throat, shifting under Finn. “C’mon,” he pokes at Finn’s ribs, wheedling. “She’s so little. She won’t even remember. We can train her later.”

“That’s not how this works,” Finn shoves himself up to grin down at Poe, “I’m amazed Bea has so much self control.”

Poe grins back. The corners of his eyes crinkle up with the force of it. “What d’you think I asked you to live with us for?”

“I thought it was for my cooking,” Finn murmurs, hovering low with his lips nearly touching Poe’s.

“That too,” Poe agrees easily, and slips his palms warm up under Finn’s shirt. Finn’s smile brushes his lips and he sinks down into the kiss, arms folding behind Poe’s back. Poe is warm and solid against his chest, the room bright with the noon sunlight, and Finn can’t quite believe how lucky he is to be here. Poe isn’t perfect, but he’s proved time and again that he wants to try. He tries to be a good father, a good pet owner, and a good boyfriend. To Finn, he’s better than good. He knows Poe will never stop trying.

Pepper huffs. The house settles with a soft, drawn-out creak. There are still boxes scattered around Poe's room, half-unpacked, full of Finn's books and his pots and pans and spices that somehow made it into the bedroom boxes. As Poe tilts his head and bites at Finn’s lip, settling back into the bed, Bea’s voice filters up from downstairs. 

“Dad! Finn! I’m hungry! Where’s Pepper? Can we have lunch?”

 Finn drops his head to the pillows with a breathy laugh. “Duty calls.” Poe shakes with quiet laughter underneath him and squeezes him close. 

“You get to make lunch,” he says.

“So you get to play with the puppy?” Finn nudges Poe’s head with his own. “Unfair.”

Poe’s grin widens. He pushes a quick, hard kiss to Finn’s mouth and scrambles up. “Caught me,” he says, just as Bea calls out for them again, her voice closer this time. Poe scoops Pepper, squirming and whining, up into his arms.  Finn rolls over to watch them, Pepper stretching to try and lick Poe’s face .

“C’mon,” Poe tells him, so Finn groans and shoves himself up to his feet. 

“You’re only getting sandwiches, ”  Finn mutters  on the way out of the bedroom. Poe snorts.

“Your sandwiches are better than most things I try.” 

Rolling his eyes, Finn follows behind him, waving at Pepper when she looks over Poe’s shoulder at him.  Bea bounces impatiently at the bottom of the stairs, waiting for them with a smudge of chalk on her cheek in her overalls that are getting too small for her already.

Poe nudges  Finn’s hip as he edges past. He stops to hand Bea a still-squirming Pepper, who immediately starts trying to lick every inch of Bea’s face.

Finn smiles.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IT'S OVER! THE BEAST IS COMPLETE!
> 
> Thank you all so much for your support and continued hits and kudos and comments and simply reading. This is our first posted chapter work and y'all gave us the inspiration to finish it!
> 
> Thank you again to our lovely betas, [AvariceAwakens](http://archiveofourown.org/users/avariceawakens/profile) and [TodayLooksLikeRain](http://archiveofourown.org/users/todaylookslikerain/profile).
> 
> [This](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=t_2UZgCENrw) is what Pepper looks like btw. Warning: she's too cute for life.


End file.
